la_belle_laide: (D)
We got some bad news yesterday. I took Sano to the vet because he seemed a bit off, and a quick, in-house ultrasound scan revealed a splenic mass. It’s probably not benign. It’s still small and doesn’t seem to have spread, but these usually do, within a few months.

Sano is almost fifteen, and with surgery, a mass like this would return in about three months anyway. The vet said we could do a more thorough ultrasound for $400, but A. it won’t really reveal anything we don’t already know and B. I don’t have $400, because Haku’s $8000 surgery is still nowhere near paid off. The only way to know for sure what it is is to do surgery.

So with surgery a few months, and without surgery a few months. Honestly surgery seems like the stupidest idea at this point.

What we can do is some treatments, like TCM and palliative care, to maybe slow it down. Tumors like this generally aren’t painful. He doesn’t feel it and isn’t uncomfortable. 

2016 is just awful.

dog stuff

Mar. 16th, 2016 11:16 pm
la_belle_laide: (D)
Haku's surgery was a success? Question mark? Because A) he made it! And B) the cancer is not aggressive! It's not the one the vets (and I) were all fearing. It could be a GIST or a leiomyosarcoma, but for either of those, the prognosis is pretty good. 1-3 years pain-free, cancer-free, and I'll take it.

However, the morning after his surgery, his bladder ruptured. It turns out he had a bladder infection (which I had him tested for, but it didn't show up apparently,) which inflamed his bladder so much that as soon as one of the vets tried to make him pee, it tore. (I still think she shouldn't have done that.) So, he had to have a second surgery. Another $2000 on top of the $4500 for the first one. And another five days in the hospital which is about $200 a night. Right now? I'm looking at around $9000 for something that was supposed to cost about $1600 at a regular vet.

And then last night he got an abscess, because of the bladder rupture. So, an extra night in the hospital.

And like, I'm just thinking about these bills and in complete denial. That money doesn't exist. It's not going to exist. Even by next year it's not going to exist.

But Haku made it, and that's what I was hoping for.

Tonight is Wednesday. Sunday night actually midnight Monday, Sano jumped up and started crying—wailing, really—and running around the entire house like he didn't know where he was. I couldn't tell if this was some kind of anxiety thing, or if he was in pain, or a seizure or what. He did it again Monday morning around 9. I drove him right to the vet. The vet was concerned because, what we thought to be vestibular last week, with this added symptom, might be a tumor. Or it could just be senility with manic attacks. Either way – not good. Nothing about it is good.

He's been on Xanax since then, and it does seem to be helping? But knock on wood? He is still an anxious mess, but he's always an anxious mess. This thing that happened to him was like nothing I've seen. It was actually kind of worse than Haku's seizures, because at least I know what those are.

I know I can't complain. Sano is 15. But that doesn't make it any easier. I'm looking into some meds and maybe some alternate diagnoses that might fit better than “tumor.” IDK. He's lying beside me now because he's so anxious and I won't let him put himself to bed like he usually does, because that's where the first freak-out or whatever it was happened. I have to pet him for about a half hour every night now.

The other option is that he is just losing his mind because he doesn't know where Haku is. He did tear up Haku's bed the night before then. He's always torn up beds though, and tried to dig through the floors. This was different.

I'm totally rambling. This is so much to process, all of this in three weeks, and now I have to go into the meager college fund I've been putting aside or Callum since before he was born. Because IDK, I can probably, over the course of many, many years, pay back into that. It's not like I'm going to charge myself interest (although I should.)

It's just, you know, that's money that I had and it was for something and now it's gone. And it's not even half of what I need to pay off this debt.

This whole thing is so ridiculous and I should really stop writing before I get off track.

Neurotica

Mar. 11th, 2016 03:15 pm
la_belle_laide: (issues)
When I started writing this, it was still March 10th. Ugh how is it past midnight. I'm going to have to go to bed and finish this tomorrow.

I'm having a moment, because my FB memories came up today and showed that it was this day in 2009 that Haku had his first surgery. And of course it was, because he had that first seizure around March 8th, the day my Gran started to go downhill really fast. I remember that day—that minute—so clearly because, looking back, it seems like my entire life split into two sections the moment Haku jumped up and had that first seizure. Then he went into the hospital. Then Gran went into the hospital and then she died in April. And then my Dad died in August.

And I've been reading all of my old LJ entries from that Spring and Summer, trying to see if there were any signs, or if I had any intuitions that would have told me just how drastically things were going to change. And the disturbing thing is, I feel like I did. Because a few times I wrote “I wonder what will be different this time next year” and “I wonder who will be new to me and who will be gone (no one, I hope!)” or variations on those themes.

And that day started the entire Trauma Conga Line, where everyone in the family was like, “Okay, enough – that really has got to be the end of the bad stuff, right?” And it wasn't, and then my Dad died.

So, now Lao Shir has died, and Haku had surgery on the same exact day that he did in '09, and I am sitting here losing my mind thinking, “This is how it starts.” I can't stop imagining that, a few years down the road I'll be reading this entry, tsk'ing over my clueless past self who had no idea how bad it was going to get.

Doesn't that sound neurotic? It does, but here's something I wrote shortly after my Dad died:

It's real hard going back and reading journal entries from even just a few weeks ago, harder to read the ones from a month ago. I can hardly fathom that I was happy back then; that I had no clue whatsoever what was right around the corner. Still sad for losing Gran, I was also getting on with it, doing my schoolwork, excited about writing, getting ready to go to China, doing Hula shows with my friends and having a spectacular summer.

I always knew—and feared—that life turns on a dime. But knowing something is entirely different from living it. When you live it, you come to see the world differently; someplace that is not safe, where the worst possible scenario is indeed around every corner and behind every door. You start to expect nothing less. I sort of knew it ten years ago when Grampa died suddenly and with no warning, and I always dreaded it ever happening again, but this illogical part of me thought, “Well, that already happened once. What are the chances?” I thought that the fears I always had that every phone call, every noise, every slamming door was the worst thing I could imagine were irrational fears and I was neurotic. But I wasn't neurotic; I was correct.


“I wasn't neurotic, I was correct.” That's how I feel now, like I'm right, and it just has to keep getting worse, until something unthinkable happens. There's that part of me that's like, “Well, now that I've put it out there, it can't, right?” And the other part that says, “OMG, now I've put it out there, that's like inviting it.” There's the rational part that says, “Don't be a twit, you literally have no control over anything,” but the rest of my brain tells that zen bitch to take every seat in the house, because that's exactly the problem.

(Of note: I realized while peeing today that my novel is pretty much about this fear. Main Character is so much of a fearful f'ing control freak that he can't accept that some things are out of his hands. He takes it to the extreme and changes things on a like, 4th dimension level because he has lost the ability to can when it comes to reality and death. Oh my god. he is my fantasy of my most fearful and most powerful self. Jeez.)

And yes, I know that I should probably be talking to someone about this, you know, someone who is not LJ and who is a professional, but the one therapist I contacted, though she seemed nice, worked out of a clinic that got into huge trouble because the main doctor was dealing drugs out of there, so. And like, what is a therapist going to tell me that I don't already know? It's not in my control. The intrusive thoughts aren't rational. Blah dicker blah. But are they really irrational? Because past experience says “No, you're on the right track here, and terrible things are about to happen.”

