Blather, rinse, repeat

God, end of year memes! You'd think I'd've been back on LJ before now, but you know. Callum takes a nap, I write. (Or, let's be real: sometimes just go on Tumblr. It's so low-effort.) But this year I gotta do the memes. It's been a big year. So, thanks for reminding me, spatterdash !




1 -What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?

THE BIG ONE! I signed with a literary agent. :) I mean yeah, that's the one thing I've always been on about in these year-end memes, right? And this year, I did! And it's been crazy fun.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I tend not to make them, IDK. It's like I always say: If I want to make a change, I'll do it when I feel like, not in January.


3 Did anyone close to you give birth?

My cousin did, although, it kills me to say it, we're not close anymore. We were the absolute best of friends. Then she moved away and she's not on FB too often, and we hardly ever talk. No one in her family even knew she was pregnant until the baby was already born. So, that makes me sad, that we are so distant now that I didn't even know she had another baby on the way.

My ex-boss also had her second child.

4- Did anyone close to you die?

My ex-boss lost her Mom suddenly a few months ago. I didn't know her Mom, but it was shocking. I'm always hesitant to answer this question, because this anxious part of me feels like it's a curse if I say “no.” I used to always say “no,” and then my Gran and Dad died so suddenly within a few months of each other. I know this has ZERO to do with reality and cause and effect, but honestly, that kind of stuff messes me up.


5- What countries did you visit?

I wish.


6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

I super lacked money in 2015. It's so cheesy to say something like this, but in almost every other way, I don't feel like I lack much. I have a beautiful family, home, a job I enjoy, and a literary agent! But my job has been really slow. We got sold and bought twice, and almost went under. This year, I'd just really like to make some money. And whether that's from just having more clients, or getting to teach some classes where I work, or a book deal? (Although, I understand that debut authors don't really get much in the way of an advance, so I'm not expecting that!) I'd just really love to have enough money to not worry, and to get a few rad things.


7. What date from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Two of them. July 2nd, the day I got my first offer from an agent. And July 14th, the day I got a second offer, from the agent I ultimately signed with. July was HUGE for me.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

See above! And not only that, but writing a whole new novel, too. I mean, I've had all these Blueshift novels for years, with prequels and sequels and side-stories and such that I always wrote and wrote and wrote, but never really did anything with. And then SCADS of fanfics, too. But then I went for it and wrote something completely different. As I was writing it, spatterdash was writing her new novel, too, and we traded critiques, sometimes even a few times a week. The experience was amazing. She kept me motivated, and I also got to read her WIP – which was so good, it made me want to be a better writer.


9. What was your biggest failure?

I didn't work out. Or dance, or really move, like, at all. I've gotten really weak and out of shape, and I'm super disappointed in myself for that.

10- Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had such a bad sinus infection or something over late summer and fall that I thought I had a brain tumor and ran off to the doctor. And my TNJ dysfunction got really bad, like so so bad there were a few weeks when I couldn't move my jaw more than a few inches. Then last week, I got COXSACKIE of all damn things and had such a swollen lymph node in my neck that it was plain gross. And these seem minor and they are, but anxiety ramps everything up to eleven.
What was the best thing you bought?

I have to say the trip to Disney. Aside from books and some work clothes, I didn't buy anything else.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

A great many of my family members. And some of the people I worked with this year, for really just hanging in there, trying to make our place beautiful and functional again.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Conservatives. And a family member, but I don't want to discuss that.

14- Where did most of your money go?

Bills, really. Paying off that vacation. And honestly, just groceries. How boring.*


15- What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Signing with my agent! And writing; boy, I got super excited about writing again. Like, really fired up in ways I hadn't been in years. That critique exchange was like a stick of dynamite to the ass.

And the Kenshin movies, oh my god. I haven't fangirled that hard in years, it was beautiful. And the new X Files coming out.

And Star Wars! Which I haven't seen yet.


16- What song will always remind you of 2015?

