Blather, rinse, repeat

So I just, for the first time, saw the episode of Family Guy where Brian comes out as an athiest. There was one part where Meg (who has found god,) tries to get him to accept a crucifix, and he won't, until she throws it for him to fetch. I always laugh pretty hard when Brian barks, but then he started chewing on the crucifix and growled every time she reached for it. Maybe I'm overtired and it's Stupid O'Clock, but I laughed until I had tears.

It's also got this whole big Star Trek subplot. I've never seen Star Trek, but my good pal and brain-mate skitty_kitty is a fan and I thought of her the entire time. The cast actually came and did their own voices. Hearing Patrick Stewart, whom I know from things aside from ST, say the line "I've got girl-boobies" also got some good LOLs out of me. GIRL BOOBIES:


LMAO.

Special announcement! I promised Skitty Kitty that I'd Rickroll her, and now I have. After much LJ dickery and what feels like an hour of nitrous oxide or something, it actually worked!

Here's the actual clip with the interview with Seth MacFarlane (who is STRANGELY HOT.)


MOVING ON.

Note to self: When you've got three treatments to do, do not play PSP for two hours straight prior, fool. Oh man, my thumbs were dead by the third treatment. I still think I did all right, and my client booked me for the rest of the term. :) But dude, that was painful.

So, I started playing Dissidia. Man, what the hell. I'm so bad at this. I don't get that "move the character around the board" game thing. So I played arcade mode and kept getting Cloud killed by some midget. The graphics in the opening scene are GORGE, but I didn't know who most of the characters were (well, I knew, but haven't played all the games) and it went on way too long. Eventually I was like "Am I gonna play this beeotch or am I watching a movie?" Oh Squeenix.

I also got back last week's midterm on Ethics and I got 100.

Oh, but of course, before that, I took my MedMass2 midterm. I had left the house early, so I could catch a few extra minutes to study, but then it took me almost two mothereffing hours to get there. I was actually late for the test, but she (a sub, since our professor is out for surgery,) handed me the paper. It was tough, but fair. Though she does have a way of obfuscating her meaning so you have to sort of think around the words. Well, I guess the correct term is "trick questions," yes, she's got them in spades. The sub offered a practical review when everyone was finished with the written. But I finished first and opted to go for a treatment instead of waiting around. I later found out that she graded the tests and everyone got their grade. I should have gone back to check! But nah. Guess I can wait another week to find out.

Currently I am on FB having a LOLsome banter with Sehing Matt Damon about him being "on the market" and consequently going in the crisper drawer. Man, what? I don't even know.

I should stop eating chocolate chips this close to bed.

Ahh, I have that show Saturday and they cannot download my music! I'm only performing the one dance. But I guess I'll have to bring my iPod and hook it up and hope for the best. I might chicken out of doing La Toere. I want to do a good performance, so maybe this isn't the time to be daring and screw up a beautiful traditional, cultural dance. I should maybe play it safe and do a dance that I already know.

And tomorrow I have to work on my costume, hopefully create a hip hei, and get directions to the effing thing. So much to do! Then Sunday, studying for pathology2 midterm, and possibly going to the movies with The Lady Chrysanthemum. I'm off work this weekend, whoop whoop!

Once again I want to say "aloha" to the many new hits I've gotten in the last few days. Wow, y'all, I don't care where or from whom you found my LJ; please don't be shy, come and say hello. :)

I'm still searching for a good Leon story, it doesn't have to be sexytimes, I just want to read a fun ficromp to take my everwhirling mind off junk. Anyone may hook me up.

Stupid frigging fish tank plants came out of the gravel and are floating around. I have to change my water tomorrow. And finish my laundry too. And vacuum and shop. Yeah right, all that is going to happen.

BED.

But maybe trolling youtube for Dissidia videos first.

While I was on break last month, I had some free time and was happily enjoying a Resident Evil fanfic. Typical fare: violent, sexy, angsty, totally gratuitous, and yet still amazingly in character. I would call these fics a "guilty pleasure" but really, I feel no guilt for the things I enjoy, from gratuitous fanfiction to a pint of ice cream, to listening to ABBA. So I whiled away a few hours on this interesting fic and thought about leaving a review. I ended up not doing so.

Some anonymous reviewer had caught an error and pointed it out. The author went into diva mode and flipped her junk. I immediately disengaged.

I have this thing were I can't separate the "art" from the artist. (Yeah, "art" is in quotes because I'd be laughing at myself if I called gratuitous fanfiction "art." I wrote it for years – I know better.) Maybe that's unfortunate, and it really is my problem. Once the creator of something I like turns out to be icky in any way, I can't enjoy their work anymore. I can tell you that at least one of my f-listers out there who shall remain unnamed (*cough*beerdudess*coughcough*) has, even years ago, listened to me rant endlessly about this pet peeve of mine. Writer, artist, whatever you are: Once you go Diva, I start to point and laugh.

Today I popped by the fic (I'm supposed to be studying for a mid-term, but I am Princess Procrastination,) to see if maybe they had cleared it up, worked it out. Instead, the author has removed the negative critiques.

Dude, WHAT? Seriously? Are we that touchy about our SEX!ANGST!Leon Kennedy story? Is it really that much SRS BZNZ?

One thing I can say about me: Back when I was writing fanfictions, and even now when I'm writing my own stuff, and in all the time I've been writing, I've never, ever gotten rid of a critique. Never even ignored them. I know I'm not hugely successful and definitely not the hottest stuff out there (I'm not being disingenuous – there are tons of writers, published and not, who can write circles around me,) but I like to think I can string words together in a decent enough way. I've gotten a crap-ton of reviews and critiques over the years and I am grateful for every last one. I don't care if they're brusque, or even mean, and I don't even care if I ultimately disagree with the critique. I've kept every last one and have even cherished them. My response to every criticism I get is "Thank you," and I consider it carefully. Even if it seems dumb on the surface. There's always something to a criticism, something I've overlooked, and maybe it will make sense down the road.

A lot of authors, especially in fanfiction, get involved in these circle jerk reviews. They all flatter each other in return for more flattery. There's usually one writer in the circle who is better than the rest of them, and the others all know it. So she gets to sort of stand in the middle. Once in a while she'll dole out a little bitty ego-stroke to some of the others who aren't that bad, and then everyone starts clamoring all over her. Then she'll have a journal or even a web page where everyone can bring her gifties. I've watched fandoms for years; I know how this stuff goes.