What also sucks is that I feel like I'm short-changing Lao Shir out of the mourning she deserves, because I'm too busy being afraid of how much worse things are going to get, that it's overshadowing how much I actually miss her. Right before she died, we were FB messaging about how we were going to get together for lunch once she was out of the hospital. I asked if I could send her anything: books, music, a gift card for some movies she could watch on her phone. But she said that, with all the tests she was having, she hardly had time to read or watch anything. But that she would love some flowers. So I sent her flowers, the kind you can take home and plant. (They got lost in the mix and she never got them.) A few days before she died, I sent her a link to the “Girl On Fire” video because, I said, it made me think of her. She never answered and I started to worry.

I had called Gold Dragon to tell him she was in the hospital (he's not on FB) and he kept saying, “It's terrible she's in the hospital, but remember, she's the strongest person we know. She's beaten everything else, and she'll beat this, too.” When I called him to tell him she had passed, he was honestly thunderstruck. And angry. He really thought she was coming home. We all did.

One time, Gold Dragon and I were talking about Lao Shir, one of those times when the cancer had returned, and he had just seen her for lunch a few weeks before. He said he knew she was going to beat it again, because, “it's the light in her eyes, or something about how they shine. Her eyes are really bright.” That really stuck with me. I told her, next time I saw her, of his comment, and she was so pleased. After that, we called her Alohilani: Heavenly Light. She thought that was delightful.

And now we're talking about what to wear to her memorial, since we're going together, and maybe Empress too – should we wear our Kung Fu clothes to honor her? Should we be formal? Do we bring food, who else will be there, who else will show up in Kung Fu clothes, do we bow like in class? Or what? And it boggles my mind—and my heart—that we have to consider these things now. She was supposed to come home. She was going to go back to teaching T'ai Chi.

This was maybe coming for a long time. She had multiple myeloma, diagnosed ten years ago. Usually with that, you get about a year, maybe two. She got ten. But in those ten years, I think we all thought, “Obviously she keeps winning the battle.” It was heart failure, though, this time. At 60, so, you know: very young.

* * *

Okay so I wrote that last night, and I'm trying to see if, by the light of day, this looks any different. Kind of, maybe. Like, rationally, I realize that Haku has actually had 8 surgeries, and only one of them (the one on March 10th) was followed by that entire “life falling apart / death and mourning” year. All the other ones were just bank-breaking. Thinking of it that way really doesn't make the anxiety up and quit, but it takes the edge off, I guess. I'm always, always worried about losing my Mom. And since having Callum, thinking of that kind of thing is a place I really bar myself from going. My brain kind of can't – but it always lurks there like background radiation. For any parent, I guess.

I know that Haku doesn't have a long time after something like this. I visited him today and talked to one of the vets. While all the others were like, “Well, let's wait to see the biopsy,” she said, “Yeah, we're pretty sure it's cancer.” It remains to be seen if it's the really aggressive kind that only gives you a few more months, or if it's the slower kind. It's so obvious to me that it started last July. I kept bringing him to the vets every month, but his blood tests were consistently awesome and no one could feel anything in there. Except me; I felt it all the time, every time I pet him. No one else did, though.

And Sano is 15 ½. So like, I get it; I know my dogs won't be around forever or even for a few more years. That time of not having to think about it is over.

So I don't know, this whole thing has me so anxious and depressed. I'm reading back through all of my 2009 entries, when Haku and Sano got sick, and Gran died, and my Dad died, and my one brother got sick and my uncle died and then my other brother got cancer (but he's better now.) (Although, sadly we don't really talk anymore.) And I just kept saying, “I wish something good would happen!”

And like, so many good things did happen, and it's not like I didn't notice them. I mean, HUGE things happened, like Callum, and getting an agent that I like; things I've wanted since forever have happened in the last 3 years. So I'm not ungrateful, I just wish I could kill this anxiety that the worst possible thing is around every corner.

Another thing I keep noticing in those entries is how much Kung Fu helped me. Like, so much. Kept me sane on some days. I miss it unbearably, and nothing has come along to take its place. (And I can't afford to join any program either, anyway, so.) I mean, I miss my KF family and I really wish it could be like that again, all of those people I loved and still love (and still see, semi-regularly, too. But we're not together 2 times a week, like we were.) It's not like i'm the only one who left the kwoon, and I can just go back, even if I could afford it. Everyone left. There's no one left there out of our group. I keep telling Gold Dragon, “Please decide to teach Kung Fu, please open a school!” only half joking. But, you know, real life.

Whew, what an entry. I hate that I just dumped all of this out. This is not what I wanted for my LJ, so much angst.

And as usual, I really should wrap this up because it's about time for Callum to get up. Well, 3:30 or 3:45 or so, but I still have a few things to do while he's sleeping.

So yeah, sorry for popping on randomly and spilling nothing but neuroses!
la_belle_laide: (D)
Since it's so hard to write this all down again, about Haku, I'm just going to copy and paste the latest update I've posted to his fundraiser.

Today's update is both good and bad. The good is that, thank the universe I decided to get a double cavity ultrasound instead of going right into surgery, because this is not a splenic mass. The bad news is that it is still a mass. It's possibly intestinal, and / or possibly lymphoma. Neither of those has a good prognosis. With lymphoma, there is no surgery, just chemo and palliative care. If it's intestinal cancer, surgery would be palliative, so that he can continue to eat and be comfy for however long he wishes to stay with us.

There is a small--SMALL--chance that the mass isn't cancer, in which case surgery would be curative.

Haku's grandmother had lymphoma, so I wouldn't be surprised.

There is some good in this. His heart looked good. The rest of his intestines looked good. The surgery--if it gets done--is less risky, and could be done at his regular hospital, which would save some money. And the other bright spot, if you can call it that, is that this mass will not rupture and bleed out suddenly, like a splenic mass would have done.

We'll know more when the biopsy comes back, but, either way, this will be either surgery or chemo. So, once again, I want to thank you all for contributing and sharing. And, please help keep this fundraiser going, if you can!

MAHALO SO MUCH.


And hey. If anyone wants to pass on that fundraiser, or can contribute? That would be so wonderful of you. The surgery cost will be less now, but by "less" I mean "less than the originally estimated EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS." The ultrasound, and diagnostics alone, up until today, have already been about a thousand. We're looking at at least another few thousand, no matter what comes next.

Mostly, I have to say that one thing that has made me so happy, is how much everyone seems to love Haku. People out there, people I've never even met in real life, really want him to be all right. And I mean, he's not. He won't be. I'm trying to come to terms with that. No dog in the world is "all right" for that long. We're so lucky if we get them for fifteen years, and that's so rare. (I'm grateful that Sano is fifteen. Sano, BTW, was at the vets yesterday for vestibular. I had to "borrow" some of Haku's fundraiser money for him. Two hundred, just about.) But what I mean is, it makes me happy that people are cheering Haku on.

IDK, this is really hard. But it's so lovely to see all these people, even strangers, coming out to help him.
la_belle_laide: (mantis)
TREE FROGS. I heard the tree frogs tonight, and you know what that means. Spring! Actual spring, like with warm weather on the way. Tree frogs know what's up. If they're out there peeping their peeps, then it's about to get a smidge, a tad, possibly a mite warmer up this bitch.

Today was exciting: In the 90 minutes that my Callum napped, I entered #PitchSlam on Twitter (maybe win some more critiques?) and sent off the query/synopsis/10 pages to agent Connor Goldsmith, for the critique I won from him, too.

GIVE ME ALL THE CRITIQUES.

Then I did my poem-every-day entry on HitRECord. Gah, why did I take on National Poetry Month again? I knew it was going to be a crunch. And it is; it’s so crunchy right now.