Uptown Funk, GOD it was everywhere, and my son loves it. And also, Take Me To Church. That sucker made me write an entire character.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?  The same, I think. I'm a happy person in general; I tend to even out.

ii. thinner or fatter?  About ten pounds fatter. :/

iii. richer or poorer?  SO MUCH POORER.


18- What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise. And LJ.




19- What do you wish you’d done less of?

Stressing about dumb things.



20. How will you be spending Christmas/New Years?

Christmas proper: First opening gifts with Callum and my Mom, then having dinner at my cousin Chrissie's house with her fam, and doing some Xmas over there. The day after that, seeing OTHER cousins Spence and Meg, also at Chrissie's house. And then Third Christmas, with all the cousins and my Mom and my high-school pal, since everyone is off work that day. New years? Nothing. Ehh.

And then after New Years, honestly, I just huddle down and wait for Spring.


Anyway, here's another one!

1- Will you be looking for a new job in 2016?


I hope not? I like my job and I really want us to be successful and stay afloat. I'll be teaching some classes, though.




2- Will you be looking for a new relationship?

Nah. Ain't nobody got time etc.



3- What will you do differently in 2016?

Dance more, I hope. Eat less, I also hope. Stress over stupid things less, if I can. Get a therapist? Definitely find a dentist.




4- What will you not be doing in 2016?

Tom Hardy, IDK. Sadly.


5- Any trips planned?

None planned, but I will probably stupidly go to Disney again.


6- What’s on your calendar?

Like, picture-wise? I always get the Llewellyn calendar, the zodiac one. I'm still really superstitious about doing important things during the void-of-course moon.


7- What can’t you wait for?

I can't wait for my book to go out on submission! But, minor things: I can't wait for X Files. I can't wait to see Star Wars. I can't wait for stupid SPRING to get here.

But in other ways, I don't want time to go too fast. Now that I have a kid, it's always a little weird saying, “I can't wait for this and that!” Because every day Callum is a little bigger, a little smarter, a little more grown up, and it's just going too fast. Getting bigger shoes for him just kills me.



8- What would you like to see happen differently?

In the world? I'd love to see people being less dickish and violent. I'd love to see some sane gun control in the world. I'd love for there to be less (or—gasp!--NO MASS SHOOTINGS!) But I think those are crazy fantasies.



9 - What about yourself will you be changing?

Hopefully I'll lose the weight and some of the stress.



10 - What happened in 2015 that you didn’t think would ever happen?

IDK, nothing, I think. I sort of always had faith that I would get an agent I loved. It's the world. Anything can happen.



11- Will you dress differently this year than you did in 2015?

Sort of? At work, we all wear black now. In the last few years, I was getting back into my colorful, swirly skirts and froofy shirts and that kind of thing. But now we wear black and that's also fine. I can't afford new clothes tbh.


12- Do you expect 2016 to be a good year for you?

It's really hard to expect anything. In some ways yes, in other ways no.


13- How much did you change from this time last year till now?

Not much, I don't think.



14- Wish for 2016?


My wish is always that no one I care for will get sick, or will die, or will be in any pain. But I'm always afraid to straight up wish for that kind of thing; it seems like asking too much.

My wish for the world is just less violence, you know? Less guns, less shouting and bloviating, less right wing conservative nonsense. I wish for a Democratic president. I don't even really f'ing care which one. I get so nervous in presidential election years.

My low-key, realistic (?) wish is to get a nice book deal. But I'm not sure how realistic that is, because we're not even done with edits yet, and I know this submission stuff can go on for ages. So while I do wish for that, I won't be sitting here holding my breath!



* ETA: Where did most of your money go? Actually, most of my money, not even kidding, went to Haku's vet bills. We're talking, like, a thousand a month sometimes, nothing left over for food - those kinds of bills. His seizures got really bad this year, and we made lots of vet visits and did lots of bloodwork and new meds. Haku is my baby, what can you do?

Today, five days after Haku blew out his other cruciate, I dropped him off at the vet's first thing in the AM. He's been hobbling around in a sling for the entire time since it happened, bones crackling and popping every time he tries to move. So gross and upsetting. He's on tramadol, which seems to really work for dulling the pain. That first night at the hospital they gave him hydrocodone, which just made him cry and wobble around all night.

