la_belle_laide: (floating woman)



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Last time I wrote, I mentioned that I had a case of Baby Blues for a few weeks after Callum was born. (It's not PPD unless it starts to go past 6 weeks. It didn't.) I still get a little blue around 6 PM or so; not sure why. Never did before. Maybe it's because that's about when I'd start leaving to go to Kung Fu?

Here's a weird thing I didn't mention. Okay, so I gave my bedroom to Callum, but I'm still sleeping in there. But it's definitely a nursery, with his stuff instead of mine. All of my bedroom stuff (except my bed, which he'll eventually get,) is in the new room. So it's a really nice nursery, bright and airy and happy looking and whatnot, with mobiles and interesting toys and such.

Yet when I go in there before my shower to make up his crib for the night, and get everything set up for (non)sleep time, I end up getting the weirdest feeling. It's like a kind of future nostalgia; that's what I call it. I feel like I'm already this ancient, old woman, like a hundred years old, somewhere in a retirement home or something like that, thinking back to the days when I was a brand new mother. And I'm remembering making up his bed at dusk, with the summer wind blowing the curtains, and the western sun coming in through the window. I'm this old woman somewhere unfamiliar, and Callum is grown with kids of his own, and all of this has already happened. Everyone I know now is gone, and all the Disney trips and other traveling, all the school years and graduations, new cars, weddings and funerals and joys and tragedies are all done, and I'm just looking back on it, maybe thinking "It seemed hard at the time, but I wish I could go back."

I have the clearest memory of his nursery - as I'm in it. It's not deja vu in that I don't have that peculiar "I've done this before and I know what comes next" feeling. It's actually kind of weirder than that.

Okay, so moms? Or anyone else? You don't have to be a mom to have bizarre feelings, that's for sure! What even is up with that?

Oh, last night I had a visit from my best friend, Glassworker. I was so happy to see her and hang out with her again – but, again, it was so damn strange. My Mom took Callum for about 2 hours so that we could hang out and watch some Dexter, chat and catch up and everything. Exactly like we always used to do, so it was awesome that we haven't changed, and our friendship hasn't changed, and some things are constant like that. BUT, of course, it was still a totally bizarre feeling, because the last time we did that, I wasn't a mom. So for as much as it was just the same, it was also completely different. Know what I mean?

Anyway. Strange times, right? Ugh, okay, I just had to get that out of my system. Mom is with Callum now and I'm dyeing my roots. So I have to go rinse, and shower, and then feed him again and watch some TV at Mom's for a bit. Re-watching Lost, actually. :) (Finished Merlin, heartbreaking. What is up with BBC? Why is everything so depressing? Of course, Arthurian Legend is kind of a foregone conclusion, but. Yeah.)

Really time to rinse my hair now. But glad I had a chance to sit and write this all out.
la_belle_laide: (floating woman)


I've been doing so much stuff at HitRECord lately! For some reason it works out that when Callum is napping I can get a few hours of recording and editing in. Of course, that means that I'm not doing my laundry or cleaning my house at all. Or sleeping. But hey. My baby is not a big napper anyway. 40 minutes at a time a few times a day. Lately he's been going for about 3 hours at a time at night. So I'm getting maybe 4-5 hours of sleep per night. I've learned to live with it. Right now, he's sitting on my lap in the boppy pillow. Actually he's starting to get fussy because I stopped paying attention to him to write this.

And, one feeding and two naps later (actually he's still asleep...)

So yeah, HitRECord. Joe picked a few things that I wrote for the TV show that he's doing, so that's been really awesome. It's super cool that I get paid for it, but really, it's just neat that he likes my ideas and wants to put them on TV. :D One of them is going to be a song about the space between atoms; he said it was really "geeky" and that got him excited about it. Super cool. He also congratulated me on Callum and might use some of the videos that I did of him, as well. ^_^ Neat. Whatever money I get from that will go to Callum.

Speaking of money, I haven't returned to work yet. TMI, but it's really hard to save enough milk to be gone for the day, and I don't want to put him on formula yet. He's only 2 months old.

For the 4th of July, we went to the beach with my Mom, Chrissie and Boychild. My friend Drex has been to visit, and y wonderful bestie Glassworker is coming on Monday. I haven't had time for many other visitors, and also I'm self conscious about the state of my house, with laundry everywhere.

It's been hot as satan's codpiece and no rain until today – still not enough. The grass is completely dead and all my plants are wilting and burnt.

Here's something I didn't mention (well, I haven't been on LJ< that's why.) The first 3, 4 or so weeks after Callum was born, I was super hormonal, to the point of getting really depressed at around 6 PM every night. Like, crying over everything kind of depressed. One night I was crying because I forgot to bake sweet potatoes, and another night I was crying because it was raining. Then once because my cousin's house was so nice and mine hadn't been cleaned in weeks. Just ridiculous things.

I still sometimes feel a little blue around 6 PM, but nothing like it was.

When Callum is asleep and I'm not doing things on HitRECord or having car accidents, I'm trying to catch up on a bit of housework, reading, looking at Tumblr, watching DVDs. When he's awake, I'm feeding, changing, or playing with him. He went through a stage for a few weeks where he just cried and cried all day, and could not be consoled. He still gets cranky at certain times, but he's consolable now. Usually, all I have to do is recite Disney's Haunted Mansion to him. Then I get a big smile.

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 photo LOLLLLLL_zpsbcbab688.jpg

When I say "I am your host... your GHOST HOST," he just loses it.

Oh, we're also planning a trip to Disney next year, Oct. '14. Callum will be a year and a half by then, which is when most of the kids in the family have gone for the first time. "We," by the way, are: me and Callum, my Mom, Chrissie, Timmy, Boychild, SB and Jo-chan. I'm looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. My kid gets to go to Disney; I've been saving up for it since before he was born. But, I'm going to see my Dad and Gran around every corner. It'll never be 100% what I wanted. I know there's going to be ugly crying once in a while, and I think it'll be especially hard for my Mom.

But, that's over a year away, and I have a long enough time to stress about that and be neurotic.

Hmm, other than that, I've been watching Battlestar Galactica. I need something to turn on when I'm chained to him, and that's been fairly decent. I also finished watching Merlin (ALL THE TEARS, GOD.) And Hannibal, oh my god. I went nuts for Hannibal this season. The Tumblr fandom might even be better than the show.

I have to pee now, which means I have to get up and put the baby down, which means waking him, ugh!

Don't know when I'll get to do another update. I do miss LJ. But Tumblr is just so much easier to do with one free hand. :)

I haven't looked at my f-list in a long time. Hope everyone in LJ land is doing well!





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