Today’s poem sucked a monkey testicle because I only had about twenty minutes to bang it out. That's the thing about the 30 day poetry challenge, because I did it last year, too. Most of them are pretty awful. But, out of thirty, I get 4 or 5 good ones that I really like. So I guess it's worth it.

Yesterday I took the dogs to the vet for their yearly checkup. What a big production this is now that I have a toddler. Just getting everyone from the car to the office is a circus act. But both dogs were good, and Callum was good, too. He was actually really nervous, so he sat on my lap the whole time, watching the dogs getting their exams and looking really worried about it. “'Amo? 'Aku?” I tried showing him that the dogs were being so good, they weren't crying or anything (because Callum FREAKS OUT as soon as he sees the nurse or doctor, because he knows that shots are coming. :/ )

But anyway, Haku's heart murmur was about the same – no worse, which is really good news, and the doc said that his heart rate was nice and slow, a sign of good health. Sano is a bit deaf (which I knew,) but his eyes and cognitive function are awesome for a dog his age. The only real problem is his worsening arthritis, and mostly in that front leg where the dog bit him about twelve years ago (and Dr. Dickwhistle / ex boss said not to x ray it, so we didn't know until years later that it had actually been broken. I swear, that man has such bad karma coming his way.)

Well, I wanted to put Sano on some mild anti inflammatory so that he can get up the stairs with more ease, and start going on walks again, but we had to do the bloodwork to make sure his liver could handle it. And, then the general, yearly bloodwork, to check Haku's one kidney, and Sano's platelets.

Today the vet called and things are looking good for both (*KNOCK ON WOOD*) Haku's kidney values are actually improved from last year. His liver value is high because of the phenobarb/other seizure meds, but significantly lower than it should be. Vet said that whatever I'm doing is working, and to keep doing it. (For those wondering: the secret is milk thistle every day. Both dogs get it in a high dose. Also, vit. C, CoQ10, coconut oil pills, and MSM/Glucosamine.)

What a load off. I stress about it every year. But that really made my day.

I have work tomorrow, an early day. A 90 minute treatment and then staying on for a bit to train the new Saturday receptionist. Then home to write my 4th poem, and who knows, maybe even get a quick look at the new novel I'm writing. (Wrote. Still writing. IDK. It's a dripping mess but I fell in love with my cast, so that's a good sign.)

One thing I keep meaning to add because I don't want to forget it. Callum is obsessed with the mail truck; he has to watch it go by every day, and he has to yell and scream about how exciting it is. Today, we were even outside with the dogs when he saw it go by, so he was yelling at the top of his lungs. The only thing is, he calls the mail truck the “whale-cock” and I just think that's brilliant. I'm not even going to correct him.
la_belle_laide: (morticia)
Only three weeks until Disney! Or, as Callum calls it, “Diz-din.” I've started telling him often, that soon (“Next month, this month, three weeks,” etc.) that we're going to Disney. “Callum and Momma, Grandma and Meghan are all getting on an airplane, way high up in the sky. Then when we land, we'll go to Disney! And there we'll see Spencer and Natasha, Aunt Chrissie, Uncle Timmy, Gavin and Mason, and Uncle Don and Jen. And then we'll see Micky and Minnie, and the castle, and Haunted Mansion, and Pirates. Also a great big ball, and tons of animals.”

When I mention Haunted Mansion, he does the scream. That's because I've been reciting the whole thing to him since he was about three months old. Cracks me up. It's so weird to me that he has no idea what I'm talking about. Like, no sense of the future, that this is a thing that has yet to happen. I wonder if he thinks I'm talking about the Disney Store, or maybe the Disney room at my Mom's.

I'd been fretting, a little, a few weeks ago, because he was only saying five or six words. Then, out of nowhere, in the space of about two days: five more words. And the next week, five more. And then more. All at once! So weird how that happens.

So of course, my biggest stress is boarding the dogs, and leaving my goldfish, The Doctor. I got an automatic feeder thing for him, and I tested it today, and it works. And I'll put his light on a timer, too. But what if something goes wrong, and he doesn't have food for six days? Or light? I don't know, I guess goldies are kind of hardy, but I'd be so upset if he went without food for that long. And, I always hate boarding the dogs. I haven't done it in so long. I know it's going to trigger Haku.

In other news, I started teaching Hula again. I've got a class of six kids, ages 5 to about 10. Okay, I've taught adults and I've taught tweens before, but this is a while different box of frogs. They actually are just like a box of frogs, one that I keep trying to keep the lid on, and they keep popping out. I'm worried, because there's going to come a Monday where my Mom will have to go to work for inventory, and I'll have to bring Callum with me. How the eff am I supposed to teach six frogs, and stop my toddler from getting into everything? I'm stressed just thinking about it. But, it's really fun to teach them. At the end of the first class, the youngest girl ran up and hugged me, saying, “Miss Jules, I love the Hula!” And they all wanted to learn Hawaiian words, too. Which is pretty good, I think.

As far as writing: That one really cool agent still has the manuscript. I even nudged her last week—or two weeks ago?--and haven't gotten a reply yet. She's replied to everyone else who's nudged her (with rejections. :( ) But she is telling people that she's focusing on SciFi now, which is what mine is. IDK, maybe she's getting invested in it, and taking her time? I don't know! My palms sweat every time I check my email.

I've also started another novel. I've actually written tons, tons, TONS of stuff since this one, but either I've kept them to myself, or they've been fanfics, or I've put them on the internet or on HitRECord, and none of them were ever meant for publication. This one is, though. I've only just started it. I might join NaNo this year, even though I'll miss the first few days.

It is cold, cold, cold here today, after a relatively warm Autumn so far. My room was 55 degrees and I put the heat on a little, just to take the edge off. I like the chill, though.

Although, I won't be complaining when I'm in Florida and it's 85 degrees, either, that's for sure. :D
la_belle_laide: (floating woman)



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I'm writing this quick update on yet another new laptop. Like I mentioned, my Mac is dying a protracted, painful death, so I had been using the little Toshiba I got last year. Well, during our family Xmas celebration on the 26th, I stupidly put the damn thing on top of Mom's freezer to make some room. My cousin didn't see it up there, opened the freezer to put in some ice cream she'd bought, and CRASH went the laptop, breaking it entirely. 100% my fault for putting it up there. Lucky thing it didn't land on her head. I still feel really bad about it.

The holidays were good this year, though. I'm a little sad that I forgot to do my annual “end-of-year” memes on LJ. I'm sad, actually, that I haven't been on LJ a lot. In fact, honestly, I'm sad that LJ in general is just about done and that everyone has moved to Tumblr. Even me. I still feel faithful to LJ even if I'm not on it often.

But yeah, Christmas was good. We had a lot of people over, and we bought those cracker things you see on Doctor Who all the time, and everyone got stupid prizes and a crown to wear. To me, it was awesome. It was all a bit much for CJ, who has started to have this separation anxiety and stranger danger kind of thing. He's still in that phase, too. He only wants Mommy and Grandma and sometimes Jo-chan. Everyone else scares him if they get too close.

Speaking of, I took both dogs to the vet yesterday for their blood work and checkup. It was just me, the two dogs, and CJ. I was just trying to keep them all in one place while we waited. It wasn't so bad until this bratty kid, maybe around 3 or 4 years old or something, came up to us and started bothering Haku first. I told him to stop, that Haku would bite him. He asked if he could pet Sano and I said okay (Sano really loves kids,) but don't get near his face. Then the bratty kid went up to the carseat and peeked in. “Is that your baby?” I told him yes, and then took CJ out of the carseat, because I didn't want Bratty Kid to start touching him. Once he was out, Bratty Kid started getting in CJ's face and growling and barking at him.

