Blather, rinse, repeat

It used to be that, during a Disney trip, I would sit down every other night or so and write in my LJ. This time, I just had enough time ot post my pics to FB before crashing. (And, to check Tumblr, let's not lie.)

Tonight I realized that I hadn't even written anything about Callum's first Disney trip, and that it was already, like, three weeks in the past. I'm doing NaNoWriMo for the first time this year, so that's pretty much all the writing I've been doing, and it eats up almost all of my free time, which is the two hours when Callum naps in the afternoon.

But it's 10:40 PM right now and he's in bed, so let me just do a little catch-up, and mention the things about Disney that I want to always remember.

Callum was terrific on the airplane. He was only 17 months old at the time, so it might be harder next year. But he was great. It was me, him, my Mom and Jo-Chan (Meg,) on the plane. We got there super early, to check the carseat and stroller, and then he and Meg played in the airport till it was time to board. He slept for almost the entire flight, only to wake during the landing to point to his ears and say “pop pop pop!” But I'd told him to expect that, so he wasn't scared or anything.

Our first night there, we went to Chef Mickey's for dinner. The first character Callum “met” there was Mickey. My Dad would have approved of that. It was also the only character he wasn't afraid of (until Stitch, a few days later.) Callum tasted his first apple juice and cheese sauce. OMG, we ate so badly there, but of course, it's vacation, so.

So it was Chrissie and Timmy, their two boys, SB and his adorable GF Nat, and my uncle and his GF, and of course, the four of us. We went to the Kingdom on the monorail right from dinner, and went right to the Haunted Mansion. I had already been reciting the whole thing to Callum since just about when he was born, so when he heard it in real life, he just looked at me like, “Mom, wtf is this?!” He wasn't scared at all.

I really thought I was going to bust out crying while watching the Main Street Electrical Parade. That was one of the first things I saw in Disney when my parents took me when I was ten. And my Dad loved it, and so did my Gran. But I had “practiced” watching it on youtube, so I was all right. Also, this little, older, British lady was talking to me and to Callum, and she was sweet, so I was distracted and handled it just fine. Callum liked it, as much as he was able to, but fell asleep right at the end.

As for me, the next day I got to spend my hour (and maybe more?!) at Mitsukoshi. We also ate there this time, which is something I always wanted to do. Callum had fun with his cousin Mason, who sat across from each other, as we waited for food.

Actually, Callum had fun with Mason pretty much every day. The two of them were like mind-twins during the whole trip. Mason is 11 months older than Callum, but they're close in height, and apparently they like a lot of the same things, like: Mickey Mouse, lightsabers, sippy cups, snacks, and escaping the hotel room to run down the hall together. O_o It was really a joy to watch them play together every morning before breakfast.

Oh, we stayed at Timmy's Dad's timeshare, which was really beautiful. It had its own kitchen, two bathrooms and everything.

The Halloween party was probably my favorite night, apart from Epcot and Mitsukoshi. Callum and I were Pubert and Morticia again. Chrissie looked absolutely beautiful as a witch. But the best, I think, were Spencer and Nat, who went as post-Hulk Bruce Banner, and Lady!Thor. We stayed for the (truly epic) Halloween parade, went on Big Thunder Mountain railroad (Mom stayed with Callum while I went on, and I stayed with him and took him to the little playground by Splash Mountain while she went on.) Then, while I went on Space Mountain, Callum had a huge meltdown as my Mom was minding him. She calmed him down by showing him the Peoplemover and saying, “THERE IT IS!” every time it went by. This led to him mimicking a high-pitched voice every time he saw any train-like thing go by, especially the monorail. It devolved into him just squealing each time he saw a monorail, whether it went overhead, or he saw it from the car, or from the line to get on one, or anything. It makes me a little blue that, by the time we go again next year, he'll probably be able to say “monorail,” and I won't get to hear him do that again.

Oh, I should mention, too, that he got his first haircut at the Magic Kingdom barber shop. I was so nervous, because I liked his long hair and I thought I wouldn't even recognize him with short hair. But it turned out really adorable, and he was excellent through the whole thing. (Of course, they gave him a toy to play with. And when he got bored with that, I gave him my phone to play with.)

Also, we got to see Auntie Kau'i. I thought I was going to cry when I saw her pretty face. And she met Callum and said how handsome he was. Pretty much all he said to her was, “Et?” which is how he asks who, or what, anyone or anything is. “Look at that gorgeous face,” she said. Usually, I get to spend a lot more time with her, and take her Hula class, and go up and dance at Tambu and all of that. But it's different when you have a kid, you know? Maybe when he's older. And when there's more time, like an extra day or something.

My other favorite night was actual Halloween. That day, we went to Animal Kingdom (ehh, not a favorite of mine,) and Callum and Mason played in the Boneyard while we waited for the others to ride one of the rides that I don't like. We had lunch, then SB and I waited while Callum napped and everyone else went on Kali River Rapids (we both hate to get wet and be miserable for the rest of the day!) SB and I drank mango margaritas and I bought a skirt. (It is insane, to me, that I went here with SB when he was Callum's age. And now we're drinking margaritas together outside of the rides. What even is that?) Then, we went on Expedition Everest, which was more awesome than I remembered. Then we took the kids on the safari, which they liked. Right after that, AK closed (they close really early,) so it was off to dinner, and then an early night as we all had a party at the timeshare.

