We got some bad news yesterday. I took Sano to the vet because he seemed a bit off, and a quick, in-house ultrasound scan revealed a splenic mass. It’s probably not benign. It’s still small and doesn’t seem to have spread, but these usually do, within a few months.

Sano is almost fifteen, and with surgery, a mass like this would return in about three months anyway. The vet said we could do a more thorough ultrasound for $400, but A. it won’t really reveal anything we don’t already know and B. I don’t have $400, because Haku’s $8000 surgery is still nowhere near paid off. The only way to know for sure what it is is to do surgery.

So with surgery a few months, and without surgery a few months. Honestly surgery seems like the stupidest idea at this point.

What we can do is some treatments, like TCM and palliative care, to maybe slow it down. Tumors like this generally aren’t painful. He doesn’t feel it and isn’t uncomfortable. 

2016 is just awful.

When I started writing this, it was still March 10th. Ugh how is it past midnight. I'm going to have to go to bed and finish this tomorrow.

I'm having a moment, because my FB memories came up today and showed that it was this day in 2009 that Haku had his first surgery. And of course it was, because he had that first seizure around March 8th, the day my Gran started to go downhill really fast. I remember that day—that minute—so clearly because, looking back, it seems like my entire life split into two sections the moment Haku jumped up and had that first seizure. Then he went into the hospital. Then Gran went into the hospital and then she died in April. And then my Dad died in August.

And I've been reading all of my old LJ entries from that Spring and Summer, trying to see if there were any signs, or if I had any intuitions that would have told me just how drastically things were going to change. And the disturbing thing is, I feel like I did. Because a few times I wrote “I wonder what will be different this time next year” and “I wonder who will be new to me and who will be gone (no one, I hope!)” or variations on those themes.

And that day started the entire Trauma Conga Line, where everyone in the family was like, “Okay, enough – that really has got to be the end of the bad stuff, right?” And it wasn't, and then my Dad died.

So, now Lao Shir has died, and Haku had surgery on the same exact day that he did in '09, and I am sitting here losing my mind thinking, “This is how it starts.” I can't stop imagining that, a few years down the road I'll be reading this entry, tsk'ing over my clueless past self who had no idea how bad it was going to get.

Doesn't that sound neurotic? It does, but here's something I wrote shortly after my Dad died:

It's real hard going back and reading journal entries from even just a few weeks ago, harder to read the ones from a month ago. I can hardly fathom that I was happy back then; that I had no clue whatsoever what was right around the corner. Still sad for losing Gran, I was also getting on with it, doing my schoolwork, excited about writing, getting ready to go to China, doing Hula shows with my friends and having a spectacular summer.

I always knew—and feared—that life turns on a dime. But knowing something is entirely different from living it. When you live it, you come to see the world differently; someplace that is not safe, where the worst possible scenario is indeed around every corner and behind every door. You start to expect nothing less. I sort of knew it ten years ago when Grampa died suddenly and with no warning, and I always dreaded it ever happening again, but this illogical part of me thought, “Well, that already happened once. What are the chances?” I thought that the fears I always had that every phone call, every noise, every slamming door was the worst thing I could imagine were irrational fears and I was neurotic. But I wasn't neurotic; I was correct.

“I wasn't neurotic, I was correct.” That's how I feel now, like I'm right, and it just has to keep getting worse, until something unthinkable happens. There's that part of me that's like, “Well, now that I've put it out there, it can't, right?” And the other part that says, “OMG, now I've put it out there, that's like inviting it.” There's the rational part that says, “Don't be a twit, you literally have no control over anything,” but the rest of my brain tells that zen bitch to take every seat in the house, because that's exactly the problem.

(Of note: I realized while peeing today that my novel is pretty much about this fear. Main Character is so much of a fearful f'ing control freak that he can't accept that some things are out of his hands. He takes it to the extreme and changes things on a like, 4th dimension level because he has lost the ability to can when it comes to reality and death. Oh my god. he is my fantasy of my most fearful and most powerful self. Jeez.)

