Blather, rinse, repeat

My either/or for most of last month (and all of this month so far) is either write in journal / do anything else OR do manuscript critiques with my good friend [Bad username or site: ”spatterdash” @ livejournal.com]. And the critique trades have been SO STUPID MUCH FUN that I've just gotten so involved in them. Can't stop won't stop. (Fun fact, I still think of “spatterdash” as “d_r_o_n_e”.) This is the most fun I've ever had trading crits. It makes a big difference when it's something you look forward to—reading the other person's work, as well as getting feedback on your own—instead of dreading it.

But I should write a few things down, too, like about this past few weeks in general.

It seems like so many of my close friends are having massive anxiety / bouts of depression lately, all at once. And this kinda includes me, too, with the anxiety. Some of the things I can laugh about (like the other day, I read something about how the shape of certain toddler's heads can cause intra cranial pressure and brain damage and I FLIPPED OUT, went nuts for a few days, called the doctor, the whole shebang, doc told me to basically chill,) and other things are really sticking with me, like the way that Medicare only lets women over 65 get one checkup EVERY TWO YEARS WTF, and how dangerous that is? Major issue sticking to the inside of my skull right now!

Here's a thing that pissed me off and worried me, too. So last week, a friend of mine wrote a post about how important it is to keep your cats indoors for various reasons. I totally agreed, seeing as how I, at the time anyway, had a tiny baby oriole who'd been attacked by a cat. (Oriole—which Callum named Siba—later died. :( ) And also because cats take dumps in my yard, I don't want cat turds in my garden, and dogs eat the poop, which, you know, makes them very ill. This happened to a good friend of mine recently.

So then another gal comes along, and I've been sort of HitRECord friends with her for about five years. Not super close, but like, we used to chat all the time in TinyChat, on Facebook, whatnot. So, she comes along and replies that she keeps her cats indoors, but not because she cares about the stupid birds or my gross f'n dogs, like why would she care if my stupid dogs or some dumb birds died?

And now I'm like... Wow? How do you say that about someone's dogs, right? I know a lot of people don't take pets, or pet-owners seriously. I get that to a lot of people we're considered a little flakey or whatever. There's lots of stuff I don't particularly care about, but I wouldn't say that to people I knew who did care.

So I felt like something else was up, and I messaged her like, Dude, wht the hell? Why would you say a thing like that? Is something wrong? Because I totally thought we were okay. I always made nice comments on your art, the pics you post of your cats, have always supported you on hR, and, you know, sort of pathetically, I thought we were kind of friends?

And she wrote back, “I don't owe you anything just because you liked a few of my things, THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL, so just unfriend me or whatever.”

And I say, “Well, I've always felt that the only thing you owe someone who is kind to you, is kindness in return. That's how I roll, so, you know. And I have to say, I will miss our chats, if that's how it's to be, because I always did like you.”

And do you know what she replied? “You are honestly no loss to me.”

Okay, what the hell with that? And let me say that this is TOTALLY out of the blue. And logically, I'm going, “Well, obviously, she is an asshole of gigantic proportions, so let it go.” But the irrational part of me is going, Did I miss an episode or something? Was I evil to her in a way that I didn't realize? And then I start freaking out, thinking, do OTHER people feel that way, too? Do all of my other friends kind of secretly dislike me, or just put up with me or something? Who is gonna do that next? Someone I'd really super hate to lose?

This kind of stuff doesn't end after high school, you know? Goes on and on well into adulthood and comes from the most surprising places.

But anyway. So I'm trying not to dwell on that too much. I mean, I know whatever is up is her problem and totally not mine anymore, I'm just stuck thinking about, “But what if everyone else...?”

Aside from that. Yeah, so I had that oriole, who was a little beauty but didn't survive, and I also have a little baby crow, who Callum named Matu. A really good little crow.

Callum named them Siba and Matu because lately he's been making up his own words and using them in songs, and then dancing along when he sings them. “Siba, mati, matu, YAY!” “Siba, mingo, mango, mingi, YAY!” And he does these moves like the Maori Haka, which he's never seen, so what even.