The party was one of the best parts. All the kids were playing together, while SB and Timmy barbecued some stuff downstairs. Callum and I had some baked potatoes. Later, when the kids went to bed, we broke out the wine. Earlier that day, Meg had been hiding in the laundry closet to jump out and yell “BOO!” to Callum and Mason. But instead, Timmy went by, and about jumped out of his skin when he saw her there. So that night we were talking about that, and we had also been on the subject of how everyone was freaking out about Ebola, but in reality it was really hard to catch etc. and I somehow ended up commenting that if Meg had been Ebola, Timmy would have it by now. For some reason, this made my Mom, Meg, and Chrissie and I about piss ourselves laughing. Maybe it was the wine, but we were practically falling off our chairs with cracking up. Then, later, Timmy asked me if I'd like some more cheese and crackers, and I told him, “no thanks, I'm potatoed out.” And Meg replied that he hadn't even asked me about potatoes, and then she got started laughing.

Much later than that, SB, Meg, and Nat and I were talking about Sephiroth, and One-Winged Angel and all of that, and we started theorizing about how a person with one wing would even fly. I demonstrated how I thought that would go, and SB recorded it. I have not seen that recording, but I can guarantee that going to haunt me someday.

Oh, of course, we also went to MGM. Callum wasn't too fond of the Movie Ride, and there's really not much for him to go on, there. He did enjoy running around the “Frozen” store and playground thingie. (And this was even before he saw his beloved Elsa in the movie and became obsessed with everything Frozen. Yes, we are in that vortex right now.) And he loved the Honey I Shrunk The Kids playground, too. Me, I got to go on Tower of Terror, and eat a candy apple – but I missed Rock N Roller Coaster. :/ I spent a lot of that day talking to Nat, actually, about movies that we liked, music, and life in general. I have to say, she is pretty special.

The best part, for me, was seeing Callum see everything for the first time. I had expected him to be off his game, get grouchy and overtired and maybe even upset. But he only had one real meltdown to speak of. It was on the monorail, and it was because I put him to sit on the seatback to look out the window. WTF. That set him off for about five minutes. LOL IDEK. But he was fine right after that, and, even though he missed about half of each nap, and was in bed about an hour later than usual, he still had so much fun.

When we wake up in the morning, sometimes he'll grab my shirt and say, “Diz-din?” As if it's just so easy to go back there anytime. And he must think, why not? We go back to Atlantis all the time. We go to the park all the time, and to the store, and all those other places. Why not juts get back on the Great Big Airplane Way High Up In The Sky, take a two-hour nap, and be in Diz-din with everyone?

On the way home, our flight got delayed for four hours. The airline gave us each a $100 voucher to fly within the year. Which, the plane tickets were about $120 to begin with. And Mom and I already have annual Disney passes. I mean, it's almost like we have to go back. But, it looks like the next time it might just be Callum, me, my Mom, and Meg. Everyone else has different things going on this year. It's really hard to get that many people off work and out of school and with enough money all at once. Which also makes me sad. A big part of the fun, for me, is to be with the whole family. But, Callum loves anything having to do with Meghan, and he'll pretty much go along with anything as long as she's there (and Mom-mom, and Gram-gram.)

Of note: The actual most expensive part of the whole trip was boarding the dogs. I might split them up next time, as much as I hate to do that, and put Sano in non-med-boarding, just to save some of the money. Like, it kills me that you can get a hotel room in actual Disneyworld, for four people, for about a hundred bucks a night. And a 5'X8' run with two dogs crammed into it together costs the same exact effing thing. WTF even is with that?

Well, anyway. The point of this entry is to talk about the little things that went on in Callum's first trip to Disney. The thing to take away from this is that he loved it, more than I thought he would. And he wants to go back; he remembers it, more than I thought he would. And, my Dad and Gran would have totally approved of this trip. I knew it was going to be super emotional, and really tough in some places (it was: they played my Dad's favorite, When You Wish Upon A Star, as we were leaving MK for the last time,) but I think everyone handled it way, way better than I expected.

Shoot, I wanted to upload the video of everyone laughing their face off that night, but it's on my laptop. Dang it. And so are most of the pics, too. They're all on my FB, but that's private. Okay, have this one pic, then, of Callum playing in the water fountains at Epcot (his other favorite thing!) Because I think this pretty sums up the whole trip for me:

As it gets close to the end of summer, I'm starting to realize that we only get, I don't know, maybe 7, maybe 8 ocean days per year. Not counting those times we go in the fall, or Spring. Those don't exactly count, because I'm really talking about those lush, humid, hot summer days when you can actually go into the water. So even if we went every other week, sometimes two weeks in a row, it only comes out to 6-8 or so days per summer. Really not a lot. Which is weird, because, sure, next year we can go again, but next year, Callum will be two. Two is really different to one. Babies and kids change so rapidly. With adult friends and family, you kind of don't change as much, so you can recreate some of those moments from the past. But I only have that handful of days at the ocean with a one-year-old. And then a handful with a two-year-old. Etc. It's weird and kind of sad, right?