I have to imagine that it's nothing like this in the world of professional publishing. You don't see this kind of thing with authors who have books on shelves. Or maybe you do, and I obviously just don't know about it yet.

But I'm happy to say that I've never gotten any of my fics into a pissing contest, I've never been part of a circle jerk, and I've never gone Diva over a review. Maybe that mindset helps, when it comes to getting published. I think it must. The ability to gracefully take negative criticism is a huge step in publishing, or so I'm told. I look forward to every critique, and I don't take it to heart; I take it to mind. Then, I work harder.

So that's the end of my rant, and if anyone out there can recommend a pissiness-free Leon Kennedy story, hook me up, 'cause I'm in the mood for Leon these days. :)


ETA: My personal rule for accepting critiques is this: Whether I like it or not, whether I agree with it or not, whether it is a full, nit-picking review, or one line saying "this didn't work" or "there are some errors," I have one reaction. "Thank you." Sure, a juicy crit makes me wiggle a lot more, and I love those. But a one-line crit can also be helpful. I don't care if they have an MFA in writing or if they drool while they type. Someone took the time to read my work and to make a comment. Every comment makes me think more critically, even if my final assessment is, "LOL, okay, gotta disagree with that." Though, more often than not, I do agree with critiques and make changes. I actually quite like making changes. It feels empowering.

But that's just how I go about it. :)

Man, what?!

Right, so I'm finally, after all these thousands of years, watching the third season of Rurouni Kenshin. It is as bad as everyone has said it would be. Kenshin has turned into this boring, badly animated generic character, (yeah, even the animation is bad in these!) Kaoru does nothing but stand around, and the other characters are just about unrecognizable. I just finished the arc with the kid Yutaro, some doctor, a ridiculous, unexplained elixir in an Indiana Jones cave, some douchebags who are supposed to be German, a guy with a kind of prosthetic ear, and a bunch of ninjas or something and I don't care about any of these people.

In the first season I was always eager to get the filler episodes out of the way and get to the real juicy stuff, but in this season the filler episodes are the only ones worth watching.

Then it comes to episode 89 and, dude, what? I mean, it was sort of funny in some places, but honestly, did Kenshin and Aoshi just turn gay, because aside from all the obviously air-quoted "doing things" they alluded to, they were, like, having a tea ceremony and staring meaningfully and massaging each other, for real. Which, hey, HoYay and all of that, but I mean dude.

Meanwhile, Megumi tries to teach Misao how to massage herself in the bathtub in order to have bigger boobs. Then the girls beat up a bunch of pickpockets while Sanosuke and Yahiko behave pointlessly.

I realize they'll never animate the real ending of the books, but shoot, it's a nice thought, isn't it?

In other fandom news, I ordered Dissidia Final Fantasy. I've had it in the back of my head for a long time, but I've also had this weird, admittedly stupid and pointless neurotic hang up about playing PSP, because I was playing a game on PSP before Gran died, then I put it down for a while, and then was playing it again right before Dad died. So, that's weird of me I know. And then today I was reading something about Dissidia and I thought, well, I should play it. Cloud's in it.

So, completely unrelated to any of that:

( A series of drawings. )

So, yeah. :)

This week was a good one, apart from getting sick with a nasty cold. On Tuesday I took both dogs for their bloodwork. Haku needs his kidney checked every few months because of the phenobarb / KBr and Sano needs his liver checked because the pred put him into chronic liver failure. Well, apart from a goddamn skin infection on Sano (maybe from having had no immune function for the better part of a year?) all the bloodwork came back peachy.

I found this out Wednesday when my Mom called me in school, shortly after I found out that I got a 95 on my clinic entrance exam. ^_^ 95, I was happy with that.

I'm always relieved when my pets are better (And 'Crezia the black/gold/blue molly is doing so much better since I spoke to a nice fish expert who gave me some advice,) and so here are some pics.

( Out playing in the yard after baths, Sano showboating a little. )

( After a bath, Haku looks like a tampon. )

( Do you notice a pattern here when it comes to the pets I have? )
What would Count D have to say about that? Heh.

( Spot the sneaky crow. )

( Haku has mastered the Does This Bug You Style. Sano usually indulges him. )

Good times at my house. Nice bloodwork results, good test results, fine weather. In fact, last week at school I heard the tree frogs for the first time this season. Tonight, I hear them out here. It's been rainy, but not overly cold. I always like to mark the first night I hear the treefrogs.

Also to the good, my old pal lisa_s has updated an old fave fic of mine, after, like, years. The wonderful Battleflag. I read it last night before bed and felt quite satisfied. Been a long time since I've enjoyed some good old Zelda fic, and this has always been one of my faves.

I also found a Kenshin fic that I quite enjoyed, A Meeting Of Minds.. It posited that Kenshin is in fact two separate people in his mind, Battousi and Rurouni; a true dissociative identity disorder. Without getting too much into the medical aspect of mental problems, this gal wrote a very amusing and entertaining story about how the two talk to each other, and act towards each other. Until one day when Rurouni Kenshin talks Battousai into spending the day with Kaoru. Well, apart from not being technically brilliant, and apart from sort of sexualizing RK's Battousai half (because in the book and in fact in the movie he was always kind of uptight and somewhat pure, even after getting married, I mean why do people think that violence naturally = sexytime, does it have something to do with testosterone or something, because seriously either way he's portrayed as feminine, but whatever,) ASIDE from that, it really entertained me.

And I started thinking, you know, as the crits roll in for my story and Snark Rule is telling me "These chapters are too slow; I got bored," what indeed do these amateur fics have that my wanna-be author-ass story lacks? What is it about some of these fanfics that's adhering me, and other readers, to the computer? And indeed what did the Hero Series, Seer and Raptor Crest have that my own novel lacks?

Solid and engaging characterization. Sometimes with fanfic, I personally don't even need a damn plot. I just want to read about my favorites doing things. One fic featured Kenshin tying up his hair before doing the laundry and I was all, WOW, BRILLIANT DETAIL. Well, not really. But when you enjoy a character, details like that bring him/her to life and you notice those things more.