And yes, I know that I should probably be talking to someone about this, you know, someone who is not LJ and who is a professional, but the one therapist I contacted, though she seemed nice, worked out of a clinic that got into huge trouble because the main doctor was dealing drugs out of there, so. And like, what is a therapist going to tell me that I don't already know? It's not in my control. The intrusive thoughts aren't rational. Blah dicker blah. But are they really irrational? Because past experience says “No, you're on the right track here, and terrible things are about to happen.”

What also sucks is that I feel like I'm short-changing Lao Shir out of the mourning she deserves, because I'm too busy being afraid of how much worse things are going to get, that it's overshadowing how much I actually miss her. Right before she died, we were FB messaging about how we were going to get together for lunch once she was out of the hospital. I asked if I could send her anything: books, music, a gift card for some movies she could watch on her phone. But she said that, with all the tests she was having, she hardly had time to read or watch anything. But that she would love some flowers. So I sent her flowers, the kind you can take home and plant. (They got lost in the mix and she never got them.) A few days before she died, I sent her a link to the “Girl On Fire” video because, I said, it made me think of her. She never answered and I started to worry.

I had called Gold Dragon to tell him she was in the hospital (he's not on FB) and he kept saying, “It's terrible she's in the hospital, but remember, she's the strongest person we know. She's beaten everything else, and she'll beat this, too.” When I called him to tell him she had passed, he was honestly thunderstruck. And angry. He really thought she was coming home. We all did.

One time, Gold Dragon and I were talking about Lao Shir, one of those times when the cancer had returned, and he had just seen her for lunch a few weeks before. He said he knew she was going to beat it again, because, “it's the light in her eyes, or something about how they shine. Her eyes are really bright.” That really stuck with me. I told her, next time I saw her, of his comment, and she was so pleased. After that, we called her Alohilani: Heavenly Light. She thought that was delightful.

And now we're talking about what to wear to her memorial, since we're going together, and maybe Empress too – should we wear our Kung Fu clothes to honor her? Should we be formal? Do we bring food, who else will be there, who else will show up in Kung Fu clothes, do we bow like in class? Or what? And it boggles my mind—and my heart—that we have to consider these things now. She was supposed to come home. She was going to go back to teaching T'ai Chi.

This was maybe coming for a long time. She had multiple myeloma, diagnosed ten years ago. Usually with that, you get about a year, maybe two. She got ten. But in those ten years, I think we all thought, “Obviously she keeps winning the battle.” It was heart failure, though, this time. At 60, so, you know: very young.

* * *

Okay so I wrote that last night, and I'm trying to see if, by the light of day, this looks any different. Kind of, maybe. Like, rationally, I realize that Haku has actually had 8 surgeries, and only one of them (the one on March 10th) was followed by that entire “life falling apart / death and mourning” year. All the other ones were just bank-breaking. Thinking of it that way really doesn't make the anxiety up and quit, but it takes the edge off, I guess. I'm always, always worried about losing my Mom. And since having Callum, thinking of that kind of thing is a place I really bar myself from going. My brain kind of can't – but it always lurks there like background radiation. For any parent, I guess.

I know that Haku doesn't have a long time after something like this. I visited him today and talked to one of the vets. While all the others were like, “Well, let's wait to see the biopsy,” she said, “Yeah, we're pretty sure it's cancer.” It remains to be seen if it's the really aggressive kind that only gives you a few more months, or if it's the slower kind. It's so obvious to me that it started last July. I kept bringing him to the vets every month, but his blood tests were consistently awesome and no one could feel anything in there. Except me; I felt it all the time, every time I pet him. No one else did, though.

And Sano is 15 ½. So like, I get it; I know my dogs won't be around forever or even for a few more years. That time of not having to think about it is over.

So I don't know, this whole thing has me so anxious and depressed. I'm reading back through all of my 2009 entries, when Haku and Sano got sick, and Gran died, and my Dad died, and my one brother got sick and my uncle died and then my other brother got cancer (but he's better now.) (Although, sadly we don't really talk anymore.) And I just kept saying, “I wish something good would happen!”