Last week, we had our “pre-Disney” summer party. “We” in this case was: Me, CJ, my Mom, Spence, his gf Natasha (I really like this kid, she is a great girl!) Meg, Chrissie, Tim, Gavin, Mason, my Uncle Don, and his gf Jen. We used to do those parties with Gran and my Dad, of course. This was the first one without them. So it was tough. And the trip is going to be tough, too. But still, I'm looking forward to it so much! I'm stoked beyond the telling of it. It's two more months. And we'll only be there for 6 days. But that's enough, I think, with a toddler, and with boarding the dogs. That's really my biggest worry, actually. I know CJ's going to have the Disney melt-downs, and there will be INCIDENTS, and craziness, and I'll probably be way too emotional. But it's just really hard for me to leave the dogs for that long. And I still can't figure out who to get to feed my goldfish, The Doctor, while I'm gone. I have to square that away. Two months is going to fly by. EVERYthing is flying by.

Tomorrow I'm going out kayaking with Dragon. We're taking a sunset kayak tour. Which is super weird, because two years ago, right after I very very very first got pregnant, I went out kayaking on the 28th with Lady Chrysanthemum. I just thought that was weird, you know, the wheel turns and all.

Sunday is already Powwow day! Wasn't I just there a few minutes ago, with tiny little CJ in the Ergo carrier, and my best friend, Glassworker? I bought him a little T shirt, thinking it would be forever until he was big enough to wear it, and he's already worn it a bunch of times. And now CJ will be walking around and probably picking out his own stuff that he wants.

And then on Tuesday, a HitRECord friend of mine from England is coming to visit! Which, EXCITEMENT omg. He's an incredible musician (he did music for a poem that I wrote, and also wrote and sang the wonderful song “Adieu,” for HitRECord On TV, which, HI, we won an Emmy for that show! :D ) and just about the sweetest person.

And then I start teaching a Hula class on Mondays in September – hopefully. If more people sign up.

I took a Saturday off mid-September, too, to have a yard sale. Maybe I can make some Disney money.

Then October and Disney and then Thanksgiving and Christmas and then the loooooooong, loooooong stretch of winter that I can't even bear to think about yet. I'm still not over last winter ffs. I can't deal with another like that. It was too much.

I'm always afraid to say, “Who knows what will be different next year?” because, literally, the last time I wrote that in my LJ, my Gran and my Dad passed within four months of each other. So, I'm not going to say that. I am going to hope that the rest of the year (oh, let's get ambitious and say the next TWENTY years!) can be as good as this summer has been. Even though things change so quickly, can it still be this good? I am going to hope that I will sign with a really rad literary agent (I've still got two manuscripts out, and still waiting to hear back from either or both agents.) I will hope to have less anxiety in general about things. Or, really, to work on that a bit, because it's not going to go away on its own.

Oh, while I'm here: CJ has six teeth, four donor siblings (though I've only been in contact with two families,) and a handful of words and phrases. Words like: hat, out, ant, balloon (“umboooon,”) and “AT?” while pointing to something, asking me to repeat what it is. And the same phrases he's always used: “I did it!” when I tell him he's done something well, OR when I tell him not to do something for pete's sake, (or, “THEY did it!” when I tell the dogs they're good,) and “It's good-good!” when he's eating oatmeal, or when I tell him something is “yucky” and not to eat it. :/ He plays ball, and has an orange car that he loves; a fuzzy, pink rocking horse that he likes to play with but will not sit on; a Mickey Mouse train; a musical chair; various Lilo and Stitch dolls etc. But given the choice, he'll always play with a DVD, remote control, the air purifier, or my cell phone. He loves books more than anything—ANYTHING—and is obsessed with “Go, Dog, Go,” and “Beep Beep.” He likes anything that says “beep beep,” which he copies by grunting twice. And he likes bees, which he calls “DIZ!” because of the buzzing. And he does animal noises, too, and a Donald Duck voice. Sort of. ^_^

I should really update LJ more often, but I get so lazy. CJ goes in for a nap and I usually just sit there looking at Tumblr and reading the stupid, depressing news. I always say that, but I never do it.

Since it's on my mind right now, I'd better go check Amazon for a fish self-feeder or something, and maybe a timer to turn the lights on and off.

I will absolutely check in with LJ more often. Will absolutely try. ^_^;;

I realized that I never put up my pics from Disneyworld. I guess there were just so many I couldn't find it in my to post them all. But for some reason I just remembered it tonight, and I'm going to post a ton of them behind a cut.

( Diensyworld photos! )

I've got tons more, but those are some random ones except the last two. The last two are total winners, right? ^_^

I can't wait to take him again. This time hopefully with more people. :D

Here's an interesting article on Facebook users and narcissism.

The researchers found that the number of friends and wall posts (messages left by the owner of the profile or friends) that a person had on their profile correlated with how narcissistic they were. Study leader Laura Buffardi, a Ph.D. student in psychology, said this is similar to how narcissists behave in the real world, forming numerous but shallow relationships with others...

"We found that people who are narcissistic use Facebook in a self-promoting way that can be identified by others," Buffardi said....

"Nearly all of our students use Facebook, and it seems to be a normal part of people's social interactions," Campbell said. "It just turns out that narcissists are using Facebook the same way they use their other relationships - for self-promotion with an emphasis on quantity over quality."


So, err... then it's a good thing that I have three friends and about ten comments? O_o Heh.