And I fought for years over what separated fanfic from original stories, so often claiming that both were equally difficult, but in fact with fanfic you've already got an audience who cares about your characters. So you hit the ground running and you take them with you. The character-adoration is already there; a good fanfic writer knows the buttons to press to exploit the fanpoodling love. And that is a skill. So I stand by my assessment that writing fic takes skill; the skill of being a good technical writer first of all (but oddly not so much; the fic I linked up there is riddled with technical mistakes, and even to a point featured a Kenshin that I could not relate to, yet of course I could not put it down,) and of knowing how to press the reader's fan-buttons just so. Of course we've all got different buttons and...

So, yeah, I seriously signed on to talk about my dogs and fish and clinic entrance exam, school and treefrogs and here I am with the writing and the fandom and the thing and stuff.

Only three more weeks left of this semester, WTF. My first final is next week. Next week, man wth, I don't even. I just finished midterms.

Oh, and they email the exam score around to the staff and the Dean, and the program director handed my my paper and said, "Nice job!" and after I got my exam score, I happened to see the Dean in the clinic and he asked how I was doing. "I'm relieved," I told him. "I passed the clinic exam." He said, "Of course you did – did you think you wouldn't?" I admitted I had worried over it. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I wish all my students were like you." I thanked him and told him I wished all my teachers were like him. When in fact, I wish most teachers were like him, but not all. I've got some really good professors this semester. There are a handful that I really enjoy.

And then there's Dr. R, the neurologist. You know, there's one in every school, right? All of the students love him, people go out of their way to get into his classes, which are always the first to fill up. In high school we had two of them: Mr. J and Mr. K. This guy reminds me of both of them. He's insanely knowledgeable and uproariously funny. Yesterday we did a mock practical exam, and he gave a whole section of it as Christopher Walken. Good stuff.

I can't seem to even be coherent tonight; I mean less so than usual. Hope you guys are enjoying my word-salad.

Two nights ago I watched The Men Who Stare At Goats with my Mom and it was just as hilarious as I remembered. I can't even tell you how much I adore Ewan McGregor. We've been married for, what, fifteen years now? I just love his beautiful face, his mischief, and the convincing "Nice Boy" thing he's got going on. (God but I'd love to see him play an honest-to-god nasty as hell villain.) Anyway, in my review of this movie back in November I said of George Clooney, Weirdly enough, he could have been John Cleese in this film; he reminded me so much of him. Imagine my amazement when, in the DVD extras, Kevin Spacey said he felt that Clooney was completely channeling John Cleese! Why, I about peed the floor. It means Keven Spacey is, like, my soulmate. Naw but seriously, I love Spacey, love love.

(LOL you know what else I said in that entry, I spoke of my neuro teacher, said I was too tired to be making sense, and said "bishonen animal demi-god." God but I bore myself with my unchanging ways! ^_^ )

So good days and treefrog nights.

I don't have anything specific today, as the, what, fifth, sixth blizzard smothers the tri-state? And I skipped classes last night because it was supposed to start then. Called my professors and begged off a mid-term because I didn't want to get caught on the LIE for 3 hours coming home in a damn ice storm. Dr. R kindly allowed that he would postpone the mid-term until next week.

I stayed home and wrote all day. Wrote and critiqued on SFF and racked up lots of submission points (you have to critique to get points, and four points gets you another submission.) I felt (and I know I use this word a lot,) inspired, really fired up. Once a month in a while I get like this, in a rage to create something incredible. Do I? Probably not, but I spend a lot of time and effort trying. I want to create something that lasts, I guess. Characters that people can talk about, can make their own. Like I do with fandom.

Last night I stayed awake for a long time looking for good Kenshin porn okay, yeah, looking for good Kenshin porn, and you know what, it exists. I was surprised. I've so often bemoaned the fact that there is no such thing as good Cloud Strife porn, at least written, (there was good art: hello CZ!) and yeah, aside from one really sad story, (Vincent Comes Home,) there kind of isn't, not that I've seen. It's all chick-lit, the Kenshin stuff, all WAFF and romance, but some of those writers had talent, at least.

I say "had" because there isn't much of a Kenshin fandom anymore, and the best part of it died with Hakubaikou. A Big Name Fan in RK fandom if there ever was one; rarely have I seen a better artist on the 'net. Min, of course, Hwei, CZ, and certainly on DA there are tons of incredible artists, but Hakubaikou did RK fanart, and I've hardly ever seen that around.

I actually didn't know she died until a few days ago. Distressingly, she could write circles around me, too. In fact, I can't put her "Against A Sea of Troubles" fic down today (except to write, myself.) A repentant Battousai fic, right after the bakumatsu, you never see those. Or at least, you never see them done this well. It's really beautiful. How maddening. How disheartening. And, believe me, I get sudden loss. But this one sticks with me. Hakubaikou, and her unfinished story. What did she mean to say?

You know, I used to be a BNF too, in the LOZ fandom. Maybe a teensy bit in FFVII with the rambling, badly-formatted, completely self-indulgent "Cities Of Poison" but probably a tad bit more with the one-shot Tent. That one earned me the best peer-review I've ever gotten, and my most treasured one to date. It's not that fantastic of a story, I mean in terms of the technical stuff, but I got Cloud right in that one. (And I made one, brief, wanna-be humorous parody Kenshin piece, O Kenshin! My Kenshin! that no one paid much mind to, and rightly so. But personally I still amuse myself.) Nope, my fandom-name is forever and always attached to the Hero Series, and I'm grateful for that. Because I really, really did love writing it. It taught me so much etc. yadda yadda dicker blah. More than anything, it was so damn much fun. I love that people still hold on to those stories. I love that they still want to read them. I'm pretty much embarrassed by them now because technically they were so effing badly written, but I had such a blast writing them. Yeah, it was fly.

