(no subject)

I guess it's pretty safe to say that Grandma is really not doing very well. According to her doctor and cardiologist, she can go a few months at the most with her heart the way it is now. A month, two, three, obviously you can never really know. So as of now I'm not sure if I'm going to China because it's up in the air how long she actually has, and the last thing I'd want is to be so far away if she dies.

Last night was pretty bad. She's pretty lucid during the day but then at night she doesn't know where she is, who she's with or what year it is. And more than that, she's pissed off. She kicks, bites and screams at people. She keeps asking for Grampa, too.

I hope Gran can come home and have a last springtime here where she can see her garden without having too much pain and frustration; that's about the best I can hope.

Believe me, apart from the stress of all the hospital stuff and not knowing where I, or anyone will be a few weeks from now, I'm pretty okay. I adore my Grandma and we are so close, but knowing there's absolutely nothing you can do about it surprisingly takes some of the edge off.

I'm sure it will be different when she's gone, because I love her so much and I am so used to seeing her every day or so in her garden. But for right now I'm dealing and so is everyone else, sort of.

I'm sorry also if there are tons of typos in here because a patchof my screen s is covered up by my brightness-contrast thing which won't get off my desktop and keeps randomly resetting the monitor settings. I think I have that conficker worm thing. >_

(no subject)

I guess it's pretty safe to say that Grandma is really not doing very well. According to her doctor and cardiologist, she can go a few months at the most with her heart the way it is now. A month, two, three, obviously you can never really know. So as of now I'm not sure if I'm going to China because it's up in the air how long she actually has, and the last thing I'd want is to be so far away if she dies.

Last night was pretty bad. She's pretty lucid during the day but then at night she doesn't know where she is, who she's with or what year it is. And more than that, she's pissed off. She kicks, bites and screams at people. She keeps asking for Grampa, too.

I hope Gran can come home and have a last springtime here where she can see her garden without having too much pain and frustration; that's about the best I can hope.

Believe me, apart from the stress of all the hospital stuff and not knowing where I, or anyone will be a few weeks from now, I'm pretty okay. I adore my Grandma and we are so close, but knowing there's absolutely nothing you can do about it surprisingly takes some of the edge off.

I'm sure it will be different when she's gone, because I love her so much and I am so used to seeing her every day or so in her garden. But for right now I'm dealing and so is everyone else, sort of.

I'm sorry also if there are tons of typos in here because a patchof my screen s is covered up by my brightness-contrast thing which won't get off my desktop and keeps randomly resetting the monitor settings. I think I have that conficker worm thing. >_