In other news, I am home (obviously,) unpacked, have returned to Kung Fu (owie,) and am back to stressing about the coming election and the state of the country. I feel like I missed everything, eveyr bit of news while I was in Disneyworld. A literal vacation from reality, that one was.

And apparently I have to go to the doctor for a wellness checkup before I apply to college,a nd retrieve my immunization records from my alma mater. I did find my college transcript. (The grades read like a long winded sheep. BAAAAAAAAAAAA. I had a really good average. ;D ) I am shy one lousy bioscience credit bu7t I can make that up at the grad school.

Grad school? Did I just say that about myself?

Oh my god. I have to get bookbags, pencils, pens, notebooks with dividers and junk like that.

WTF?

WTF?

WTMFF?

Currently I am trying to sort pictures from the Disney trip and see which ones to post.

I am also re-reading one of my most fanpoodliest favoritist book, Capt. Hook: The Adventures of a Notorious Youth. Apparently the sequel comes out this fall. I have been waiting for three years. Isn't that WAY too long to wait for a meffing sequel? GOD. Every once in a while I revisit my Captain Hook madlove.

I miss my SB and my hyenarave. JO-CHAN. See if I can't pick you up after school next Friday and drop you off Saturday night. Iron Man comes out on DVD Tuesday. I'm thinking: visiting Boychild, ice cream, FFVII, Iron Man at AJ and UJ's later. You say?

Meanwhile, here are two pics from the latest trip:

THE BRUSH OF SCRATCH BACK.


They never specify where.

How to even sum up the lat two days> Impossible to tell everything! Yesterday, I met up with some good friends from a blog I go to. Our meeting was a long time coming and it was really great, aside from one of the girls getting sick and having to leave early. We walked around Epcot, drank sake, and toasted to the guy on whose blog we all met. The two girls who stayed--let's just call them S&S--stayed over and we had a great time, like a slumber party. We went to Downtown and had ice cream, then came back here, went on said blog and yammered all about it. It was great. :)

Today, we had breakfast and watched this really good-looking boy eat. It was sort of creepy of us. Then my Mom came over and we all chatted about said blog.

When they left, we headed off to the Polynesian so I could say hi and bye to Kawehi, and bye to Auntie Kau'i. They were all putting on another show, and it was awesome. And once again Auintie put me up on stage. SURPRISE! She let me borrow a pa'u, and Kanani thankfully had Ipo Lei Momi on hand, so I did that. I totally redeemed myself from sucking the other night, because I did those one really well. :D I was so glad.

Off to Epcot, where I saved about five dragonflies today. Boychild found one that looked like it was dead in a low windowsill indoors. It ended up being barely alive. I took it outside where it washed its little bug face with its little bug hands and then it died. Back inside, my cousin Chrissie and I found a bunch more dragonflies, all just lying there, stil in the window well. I picked them up one by one, and they weren't dead. They seemed to have just given up! They were stuck in the window well and had nothing to eat or drink. So one by one I took them outside where they all (except for the first one, a beautiful green,) flew away. I really love those insects.

Dinner at Alfredo's with a really beautiful waiter, then back to the Kingdom so Boychild could see the light parade. He loved it! And they sell really cool things there, one of which is this light up skull that's aboit seven inches long. You can hang it in a window or wear it as a necklace, and I wore it. The jaw lights up alternately on top and bottom so it looks like it's chomping. I showed it to the Boychild and said, "Nom nom nom!" So now he thinks Halloween skulls are "nom noms." He kept grabbing it while I was carrying him and going, "Nom nom?" Hilarious. Also, a few days ago I bought him a plastic pirate sword. He must have seen me pick it up and go, "ARRR!" Because now swords are "args." And pirates are "yo hos" except for Jack Sparrow, who is "Dack."

Boychild cracks me up.

Well, tomorrow is the last full day, and I'm cool with it. I miss my dogs, my crow and my birds. I miss my house, and when I go back I can start decorating for Halloween. It was 115 degrees here yesterday, and it's about 60 at home. That actually sounds kind of nice. ^_^

I started today checking up on all my animals. The dogs are fine and my wonderful friend Kim had just gone in to check on them at the dog hotel when I called. At Laura's, Lohi'au is lonely, bored, depressed and he misses me a lot. She released a starling and a robin (yay!) but my two grackles started to crash for some reason after I left. That SUCKS. They were perfect. But this happens sometimes.

We went to Epcot and no matter how many times I tell people, "I'm going to take about two hours in Mitsukoshi; I can only go here once a year so I need some time; go on without me," and no matter how many times everyone says, "We'll go on, you catch up. Take your time," everyone still waits, and my Dad still gets impatient. I spent about 70 bucks at Mitsukoshi and I did a really geeky thing. One of the Japanese girls at the kiosk was writing names in Japanese on little 4 dollar fans that you can buy there. I asked her if she could write a phrase instead and she said she could. After much messing about with mixed up translations, tone and hidden meanings, I am now the owner of a fan which has written in Japanese, "Floating woman's fan." See, one of my favorite poets Komachi, (and a contemporary of Sei Shonagaon, who is my favorite,) attended a party about a thousand years ago. She was known for floating from man to mad. At the party, Emporer Michigana (nasty dude, stole the throne from Sei's empress Teishi,) stole Komachi's fan and wrote that phrase on it to insult her then he gave it back to her. (I had to assure the girl that, yes, it was meant to make fun, to be a little rude.) In response, Komachi wrote back to him, "Some cross the pass of love, others do not. But unless you are the watchman there, you cannot pass judgment."