And there was the somewhat ill-fated, but still mad funtacular Aku Soku Zan Syndicate, also fairly well-known through a handful of fandoms. LOZ most particularly, but it crossed over into X Files and Kenshin fandom. You know, the punchline is that I think even after all of the monumental hints, even after years, no one outside of a tiny fandom circle of friends knew who Aku Soku Zan Syndicate was. Which maybe is kind of mean. The fangirls came out frothing over it, crazy-defensive, and everyone else practically wet themselves laughing. Most of those links and side-fics are gone now, yanked after FF.net's cataclysmic parody-fic-yank after butthurt fangirls complained enough. Aku Soku Zan was spared, though. Why, I don't know. Only 46 reviews remain on that one. Gosh, all of those pages out there, calling out "The Syndicate" for a silly satire. After all, how could so many people not have known that I was Umeshu-girl and that Lisa S. was Beer Dudess? That "the artist" was Min? That the man in the black coat was Sahrek? I love that we created that mystique. I love that so few people knew it was us. And I hate that Lisa S disappeared. Which is why I put an APB out on the Aku Soku Zan Syndicate page and changed the email address to my own. Further, I was amazed that I remembered the password. It was never one of my own. It was Lisa's. Maybe I'm not amazed. I remember a lot.

Last night I couldn't sleep (badass loner kitsune seeks ginger dragon that she cannot curb-stomp, multiple-personality required, must like packs of wild dogs, and other such madwhackery,) and I stayed awake remembering each of my fandoms from the time I was twelve until now. I could go in order from 1985. Duran Duran. Heart. Bon Jovi. Stephen King. Hamlet (seriously.) David Bowie. Pink Floyd. Nirvana. Mystery Science Theater (seriously.) Pearl Jam. Alice In Chains (for the next few years, interspersed with Soundgarden and NIN.) Then came 1999, my Japanese advent. LOZ in '99. Gundam Wing. Final Fantasy VII. Rurouni Kenshin. X Files. The Dark Tower. Pirates of the Caribbean. 30 Seconds To Mars. Sei Shonagon. Resident Evil4. I don't really remember what I liked in '09. And this year, I replayed, re-read, re-lived everything from the past ten years. Probably because of the way '09 went, losing so much that year. Maybe that's why I keep looking backwards in the mirror at the little things that I held on to. My car, the roaring green dinosaur, Shinigami-sama. I still brush the snow off of it, just out of respect. And trying to get back in touch with Min, and trying to locate Lisa S.

Actually, I really don't know what became of Lisa S. She completely disappeared. Not a word to me, or to anyone that I know of. Poof, gone. And the ridiculously premature loss of Hakubaikou made me have to go looking for her. Or, maybe not since I started wondering what had become of her even a few days ago. Hmm, so don't listen to me; I don't know what I'm talking about.

In general, I don't know what I'm talking about. ^_^;;

So, and the snow keeps falling, and I'm just about this close to punching winter in the throat. School is closed today, of course, on my day off. And it had better not be closed tomorrow (oh please let school be closed tomorrow) because it's Intro to Clinic and that would be a bitch to make up, down the road. I'd have to miss yet another day of work and I can't afford that. (But, still?)

Ano, now I've babbled enough for today. Stay warm, east coast!

This morning I had the most ridiculously obvious dream, but it was so intense that I need to write it down.

It begins with me on a beach in Southold about, maybe ten years ago or maybe more. I know it was a long time ago because I was on the beach with friends I would have been with way long ago. Since this dream seems to be is clearly about time (and what it does, or what we do with it and what I guess I specifically wish I could do with it,) I have to point out "where" it begins and where it goes. It's so obvious in retrospect. Subconscious, why must you act the fool? I know these things, jesus christ. No need to beat me over the head with the Obvious Bat.

So I'm on the beach with friends, and I decide that I'm going to take a kind of rip-tide home. In the dream, there's a rip-tide that I know goes through the underground, through caves, over bridges, under bridges, all over the damn place, but it leads me home. And I decide to do that instead of getting a ride, or driving. My friend tells me, "The last time you went with the tide, you had a kayak. This time you don't even have a raft. I think it's dangerous."

"I've got this," I tell her. And I hold up an old, ratty, torn grey blanket. It's not even big; it's like the size of a stupid bath towel. "This will hold me afloat."

So I jump into the rip-tide and start riding it. It's exciting, exhilarating even, like body-surfing (which I used to do a lot,) and warm . Soon it takes me into this underground tunnel, and everything goes dark. The rip-tide starts to move really fast (think: escape from the island in RE4, only without a boat, and darker.) I start thinking, "This is going way too fast. And I can't see what's coming next. And I can't remember what was in my way last time." So I hold onto my ratty blanket with one hand and put the other one out in front of me, this way if I run into any, like, huge rocks or walls, or stalagmites on the way, I can break through them with my palm instead of going face-first into them. Now, it's not exhilarating, but dangerous and unpredictable in the dark water. Also, really cold.

Finally there's a Light At The End Of The Tunnel, and in the middle of all this quick-moving water is an old house. Kind of looks like one of the cabins my family used to own in upstate NY. The water flows right through it and I think, "Hey, I remember this. There's a way back home through here." So I let the tide whisk me up to the door, then I bang the door open with my palm and start riding the water through the house. There's a guy in the next room sitting on an old, dirty couch, watching TV and smoking a bowl. O_O He looks like one of the bad guys from Dexter, maybe. The water is just about waist-level to him but he doesn't seem to mind. He gives me a funny look as I go towel-surfing by but doesn't comment. I take the water upstairs (screw physics,) and go out the upstairs door. Now I can see the bridge home, 105. But, as it always is in my (rare) dreams about my town, it's FRIGGING HUGE, a towering draw-bridge hundreds of feet over deep water. And the bridge itself is a waterway. Not a nice, gentle one, but bubbling with turbulence. I'm thinking, "Holy christ, I will never be able to navigate that water. It's going to pitch me right over the side. I know I remember another way! But, I'll have to go through that stoned guy's house again, and something about him feels wrong."

I don't see any other logical choice, so I swing back around (one-way tide, what?) and go through his door again. This time he's got two other guys on the couch with him and I ask them, "Hey you guys, so I remember years ago there was an easier way through this turbulence. Can you tell me which way that is?"

The first stoned guy says, "You have to go upstairs and go out the door on the right instead of the left. There will be two water slides and one of them will take you to the lower bridge which is easier."

"Thanks," I say. "And, sorry for busting through your door. I honestly thought this house was empty."