And like, so many good things did happen, and it's not like I didn't notice them. I mean, HUGE things happened, like Callum, and getting an agent that I like; things I've wanted since forever have happened in the last 3 years. So I'm not ungrateful, I just wish I could kill this anxiety that the worst possible thing is around every corner.

Another thing I keep noticing in those entries is how much Kung Fu helped me. Like, so much. Kept me sane on some days. I miss it unbearably, and nothing has come along to take its place. (And I can't afford to join any program either, anyway, so.) I mean, I miss my KF family and I really wish it could be like that again, all of those people I loved and still love (and still see, semi-regularly, too. But we're not together 2 times a week, like we were.) It's not like i'm the only one who left the kwoon, and I can just go back, even if I could afford it. Everyone left. There's no one left there out of our group. I keep telling Gold Dragon, “Please decide to teach Kung Fu, please open a school!” only half joking. But, you know, real life.

Whew, what an entry. I hate that I just dumped all of this out. This is not what I wanted for my LJ, so much angst.

And as usual, I really should wrap this up because it's about time for Callum to get up. Well, 3:30 or 3:45 or so, but I still have a few things to do while he's sleeping.

So yeah, sorry for popping on randomly and spilling nothing but neuroses!

TREE FROGS. I heard the tree frogs tonight, and you know what that means. Spring! Actual spring, like with warm weather on the way. Tree frogs know what's up. If they're out there peeping their peeps, then it's about to get a smidge, a tad, possibly a mite warmer up this bitch.

Today was exciting: In the 90 minutes that my Callum napped, I entered #PitchSlam on Twitter (maybe win some more critiques?) and sent off the query/synopsis/10 pages to agent Connor Goldsmith, for the critique I won from him, too.

GIVE ME ALL THE CRITIQUES.

Then I did my poem-every-day entry on HitRECord. Gah, why did I take on National Poetry Month again? I knew it was going to be a crunch. And it is; it’s so crunchy right now.

Today’s poem sucked a monkey testicle because I only had about twenty minutes to bang it out. That's the thing about the 30 day poetry challenge, because I did it last year, too. Most of them are pretty awful. But, out of thirty, I get 4 or 5 good ones that I really like. So I guess it's worth it.

Yesterday I took the dogs to the vet for their yearly checkup. What a big production this is now that I have a toddler. Just getting everyone from the car to the office is a circus act. But both dogs were good, and Callum was good, too. He was actually really nervous, so he sat on my lap the whole time, watching the dogs getting their exams and looking really worried about it. “'Amo? 'Aku?” I tried showing him that the dogs were being so good, they weren't crying or anything (because Callum FREAKS OUT as soon as he sees the nurse or doctor, because he knows that shots are coming. :/ )

But anyway, Haku's heart murmur was about the same – no worse, which is really good news, and the doc said that his heart rate was nice and slow, a sign of good health. Sano is a bit deaf (which I knew,) but his eyes and cognitive function are awesome for a dog his age. The only real problem is his worsening arthritis, and mostly in that front leg where the dog bit him about twelve years ago (and Dr. Dickwhistle / ex boss said not to x ray it, so we didn't know until years later that it had actually been broken. I swear, that man has such bad karma coming his way.)

Well, I wanted to put Sano on some mild anti inflammatory so that he can get up the stairs with more ease, and start going on walks again, but we had to do the bloodwork to make sure his liver could handle it. And, then the general, yearly bloodwork, to check Haku's one kidney, and Sano's platelets.

Today the vet called and things are looking good for both (*KNOCK ON WOOD*) Haku's kidney values are actually improved from last year. His liver value is high because of the phenobarb/other seizure meds, but significantly lower than it should be. Vet said that whatever I'm doing is working, and to keep doing it. (For those wondering: the secret is milk thistle every day. Both dogs get it in a high dose. Also, vit. C, CoQ10, coconut oil pills, and MSM/Glucosamine.)