He actually did something hilARious last night, had me in tears laughing, but it's TMI and I would hate to put that out there but OMG. So funny.

Callum is really into birds in general, as I think I've mentioned. (How could he not be?) But now, aside from knowing all the kinds of birds in the yard, and all their calls, he also knows their babies' calls. “Mahh mahh beebee grack-ow. Ree ree beebee stee-ling!”

And today, he actually told me the story of what happened to him in the morning: “Gram-gram work. Things to do. Guy-guy Gram gram! Wah-hah-hah. Cam-cam blue truck, fire truck, yay! Guy-guy truck! Wah-hah-hah. Gram-gram cookie. Thankee gram-gram. Wah-hah-hah!” Which basically means: “we went to visit Grandma at work, but she had things to do so we said bye-bye, and I LOST MY CRAP IN THE STORE BECAUSE I WANT GRANDMA. Then I played with some cars and trucks in the store, and I had to stop doing that, too, so I FLIPPED OUT CRYING. Then we saw Grandma again and she gave me a cookie, which I had to stop eating once I got in the car, so I CRIED THE REST OF THE WAY HOME.”

And he's actually awake now, which is like fifteen minutes too early for him to be awake from his nap. And I didn't even get to check Tumblr one last time. But I did send out my email/story section to Spatterdash, so that's a huge achievement for a day like today. :)

Last night, Havoc had a meltdown that was so intense, I was afraid for him. I've never seen a bird do this before. I was chilling out on Tumblr, everything in the house utterly quiet, when I heard him make this low, frightened sound like I'd never heard him make before. The only way to describe this sound was utter fear, even though I have never heard this noise in my life. You could just feel it.

When I went into his room, he was out of his mind. I've never seen a bird get this hysterical before. I actually thought he was neurological, that he had West Niles or something. He didn't know why he was in a cage, or in a room. He couldn't find his perch, just flapping around madly, panting and freaking out. And he didn't know who I was. This hysteria went on for about an hour. Even after I turned off his light to let him go to sleep (and darken whatever he might have been looking at that scared him,) I could still hear him shaking in his cage. And when I'd turn on the light to check on him, he would hiss at me, with his feathers all puffed up. Havoc gets annoyed and irritated and he doesn't want to be pet or carried, and sometimes he hisses meaninglessly when he's feeling bothered, but this time it was because he honestly didn't know who I was.

Then he fell asleep, and woke up fine, like nothing had happened.

What. The. Hell.

I wonder what he saw out there? He's seen cats, raccoons, mice and rats go by before, so I can't imagine it was anything like that.

Anyway, I'm glad that's over, and may that crap never happen again, jesus.

I finished watching Lost, and, WHAT. Really, WHAT? I feel like all seven seasons totally trolled me. I'm not going to say anymore about it, because people who read this LJ haven't seen the whole thing yet. So no spoilers. Just know that I was not pleased with the last five minutes.

I have been having some crazy dreams. In one, I was at the beach down the road. Again, it's a dream-beach: never the way it is in real life, but always exactly the same in every dream. What is it with that? I have a lot of dream-places that are like that. They are only vaguely similar to the actual places, but are laid out, detail for detail, the same in every dream, from one to the next, even if the dreams are years apart. I mean, are those like, real places in parallel worlds or something? So bizarre. Anyway, I was at that beach, paddling out into the water on a chair, so that I could get a picture of the sunset. I know it sounds boring, but something about it was really intense.

Then, a few nights ago, I dreamed that I was watching TV somewhere and this nature show came on, talking about a building called "The Cascade," where, if you could get past the waterfall and get to the top of it, your most important question would be answered. After that, I was driving home from somewhere, and I decided to take an alternate route. I got lost, and ended up in front of The Cascade building. It was really high, and the floors got narrower as it went up.

My Dad was there, telling me that I had to press certain buttons in a sequence in order to get past it. He said he'd figured out that if you press one button, it would deactivate a barrier, but activate another one farther in. (I play too many video games, it's true.) Then he demonstrated by pressing a button that had a picture of a small rock on it. When he did this, the waterfall in front of the building came on. Some of the other buttons had labels, like "rain" and "river" and things like that. Dad said he had to go meet someone, and he'd be right back.