He says, "Don't worry about it. Most people come surfing through here thinking that it's a spa and they're going to find a sauna."

I start thinking how nice that would be – a relaxing spa, a sauna, getting out of this crazy water. This rip-tide riding was a bad idea. And I realize that time has passed. Lots of time, and I've just been riding around in this crazy water. People are going to wonder were I am.

I thank the guys and ride up on the stairs again, this time taking the other door. I emerge on the other side in a water-park way high above the town, with lots of people lined up to take the water-slides. This isn't travel for them, but recreation. No one's walking. Like me, they're all floating on something. Most of them have actual floats, and all of a sudden I realize how stupid it was to set out with nothing but a stupid grey towel. But, at least the water here is still. So I get in line, floating behind a bunch of folks waiting their turn.

And I wait. And wait. And frigging wait. Hours go by and finally I just let loose. "WHAT THE HELL IS THE HOLD UP HERE?! I was supposed to be through this already, like, hours ago! And here I am hanging around, and this water is getting dirty and gross with all these people in it. Can't we move this along? Jesus, why did the line stop?!" I look to my left and see two ticket-windows for the water-slides. There are two women behind the glass (also floating in the water) and the one for my water-slide puts a sign in her window saying "CLOSED" with some indecipherable reason written underneath. Now I'm really pissed off. Like, this water-slide has been closed all these years and no one bothered to tell me? The other people on line start grumbling, one saying that he's missed a Bon Jovi concert because of the holdup, another guy saying that he missed a Jonas Brothers concert. (O_O )

I'm still pissed and I yell, "You know what, EFF THIS, I waited here all this time, and now how am I supposed to get home? No cell phone, no land line, I don't have the keys to my car (and when I said it, I pictured the keys to my old car, my beloved Shinigami) and there's no way in hell I'm going back to do this all again!"

I start to consider that the only way to go is over the turbulent water bridge, and I'll just have to deal with the danger.

Then, literally, I got bored and woke myself up. Not angry, or afraid to go on, just full-on bored.

My brain, she has no need for subtlety and she spits on in, PTOOEY.

My last two dreams have been equally intense and lingering. You know those dreams that stick to your brain like peanut butter to the back of your throat. Except, all damn day. The one I had the night before was about Dad, Disneyworld, hospitals and other things. It bothered me and I didn't like it. But there was one funny part in that dream and it was when I was in this big building in Disneyworld, trying to get to the top floor. There were no stairs, but they advertised these rooms to take you to the top. "The magic of flight!" the signs said. "Don't use your legs to climb stairs, let our newfangled rooms take you there – LEGLESS." And I said, to no one, "Please. That's just called an elevator. You can't trick me."

Seriously, some nice, stupid, floaty dreams, please. Or even better, one of my exciting adventure ones that inspire me to write like a demon. One of my "character in distress – I must figure this out!" dreams that lights the fire in my brain for the rest of the day. I love those. That's the one I want next.

Anyway, so since I was a good girl today and I did much of what was on my to-do list (laundry, homework, study, phone call, dishes,) instead of spending five hours on tvtropes.com like I did yesterday, I decided to, uhh, go to tvtropes.com and see if I couldn't trope myself. Not my story, but myself. That website has got everything covered and I think we all fit into real life examples of that sometimes. Does anyone care to join me? Sounds like fun, right? Well, to me. Here are my tropes.

I think I can be a little mama bear, once in a while. Most especially over my three cousins, but even to the Kung Fu kids. I never let them wait for their rides alone, and on the few occasions that someone has messed with the Kung Fu kids at the academy, I guess I don't take it lightly. I did kind of chase a guy away from one of the young students once, outside of the school. I don't qualify as badass normal, but I do know Kung Fu, so within the last few years, I did kind of take a level in badass. Maybe I minored in asskicking. And I am most definitely a Kick Chick. But really probably more of a medic.

Either way, my choices are always chaotic good.

Would love to be tall dark and bishoujo, but, meh, alas and all of that. On the other hand, my life has definitely taken a turn for the josei. And definitely silly rabbit, romance is for kids.

I guess I can be a little tsundere.

I am a HUGE user of heehee you said X, your mom, That's What She Said, the Unusual Dysphemism, and If you know what I mean.

I'm a frequent user of aposiopesis so, yeah.

God, please don't click on all of those links. What a pain in the ass. :)

Oh, and, completely having fun in this comment thread. I love when this kind of conversation takes place on my own LJ. :D

Video Games Live was of course AWESOME. Okay, so we hit tons of traffic and got there at eight o'clock when the show was starting. But we had great seats and didn't miss a thing. I did not have time to buy a t shirt but that's probably for the best because I saved some money. :)

( Video Games Live at the Beacon! )

As I mentioned, I went as Raine and Jo-chan was an awesome Selphie, especially the hair!

( Selphie and Raine: )

Not too bad, huh?

Before I begin, I want to point out that Tommy Tallarico is kind of a genius, not only for his compositions and his ridiculous musical talent, but for putting this whole thing together. Hot damn, but what an idea. (I had no idea until looking at his Wiki that he is Steven Tyler's cousin. Hence Aerosmith on Rock Band I suppose, Hootah. Do I vaguely remember that Steven Tyler's real last name is Tallarico, or am I making that up?) And Jack Wall is weirdly very adorable.

First thing first, it was hard going into the city. Usually when I would go into the city it would be with my Dad, who was the best at driving to Manhattan. So seeing all the signs, the skyline etc. was kind of difficult. Also pretty hard for me was the Kingdom Hearts section. They introduced it with, “WHO HERE LOVES DISNEY” and then instead of showing scenes from Kingdom Hearts, they showed the original Disney film clips, a huge montage to the orchestrated version of “Simple and Clean.” Of course, my Dad was just about the biggest Disney fan in the world; he's seen every movie, and in fact has a “Disney room” (my childhood bedroom) with tons of rare Disney memorabilia. His favorite characters were Jiminy Cricket and of course Mickey Mouse. So they ended this huge montage with a scene of Jiminy Cricket, and then it went dark and quiet for a second and then without any music they showed the famous scene from Steamboat Willie. I cried through the whole thing but the end really got to me. It was totally unexpected. So of course I took it as a sign. Of what, I don't know, but I wanted it to be meaningful I guess.