What a load off. I stress about it every year. But that really made my day.

I have work tomorrow, an early day. A 90 minute treatment and then staying on for a bit to train the new Saturday receptionist. Then home to write my 4th poem, and who knows, maybe even get a quick look at the new novel I'm writing. (Wrote. Still writing. IDK. It's a dripping mess but I fell in love with my cast, so that's a good sign.)

One thing I keep meaning to add because I don't want to forget it. Callum is obsessed with the mail truck; he has to watch it go by every day, and he has to yell and scream about how exciting it is. Today, we were even outside with the dogs when he saw it go by, so he was yelling at the top of his lungs. The only thing is, he calls the mail truck the “whale-cock” and I just think that's brilliant. I'm not even going to correct him.

I'm writing this quick update on yet another new laptop. Like I mentioned, my Mac is dying a protracted, painful death, so I had been using the little Toshiba I got last year. Well, during our family Xmas celebration on the 26th, I stupidly put the damn thing on top of Mom's freezer to make some room. My cousin didn't see it up there, opened the freezer to put in some ice cream she'd bought, and CRASH went the laptop, breaking it entirely. 100% my fault for putting it up there. Lucky thing it didn't land on her head. I still feel really bad about it.

The holidays were good this year, though. I'm a little sad that I forgot to do my annual “end-of-year” memes on LJ. I'm sad, actually, that I haven't been on LJ a lot. In fact, honestly, I'm sad that LJ in general is just about done and that everyone has moved to Tumblr. Even me. I still feel faithful to LJ even if I'm not on it often.

But yeah, Christmas was good. We had a lot of people over, and we bought those cracker things you see on Doctor Who all the time, and everyone got stupid prizes and a crown to wear. To me, it was awesome. It was all a bit much for CJ, who has started to have this separation anxiety and stranger danger kind of thing. He's still in that phase, too. He only wants Mommy and Grandma and sometimes Jo-chan. Everyone else scares him if they get too close.

Speaking of, I took both dogs to the vet yesterday for their blood work and checkup. It was just me, the two dogs, and CJ. I was just trying to keep them all in one place while we waited. It wasn't so bad until this bratty kid, maybe around 3 or 4 years old or something, came up to us and started bothering Haku first. I told him to stop, that Haku would bite him. He asked if he could pet Sano and I said okay (Sano really loves kids,) but don't get near his face. Then the bratty kid went up to the carseat and peeked in. “Is that your baby?” I told him yes, and then took CJ out of the carseat, because I didn't want Bratty Kid to start touching him. Once he was out, Bratty Kid started getting in CJ's face and growling and barking at him.

WTF. So I said, “Where's your mother?” really loud. Finally his mom came over and dragged him away, Bratty Kid screaming and hollering all the way. Then he frigging CAME BACK and started doing the same thing again. I looked Bratty Kid in the eye and said, “My dog is going to bite you if you keep doing that to the baby.” Once again, his mom came over and pulled him away, promising him candy if he would behave.

I sat there thinking, “Please don't ever let me be that negligent Mom of a bratty kid who bullies little babies.” I know toddlers are pre-rational, but there was something up with that kid the way he was acting so mean. And with her making promises of candy to get him to stop... I dunno, I realize I'm not there yet and there's no telling what CJ is going to be like so maybe I shouldn't judge. I just know that if he started picking on babies and getting into strange dogs' faces, we'd be having some serious talks.

Anyway, the good news is that both dogs look really good. I got the blood test results today. Sano's blood is perfect! (*knock wood*) His arthritis is getting pretty bad and the lipomas on his sides are getting big. But his insides are all good. Haku's liver value is up from last year, by about 100 points (up to 317 she said) but it's not a significant increase for a dog on so many meds. She said that she's seen dogs his age with higher values than that, who aren't on meds. And his chloride is actually down from last year!