So I dropped him off and his surgeon did an evaluation and gave me a call. She said she's really happy with how his other leg looks from last year, in other words, strong enough to hold him up while this one is out of commission. If this had happened six months ago, it would have been more of a challenge. Basically he's got the same exact injury on this side now (busted cruciate, with meniscus involvement and a lot of arthritis already,) but instead of trying the prosthetic and failing twice and then having to wait months and months for him to get some muscle in his leg before doing the TPLO (bone re-sectioning surgery,) they're just going straight to the TPLO. He did really well with that one last year once it was done.

The TPLO is super painful for the first few days (you're basically walking on a broken bone,) but then once it heals, it's sturdy. He was 4 feet down only weeks after that last surgery, and running on the beach again by summer. Of course, we're looking at another few months of super costly physical therapy every week. They're' giving me a discount on the surgery again (frequent client, you know.)

So that's Haku's story as of today. I hate that it happened again, but I knew it was going to. So I'm prepared for it mentally, if not financially. (Seriously, I am never going to be able to go to Japan with all these bills constantly piling up – and let's be honest here, getting to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip is the least of my worries. I don't want to lose my house.)

Oh, my car is busted too. The "check engine" light came on. Aside from that, they found that my brakes are going, and I need the "timing belt" or something replaced, which alone is like $700, apparently.

Should I even mention that all our hours at work cut cut to by, like, half? Because no one is coming in for appointments this time of year.

Well, anyway. I've just been spending my time writing, reading, and watching Torchwood. Torchwood is my new comfort show. :)

That aside, I've decided to do the holidays again this year. Last year I tried, a little, and failed at snark-decorating. Snarkorating? This year, I'm going to do like I used to. With all the stupid lights and tree, and junk like that. Because honestly, I really like the holidays, with the stupid songs and bells and all that nonsense. This is my third Christmas without Dad. Again I have to point out how strange it feels to say that, because it still feels like the first. That's something I can't explain to anyone who hasn't lost someone. I say "third holidays without Dad" and it still shocks me because it still feels like yesterday. For as much as I say that or try to explain it, I'm still not being totally clear, because you can't know until you feel it yourself. Very strange. BUT, I am still going to holiday it this year. Christmas is going to be my bitch.

Though I'm kinda pissed off because I ordered Skyward Sword for, well, for me and also for my cousins, for Xmas. Boychild can wait till Xmas because he's not, you know, clear on the release date, which was Monday. SB and Jo-chan however, are waiting to play it, and they're coming over tonight (along with my uncle for a belated TG dinner,) and I STILL DON'T HAVE SKYWARD SWORD. WTF, when you pre-order something you're supposed to get it the day it comes out, and now it's almost a goddamn week. I could have gone to mothereffing Gamestop and picked that bitch up myself.

Right, so anyway, today, Friday, is our belated TG, so that promises to be fun, at least.

And I'll update on Haku when I know more.

TINY BOOK OF TINY STORIES! What I didn't realize was that there were over 2000 entries and only the, what, 60 made it in? I had no idea. I wish I could hug the folks involved. Wirrow, Joe, everyone who did a drawing (there were 47 of them by printing! I still don't know which one he picked. :D )

For about three years I've been considering getting the Uncertainty Principle tattooed on my wrist. What stops me is that, if asked to explain it, I don't have a quick and simple phrase to sum it all up to people who know what they're talking about. Also, tattoos are forever. Also, having been in school and working in clinic, I wouldn't have time to keep it bandaged. But, I've been jonzing for it for years. It also makes me think of my Dad because his philosophy was always, "You never know. You never, ever know. And I thought, "Wow, cool, the uncertainty principle is like the cosmos's way of saying the same thing."

I think the fact that this is the first thing I've ever gotten in print is the sign I need to just effing do it! I still have to wait till I'm out of school though.