WTF. So I said, “Where's your mother?” really loud. Finally his mom came over and dragged him away, Bratty Kid screaming and hollering all the way. Then he frigging CAME BACK and started doing the same thing again. I looked Bratty Kid in the eye and said, “My dog is going to bite you if you keep doing that to the baby.” Once again, his mom came over and pulled him away, promising him candy if he would behave.

I sat there thinking, “Please don't ever let me be that negligent Mom of a bratty kid who bullies little babies.” I know toddlers are pre-rational, but there was something up with that kid the way he was acting so mean. And with her making promises of candy to get him to stop... I dunno, I realize I'm not there yet and there's no telling what CJ is going to be like so maybe I shouldn't judge. I just know that if he started picking on babies and getting into strange dogs' faces, we'd be having some serious talks.

Anyway, the good news is that both dogs look really good. I got the blood test results today. Sano's blood is perfect! (*knock wood*) His arthritis is getting pretty bad and the lipomas on his sides are getting big. But his insides are all good. Haku's liver value is up from last year, by about 100 points (up to 317 she said) but it's not a significant increase for a dog on so many meds. She said that she's seen dogs his age with higher values than that, who aren't on meds. And his chloride is actually down from last year!

I'm not clear on the chloride. We think it's related to the potassium bromide he's on, but she mentioned that it had to do with the potassium-sodium pumps and my brain went “Oh well that's cell biology, the exchange of potassium and sodium via the pump inside each cell, doesn't that have something to do with action potential or something something it's been a long time since A&P...” and I started to wonder if maybe it was related to epilepsy. He was having lots of seizures last year and his chloride was high. This year it's lower, and—I feel like I'm jinxing this just by writing about it—he hasn't had a seizure in 4 months. FOUR MONTHS. That's a record. And I have no idea why. But maybe the chloride level is related to seizure activity. It's worth a google, which is what I'll do once I'm done typing this.

So, I started this entry this morning, then CJ woke up and we drove to the north fork to visit my boss at work, just for a social sort of thing. There was a horrific accident this morning. One of my cousin's friends lost her life in it. Nothing more terrifying than these random accidents. Can't stop thinking about it. It was about a mile from my house. So we were able to get out of town without any issues, but coming back, there were detours on the main road to my road. They said they'd have it all gone by noon. We came back at 1 and the detours were still in place. So they made me go all the way to Hampton Bays to go around... And of course, there was another detour on the other side. I pulled over to the shoulder of the road, opened the door and asked the cop, “I live just up the road. How do I get home?” He just stood in the road yelling at me that it wasn't his problem the roads were closed, and to go the other way. I said “Well, that side is closed too. I have to get my baby home.” By this time CJ was way late for lunch and his nap and he was crying. The cop was super douchey and just stood there yelling about how it wasn't his problem. PROTECT AND SERVE, BRO. So I yelled back, “YOU'RE THE OPPOSITE OF HELPFUL!” and slammed the door shut while he was still ranting about how none of this was his problem. Then, instead of collecting my wits, I yelled, “This is so stupid and it's made me REALLY ANGRY.” I looked into the backseat to check on CJ and I saw his little lip wibble, and then he just busted out with a full-hearted cry. And, oh man, he cried and cried for the next half hour that it took us to get back to the other detour.

The cops on that side were nice; when I told them I lived on this road they let me go through. Why couldn't the other cop do that? No idea. Baby cried—wailed, really—all the way home. And I know it was because he knew I was upset.

So we got home to a late lunch and a late nap. But. We got home to a late lunch and a late nap. We were inconvenienced and the cop was a bag of dicks and CJ was hungry and tired and I was angry. But we got home. And the people in the car accident didn't. Even when I'm pissed off and nervous, I am still thankful every single day. Though, I should probably not have shown my anger and frustration, because it really upset the baby.

Well, anyway. He's asleep on my lap now and, I don't know, maybe I'll read a short fic or something before he wakes up.

Oh yeah, and one more thing! Anyone who gets Pivot TV should watch the new HitRECord show. I'm going to be in two episodes of it. :D Yay! And I'm on the Don Jon DVD briefly, too! Buy it, so that I get paid! ;)

And be thankful every day!

Addendum: I just read my last entry re: ancestry.com where I was looking for the Plantagenets. And guess what! A few branches over, there they were! Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine are my 28th great grandparents. :D WOW!

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Oct. 20th, 2013 10:50 pm
la_belle_laide: (floating woman)
The day that CJ was supposed to have his hip x rays, we drove way the hell up the damn island only to be turned away because the dr had taken the day off. The receptionist said they'd called us, but I didn't have any messages. And there was another family there, too, who had to turn around and go back.

I think that Dr.s make too much money, and they don't have to care about business and patients. I recently had to leave my Dr of 20 years b/c I switched insurance and the receptionist was just like, "Bye then."

So, now I have to make another appointment, this time going to our usual place, except it's a whole big thing b/c tis one particular Dr does't take our insurance. So now I have to get prior approval, have all his charts faxed to insurance, etc. Ridiculous.

Tomorrow I have two clients, then a Dr appointment myself (just basic yearly stuff.) Next week I have another appointment with a new Dr, and to get this mark on my shoulder looked at, just in case.

But Tuesday is going to rule. I took a spa day for myself, as an early birthday gift. So I'm having a massage and reflexolgy. I can't effing WAIT. After that, my good friend Durga is coming for a visit. She lives in Seattle, and she's coming here to help her Mom move there with her, so that they can live together. I think that's fabulous. Last time I saw her was January. We broke into Tesla's old lab. (It's being refurbished now as a science museum, which makes me very happy. But I will miss breaking into it.)

Also, a few nights ago I ate some baby carrots and then spent the rest of the night barfing them up. This is probably because of the Government shutdown, since the FDA wasn't working and they didn't inspect food for salmonella. Republicans made me puke. Typical.

Every year after my birthday, I start a new blog file. (I write these up before posting them, and save them in a doc file, because you never know when your browser is going to crash and erase everything. Also because I like to keep my blogs on my hard drive.) So this will probably be my last entry for "blog40." So I'll end with some photos and a link to a video.

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The other day I was going around the house talking in a POTC Davy Jones accent--don't ask why, I have no idea--and I did this fake tentacle-shaking sound. I don't even know what possessed me to make that noise, but this was the result. (LJ no longer lets me embed videos. WTF.)

And yes, I am willing to do the most moronic and ass-headed things to get him to laugh like this, LOL.


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la_belle_laide: (D)



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Today is such a gorgeous day. LIke Bob Marley said, “Sun is shining, weather is sweet.” I took the dogs to the beach for a long walk, and I’ve been outside setting up bird feeders and putting my tropicals out for the season, scrubbing bird baths, re-arranging things, etc. just to be outdoors. Everything is so green and lush, and it smells like the ocean and apple blossoms.

The latest Hyperbole and a Half  gives people a really intense look into what depression feels like. Reading it has made me so grateful that I’m able to enjoy days like today, and more understanding of people who can’t.

So, here's how the rest of my week went. I finished up my last (so far) day of work. I don't plan to take too much time off, because I honestly can't even afford to, so I only hope the clinic will still be there when I get back.

Then I had a doctor appointment, which are once a week now; kind of a pain. I had a different doctor, some dude, whom friends assured me was very chill. He was nice, really; looked at the birth plan I'd written up and agreed with everything on it, etc.