I'm not clear on the chloride. We think it's related to the potassium bromide he's on, but she mentioned that it had to do with the potassium-sodium pumps and my brain went “Oh well that's cell biology, the exchange of potassium and sodium via the pump inside each cell, doesn't that have something to do with action potential or something something it's been a long time since A&P...” and I started to wonder if maybe it was related to epilepsy. He was having lots of seizures last year and his chloride was high. This year it's lower, and—I feel like I'm jinxing this just by writing about it—he hasn't had a seizure in 4 months. FOUR MONTHS. That's a record. And I have no idea why. But maybe the chloride level is related to seizure activity. It's worth a google, which is what I'll do once I'm done typing this.

So, I started this entry this morning, then CJ woke up and we drove to the north fork to visit my boss at work, just for a social sort of thing. There was a horrific accident this morning. One of my cousin's friends lost her life in it. Nothing more terrifying than these random accidents. Can't stop thinking about it. It was about a mile from my house. So we were able to get out of town without any issues, but coming back, there were detours on the main road to my road. They said they'd have it all gone by noon. We came back at 1 and the detours were still in place. So they made me go all the way to Hampton Bays to go around... And of course, there was another detour on the other side. I pulled over to the shoulder of the road, opened the door and asked the cop, “I live just up the road. How do I get home?” He just stood in the road yelling at me that it wasn't his problem the roads were closed, and to go the other way. I said “Well, that side is closed too. I have to get my baby home.” By this time CJ was way late for lunch and his nap and he was crying. The cop was super douchey and just stood there yelling about how it wasn't his problem. PROTECT AND SERVE, BRO. So I yelled back, “YOU'RE THE OPPOSITE OF HELPFUL!” and slammed the door shut while he was still ranting about how none of this was his problem. Then, instead of collecting my wits, I yelled, “This is so stupid and it's made me REALLY ANGRY.” I looked into the backseat to check on CJ and I saw his little lip wibble, and then he just busted out with a full-hearted cry. And, oh man, he cried and cried for the next half hour that it took us to get back to the other detour.

The cops on that side were nice; when I told them I lived on this road they let me go through. Why couldn't the other cop do that? No idea. Baby cried—wailed, really—all the way home. And I know it was because he knew I was upset.

So we got home to a late lunch and a late nap. But. We got home to a late lunch and a late nap. We were inconvenienced and the cop was a bag of dicks and CJ was hungry and tired and I was angry. But we got home. And the people in the car accident didn't. Even when I'm pissed off and nervous, I am still thankful every single day. Though, I should probably not have shown my anger and frustration, because it really upset the baby.

Well, anyway. He's asleep on my lap now and, I don't know, maybe I'll read a short fic or something before he wakes up.

Oh yeah, and one more thing! Anyone who gets Pivot TV should watch the new HitRECord show. I'm going to be in two episodes of it. :D Yay! And I'm on the Don Jon DVD briefly, too! Buy it, so that I get paid! ;)

And be thankful every day!

Addendum: I just read my last entry re: ancestry.com where I was looking for the Plantagenets. And guess what! A few branches over, there they were! Henry II and Eleanor of Aquitaine are my 28th great grandparents. :D WOW!

Today is such a gorgeous day. LIke Bob Marley said, “Sun is shining, weather is sweet.” I took the dogs to the beach for a long walk, and I’ve been outside setting up bird feeders and putting my tropicals out for the season, scrubbing bird baths, re-arranging things, etc. just to be outdoors. Everything is so green and lush, and it smells like the ocean and apple blossoms.

The latest Hyperbole and a Half  gives people a really intense look into what depression feels like. Reading it has made me so grateful that I’m able to enjoy days like today, and more understanding of people who can’t.

So, here's how the rest of my week went. I finished up my last (so far) day of work. I don't plan to take too much time off, because I honestly can't even afford to, so I only hope the clinic will still be there when I get back.

Then I had a doctor appointment, which are once a week now; kind of a pain. I had a different doctor, some dude, whom friends assured me was very chill. He was nice, really; looked at the birth plan I'd written up and agreed with everything on it, etc.