SWEET!

Then, Timmy bought me a glass of plum wine. And then in Italy, when I was good and tispy (on a measly 4 ounces; it doesn't take much to begin with and I drank it fast,) he bought me some gelato and I said, "Timmy, why are you buying me stuff?" and he said, "Because you take care of my boy and I appreciate that."

And speaking of, I got beautiful pictures of the Boychild today.

In the China pavilion, I went equally crazy and spent about another 50.

Tonight was dinner at the 'Ohana, and first I saw the lovely Brian downstairs doing poi balls, and Auntie making leis. She told me I was dancing tonight and I said, "With your group?" She said, "No baby, we're doing all new stuff. You're doing a solo." No pressure!

Well, while we were waiting on line to check in at the restaurant, Kaleo was singing in the lounge and I waved to him. He stopped the show a few times to shout us out. Then between songs he said, "Hey, where's Jimmy Dee?" (Obviously Jimmy Dee is my Dad.) My Mom pointed him out and Kaleo said, I forgot to tell Jimmy Dee that I love his CDs, they're the best! I keep them right by my CD player!" Well, my Dad loves Kaleo and has gerat respect for him, and he just stood there blushing and being all, "pshaw," but he was so happy about that."

Dinner was great and Kaleo came to sit with us. He met Chris and Tim and Gavin too. It was so nice, as it always is.

After dinner we waited for him to come back on, and he dedicated a bunch of songs to us. The audience kept getting bigger! Before Auntie and her group came up I went up to Kaleo and told him that I was totally blanking on a Hula to do, and did he know Island of Love, because I was pretty sure I could bust that out. He said he hadn't learned that one, and I was hoping he would forget what I did last year so maybe I could do it again--even though I couldn't even remember the name of the song! but he did remember: Beautiful Kaui'i, and I asked him if I could just do that one again.

Finally Aunti's group came on and they were awesome. They did pu'ilu, 'uli'uli and three more hulas too. Brian was dancing with them, as well as one girl from Japan named Momi. It was her last day with them, and at the end of her solo she started to cry. That got Mom Chrissie and I crying, too.

Then Kaleo said, "We have a girl who comes down once a year or so and always dances for us, as well as being a true follower of the Hula, and attends seminars and learns about the Hawaiian culture." I didn't even know at the time he was talking about me so I sat there going, "I wonder who it is?" Then he called my name. I took off my shoes, but not my stupid striped socks. Then on stage I leaned over and told him that I hadn't realized he'd been talking about he, and he cracked up. Anyway, he went on to say that I had been dancing and studying for many years and such and I said, "And yet somehow I can only come up with THIS ONE HULA to perform!" which he repeated into the mic. Which was cool, because I wasn't trying to be self-effacing, but really to quantify that I knew it wasn't the best Hula and by far not MY best, and I wished I had something better to offer.

Well, I totally screwed up the beginning of the song. I forgot the vamp and I was just trying to pick out the tempo, wondering when I should start. I dance this song really fast, and he played it slow. So for the whole first few lines I was all over the damn place. It really sucked! Eventually I figured out that he was playing it at half the tempo I usually do it, and then I finished it with ease, but the beginning was really rough.

At the end I leaned over to Kaleo and I said, "The socks really made this Hula, didn't they?" and he laughed and made a joke about them being "Where's Waldo" socks.

People came up to me afterwards and said that I had done a good job, etc. but I knew that I hadn't and it really bummed me out. >_<

Well, we watched the end of the show, which rocked, and then Brian, Momi, and Auntie gave maile leis to Chrissie, Timmy and my Mom. (Auntie gave me a carnation lei when I went on stage; forgot to mention that.)

Boychild really loved the Hula and the music. Before we left, he pointed to Kaleo, then to Kaleo's chair on stage and said, "MORE!" it was too cute.

Then we went to the village for a bit.

Well, that was today. I am so mad that I screwed up a really easy Hula, but so happy that I own a fan that reads "Floating woman's fan" in Japanese. :D

Note to self: after writing this entry, go here to see tonight's House.

Today, the first stop after breakfast was to go see Auntie Kau'i. She thought the Boychild was beautiful, she had her awesome long hair down, and she asked me to dance in the show tomorrow. I have no idea what to dance and I forgot everything I learned in her one-day seminar in July, so no pressure! I love her. She is an angel.

Then we got our rooms here at the Contemporary and it is so different than the last time I was here, which I think was right after college. And yet the view and the vibe and the smell are I mean, you already effing PAID to get in, but if you want to stay in, you have to pay again. I was mad though 'cause it looked like it was going to be cool. Everyone was in costume. If I'd known, I would have busted out Sally and definitely gone. I never like to miss a Halloween party, and especially if there are costumes involved.

But before we left, everyone else was still in the restaurant and the Boychild aws going, "UP! UP!" so i took him out of his seat and we went outside to look at the ducks and the castle. he utterly shocked me by pointing to the castle and saying, "Cackle!" That's what SB used to call it and it put me back about 17 years.

17 years is a hell of a long time, isn't it? And for some reason, everytime I come here I'm rethinking my life, seeing what has changed and what hasn't.