Then I ran into my brother, and then Lao Shir. They were also trying to figure out The Cascade, and how to get to the top. My alarm went off before I could figure it out.

Wow, I guess the surface of that dream is very sort of Buddhist or something.

Work is pretty much what it's been: good weeks with tons of clients, slow weeks with next to no one. But fun, nice, mellow.

Still hot here in the afternoons, cold at night and in the mornings. Jo-chan started college again and is here every Mon-Tues and then Wed-Thurs. It's nice, we're still watching Doctor Who, and we've started re-watching Sorcerer Hunters. That show still cracks me up every time.

This, that, and the other.

Let me tell you about this goddamn pool. So the guy came over on Tuesday and he agreed that it looked all kinds of wrong. Yet, he still couldn't figure out how to fix it. He said he'd drain it, so as not to put pressure on the sides, then look at the manual some more and come back to try to fix it on his day off. He put the pump in the pool and I said, "When will you be back? Tomorrow?" No, not until Saturday. I said, "Won't the liner dry out and tear by then?" He said it would be fine.

Yet everyone else who's ever had a pool said that this was the worst idea ever, especially in this heat. With only one foot of water, the liner was going to crack for sure, and then the wall really would get pulled down.

So here we are, a Thursday, and the pool is being refilled. Only to be drained again tomorrow night. Such an abhorrent waste of water, and such a huge water bill. If he doesn't show up Saturday, the whole thing is pretty much screwed. I am so mad right now. A lot of money went into this pool, and it's money that I could really actually use, you know? It's over 9000 degrees right now, and around here, it starts to get cool in the middle of August. >_<

Jo-chan got a job around the corner from here, so she's spending half-weeks here until university starts up again. Today was her first day. It's nice, having her around. Tonight we're celebrating her first day on the job with ice cream and a movie (and not swimming.)

I really freaking miss Kung Fu, y'all. I could go practice it in my yard, but A) over 9000 degrees and B) I've never been self-motivated. Mostly, I miss training with the people I train with. And also, yeah, training. I feel stiff and inflexible and like I'm losing all my muscle tone. However, I'm saving a lot of money. I have been jogging a few times a week (the heat doesn't bother me when I'm just jogging; it's a lot less taxing than KF,) but it's not the same. But, I really do need that money.

I did get some more blood test results back, and am glad to say that they were all really awesome. My homocysteine was in the normal range, but a little high for my nefarious purposes. The nurse practitioner said she was going to send me a prescription for a supplement (that I will throw away because the last time they gave me a prescription for a supplement, it had Red40 and saccharine in it. Really? Are you trying to give me cancer? The whole thing is such a racket.) I looked up what can cause elevated homocysteine and I read lots of things about "anger" and "hostility" LMAO. Maybe I'm hostile because people are dicking me around! Haha, no but it wasn't really elevated, in fact it was right in the middle, but still, the lower the better.

So I bought some folic acid today, after a lengthy discussion at the store with some rep who kept trying to tell me that I didn't need folic acid, I just needed her company's one-shot pill dealy thing which the store didn't have, but I should totally just "run down to Whole Foods" (forty miles away) and grab some there. I had found folic acid, but not the vegetarian kind and she was pretty sure that this store didn't have any of that anyway. Then she sat herself down—in the aisle--in front of the vegetarian folic acid that I had originally asked for. I reached around her and grabbed it anyway. Supposedly it lowers homocysteine, but that encounter made me feel, you know, somewhat hostile. ;D

Apart from all that, I released my three baby starlings today. The aviary is empty, but I have two little robins who are fledging, and tomorrow I'm getting a fledgling sparrow that someone kept for three weeks. I go through this every. Goddamn. Year. It's the same exact conversation. "I found this baby bird and I really want to do the right thing but I don't want to release him into my yard/don't know how to release him/I don't think he can fly but I really love him and I fed him some strange-ass thing since I found him, oh, and I've had him for like a month." GOD. Why do people do this? You have my goddamn phone number, why did you not call me the first day you found him?