But here's what happened: he was running an hour late. The nurse who weighed me was pissy and in a huge rush. She didn't wait for the scale to stop tipping and she wrote down that I had lost two pounds. (Maybe I'd lost one, or just hadn't gained. Which is totally normal.) But then the doctor saw it, and he thought I measured too small, didn't look right or whatever. So he made me go back for another ultrasound 4 days later. I pretty much had a feeling nothing was wrong and they were just being stupid about it and trying to get some more money, but of course, you worry about things like this anyway.

But, I went back Tuesday and had yet another different doctor who was like, "Umm, why are you here?" Even the u/s lady was all "Everything is perfectly normal, what is the meaning of this?"

So now I'm super annoyed and I hope I don't get this doctor for delivery, because he seems to be an alarmist.

They also keep pestering me to get internal exams every week. (Sorry, TMI.) I keep declining. I think you only need maybe one, before the due date. They were really insistent and totally confused about why I was turning it down. The nurse was literally like "You're really not doing it? I mean... your pants are staying on?" YES, FFS. They were so insistent about getting all up in my puanani that I began seriously to suspect their motives. >_> Back away from the vagina, people.

(A few years ago, Jo-chan and I were trying to come up with some way to invent one of those spring-loaded boxing gloves that you could stick between your legs during an OBGYN exam. It would have a trigger or something that you could pull when the doctor went down there for a look. IDK, I still think that's hilarious.)

But enough about my crotch.

I was supposed to have new windows by now, but contractors across-the-board suck. I'm sorry to any contractors who don't. I don't believe in you; you're like Santa Claus. Not that I can actually afford new windows, but the ones in my bedroom (which is going to be the baby's room) are cracked. Like seriously cracked, completely broken, ice on the inside of the windowsill, black mold building up, can't-get-room-above-50-in-the-winter kind of broken. My Mom actually put it on her credit card, tbh, paying like 50 bucks a month. Anyway, originally they were going to put a rush on it and get it done in the beginning of May, but, contractors, you know. "Beginning of May" means "end of June, maybe."

Oh, here's another thing. I have Havoc outside today. It's not his first time outdoors (I've dragged his entire cage outside a few times, to get him some sun, even though this totally panics him,) but it is his first time in the aviary. I figured, I'm not using it for a while, let's see if he can stand it out there. And honestly, he's been screaming so completely non-stop lately, I have no idea what's causing it but it's driving me insane. Today when I took the dogs to the beach he screamed so loud and so long that I could hear him from my car, down the block. O_O

So, I put him outside and set him up with a bath, perches, food, peanuts, and a toy. He was hysterical for about five minutes until he discovered his water bowl. Then he had a drink, got on a perch, and chilled out. He's nice and quiet now and I am a much calmer person without him screeching the way he has been. I think I'll put him out during the day, and bring him in at night. (He could stay out at night since I fixed the aviary all secure, but IDK, I'd probably be too nervous.)

Oh, and I had Sano's bloodtest done again this month. Once again, everything is normal. (*knock on wood!*) This is the first time in years he's had platelets in the spring. Haku is still having seizures on his new meds, so it's not a totally perfect situation, but Sano not being on pred is totally new. The only thing I did differently this year was give him coconut oil with his dinner, because I read some anecdotal stuff from people with ITP saying that it had worked for them. Very odd. I even started cutting down on his SUPER EXPENSIVE Chinese Medicine pills. Maybe I can get to the point of filling them every 40 days instead of every 20, saving over $100 a month. Let's hope.

As for the rest of today, maybe I'll do a little writing, maybe some recording for HitRECord, maybe some laundry. I've already had the dogs to the beach this morning for a nice long walk, and done lots of outdoorsy work and now my hips are aching again. Well anyway, won't be long now!

Sun is shining, weather is sweet. :)

So this is bizarre and I hate when this happens. I went to the store today with the dogs, to pick up their food. (What should have been a 7 minute drive each way turned into 40 minutes each way b/c of poorly planned roadwork, ugh.) Anyway, there was a woman behind the counter, and I KNOW that I know her, right? Totally familiar. I just can't think of where, because she's all out of context. Meanwhile, she's like "Hey Jules, how are you? Still doing massages?" Etc. She helped me carry the dogfood out and was like, "Oh, Sano and Haku, you guys must remember me, because you're not barking!"