Also emo, but in a good way, was the fabulous piano version of different Final Fantasy songs.

( Final Fantasy on piano: )

This is Aerith's Theme, Eyes On Me (I got teary because Eyes On Me is a hugely relevant song for me—because I'm massively cheesy I've sung it about nearly every guy I've liked who liked me back, and I also used to sing it to SB and Jo-chan when they were wee—and SB and Jo-chan got teary during that part, too,) Fragments of Memories (Raine's song, which was awesome because HELLO!) Waltz For The Moon and Gloriosa Generosa (better known as “One Winged Angel,” Sephiroth's overwhelming, Wagnerian theme.) This guy was the BOMB, he came out a few times and played tons of songs, some of them he even played blindfolded. I think he's out there on Youtube somewhere, and that's how VGL found him.

Of course, the Zelda section was another huge thing for me. I taped in two parts because the middle part is so long and I wasn't sure I'd have room. ( This is the ending part. )


It was during this part that I realized I kinda use video games like other people use church and god. When things get really sucky, this is where I go to worship. Is that so strange, do you think? To me, video games are no more fictional than the Bible, their characters no more fictional than God. It's comfort and inspiration—to do better, and to be better—but without the history of genocide and subjugation. :) Link was my childhood hero; I've always loved the character and the story he was in. I've had a thing for heroes since childhood. Villains too, but heroes more. I've always loved the character who's going up against something so much bigger than him/herself; s/he knows s/he's already licked before the battle starts, but goes into battle anyway and then wins.

Wow, wandery tangent. Anyway, so I've semi-sorta considered this before, the idea that my gods were characters and games were my church, but since losing Dad I've especially noticed it. I think a normal person would be going to mass every Sunday or something and getting comfort from that. I'm not going around in need of constant comfort because I find the world itself comforting—the colors, sounds, smells, and experiences—but once in a while when it gets a little overwhelming, that's where I turn and so watching this whole big montage last night which glorified everything I've loved since childhood really nailed this down into my psyche. Call it what you like.

After Zelda there was an intermission and they had up this cute sign:

( Loading! )

I took a ( fabulous (if blurry) picture of SB: )

One of the coolest things they did last night was to show a video from 1968 of the first video game ever created, being played by its creator Ralph Baer. It was Pong, or Pong's precursor. After playing the video on the big screen they had Ralph Baer himself, now 88, on Skype. Tallarico thanked him for creating his and the audience's best hobby and industry, and the guy got a standing ovation from hundreds of gamers. It was one of those moments.

Then they busted out Gloriosa Generosa, the huge, orchestrated version, as it was meant to be played. This was the highlight of the night.

( One Winged Angel: )
BEAUTIFUL.

Oddly, they closed with an overly-long Halo section, and for an encore they did Megaman and Castlevania. I was thinking, “WTF, how can you follow One Winged Angel? Nothing is going to top that.” I was right, nothing did top it; I wish they'd saved that one for the encore. But hey, I got to hear it played live, right? And you just can't beat that.

After the show, we managed to catch up with Cloud and Sephiroth.
( Weee! )

A funny thing happened to me after that photo. My uncle took it, and the dude playing Sephiroth was holding a really neat-looking Black Materia (don't know if you can tell what it's supposed to be from that photo.) After the picture I somehow thought he was holding either my camera or my wallet, and I tried to take it out of his hand. He was a little, “WTF?” and I stopped myself and said, “I'm so sorry; I thought it was my camera or something.” And then “DUDE, I almost stole the Black Materia from you!” It was weird, right? Raine trying to nick the Black Materia from Sephiroth? Sounds like some kind of deranged crossover. The Black Materia compels you!

Then we stopped at Starbucks for a quick pee before heading back. I bought a pumpkin apple spice hot chocolate because I've been in the mood for a seasonal kind of drink and I've never really had one before. We got a little lost getting out of Manhattan but the traffic was a breeze and I was home by 12:30.

Whew, it was a fun night, and I would so totally go and see this show again. Next time I do I'll get there a bit earlier and buy something maybe, perhaps get better costume pics or something.

Oh, and Jo-chan had so much fun cosplaying we decided we're definitely going to ICON in March and we're for sure gonna play dress-up again. I might go as Matron or maybe Julia Heartilly. Errr, or maybe Tifa if I get brave and ambitious. Who knows. :)

It's Wednesday now and there's a lot of stuff I feel like keeping track of tonight. This past weekend was a really nice one. Jo-chan spent the weekend and we did exactly what we said we were going to do: at my mom's house, among the three of us we ate about a gallon of ice cream and a plate of organic chocolate chip cookies which we baked. We also took the dogs for walks, watched Family Guy episodes, played epic FFVIII, and talked for a long time. On Sunday, Chrissie came over with Boychild and a plate of her pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. I fixed a button on Boychild's tuxedo pants (they have a wedding to go to,) and I also finished up Jo-chan's Selphie dress. It fits her perfectly and she looks so cute.

I also had to work all weekend. A few neat things happened which bear documenting. One, a lady I sold to told me, "You need to call your boss and tell him or her that you're a really great salesperson." I wasn't sure how I felt about that because I've never considered myself a salesperson before and it is a strange identity to me. Then the competition guy with seriously blue eyes (let's call him Alex for now because there's something a little Alex Krycek looking about him in a weird way,) called me over and said, "I don't know if you noticed it, but you have a 75% closing rate." It took me a second or two to figure out that that meant I closed a sale 75% of the time. He's required to carry a little counter so he counts how many people come into the store. He said, "Nearly every time I see you talk to someone, a few minutes later I see them leaving with (your product.)" Hmm. Then the next day at work I made some kind of lame joke and he said, "You're just so cute." O_o "Cute" isn't a word I hear from guys all that often. I blushed a lot and went to look at the fish.

I think I'm going to get a fish, once I get Gran's apartment all set. And I still call it "Gran's apartment" instead of "my office" because I think it will always he Gran's apartment. All her stuff is still in it, and it's like she's still in it too. I don't want that to change, however.