HOSTILE.

I guess this entry could have been a lot more cheerful, sorry. ^_^

My dang computer keeps crashing and saying it's a "kernel panic." My momma didn't raise no dummy, I know what that means, and it's not anything good. So I've been trying to back up every last thing, though I've run out of space on my external hard drive and I know I'm leaving some stuff out. But I've got the most recent photographs, videos, and the novel. What I will lose is all of my programs. And that blows.

Thunderstormy tonight, and probably for the next few days. I don't have any appointments tomorrow, so I'll go into town, I guess. Then movie night with my best friend Glassworker. Tuesday after work, will probably see my cousins, and Wednesday, Gold Dragon, and Thursday I have a doctor's appointment.

Oh, I have to get all sorts of tests. It's really weird how it worked out, too. For a few years I've had these lymph nodes that become palpable and then don't go away. I went to my primary and he basically told me, "That happens to thin girls, don't worry about it, just ignore them. If it's something bad, then we'll deal with it." (Same doctor who said to me, "Wow, I hope that'll be okay," when I dropped a rusty pool down my leg and told him I was allergic to the tetanus shot.)

ANYway, this all came about when I took Haku to the vet about a week and a half ago because I thought I was feeling one of his lymph nodes, and I had a major panic attack and ran him down there first thing to see Genius Vet. We got on a conversation about lymph in general and I mentioned what always happens with me.

She said, "Do you have really dry eyes?"

Boy, do I! They couldn't even do Lasik, my eyes were so dry. They had to do PRK and even that exacerbated the problem. When I sleep, my eyelids stick to my eyes, and when I move them, it tears the cornea. Which is mad painful.

"Do you get dry lips?"

Oh hell yes. A few years ago I tried quitting lip balm and I woke up with pieces of my mouth all over the pillow. (That's real attractive.)

"Do you have any joint problems, any rheumatoid?"

As a matter of fact, when the doctor did surgery on my knee, he said I probably had juvenile rheumatoid since I was twelve.

She said, "Sounds like Sjogren's syndrome. And I only know because I have the same thing."

I went home and looked it up, and it turns up that I have quite a few of those symptoms; such as getting random little dots on my skin every few years. Spicy foods make my tongue bleed (so gross.) Insane sensitivity to sunlight (I need to wear sunglasses even when it's overcast.) "Cold asthma," which with me, translates into an inability to take a breath when it's really cold and dry outside. I guess it's why I love the humidity. (I always have to stop jogging as soon as it gets chilly and dry, and heaven help me if someone's burning a fire.) Miserable allergies, sensitivity to chlorine, constant need for skin lotion, eye-drops, lip balm, and other suchlike.

If that is what I have, mine seems to be mostly in my damn face. No worries, it's not fatal or anything. Higher risk of lymphoma, but I'm always on the lookout for that anyway and I take lots of lymph-draining supplements. It's not a bad disease really, just an uncomfy one. There are tons of worse things, right?

Plus, the years of relying on oils and lotions and things like that have made my skin super-youthful and my hair really healthy. So that's one good thing!

So, while Thursday isn't my primary Dr. or rheumatologist, it's still a Dr. visit and I'll ask her where I should start. Maybe she can refer me to someone or something.

That's the story with that. It's probably the least interesting thing going on, but I wanted to document it anyway.

Over on HitRECord, my naughty little (published) poem is getting lots of play, including a Dramatic Reading by Joe, (which is now one of his featured records!) TONS of voiceovers, and even some amazing songs. And my erotica parody has become a voice-over show. This one is amazing, it has music!

So fly.

As far as birds, I've got twelve starlings in the aviary (currently making a ton of damn noise and freaking out in there, which starlings tend to do at night for some reason,) and a nest of three babies indoors, along with one nestling grackle. The four of them don't seem to be doing well. I wonder if it's because I'm using a different kind of food. Either way, I don't care for the situation. :( I want to raise a nice big grackle this year, like I did last year. No other birds so far; no robins or bluejays or redwings, no sparrows or orioles or titmice, no catbirds or mockers (I haven't had a mocker in YEARS, wtf. One year I had seven of them.)