Liek I said last night, I am out of a dead-end, soul-sucking, toxic job that I was tolerating whle pretending to love because, well, my default is to be cheerful and i tend to make the best of things, even when change would be better. I am going back to school to studay medicine, and that has been a dream of mine since probably around high school when I fell in love with biology.

There were so many roads I wanted to take back then, and I took none of them. There were some that I thought I wanted to take, but which I realize now would have been just as wrong for me as the wrong job was. Growing up, I thought I wanted my black-picket-fence version of The American Dream; a kind of Addams Family. I guess that would have been ideal, ut is ridiculously unlikely and perforce, I had to let that one go. Gomez is just Not Out There. What I could have done is settle for something in between--which is what I did with my stupid ex job--and I'm so glad I didn't.

Which leads me to why I settled so long for that stupid job. It hit me all at once today. I thought it had meaning. I thought I was helping. See, now most people, or at least many people, really need to be loved. A lot of folks need to be validated. They have to be popular, well-liked, and find a mate (in some cases just to prove that they can; the "I GOT ONE!" thing.) I see people who are desparate for the approval of others.That works for them and that's fine. (HOwever you have to draw the line when they are so desparate for the approval of others that they purposely try to smear other people. Anyway.)

I've always said this, but today it really hit home; it was like the skies opened up and spilled this knowledge on me.

That is NOT my motivation. And, holy crap! It never has been! I have never kowtowed for someone's approval, have never wheedled or begged or been obsequious. The only approval I want is of those I really truly value. You get me or you don't. And if you don't, and you don't like me, then there's nothing I can do to change that and I am not going to pretend for niceties' sake that I care. I cease to acknowledge those people. And to some, that seems rude or snobbish but to me, why would I waste my thoughts and words and time on someone who already has their mind made up?

I'll never start crap with others, ut I will finish it, and I finish it with ice around the edges. Once someone has pushed enoughof my buttons, I say what I have to say, and I have never had any trouble saying to someone's face anything I would say behind their back. Did that make sense?

Like my Dad wrote in his song: "I don't look for trouble, but I never ran."

My motivation has never been acceptance. For years I maintained that if I couldn't do some good to the world, then there was no sense in doing anything. While others strove to be loved and accepted, I strove to be useful, and I convinced myself for years that my service to animals at a crappy animal hospital was what I needed to be doing. (And maybe at the time it aws?) And to combat my issues with my looks, I always said, "I wasn't put on this planet to decorate it." Which in turn made me question: Why was I put on this planet? Which is not to say that I feel some entity specifically put me here; but it's nice to think that in the grand overview, I have a purpose.

"To serve" was always at the heart of it, but I dolled it up with, "to inspire, to entertain, to educate." i was thinking of writing and dancing, and spreading the Hawaiian culture.

But now, at this time of times, it all comes down: No, I really do need to serve. I need more meaning. And I think that even with the happy side-effects of indulging in my curiosity and my love for human biology, the main reason I am going to study the exact kind of medicine I am going to study, is because I can finally be of use. I can really serve. I can get my hands dirty. This is what's been waiting for me.

In the back of my mind I feel like I can save everyone, too. I won't deny that a part of me feels like this is some kind of safety net: that if I study alternative medicine, nothing bad will ever happen to anyone in my life ever again. Or that if fates-forbid it does, I can fix it. I know that's unrealistic, but I can't deny that it's there.

So I have this happy revelation--as if I needed another--that I am finally going down the correct road, yet half-buried under the sea like a rotting ship still full of treasures is that black-picket-fence dream. Walking around with the Boychild I'm thinking, "I need to do this, too. I need to have my own kid; I need to put a good person on the planet and pass on my values. I need to take someone on Dumbo and watch my grandparents play with their grand-child." No Gomez Addams--oh well--but a Wednesday or a Pugsley.

It's not the American Dream, but the American Dream is not for me. Those are not the values I want to pass on; little yellow ribbon magnets, stick-on american flags and singing God Bless America at Disneyworld. I believe in neither god nor america.

But the clock is ticking and it's ticking against my equally intense urge to be free to follow this other road, and still travel, and still get in that one last romantic fling. I know a person can accomplish all of these things, but it sure does compromise you.

Those are my super deep thoughts for tonight, and tomorrow we are going to Epcot and I'm going to buy some earrings and maybe soem Hello Kitty pajamas or an anime figure.

Our flight was delayed for about two hours. However, the Boychild was such a good boy on the plane and all day. He ran around the airport charming everyone he saw, he liked the take off, and then he slept for the whole flight. We didn't visit any theme parks today but looked around in shops and had dinner at a restaurant with Cinderella and the ugly stepsisters. The child is on such sensory overload. He's been giggling all day.

The only thing really wack was that, it's a buffet and you go up for your own food and all, and I had sort of noticed that Gran was taking a really long time. Well, she ended up going to the wrong table way the hell across the room. She had all her food there, the waitress had brought her a drink and everything. she just forgot where o go and I don't know, thought that she had gone alone or something? Because it was a table for two. It weirded me out a little.

I miss Jo-chan and SB and my aunt and uncle.

I keep having to remind myself that things have changed for the better recently. I'm out of a dead end job and am going back to school to study medicine. Somehow that ties in with being here for some reason, like a break in the pattern, you know?