But here's what happened: he was running an hour late. The nurse who weighed me was pissy and in a huge rush. She didn't wait for the scale to stop tipping and she wrote down that I had lost two pounds. (Maybe I'd lost one, or just hadn't gained. Which is totally normal.) But then the doctor saw it, and he thought I measured too small, didn't look right or whatever. So he made me go back for another ultrasound 4 days later. I pretty much had a feeling nothing was wrong and they were just being stupid about it and trying to get some more money, but of course, you worry about things like this anyway.

But, I went back Tuesday and had yet another different doctor who was like, "Umm, why are you here?" Even the u/s lady was all "Everything is perfectly normal, what is the meaning of this?"

So now I'm super annoyed and I hope I don't get this doctor for delivery, because he seems to be an alarmist.

They also keep pestering me to get internal exams every week. (Sorry, TMI.) I keep declining. I think you only need maybe one, before the due date. They were really insistent and totally confused about why I was turning it down. The nurse was literally like "You're really not doing it? I mean... your pants are staying on?" YES, FFS. They were so insistent about getting all up in my puanani that I began seriously to suspect their motives. >_> Back away from the vagina, people.

(A few years ago, Jo-chan and I were trying to come up with some way to invent one of those spring-loaded boxing gloves that you could stick between your legs during an OBGYN exam. It would have a trigger or something that you could pull when the doctor went down there for a look. IDK, I still think that's hilarious.)

But enough about my crotch.

I was supposed to have new windows by now, but contractors across-the-board suck. I'm sorry to any contractors who don't. I don't believe in you; you're like Santa Claus. Not that I can actually afford new windows, but the ones in my bedroom (which is going to be the baby's room) are cracked. Like seriously cracked, completely broken, ice on the inside of the windowsill, black mold building up, can't-get-room-above-50-in-the-winter kind of broken. My Mom actually put it on her credit card, tbh, paying like 50 bucks a month. Anyway, originally they were going to put a rush on it and get it done in the beginning of May, but, contractors, you know. "Beginning of May" means "end of June, maybe."

Oh, here's another thing. I have Havoc outside today. It's not his first time outdoors (I've dragged his entire cage outside a few times, to get him some sun, even though this totally panics him,) but it is his first time in the aviary. I figured, I'm not using it for a while, let's see if he can stand it out there. And honestly, he's been screaming so completely non-stop lately, I have no idea what's causing it but it's driving me insane. Today when I took the dogs to the beach he screamed so loud and so long that I could hear him from my car, down the block. O_O

So, I put him outside and set him up with a bath, perches, food, peanuts, and a toy. He was hysterical for about five minutes until he discovered his water bowl. Then he had a drink, got on a perch, and chilled out. He's nice and quiet now and I am a much calmer person without him screeching the way he has been. I think I'll put him out during the day, and bring him in at night. (He could stay out at night since I fixed the aviary all secure, but IDK, I'd probably be too nervous.)

Oh, and I had Sano's bloodtest done again this month. Once again, everything is normal. (*knock on wood!*) This is the first time in years he's had platelets in the spring. Haku is still having seizures on his new meds, so it's not a totally perfect situation, but Sano not being on pred is totally new. The only thing I did differently this year was give him coconut oil with his dinner, because I read some anecdotal stuff from people with ITP saying that it had worked for them. Very odd. I even started cutting down on his SUPER EXPENSIVE Chinese Medicine pills. Maybe I can get to the point of filling them every 40 days instead of every 20, saving over $100 a month. Let's hope.

As for the rest of today, maybe I'll do a little writing, maybe some recording for HitRECord, maybe some laundry. I've already had the dogs to the beach this morning for a nice long walk, and done lots of outdoorsy work and now my hips are aching again. Well anyway, won't be long now!

Sun is shining, weather is sweet. :)

la_belle_laide: (floating woman)



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In unlocked news, I'm now 8 whole months pregnant:

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WTF, how did that happen?

The weather the las 3 days has been so nice and warm – FINALLY! It got up to about 70 for 3 days in a row. Tomorrow it's going back down to the 50s. Boo, hiss. My baby shower is in a week and a half and about 50 people are coming. ( O_O How do I even know that many people?!) I want it to be warm enough for people to go outside. And a few Hula sisters will be there too, and some of my former dance students. I'd love to do a little dancing.

If I can move, that is. Pugsley has taken up residence with his noggin on top of my obturator nerve, AND my hips are falling apart at the seams (which is normal for this time.) So if I do too much shifting or turning, I get this huge, throbbing pain in either or both thighs, and sometimes my leg just goes dead.

Anyway, the weather has been nice enough that Mom, Jo-chan and I took the dogs to the beach yesterday. As is typical of springtime (and even winter sometimes,) some B-hole had their dog running around on the beach without a leash. Said dog came charging up to my dogs. I freak out when this happens, because of the neighbor's dog that attacked my dogs a few years ago, and because Haku's legs are so fragile, the last thing he needs is a bite, or to get knocked over. So, I always start yelling at the dog and going nuts and trying to shoo it.

So this time I was freaking out, yelling at the dog, and at the owner, "THEY'RE NOT FRIENDLY! GET IT AWAY!" but she couldn't make it there in time. Sano hates when I get upset, so he stepped in front of me, and grabbed the other dog by the throat. He didn't sink his fangs in or even break the skin, he didn't shake the other dog like he was trying to hurt it. He just held it by the neck until the owner got there. Haku, meanwhile, total douche, started running around the other dog and biting at his back, plucking fur out of him. But I can't even get mad at my dogs for doing that. They're the ones who are leashed. They're the ones who can't run from confrontation, and who feel threatened and know that Mommy is upset and mad and doesn't want the other dog around.

The owner was all "Oh sorry, sorry, oh jeez, sorry about that." No, dick. Put your dog on a leash and you won't have to feel sorry when my dogs bite it. You're lucky Sano was showing some restraint, honestly. The last dog that actually attacked him (in his own yard, no less,) ended up in the vets getting its ears sewn back on.

So that was that, and I'm sure it's going to happen again and again this summer. Especially if I'm walking with a baby. I can tell right now that Sano isn't going to be cool with people or dogs going up to it.

What else? I got my HitRECord check in the mail! And another nice thank you letter from Joe. This check was important to me, because part of it was for when they played my Dad's song at the Halloween show. Getting money from my Dad's music is just the best. And I really want to spend it on something artistic / creative for the baby, to make that kind of connection. I made a video about that. Everyone in the forum is being so awesome. Even Jared signed on to say some nice things. ^_^

I have another check coming to me from there, too, this one for the Little Red Riding Hood book. Hurray for all of that.

Well, tonight is Wednesday, so in a little while it's off to Mom's, to watch Criminal Minds with Jo-chan when she gets home from college. And then tomorrow, more cleaning, sorting, moving things from here to there, throwing things away, putting new things in new drawers, etc.

Crazy times, y'all.
la_belle_laide: (floating woman)



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So this is bizarre and I hate when this happens. I went to the store today with the dogs, to pick up their food. (What should have been a 7 minute drive each way turned into 40 minutes each way b/c of poorly planned roadwork, ugh.) Anyway, there was a woman behind the counter, and I KNOW that I know her, right? Totally familiar. I just can't think of where, because she's all out of context. Meanwhile, she's like "Hey Jules, how are you? Still doing massages?" Etc. She helped me carry the dogfood out and was like, "Oh, Sano and Haku, you guys must remember me, because you're not barking!"