The search for a literary agent continues. Last night I had a dream that I had an offer of representation. Ahh, please let that dream come true!

All righty, well, off to drink some juice and watch Lost. Did I mention I'd started watching that? Only seven years late!

Today I got my first babies of the season. And guess what they are? Yes, a nest of starlings! Shocking. Usually it's either three or five. This time it's four. And as always, there's one teeny one that the rest of them sit on, who has to be coaxed to eat.

I can't believe this is my thirteenth season with this. Time sucks.

Other than that, let's see. The Red Riding Hood book comes out on the 15th. That's my second time being published, both in HitRECord books. I'm excited about that, and I can add it to future query letters. Right now you can't order the book on its own (you need a subscription) but soon, you'll be able to get it by itself. That's when I'm going to pick up a copy, maybe two. ^_^ Just 'cause.

Last night I went out with Glassworker and we saw The Avengers. Well actually, first we watched Thor at my house (and I ate a slice of pizza and an entire box of girl scout cookies) and then we went out to the movies (where I ate a pint of ice cream and half a box of After-Eights. Fabulous.) But I really liked The Avengers. It was woman-friendly (only a few female characters, but were treated as human and as part of the team, AND just as badass if not moreso than the men – thank you again Joss Whedon,) and there were some genuinely hilarious parts. Quite a few times, we were both laughing pretty hard.

I actually have a lot more news than this, but it's for a locked post.

Last night, the stray cat (or neighbor's cat, or feral cat, I have no idea,) pushed through the crack in the bottom of my aviary door. Or maybe it was this morning, while I was in bed. It usually starts to lurk by around 1 AM. I heard it howling first thing when I got up this morning and I immediately had a bad feeling. I didn't hear any of my birds.

It's trapped inside my aviary. It killed all of my birds. Morgan, a robin I was going to release today; Hotch, a non-releasable robin with a missing wing-tip, and Car, who I had for 4 years. Car was my surrogate to all of the aviary birds, teaching them how to eat on their own.

Their bodies are all still inside the aviary and I can't get them out yet, because I don't know if this cat is feral or has mites or what. I'm just waiting for a word from animal control. Maybe they can come and take it away forever.

And maybe it gets a nice indoor home from now on, or maybe it has Fe-Leuk and they put it to sleep or something, I don't even care. I just hate it and I want it gone and I want to bury my birds.

Today it hit 105. See, now this is my summer day. It was already 95 when I went outside at around 10 AM to take the dogs out. Mmmmm that is some delicious weather. I realize I'm the only person on the planet who loves this, but I do. And tomorrow is going to be even hotter. Of course, I will be at work, where even in the warmest room (which they considerately give to me,) the AC is cranked down to freezing. However, I'm allowed to close the vent, which I do.

While I'm talking about work, I want to talk about this one CD that gets played on repeat there. Every time it comes on, it's so loud, with these overwhelming strings. It's supposed to be relaxing, but it's like a six-minute funeral dirge. It is so awful. It comes on and all I can think about is protracted death scenes and long, painful farewells. It's six minutes of mawkish noise and I hate it. I hate it so much I very nearly have to buy it, just so I can put it up somewhere and say "Isn't this song a mawkish dirge?!" and have everyone agree with me. It's called "Breath of Morning" which to me sounds like "morning breath" but whatever, that's not even the point.

Sad, overbearing songs aside, let's see, what else is going on aside from the heat? I got a new betta fish, that's one thing! His name is Shemar. Don't even laugh at me. He's pretty. Check him out.
( Shemar )

See how he's mostly blue, but the red shoots out from his body to his tail and fin? He's really cool looking and badass so his name is Shemar.

Now, everyone look at: ( my leg )

It looks a bit better, right? It's stopped oozing blood at least, but still bruised up. When I came home from Kung Fu on tuesday though, my ankle got all swollen again and I had to ice it. Still, it doesn't hurt except down by my ankle where there is a hard little knob of pain. Actually, it's starting to itch. Now you all know.