So I can only imagine she's someone from any of the many vets that my dogs go to? Maybe? But I can't place her and I cannot think of her name! It's kind of right on the tip of my brain who she is, too. BLEH, so awkward.

Poor face recognition is a part of the learning disability dyscalculia, but honestly, how do you even start to explain that to someone?

Anyway, after that, we went to the park for our usual 20 minute walk by the pond. It was warm enough today to go without a coat. But both dogs—especially Haku though—were really lagging. Haku was really tired and I started to think his legs were hurting. It's weird, because this is the same walk we've done all winter and he's always been the one pulling me along, trying to get me to go faster. The last two times, when it was warm, he was just dragging behind. I think he might have done that last Spring, too?

Well, today I have a ton of stuff to do, like mad amounts of laundry, clean the fish tank, change the lightbulb in there, and maybe move some baby things from one room to another. Hopefully I'll have some time to get some writing done, too, and if so, I won't spend it looking at pictures of Tom Hardy.

Had my checkup today. It's six months! Wow! I got to see a midwife instead of the doctor.

I put on another 3 pounds, which gets me to 6 pounds above my normal, pre-pregnancy weight. But she wasn't worried, she didn't think I was underweight or anything. We discussed childbirth preferences and things like eclampsia, which she said was more of a risk at my age. Then she took my blood pressure, laughed, and said "You're not at risk." (BP 90/60.) We talked about having the least amount of intervention, and we discussed a doctor there that I don't want to see, or want delivering my baby when the time comes. (I know it's a matter of whoever is on call, and you get what you get, but girls around town call this guy "The Butcher" and I don't want him near me.)

I have a client (massage,) a young boy of 14 who has severe cerebral palsy - can't walk, communicate, bend at the waist, or swallow food. In researching how best to treat him, I saw that CP usually begins with trauma during childbirth. This made me totally panic, and we discussed that, too. (In other words, I don't want people to go yanking him out of me for godsakes.)

My BG test is in 2 weeks. They sent me home with the red drink and instructions. And a ton of paperwork to fill out for the hospital. I was like "Aren't we jumping the gun a little? It's still 3 and a half months away!" And they said, "Trust me, it's better to get this done now." 

Then I went and bought some spackle and paint for the new room. ^_^

Of course, I had to fight the rain storm and leftovers from the blizzard to get there, but all in all, it was pretty good!

Now, it's time to actually get started on that room. I can't paint it myself or tear up the rug, but everything after that, I can do. So I need to build some shelves (which I can't wait to do; I love power tools,) and move this, that and the other thing around.

I really want to still have time to write this dumbass story I'm working on, and write and record a bunch more things for HitRECord.

In the middle of this month, the clinic is closing for two weeks because my boss is going away on vacation. I still have a few clients that I'll go in to see, and I can book a few for myself as well if I have to, but for the most part, it's going to be extremely slow, starting at the middle of this month. So I won't be making a lot of money, but I will have some time to do this and that.

I really have to stop saying "this and that," because it's a really bad verbal habit.

Also, I have to see what to do about Haku's meds, and it's almost time for Sano's platelet check, too. It's nearly the time of year when his platelets crash. :/ Then he has to go back on pred. God, I hate that. I hate that they're both on so damn much medicine all the time and I'm constantly getting their liver and kidney values checked, and stressing when they come back a little higher every year.

Oh, I started watching that Merlin show, too. It's kind of cute. The boy who plays Merlin was in Doctor Who – one of the creepiest episodes ever, in fact, "Midnight."

More in a locked post.

On a whim, I had Sano's bloodwork done yesterday. Genius Vet and I spoke about it last spring, checking him in the fall to see if his platelets gradually declined, or just crashed in the spring.