So I can only imagine she's someone from any of the many vets that my dogs go to? Maybe? But I can't place her and I cannot think of her name! It's kind of right on the tip of my brain who she is, too. BLEH, so awkward.

Poor face recognition is a part of the learning disability dyscalculia, but honestly, how do you even start to explain that to someone?

Anyway, after that, we went to the park for our usual 20 minute walk by the pond. It was warm enough today to go without a coat. But both dogs—especially Haku though—were really lagging. Haku was really tired and I started to think his legs were hurting. It's weird, because this is the same walk we've done all winter and he's always been the one pulling me along, trying to get me to go faster. The last two times, when it was warm, he was just dragging behind. I think he might have done that last Spring, too?

Well, today I have a ton of stuff to do, like mad amounts of laundry, clean the fish tank, change the lightbulb in there, and maybe move some baby things from one room to another. Hopefully I'll have some time to get some writing done, too, and if so, I won't spend it looking at pictures of Tom Hardy.
la_belle_laide: (Wildflowers)


So even though I just found out that my job probably won't be there when I get back from maternity leave (more on this later,) here is some GOOD news: It's spring, and Sano has all his platelets! (*Knock on wood!*) The only thing I changed was adding coconut oil to his diet, on the anecdotal "evidence" that it's helped human ITP patients keep their platelets up. His entire CBC was normal.

I also had Haku's Zonisamide levels checked, because the drug seemed to not be working too well, and we (Wizard Vet and I,) wanted to see if there was room to raise the dose. But actually, the dose is already pretty high, so there's no wiggle room. He's 3.5 weeks from the last seizure – but it's Spring, and the full moon, and Spring always triggers seizures with him. The next step is switching to Keppra. But, I'm going to see how it goes for a while, first.

Anyway, yeah, my job. Bosslady's sister (her babysitter,) is moving to California, and her husband works 70 hrs a week. There's no way she can continue working, so she can't keep the business open. She's been trying to sell for over a year now, but hasn't found any buyers. Originally, whoever bought the place was going to "buy" all the therapists, too. But now all the therapists are bailing (except me.) So unless she gets a buyer, who wants to "buy" me as well, I won't have a job when I get back from leave.

I did ask my boss if she planned to open something smaller. She does, in the autumn. I hadn't planned on waiting that long to go back to work (I seriously can't afford that,) but I asked her if she would consider taking me with her when she went, if I couldn't find something before then. She said she would.

So basically, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get work when she reopens elsewhere, but not for a while. There are a few other clinics around, and I know places are typically looking to hire therapists, but with a newborn, it's going to be difficult to find work. Especially a job that's going to fit my exact schedule of when I have child-care (and dog-care!) and when I don't.

I'm wondering if I could collect unemployment in the meantime, since my job would basically be going out from under me? But then, I'm sub contracted, so I have no idea if it works like that.

This past weekend I was at a seminar for pre-natal and post-natal massage. It was pretty awesome, because they didn't have enough volunteers, so for the first day, I got to volunteer for the entire session. First massage I've had in about a year and a half, seriously. What's more, I actually learned more about pregnancy and childbirth in those two days than I did from all of my various OBGYNs. Very enlightening.

Well, it's Springtime, and the snow has (mostly) thawed. Today I took the dogs to the park and I ditched my coat in the car. It wasn't exactly warm, but it was non-cold, and you could acknowledge that the sun radiated heat occasionally.

Tomorrow, I have a lunch date with Lady Chrysanthemum, SnarkLit, and the Empress (who sprained her ankle at a tournament – ouch! Poor Empress!) I haven't seen them in AGES and I am dying to have some time with them. I miss training, so fiercely. At least I get to see them. (All of which involves either boarding Haku for a few hours, or giving him a little bit extra phenobarb; haven't decided yet.)

The next month is shaping up to be pretty crazy, with a baby shower, fixing up the new room, washing and sorting clothes, OMG, all kinds of things that I can't even think about right now.

But it's Spring! Winter is over!




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la_belle_laide: (floating woman)



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Had my checkup today. It's six months! Wow! I got to see a midwife instead of the doctor.

I put on another 3 pounds, which gets me to 6 pounds above my normal, pre-pregnancy weight. But she wasn't worried, she didn't think I was underweight or anything. We discussed childbirth preferences and things like eclampsia, which she said was more of a risk at my age. Then she took my blood pressure, laughed, and said "You're not at risk." (BP 90/60.) We talked about having the least amount of intervention, and we discussed a doctor there that I don't want to see, or want delivering my baby when the time comes. (I know it's a matter of whoever is on call, and you get what you get, but girls around town call this guy "The Butcher" and I don't want him near me.)

I have a client (massage,) a young boy of 14 who has severe cerebral palsy - can't walk, communicate, bend at the waist, or swallow food. In researching how best to treat him, I saw that CP usually begins with trauma during childbirth. This made me totally panic, and we discussed that, too. (In other words, I don't want people to go yanking him out of me for godsakes.)

My BG test is in 2 weeks. They sent me home with the red drink and instructions. And a ton of paperwork to fill out for the hospital. I was like "Aren't we jumping the gun a little? It's still 3 and a half months away!" And they said, "Trust me, it's better to get this done now." 

Then I went and bought some spackle and paint for the new room. ^_^

Of course, I had to fight the rain storm and leftovers from the blizzard to get there, but all in all, it was pretty good!

Now, it's time to actually get started on that room. I can't paint it myself or tear up the rug, but everything after that, I can do. So I need to build some shelves (which I can't wait to do; I love power tools,) and move this, that and the other thing around.

I really want to still have time to write this dumbass story I'm working on, and write and record a bunch more things for HitRECord.

In the middle of this month, the clinic is closing for two weeks because my boss is going away on vacation. I still have a few clients that I'll go in to see, and I can book a few for myself as well if I have to, but for the most part, it's going to be extremely slow, starting at the middle of this month. So I won't be making a lot of money, but I will have some time to do this and that.

I really have to stop saying "this and that," because it's a really bad verbal habit.

Also, I have to see what to do about Haku's meds, and it's almost time for Sano's platelet check, too. It's nearly the time of year when his platelets crash. :/ Then he has to go back on pred. God, I hate that. I hate that they're both on so damn much medicine all the time and I'm constantly getting their liver and kidney values checked, and stressing when they come back a little higher every year.

Oh, I started watching that Merlin show, too. It's kind of cute. The boy who plays Merlin was in Doctor Who – one of the creepiest episodes ever, in fact, "Midnight."

More in a locked post.
la_belle_laide: (floating woman)

So it's obviously been a really crappy week in terms of the big picture. The whole Sandy Hook thing went down Friday which is pretty devastating and unthinkable. Most of that I've dealt with on my Tumblr. That's where I keep most of my non-personal, great-big-world, social issue stuff. (And my fandom stuff too, really.)

So it's kinda hard to get that incident out of one's head long enough to focus on one's own life. But I am fortunate in that I can just go to bed sad and angry, whereas those families will probably never sleep again.

The holiday season carries on. I finished my gift shopping relatively early, and am just waiting on two more gifts which haven't arrived yet. My tree has already stopped sucking up water but it looks and smells really nice. Jo-chan is here 4 days out of the week and my Mom's got her tree up and even some lights.

Tomorrow is my anatomy scan ultrasound, so of course I'm a little nervous. It's to make sure Puglsey has all his parts and nothing looks unusual. Of course, at times like this, one wonders what kind of world one is putting children into. How do you know they'll ever be safe, when you can't even send them to school anymore? And then there's the worry about, how do you know you're not going to raise the next mass murderer? I know that good parenting and noticing signs and things like that has a lot to do with it, but events like this make it seem like it can so easily go wrong.