Oh well. I will hang on to that.

A quick scan of today reveals:

1) The death of a member of one of my all time favorite bands. GUys, that REALLY blows. It was harder for me to lose Syd Barret but Wright was also such a huge part of Pink Floyd, and I dote on Pink Floyd.

(David Gilmour keeps my soul in a jar.)

2) Ray Toro and James on stage doing all kinda things! Guys, Ray is the bomb, diggity.

Well, it is hot as fried ass down here although my room is so cold my nips are gonna hit the screen.

I never did get a chance to recap the lat night or two of the vacation, and some really hilarious stuff happened. So hilarious that I might be able to forget the pretty much hideous ride home (blown out tire in North Carolina, me trying the entire way not to be so carsick that I blow my groceries everywhere. If I can't afford to fly the next time, I probably can't go.)

A few things I need to explain before I get to The Funny. (And remember, as I'm writing these things, they're really just for myself, so that my future self can read them and relive them some years down the road. If anyone else reads it and finds it funny or amusing or whatever, that's great, too.) So, okay, thing one is something I've mentioned before: children in this family are raised in snark. It's not an emotionally sterile ground, but sarcasm and wit are prized right up there with things like loyalty and bravery. Very few things are off-limits for joking. If you don't have a sense of humor or are wildly sensitive, you will be lost. Emotional independence is also valued. Brains above pointless sentiment. Education and actual work above FairyTale Wishes *Heartsandsparkles* Think anti-faire_damsel, if you get me. That's the way kids are raised 'round these parts, so it's no wonder to me that at 14 and 17, my two young cousins are shining examples of snarky wit. And a little vulgarity, if it's timed perfectly, is a beautiful thing.

Okay, and in order to get the joke, you'd have to remember my Gran's "Fullydildo" comment from the previous entry, and the little running gag from work that I brought with me and passed on: that whole "I'm going to punch him/her/it right in the vagina", which eventually get shortened to, "I'm going to give him/her/it such a vunch."

( LIVE AND FREAKING LET EVERYBODY LOOL. )

So there was that. Then there was my Dad driving over the speed-humps--which are just called speed-bumps out this way--too fast and my Mom trying to warn him: "Watch the speed bump ... hump..." And my Dad: "Oh, nice! Did you just call me a hump?!" Which made my Mom laugh until she couldn't breathe. I mean seriously: she LOOLed. THat was Friday night.

Friday afternoon, Spencer wanted to go to MGM one last time to see the stuff he had missed earlier. Uncle Don, Betsy, Mom and Dad went there, too. Meghan and I decided to go to Epcot instead and try to eat lunch at Mitsukoshi (yeah, right!) We walked around Epcot (it took us about a half an hour just to get in the west entrance,) I bought a few things, and we made our way around to the Japan pavillion. Mitsukoshi is reservation only, so we decided to try the little walk in place and get some miso soup. There are two doors and two counters, so we got on line. This guy comes out of nowhere and says to us, "Where did you two come from?!" I told him, "That door right there." He says, "Well this is one line, okay?! Then it branches off into two!" He was being confrontational, but I didn't want to be one of those people who I always hate, the ones who think they can just walk onto a line when everyone else has decided that they are queuing from a different place. I looked out the door and saw it was totally packed and I said to Meghan, "Huh, that's a long line, I didn't realize it was going to be all the way out the door. Ah, well." We were about to leave, but this fat schmuck wasn't done yet. ""IT'S ONE LINE, SEE?!" he bellows. So now I feel my blood pressure spike. I turn to Meghan and, in a voice as close to this guy's bellowing one that I can manage, shout, "IT'S ONE LINE! ONE! NOW MOVE BEFORE HE PUNCHES US BOTH IN THE FACE!" The guy had a look of shock before he turned away, and I actually really startled a cute Japanese boy who was sitting down next to where we were standing. He looked up, stunned, with noodles still hanging out of his mouth. Then I just started giggling. Meghan said, "Let's get out of here. This guy wants his fried food and he wants it now." HAHA! I set a terrible example for her with my impatience. But then again, maybe not. You can't let people just talk to you like that, you know?

And later, as we were leaving, I had to yell at a bunch of kids who were throwing sticks at a little mommy squirrel who was trying to get up a tree. The parents were right there watching them. Why are people so stupid? Why don't they bother to raise their children?

We all got together for dinner at Port Orleans, then decided to go over to the Magic Kingdom one last time. Mom, Spence, Meg and I made the terrible mistake of going on Splash Mountain. We got miserably soaked. Then we all decided to stay for Wishes. Spencer made up his own random lyrics, and indeed his own melody, to the dumb song. I told him that I always am disappointed when they say, "No request is too extreme," because for years it's been my most profound wish to decide who lives and who dies, and no one has ever granted that. That cracked him up, but honestly I think I used it last year, too, and he was just humoring me. ;) Spencer says he thinks that the villains should get their wishes, too, and it's discrimination.

Saturday was the usual mess of checking out and getting stuff together and blah blah blah, then into that blasted motorhome for the long haul. Ugh, just thinking about it gets me all carsick again. Spencer played FF12 most of the way home, Meghan slept a lot of the way, and I read the new Stephen King. (Don't ask me how I managed to read in the car; I think it was the desperation of boredom: I knew I had to do something to make the time pass.) At any rate, it is classic King, classic, although admittedly he is starting to repeat himself. Didn't we go into the writer/death of a spouse/haunting to solve a mystery once before? In Bag Of Bones? Regardless, I love him, and he inspires me to be a better writer. Or a writer at all, for that matter.