I also want to show you guys my ice peen, and I'm not even putting this behind a cut because it's too amazing. This is an actualfax ice cream I was eating the other night:



Okay, so I did the top of it on purpose by sucking on it, but come on now, seriously. WHAT IN THE WORLD, how did it get to look so... Just so. You can't even deny that that is amazing.


It's like art. I was only being a little bit cheeky and that's what came out. I haven't been able to replicate it since then. BUT I WILL KEEP TRYING.

And here is ( me today )

I look like someone's overheated Italian Mama in a sack dress. I was inspired to go outside and pick some grapes after I took this photo of myself, so that's what I did. I picked grapes and I gave them to my aviary birds. (Six of them now: Reid, Penelope, Hotch, Emily, Morgan and the ever-present Car. My two sparrows, JJ and Rossi, are still inside. Good batch this year though.)

I know what else I wanted to document. The other night, I started watching Dr. Who. All of my friends are really into it and I was looking for another show that I could set down and enjoy every few nights or so. I've only seen 3 episodes as of yet, but so far I like it. It's made me miss London, even though I was only there briefly. I think often of going back. I really hope to, someday.

Oh, and! I'm reading Atonement. God, what prose! But according to every review I've ever read, no matter what happens between page one and the end, it's the final page that breaks your heart. Every review is saying something like "I'm writing this after sobbing for a few hours." So I'm really curious as to what happens on the last page. I can't wait to get there. Well, and dreading it, at the same time.

I think that's about it. Anything else would have to go into a locked post.

And I have to remember: go dancing in the park Monday!

I posted this photo on Tumblr tonight:



With this text:

This is how you cuddle a crow, if you are a crow’s people.
Crows can only have people if they forever can’t have the sky or other crows because they are life-long sick or unflyable. And crows can only have people if their people is allowed to belong to a crow, legally. Crows’ people has to know all kinds of things about their owner-crow.
Such things as, what sort of troubles crows can get and what to do if that happens. Such things as, crows like to scream CAW, DAMN IT, CAW at all hours. Such things as, if crows can’t have other crows then their people has to give them cuddles and kisses, because crows subsist on cuddles and kisses just as much as on chicken and fruit and bread and eggs and cooked sweet potatoes and leftovers and worms and other suchlike.
Anyway this is one way to cuddle a crow. There are many other ways, too, as well as scritching and such.

And it got about sixty reblogs in about an hour. O_O NEAT! People really do love crows and animal stories.

I also finished and posted my 4 minute jaunt around Long Island, for HitRECord. It was fun creating it. I went everywhere, recorded all the pretty things I saw, etc. I really had a blast going around and searching for things to put in the video.

Two days ago, I took Sano outside and shaved him down. He looks so goofy without his fur but he is so much more comfortable and his skin has calmed down a bit. I'm starting to wonder if his skin gets really bad after a round of pred. I've never put that together before. It might be.

Last night, SB, Jo-chan and UD came over to my Mom's house for dinner and video games. We ate too much and laughed for hours. Did I mention that my Mom bought me Soul Calibur 4? Well, it's hilarious. Apparently if you take enough damage, your character's clothes come flying off. I purposely let Kilik get hit a lot. Also you can dress them in these insane outfits. Jo-chan put Kilik into this total S&M bondage looking outfit, pink. It was awesome.

Today I tried to knock down the remainder of the pool with a mallet. It didn't work. So I gave up and went inside. Gold Dragon called and we talked for about a half an hour.

I think tomorrow I might actually go to the ocean for a while. ^_^

My gourami Eames most definitely ate my angelfish Trowa. Eames was dead in the tank this morning, bloated with black scales that he couldn't get rid of. I am so horrified.

Work was slow today; I only had two appointments. But both people were awesomely nice, run to work with, and tips were good.

Beaches are closed. EIGHTEEN FOOT SHARKS, WTF. Thresher sharks, wtf even are those? If I saw something like that coming toward me in the water, I would chew my own veins out. Also, the sgt. in this article is my cousin. :)

This the only bird I've got so far:


A sparrow, ridiculously yet shamelessly named Jack.

It's hot hot hot and I can't wait for it to get hotter.