But of course, that kind of thing doesn't show up on ultrasound.

I had some good news about Haku. I was talking to Wizard Vet (or Genius Vet, whichever) about adding a new med, because the seizures are piling up again. We talked about Zonegran and that seemed like a good thing to try. Stress: try, because it's a hit or miss thing. The first thing to do was test his bloods to make sure that he's still in good shape. His liver values are slightly high (at 218 – last year they were 178,) but Wizard Vet said that's actually a really good value for a dog who's been on pheno for so long. She said usually they're in the thousands. That's because I keep him on mega doses of Milk Thistle every day. His chloride was MAD high, and that's a kidney value. Normal is 125 and his is 147. It doesn't sound like a big jump, but it's a small window. However, she said that's from the KBr, and if the Zonegran works, we can reduce the KBr.

Zonegran is CRAZY expensive. Like, $500 for a hundred pills, and he gets two a day. Fortunately, ZONICIMIDE is only $30 and is the exact same thing, and the pharmacy in town can fill it. What a huge load off my mind, let me tell you.

Guess I'll have more to post about tomorrow. Or at least, when I feel like posting what goes on tomorrow. :)



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la_belle_laide: (D)
On a whim, I had Sano's bloodwork done yesterday. Genius Vet and I spoke about it last spring, checking him in the fall to see if his platelets gradually declined, or just crashed in the spring.

Well, everything is fine and his platelets are high, so it's a "crash in the spring" thing. It's just, no one knows why. The other vet I spoke to today said that they're trying melotonin with ITP and having a lot of success with that. Come springtime, I'll look into that.

But right now, Spring seems so far off.

I know I haven't made many (public) updates recently, but I do like to keep track of these things. Come the next few weeks, I'll make more updates. :D
la_belle_laide: (Effing SPACE)



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Yesterday, it turned out that we didn't end up going to dinner after work. So I picked up Haku and came home. Still, it was our receptionist's last day and I was very down in the dumps about that. I've had a lot of fun working with her.

You know what I forgot to mention, Sano's been off pred since last Saturday. That's awesome. For future reference: yes he is still ravenous, and yes he's throwing up some. That's what happens. I just always like to keep track of things like this to see if they match up year to year.

Oh my god, the weather has been down to freezing. I hate that, it's ridiculous. I already put most of my plants outside for the season. Hello, IT IS ALMOST MAY. What is this crap, and we didn't even really have a winter. I've said this before and all, but it's been like, 35-40 degrees since October. SUCH a bitch.

And since we didn't have a winter, the bugs are insane. Okay, so in the past I've had a problem with ants, since I live on the ground floor. They're always all over the floor, and last year they were in my bathroom, too. They took over my jade tree and got into a few other potted plants. This year, I spent an entire day submerging the plants to get rid of them, and trying to drown the queen (if that's even possible. Who the eff knows? Maybe she holds her breath.) Only a few days later, the ants were back. But that was nothing compared to today.

Today, I went to change the cartridge on my water filter that attaches to the faucet. I unscrewed it, and hundreds of ants poured out. OF MY WATER FILTER. WHICH I HAVE BEEN USING. It looked like they'd been in the aerated spaces and not the water spaces, otherwise they would have been coming out in the water, and they probably would have drowned, right? At any rate, I was horror-film screaming in my mind. I boiled water and submerged the entire filter. Then, for two hours I had to keep cleaning it over and over again, because you can't take the damned thing apart; all those tiny little holes, and no way to clean inside of it at all. I just kept dunking it under water and shaking it out. For TWO HOURS I did this, and more and more dead ants just kept coming out. So I did it until everything was out, and then I boiled it again.

So, awesome, right, that's all done with and they're all gone. New filter, everything should be fine, right? BUT NO. About an hour later, I saw another ant crawling on the faucet again, and then another, and another, like they were trying to get back in there. OMG, for effing what? I killed every last goddamn one, disinfected, nothing left. It's not like there's food around there or anything, it's an effing water faucet.

I just don't know wtf to do about these ants. What I do know is that no ant will ever receive quarter from me again. I'll destroy them all without mercy. This is my destiny.

No, but really, I was so horrified and I'll probably have nightmares about it tonight.

And while we're on the subject of nightmares, I started watching Lost (I know, I'm what, seven years late on this?) and the whole plane crash thing gave me some mad plane crash nightmares, too. The show is interesting—so far it's giving me more thoughts than feels—but I can't really get interested in too many of the characters. I like Sayid, Hurley, and Locke. That's about it. Everyone else I kind of want to punch so far.

That aside, I've been revising the manuscript writing other stuff instead (I know, I know,) and I did a few little things for HitRECord, like a ridiculous porn parody that people are getting a kick out of – and I find myself so damn funny, I just can't get over it. Going for walks and jogs with the dogs, going to work, Kung Fu, doing laundry, killing ants. That's about it. So exciting right now, I don't know how anyone can even stand reading about it without biting their fingernails clean off in suspense.

Just sit there and try to cope with how riveting my life is right now.




la_belle_laide: (Wildflowers)



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I've been doing lots of yardwork this year on my days off. This is the first year since Dad that I've actually made an effort to make things nice again out there. I kind of had a block against it for a while – I guess because Dad would always lend me the gardening tools, help me set things up, stuff like that. But this year, maybe it's a combination of having a little pool again, and of things having looked like total hell for the last few years (and the broken aviary, stuff like that,) that's making me want to tidy up and Have Nice Things again.

Here are some springtime photos: )

As you can see, both dogs are up and running again (*knock on wood!*)

Last night at Kung Fu, we did some staff drills. The *clack clack clack* sound of the staffs hitting against each other is pleasing. I know it's a martial art, but it sounds friendly. I was partnering with Snarklit.

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Empress came hobbling on by (she sprained her ankle) and the three of us started talking about maybe doing a group outing or something, going for lunch and kayaking when Lady Chrysanthemum gets back.

Apart from that, there is some stuff going on in other aspects of life which I will eventually need to address in some locked posts.

Meanwhile, here are some phrases that people searched when they found this LJ:

tricks to a great fa'arapu - Keep your feet super close together. Bend your knees. When walking, go up on your toes. PRACTICE. :)

she looked at him again and smiled as she undid the buttons of his shirt. he felt her doughy fingers on him - Hmm, that is a part of my ms that I posted for a meme that a literary agent sent around. That was fun, but who is googling my phrase? O_O

who is the father of kaumakaiwa kanakaole - Kaipo Frias? I think?

silmaryn for dogs - It's good stuff, but expensive if you get it from the vet. I'm not sure where else to get it, BUT, if the liver problem is not acute, then straight up milk thistle can help. :)

i'm stuck in my bra - O_O I'm sorry to hear that. This happened to me once, when I had to wear a halter heart monitor.

hypochondria als ms fears - I went through this recently. If you want to talk, send me a message. :)

how long does milk thistle take to work - That depends on what the issue is, the severity, your age, size, and the dose. But often you can get results in a few weeks.

sifu sihing sije - Your training instructor (translates to "uncle," actually,) your elder training brother, and your elder training sister.

ewan mcgregor pillow penis - I'd sleep on it!

hesher std - I thought so, too!

"illusionary crime against sephiroth" - I always liked how Cloud was the only one who acknowledged that Sephiroth was actually a victim, as well as a villain.

why does my cornea peel - Maybe your eyes are dry?