I did start taking down the paneling in Gran's apartment so that I could paint the walls, and don't you know that they didn't finish the befrigged sheetrock? There's all holes in it across the top and around all the sockets. Grrr. I'm just going to have to learn how to do things. Dad was always so good at that. He could look at something and figure out how it had to be. Well, sometimes. Once in a while something would baffle him but in the end he would think of the solution. But he also just knew things, stuff he just learned along the way. This would be one of those things: how to fix holes in sheetrock around electrical outlets. I know it's probably super easy for someone who's done it before, but it's new to me.

Oh, but getting back to work. CHECK THIS OUT, this is a great story. ( Dr. Dickwhistle and The Bad Place )

I felt very gratified.

School / midterm stuff! Yesterday we got back our results for Swedish tech 2. I got a 97 on the written and 100 on the practical. I don't know what I did on the practical to get 100 but I was very pleased that I did.

Last Wednesday was the day that Sano had his little (huge) drama, and I missed the last neurology lecture and review before the midterm. Midterm was today. I studied really hard last night (with my Mom's help) and this morning, yet i was still really nervous by the time I got to school. I talked a little bit to Dr. R before the class and he said he'd gotten my message about having to miss class, and he hoped that I'd been able to contact someone to cover the review. I told him I didn't get a contact sheet so I hadn't been able to get anyone and he said, "Well, just do your best. You've done fine on your quizzes." Before he handed out the test he told us all, "Take a deep breath and try to relax. Just remind yourself, it's neurology, and the human nervous system is only the single most complicated thing we know of in the universe." He had also taught us this little dance to remember the dermatomes and before we started the test someone called out, "Do the dance for us one last time!" He said, "You mean this dance?" and he busted out a perfect hardcore pop-and-lock dance that got a round of applause from all the 30-someodd students. It was pretty great.

After the test I had lots of time before I had to leave for Kung Fu so I went up for a free massage (which was great,) and on my way out I saw Dr. R in the hall. He was carrying the scantrons which he had just run and he said, "Don't worry, you did great. You got a 96." A 96! I was so happy. Although a little bummed because I looked up the ones I wasn't sure about after the test and they were the ones from the missed lecture. I might have gotten 100 if I hadn't missed that last one. He said, "The only thing is, you broke the curve." Like a moron, I apologized.

After that I had dinner and went off to Kung Fu. It took me 90 frigging minutes to get there. :/ Kung Fu was fun, though I am a little bummed out to be missing a tournament on Sunday that everyone else is going to. I'm missing it for the best thing ever, I just wish one of the two things had been on a different day. I drove The Empress and her friend home as usual.

Then once they got out of the car I started to crash and feel really lousy. It seriously is like this. One second everything's fine, and the next it's like Dad died yesterday. I thought to myself, "I really want to hear something from Dad right now" and I shut off my iPod and turned on the radio. It's hard to get any good stations until I get onto Sunrise, and once I did I heard, "Over The Rainbow / Wonderful World" by brother Iz. This was one of my Dad's favorite songs. (And some of you might remember the video I made to go with that song. I'd been thinking of that video, and the scenes of Dad that I had in it, on and off for a few days.) Of all the songs I could have heard, this one was unexpected. How random it is to hear that one on the radio, too. Or who knows, maybe they play it every day and I just don't listen to local radio enough to realize this. Then as I was a few blocks from my house, "Sweet Caroline." This was another Dad Song. He used to sing it at all his shows. The high point of Dad's shows was always "My Way," but "Sweet Caroline" always got everyone going too. I just cranked it and bawled my eyes out. As I was driving and crying like an idiot, it got really foggy and this guy dressed all in black came around from the side of his parked car and I had to swerve to miss him; he kinda broke the mood and I halfway wanted to go back and run his stupid ass over. Who the hell goes running around the street at 9:30 PM wearing black? Moron!

That wasn't my only "music moment" today, though. As I was driving from school to Kung Fu, I had my iPod on (I usually keep it on random,) and "Beyond The Wasteland" from the Advent Children soundtrack came on. I was feeling a little half-hearted towards about everything except the hateful traffic and the huge metal ass of the truck that was in front of me as I sat there going 2 MPH, but I had left the iPod a little loud from the previous song (you have to ride the volume) and all of a sudden the best part of the song kicked in, and it was so loud it filled the whole car and for like thirty seconds it was the best song in the whole world, ever.

Funny how that happens sometimes.

If this entry feels all kinds of crazy and disjointed it's because that's what my brain is like these days. I wonder if I'll ever be able to make cohesive thoughts again and write them out like any kind of stable person.

I'm going to go to bed and read a little, a fact which gives me stupid amounts of boring joy. Tomorrow I have time to go to the store, dye my hair and maybe check out some different paint colors. Maybe I can even work on my Halloween costume. Maybe on Halloween I'll do something fun by myself, like go out dancing or something in my awesome costume. I totally should. Where's a good place to go out dancing around here? I'll have to find out.

Oh, and Sunday is going to be mad fun. MAD fun.

I started my new job yesterday and it was kinda fun. It was busy, I got to talk to lots of people and I sold some of my new product. I was happy with how it went over. The funny thing was that there was a competitor there selling his product right across from me in the exact same hours. Well, that could have been awkward. But I went over and introduced myself. He was very nice, and I'm pretty sure I think he's cute, too. And I liked his name, as well. We're really not allowed to talk to each other too much though. Oh well. It was nice looking at him.

Today, my second day, was in a store much closer to home. But also much smaller. It was dead there. Four hours went lumbering by; talk about a drag-ass day. I didn't sell a lot, either. Meh. But, the job's not too bad even if I sometimes feel a little like Captain Peacock from Are You Being Served. ^_^ And I believe in the product and I really like the company. That's important to me. I get my first paycheck on Friday and it will include all four days because I went for training etc., so it's gonna be a decent check which I will probably hug and squeeze. Also, I got my money from the town. Groceries and gas. Yay! Now I just wish my damn college would buck up and give me wtf they owe me. However, not bloody likely.

In other, more WTF news, Cloud Strife Cologne. Now you, too, can smell fictional. Hmm, five years in a tank, a dead man's old clothes, Jenova cells, Mako, Geostigma, and days on end riding a bike and fighting. Toss in solitude and a hint of self-loathing and that's exactly what I want to smell like. SIGN ME UP. (Unless this is the "Sexy Cologne" he wore to get into Don Corneo's bedroom. In which case, yeah, sign me the hell up for that, too. O_o )

Seriously, fandom. WTF?