Which is next week. ^_^

That was the first awesome thing I want to cover. What I'm really journaling about today is the fact that this week has been made of so much awesome that I'm starting to get paranoid, which, yes, I realize how foolish and fatalistic that is. And I kinda semi halfway feel like maybe it's time for some awesome and I should view all of this with just unquestioning happiness rather than with trepidation.

Gift from the Universe 2: Kung Fu last night. First, I sparred with Te Ji Nan before black belt class. I haven't sparred in months, and I missed it ridiculously. We were just doing light contact and not even really connecting with the kicks, but it was twenty minutes of bouncing around and throwing techniques and I felt awesome after we were done. And then in black belt club, we're doing staff basics. So we did this really awesome line drill for about fifteen minutes, and then we paired up to do a two-person staff drill. I paired with Lady Chrysanthemum. The drill was a circular one, largely about stances and staff position, and we did it for about fifteen minutes, ceaselessly. There came a point at about the ¾ mark where the whole class was kind of in the same rhythm and the sound of the many staffs hitting each other was making the walls reverberate. It became sort of trancy and entirely awesome. At the end of it, Chrysanthemum said, "There were a few minutes in there when I felt like I was at a monastery in Toisan."

It was one of those classes that I can't get enough of. And next week, we're doing staff again and then after that, broadsword drills! I can hardly wait!

Gift from the universe 3: Today in clinic it was really, really slow. Lots of people canceled, for whatever reason. This meant that I got to have a treatment. Whenever two people are free, I get treatments by default because I'm the only one there who does five shifts in one day. Also, my supervisor is awesome. I've mentioned him before, he's one of those really smart geeks who likes tons of cool stuff and is easy to talk to. I actually like both my supervisors and I have to admit that I'm going to miss them.

Gift from the universe 4: All of my finals are done, forever. I got a 90 on the written and a 95 on the practical. I wasn't entirely happy with the 90, but it's over, so what can you do. The best part was sitting in the hallway studying with a group of fun and amusing classmates, who I now realize I'm also going to miss. Well, that's what Facebook is for! While I was studying with this one lass who I've known for about a year or so, some random lady came down the hallway and told us that she would pray to Jesus that we would pass our tests, and that if we forgot any of the answers, he would come down and illuminate them for us. We both thanked her (she was being really nice,) and then after she left, we kinda looked at each other and went, "Well... I'm about the least religious person in the world, so... LOL" and agreed that having Jesus tell us the answers would be cheating. Then we made some inappropriate jokes and laughed ourselves into hysteria. It was a really fun way to end that one class.

Gift form the universe 5: Today was my last day working with my pathology client, The Professor. Next friday is my last day overall, but he'll be on a trip then so I won't get to see him. He gave me a box of holiday chocolates, but that wasn't the actual gift. It really was that he thanked me for making him feel better. He said that he could move without pain for the first time in years, and that he dreaded being without treatments for so long. He told my supervisor that he'd been coming to the clinic for three years and no one had ever managed to get rid of the pain until we started treatments, and asked, "Isn't there a way you could keep her here?" I said, "Well, he could fail me!" Which, OMG, EFFING NO. :) At the end of the session he asked for my contact info and said he will hire me (and recommend me to others) once I am licensed. So, he's already giving me a client list. The chocolates and the future business are both really, really awesome, but it was being thanked that really made me go ^________^ .

Gift from the universe 6: My Mom got a job that she really, really likes.

And that's kind of just the big stuff. This week, there was tons of general awesomeness like sharing jokes with my cousins, seeing great movies with my best friends, losing a couple of pounds from thanksgiving, listening to awesome music and such.

So I'm just going to take this for what it is, which is just an awesome week, and maybe it will continue into further awesomeness.

I've been vacillating about getting a tree and doing solstice / holidayish decorations. It would be the first time I acknowledged the holidays since losing Dad and Gran and I really, really go back and forth on how I feel about doing that this year. I realize that you just can't quit being joyful forever, and also Dad would hate that.

Plus, I've been getting all these pressies so maybe I should get a tree.

Think I will get that tattoo, also. Maybe it's a sign. ^_^