Anyway, I hope at least a few of you found what you were looking for. That's nice when that happens, isn't it?




la_belle_laide: (Wildflowers)



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Good god, y'all, I haven't been on my LJ for a while. Lazy lazy. It's just that, Tumblr is so much easier. I don't actually have to type, or really think much. Just "reblog." Too easy. But my Tumblr is more for like, my political/sociological stuff and all my fangirling (Dr. Who, Tom Hardy, Inception, blah blah blah) and reblogging things I find amusing or important.

LJ is for, you know, life stuff and lately I've just been working, doing yard work, going on walks with the dogs, doing some revisions, reading... I've been boring. Every time I sit down to write something for LJ I'm like "Well, what should I write?"

Let's see. Work was nice today. Actually, this whole week has been really busy, workwise. I've had tons of clients which means a good paycheck. I got some tips and was able to get groceries, put gas in my car, AND put some dough into my piggy bank. (I have an actual one.) I was super happy about that. And, I think next week I'm booked pretty solid, too. Hope it can stay that way!

The HitRECord book comes out on May 15th. I saw the layout of some of the pages and my piece "Asking For It" is definitely in there. The graphic to go along with it is amazing. Guys, guys, I am a published feminist writer. I just keep saying that over and over again. I feel, you know, very cool about that indeed. ^_^

And now for the weather. Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold. It's either 75 degrees or like, 35. Come on, weather! Make up ya damn mind (and keep it at 75 for a while.) Trees are in full bloom, garden's looking all fly and pretty, oh, and Long Island started burning down about two weeks ago. For a few hours it looked like we might have to evacuate (how did this not make it into my LJ, seriously?) but they stopped evacuations about five miles west of here. Acres of forest burned, but not as bad as '95.

Tomorrow I find out if Sano can get off the pred. I have a feeling it might take another 2 weeks worth of weening, but maybe not. Also, "weening" is a really funny word. He's already getting his little skin condition (hi, Baytril is ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS A WEEK,) and his fur is already thinning. But I'd rather have him itchy and patchy than with ITP or on pred.

So tomorrow is a day off and I'll probably just take the dogs to the beach, go for a quick jog (provided it's not raining,) maybe rake up a few patches of leaves, do some revisions and, I don't know. Some stuff, I guess.

Oh, the only really exciting thing I have planned is when Lady Chrysanthemum comes back, we might go kayaking. I've never done that before. I was thinking of also asking Snarklit and Empress if they want to go, too. Like maybe lunch, and then kayaking. The disaster potential is quite high. Awesome, I can't wait. :)

Like I said, so exciting! You all were riveted, right?

la_belle_laide: (D)
Haku had another seizure at 6:45 this morning. WHich, he hasn't had a cluster like this since two Augusts ago, I think.

There's kind of this "perfect storm" of reasons that I'm thinking of, which I just ran past Genius Vet. First of all, he did spit a pill the other day - maybe he spit another one and I never found it.

Also, it's the equinox today, so in terms of western science, electromagnetic polarities, stuff like that. This is weird: usually he falls onto his right side when he has a seizure. Both these last times, he fell onto his left, which is weird.

Or, allergies.

In Chinese medicine, Spring is the time of the liver, and wind. Seizures are considered "liver wind" in TCM. As soon as I called Genius Vet she was like, "Springtime, right? Liver wind!" I said, "yeah, and on the equinox" and she was like, "Oh, is that today? Wow, I just got chills." (She's really awesome, and really into what she does.)

At any rate, if he has a third one today, he's probably going to have to stay at the vets to make sure he's okay. And Saturday I'm going ot have to have his phenobarb levels tested again. If he keeps clustering, it might be time to raise the PB again, which I've been holding off on doing for about a year and a half. :/

ETA: Also, this started the day he went to the vet and had his rabies vaccine for the first time in years.
la_belle_laide: (SCIENCE!)



vBulletin statistic






Haku's blood work is nigh perfect! His liver values are perfectly normal, which is a first. Because he's on phenobarb, his liver is constantly overworked, and his values have always been elevated. But this time, everything is within range. (His thyroid is still a little low, but that's not a huge concern yet – might have to up the thyroid meds in the future.)

The normal liver values are, without question, down to the milk thistle supplements I've got him on. Yes, and the vet confirmed that and told me to keep both dogs on them. I remember a few years ago someone or other was asking me about liver health and I was like, "Oh, milk thistle" and then someone else came in yelling about me being a "stupid fluffy bunny" and to stop trying to mess up real medicine or something.

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Uhh, yeah. These days, doctors and vets are prescribing milk thistle for everything from liver cleansing to hepatitis. In fact, one of my brothers has hepatitis and had lesions on his liver. His doctor wrote a prescription for milk thistle. Actually, they sell it as an allopathic medicine now under a different name - Silmaryn, I think. When Sano went into liver failure a few years ago because of the prednisone, they put him on that. His liver was fine after a round of it, but it bugged me because it cost a hundred bucks, and I can get it at the store for about twenty.

It's no secret that I enjoy being correct (who doesn't?) especially in the face of ridicule. And, hell, even when people are politely dissenting, I still like being right. There is really something about that "nyah nyah, I was right!" that I never quite outgrew. Also, I enjoy being ahead of the curve on things like this.

Herbs and natural stuff can be dangerous if you don't know wtf you're doing, that's true. But I've found over the years that I'll look into some kind of natural, herbal treatment for something, start using it, get good results, and then hear about it a few years later. I cross reference everything I try (and everything I try on my dogs and birds, too,) with everything else they're on, and all of their conditions. (I do this with food, too. Like, neither of my dogs' blood clots really well, so I could never give them turmeric.) I think doctors are held back from even looking into these treatments because, you know, CYA. "Oh, my doctor told me to try milk thistle and then I DIED." I think because of that, they don't often bother to find out sometimes.

I'm always really perplexed when people get pissed off about the use of herbs and supplements, and when they say it can't possibly work. That's really weird, because everything you put into your body causes a chemical reaction. I can't imagine how people don't know that in this day and age. It's not like there are evil humours in your blood or something; this is all chemistry. Understanding that things go into your body and react with other molecules causing your body to do different things, umm, that's grade school stuff. Everyone knows that certain foods are healthy and you need the vitamins and minerals you get from them. All "medicine" comes from some chemical that's found naturally (usually tweaked beyond recognition, but still.) Aspirin comes from willow bark. Even more obvious, you eat a poisoned berry, you get sick. So, why is it so hard to believe that the opposite must be true: you can eat some kind of plant material and it makes you well. Something that doesn't come from a pharmacy with a little piece of signed paper would, in fact, also cause a chemical reaction in your body. Thinking that it wouldn't just isn't even logic. IDGI.

With that said, there is no current scientific theory to back up how acupuncture works – and yet there's no question that it does work. Now you are talking about something close to "humours" and such in the body, because acupuncture relies on qi flow, systems of energy, and various fluids. Yet Chinese medicine and Tao were talking about anatomy and quantum physics 3000 years ago, when western "science" was still talking about demon possession. In some ways, science is only catching up to them now. "Oh, wow, it looks like atoms are most stable with eight valence electrons!" "Uh huh, really? Yeah, we call that the Bagua."

Also, allopathic medicine is really slow in catching up to the idea that the body is connected to itself. That, yanno, if you have something going on in one part of your body, you might want to take a look at the other parts, too. House—you know, on TV?--is actually a holistic doctor.

And, like him, I can't help feeling smug once in a while.

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Hurray for people who know what time it is. :)

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