Now I'm back home with my Ninja Wizards (it always amazes me how it takes some time for this house to get its mana back; coming home to an empty and quiet house is so alien,) and can sleep in my own bed tonight. My fam is all at their various places doing their various things. I so rarely get to see the kids anymore that I treasure these vacations. It ocurred to me--and not for the first time--that I don't even go to Disneyworld for Disneyworld anymore (even though I do get some fun shopping done there.) I go there to spend a week with my cousins and aunt and uncle, because for one thing, there's never enough time. And for another, this entire family makes me LOOL.

Pics to follow, I think.

I have no illusions about this country, (for which I'm thankful,) and today I wore my Native Pride t shirt while I was out and about at Epcot Center. I went alone today to see if I could get some Christmas shopping done.* I went in through the west gate, and the ticket guy looked at my shirt and askes what tribe. I told him some choctaw, and some Cherokee or at least that was the rumor. He said he was from some tribe in North Carolina that I had never heard of. (He said most people hadn't heard of it, either.) Then he told me about te fabulous PowWow they do every April and that I should try to come down. So once I get home I have to check out Gathering Of Nations online and see which one it is. Kim and I have wanted to road trip to a PowWow for a long time now.

Then some British people called out "Native Girl!" when I went past. I'm not sure why they felt the need, but it wasn't malicious or anything. When I had made my way to Mitsukoshi, two very NDN looking folks, a man and woman who looked like brother and sister, raised their fists and shouted "NATIVE PRIDE!" as I went by. It was very awesome.

I did have a little politically incorrect fun when passing the American Pavillion. Just as I got there, they were doing this fife and drum routine with the people all dressed up colonial like. I looked at them, looked at the crowd starting to gather, shouted "The goddamn pilgrims are coming!" and ran like hell. It was kind of fun, but I don't think the average Disney-goer was amused.

Anyway, so I spent quite a while in Mitsukoshi which, as everyone who knows me knows, is my favorite store perhaps in the entire world. Going there sometimes feels like coming home, and leaving always feels premature.

I wandered around, finally heading on over to The Land to ask someone who worked there what these shrubs were that smelled awesome when I was there a few weeks ago. They smelled like the sweetest orange blossoms, but they weren't orange trees. I hoped they were mock orange, because I planted a bunch of them last summer. However, no one who worked there--not even the Behind The Seeds folks--knew what the hell they were. WTF?

Headed on downtown, replaced my rusted Stitch earrings, got some goodies for work and something for Chris and Tim, then back to the hotel to chill for 45 minutes before dinner, which was at Fark Pare. There we met up with the rest of the group. I kept it actually very light tonight because I knew we'd go out later for ice cream, but I was the only one.

A note about my Gran: she likes to add her own random syllables after words sometimes; it's just a habit she's always had. For example, she's diabetic, and in the morning she doesn't take her needle, she takes her needleedleedle. Anyway, as we were walking out, my Mom asked her if she was coming downtown with the rest of us for some ice cream. Gran replied, "Nah, I think I'll go home, take a shower, and rest. I'm too fullydildo." My Mom laughed just about until she had tears. Meghan commented, "I love this family. No one is right."

We went for ice cream at Ghirardellis and I had a huge Toffee Interlude Sundae, and then I, too, was fullydildo. I bought some chocolate for Laura and a gift for my folks. We wandered around the huge store for a while before heading back.

And that was this year's Thanksgiving. It was good; I was able to make a statement and have fun at the same time. ^_^

I remembered the other thing I wanted to write about. The day we were all at Epcot, Spence, Meg and I went over to Innoventions for a spell. Spencer rode a Segway, and he was so psyched about it that he left his sweater there. Thinking that he had left it at the other Innoventions, we later went back to look for it, where we were stopped by a woman telling us we had won a special evening pass to stay after closing and ride all the rides with a 15 minute wait or less, and also a special viewing spot to see Illuminations. We figured that everyone in the world had won the same thing, but later found out that it was only a few hundred. We watched the fireworks show (I do love most of this show, but they spin that damn ball for way too long,) and then afterwards we ran off to Test Track. Mom, Betsy, the kids and I all went on and it was fantastic. ("BREAKING! BREAKING! BREAKING!") Then Meg and I stopped at the ladies' room and when we came out I commented that it looked a bit dark. Dad, Betsy, Meg and I ran off to Soarin', only to find that it was out of order. We called up Mom to tell her, and she said that Universe of Energy, which the rest were going to ride, was also down. As it happens, ALL of the rides were down. The rumor from the workers was that there had been a huge blackout. Jonathan later told me that he didn't know of any lackout at all, and anyway, Disneyworld has its own electricity. (My Dad finally figured out that all the rides are probably on a timer, and they just forgot to reset it for the whole E-Night thing. Bah!) Anyway, Soarin' came back up about ten minutes before closing, so we did get one last ride on that.

Anyway, tomorrow is the last full day. This is especially freaked out, because it's the last trip before Spencer goes off to college. How the hell did that happen?





*(I didn't. I bought stuff for myself.)