So far I've got five and possibly six students lined up for my dance class. Got to get those flyers out! Next week, I won't forget them.

Movies tomorrow? HOPEFULLY.

I'm so lame, I haven't updated in forever. That's what happens when I start to get my groove on with HitRECord stuff.

So what I've been up to lately is recording this huge, ridiculous dissertation in response to a qustion Joe asked me about a poem I wrote, which was about the similarities between Chinese creation myth and real science. He asked for a clarification of a few terms in Chinese. Predictably, I'm running off with it like it's a thesis. :/ I hope he doesn't regret asking.

So I've been doing that, and as part of it, I had to learn to animate. I kind of suck at it, but, here's a bit of animation I did for the project. It's a process, okay? ^_^

I'm just mostly flaily and squeeful because he said "more dope rhymes," hehe. I can do that! :D At least I hope I can.

So that's how HitRECord regularly eats my life. I sometimes ask myself why I endeavor these things, when really it takes up so much of my "free" time. But, "free" time? WTF does that even mean? If I wasn't creating some self-indulgent thing, I'd be looking at other people's art, or reading, or writing. Learning how to animate, even if it comes to nothing, is still a worthy endeavor. It's creation, which to me is never about the final result. Well, okay, sometimes it is. Writing, eventually is about the final result. But when I'm in the process of writing, of creating something new, I'm not often thinking, "How can I make this rule?" I'm mostly just thinking, "this is fun."

It was the same with animating that sequence, and with editing the film. There's really no reason to do it other than that it's fun. It's a good way for me to spend my time. It's meditative and enjoyable. Though occasionally tedious, as last night when FCE randomly erased SIX HOURS OF WORK and then Corel Painter, not to be outdone, also randomly deleted FIVE HOURS OF ANIMATING. Really. Two different programs, two different glitches. I about blew a frigging gasket. EFF those two programs, eff them in the face with a jackhammer. But yeah. Aside from that.

Got one more rejection from an agent I decided to give a whirl. And still waiting on feedback from the one I mentioned last time. I still have a list of agents I haven't tried yet. THAT'S PLENTY OF CAKE. ^_^

Also waiting, still, on my test results for my state boards. Results are about four weeks away now, and TBH, I am starting to feel nervous. I put the test out of my mind for the most part, but then once in a while it will occur to me and I feel squirmy about it.

Work is decent. My boss tells me they're going to make me "elite status." Which is very gratifying. Also, some job opportunities on the massage business end. Actually, a lot of those, and some of them sound really, really nice. I totally understand that there's going to be some reality to this, and it's not going to be all sunshine and giving massages to awesome people who like me, and huge paychecks and tips etc. I mean, that's a total fantasy, but it'll probably fall short of that. However I still feel confident that I'm going to find my niche.

Haku is still going to physical therapy. He's making some progress but his leg still isn't what it used to be. He is still hobbling on three legs. I just want to see him run again. I really hope that when this befrigged permafrost becomes less perma, he'll actually want to run, or at least jog, and he'll figure out "Oh yeah, right, I need the 4th leg for that." Though hopefully it will happen even before then.

Oh! I think I figured out what was up with Fox, my woodthrush who was having seizures. Well, I put a little thought into it and came up with the fact that he's a migrating bird, and by now he would be somewhere down south. But he missed his migration, obviously, and he's inside a house in the winter, getting very little sun. So I thought, maybe vitamin D? I supplemented him with extra vitamins. I haven't seen any seizures since then. (*Knock on wood.*) Keep your fingers crossed for him because I would love to release him in the spring!

In Kung Fu we stopped doing broad sword and started trapping and push-hands. The Gold Dragon returned to class, which is awesome. Lady Chrysanthemum is coming back from her trip on Tuesday. Homeslice has been coming around again, too. Te Ji Nan and Empress are obviously there. Maximus is away on a modeling job. O_O But he'll be back next week. If we had SnarkLit back from college, it'd be like the old gang. :D

Umm. It's like ten effing degrees here with gale force winds.

SPRING TIME PLEASE THANKS.

Okay. Back to editing!