Well, everything is fine and his platelets are high, so it's a "crash in the spring" thing. It's just, no one knows why. The other vet I spoke to today said that they're trying melotonin with ITP and having a lot of success with that. Come springtime, I'll look into that.

But right now, Spring seems so far off.

I know I haven't made many (public) updates recently, but I do like to keep track of these things. Come the next few weeks, I'll make more updates. :D

I've been doing lots of yardwork this year on my days off. This is the first year since Dad that I've actually made an effort to make things nice again out there. I kind of had a block against it for a while – I guess because Dad would always lend me the gardening tools, help me set things up, stuff like that. But this year, maybe it's a combination of having a little pool again, and of things having looked like total hell for the last few years (and the broken aviary, stuff like that,) that's making me want to tidy up and Have Nice Things again.

( Here are some springtime photos: )

As you can see, both dogs are up and running again (*knock on wood!*)

Last night at Kung Fu, we did some staff drills. The *clack clack clack* sound of the staffs hitting against each other is pleasing. I know it's a martial art, but it sounds friendly. I was partnering with Snarklit.



Empress came hobbling on by (she sprained her ankle) and the three of us started talking about maybe doing a group outing or something, going for lunch and kayaking when Lady Chrysanthemum gets back.

Apart from that, there is some stuff going on in other aspects of life which I will eventually need to address in some locked posts.

Meanwhile, here are some phrases that people searched when they found this LJ:

tricks to a great fa'arapu - Keep your feet super close together. Bend your knees. When walking, go up on your toes. PRACTICE. :)

she looked at him again and smiled as she undid the buttons of his shirt. he felt her doughy fingers on him - Hmm, that is a part of my ms that I posted for a meme that a literary agent sent around. That was fun, but who is googling my phrase? O_O

who is the father of kaumakaiwa kanakaole - Kaipo Frias? I think?

silmaryn for dogs - It's good stuff, but expensive if you get it from the vet. I'm not sure where else to get it, BUT, if the liver problem is not acute, then straight up milk thistle can help. :)

i'm stuck in my bra - O_O I'm sorry to hear that. This happened to me once, when I had to wear a halter heart monitor.

hypochondria als ms fears - I went through this recently. If you want to talk, send me a message. :)

how long does milk thistle take to work - That depends on what the issue is, the severity, your age, size, and the dose. But often you can get results in a few weeks.

sifu sihing sije - Your training instructor (translates to "uncle," actually,) your elder training brother, and your elder training sister.

ewan mcgregor pillow penis - I'd sleep on it!

hesher std - I thought so, too!

"illusionary crime against sephiroth" - I always liked how Cloud was the only one who acknowledged that Sephiroth was actually a victim, as well as a villain.

why does my cornea peel - Maybe your eyes are dry?

Anyway, I hope at least a few of you found what you were looking for. That's nice when that happens, isn't it?

Haku had another seizure at 6:45 this morning. WHich, he hasn't had a cluster like this since two Augusts ago, I think.

There's kind of this "perfect storm" of reasons that I'm thinking of, which I just ran past Genius Vet. First of all, he did spit a pill the other day - maybe he spit another one and I never found it.

Also, it's the equinox today, so in terms of western science, electromagnetic polarities, stuff like that. This is weird: usually he falls onto his right side when he has a seizure. Both these last times, he fell onto his left, which is weird.

Or, allergies.

In Chinese medicine, Spring is the time of the liver, and wind. Seizures are considered "liver wind" in TCM. As soon as I called Genius Vet she was like, "Springtime, right? Liver wind!" I said, "yeah, and on the equinox" and she was like, "Oh, is that today? Wow, I just got chills." (She's really awesome, and really into what she does.)

At any rate, if he has a third one today, he's probably going to have to stay at the vets to make sure he's okay. And Saturday I'm going ot have to have his phenobarb levels tested again. If he keeps clustering, it might be time to raise the PB again, which I've been holding off on doing for about a year and a half. :/

ETA: Also, this started the day he went to the vet and had his rabies vaccine for the first time in years.