In yet more fanpoodling news:



Looks like Leon will keep me company this winter. Yay. ^_^

Video games are so soothing. I know that might sound odd and all—shooting fictional zombies, grey matter and blood splatter—but it's actually so calming. Maybe it's the routine, or maybe it's like reading a book, falling into someone else's story. I mean, don't misunderstand, I've been the biggest frigging game-geek long before I had any of these major losses. But now, it's even moreso. I kinda used to beat myself up over my simple-minded joy at firing up the Wii or PS2, and over my girlish glee at finding fanart that I love, but then one day I was thinking about the rest of my family and I realized they are much the same way. My Dad's favorite thing in the world was Disney. Disneyworld, Disney memorabilia, Disney movies, Disney songs, Disney characters. My Dad could hold forth for literally hours about Mickey Mouse, about walking around the Magic Kingdom, and about his vast Disney collection.

Also, my uncle, who is a super smart and accomplished dude with massive responsibilities, who has raised two very fine young people, well, he's an even bigger gamer than I am, esp. when it comes to the Resident Evil franchise.

So, why should I judge myself for enjoying something simple and fun? I really shouldn't. It's not like it's crack or something.* It's not like it's some life-altering, soul-destroying time-vampire. It's actually a rather safe and harmless time-vampire. And it's not as if it's the only thing in my life, either. So, I should just STFU and enjoy my fandoms. Screw anyone who thinks it's weird or whatever.

Yeah, but I still don't want to smell like Cloud Strife. I'll stick to Black Phoenix, thanks. :)









*It's actually more like heroin.

Poor Haku-chan just had another seizure. This one was different from the others. He wasn't pre-ictal like he usually is (usually it's about a minute of him kind of fluttering around and trying to stand up, before he finally falls down.) Then, it wasn't as violent as the others. I actually got nervous thinking, “WTH, why is he doing it wrong?” It went for about three minutes then he did his “walk around everywhere” thing, went outside, and now he's laying at my feet with his third eyelids all puffy, which always happens. It looks like he gets a headache after the seizures.

If this was a Pet Shop Of Horrors episode, he would be two different dogs: a docile female and a crazy male, and the seizures would be an electro-spiritual reboot between them. Jeezus.

Speaking of strange animal behavior, my backwards-head sparrow? The one in the video down there? Perfectly fine, flying, as if nothing was ever wrong. Again, WTH.

And Laura came to take the lovely wonderful Denzeru two days ago. It was hard to say goodbye to him, but he's in an aviary now (my aviary is all et up with starlings,) and he's trying to work out how to eat, fly, all that other crow stuff.

Kamila came over yesterday morning and we had a massive, two hour rehearsal for next Saturday's show. There were lots of mistakes and “OMG WHY THE HELL DID I SKIP THAT VERSE?!” moments, but in my experience, that's what last rehearsals are for, and I'm pretty comfortable with the whole thing. We're really not adding anything new to the show except the fire entrance and me probably chanting. Umm, maybe I should be nervous about that. But oddly, I'm not. Yet.

Oh, so I re-DL'ed Advent Children Complete and it looks real swell on the huge Mac Daddy screen. All large and crisp. No subtitles though; guess I have to DL them separately.
( LMFAOOOO” )

OMG what is wrong with me. I'm so easily amused.

Yesterday I had some time and I found this tremendous fan-page on Cloud Strife. (WHY DON'T MY LINKS WORK ANYMORE?) I love it because the writer is not only a decent writer (hard to find in any fandom,) but I agree with so many of the things she says, the nuances, subtleties and facets that I sometimes suspect even Squeenix wasn't aware of, or at least didn't do on purpose. Or at least not at first. I get excited about well-made characters and when someone else sees what I see, it makes me squee in fangirlish glee.

Ummm, fiddledeedee.

Later that night I started writing, revising, etc. all that kind of stuff that I usually put off on ze novel, and I hit that point where I couldn't stop because I was enjoying myself too much. It was 1:30 by the time I closed OpenOffice and then the characters were the men I took out shopping with me today, listening to my iPod going, “Oh yeah, this song reminds me of so and so.” Reading that fan page on Cloud Strife, I began this elaborate fantasy wherein my novel not only gets published, but people actually read it; it gets fans and fanfiction, people pair my characters with one another, have 'ship wars, slash them, do fanart, MarySues and all of that other nonsense, good and bad, that goes with fandom. I was thinking about how iconic some characters in a series become. Like, in Final Fantasy they have tried so hard for years to make the perfect character that everyone would adore. They went through their Squalls and Tidus's and yadda yadda, yet it was the blocky pixels of this one nearly unreadable character from over ten years ago that became The Big One. So I was thinking, gee, if my stories ever got published and had a fandom, which character would be That Character, the one that people made pages about, wrote essays on, did tons of fanart and junk like that? And then I thought, dang, it wouldn't be my protagonist, the hero of the whole series. It wouldn't be any of the main characters. It would be goddamn crazy murderous blood-reveling Jin. Once called “obvious” by someone who read the stories in their original form, he is so natural to me, so easy to write, to visualize, to speak for. I think that the character really is quite obvious; he's not very subtle at all and I'm a very self-indulgent writer to begin with. I release all my gory darkness through him; he's like brain-vomit. I think that possibly the only way for me to write him is with a mallet.

And I think that in my writer-fantasy wherein my self-indulgent work pleases other people too, he would be that character, the one that everyone thought of when they thought of the series. Kind of a shame, really! ;D

Yeah, so my fantasies of being the next JK Rowling. El oh el.

One of my friends, a vet from The Bad Place, just stopped by to bring me a baby starling. I was so glad to see her. She's one of the people who took up for me when that all went down. And not because she liked me (although we have been friends a long time,) but because it was wrong. She's just lovely. I do miss some of those people and I told her, “Say hi to everyone good.”

Soooo I have to feed the puppies, feed myself, (go for a jog?) dye my hair, take a shower, then maybe sit there and write until 2 AM again. We'll see. :)