Mind Over Matrimony
Jan. 18th, 2006 10:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
la_belle_laideI went to the divorce trial today, and I didn't get called as a witness yet. But I mentioned to the lawyer something that I had witnessed, and she was all over it and said she really needed me back tomorrow. She felt it was that important. And if it's going to help my friend and her kids, I've got to take the day off work and testify. I've never testified before and I'm a little nervous. I hope it goes well. It's a custody battle so there's a lot at stake.
But I'll tell you, the proceedings are very ugly. Her soon to be ex husband is a completely abusive beast. Not only that, but the ex-couple who were in the next courtroom over (we weren't allowed in my friend's courtroom because we are potential witnesses and mustn't hear any of the proceedings until we're up,) were having a totally brutal battle. Once in a while the woman would come out sobbing, screaming about her ex and his "disgusting 27 year old hick girlfriend" that he took to Atlantic City. He kept insisting that she had a boyfriend too, and she kept denying it. She also kept on saying that she didn't want any of his money, she just wanted everything to be over. Aside from that, a few lawyers and their assisstants or whatever they are were telling other divorce horror stories (couples fighting over bar tabs and stuff like that.)
I'd already given up on marriage and, really, pretty much on relationships in general, but while I was listening to these horror stories and to the ex-couple next courtroom over, I had a complete and irrevocable epiphany: I'm never--never--going down this path. I'm stressed on my friend's behalf, stressed that I even have to show up in a courthouse (which is one of my most loathed places ever.) My friend hasn't slept in days and can hardly eat. She's got to remember all these dates and times and incidents and whatnot.
Why would anyone put themselves in a position where they even might have to face this stuff someday? Because, you know, anything can happen. My friend and her soon-to-be ex were happy once.
I'm not trying to be a downer or see the bad side of things. Actually, for me, this is a good thing. It cemented something I already had felt. I knew I didn't want to get married. And now I get to witness first hand the potential disaster, waste of time and energy, and general mayhem of divorce. Actually, I did see this all once with another good friend of mine who went through an ugly divorce at an early age, but I rather thought back then that her case was the exception, and that most married couples didn't end up this way. The truth is, outside of my parents and two aunts and uncles, I know all of three happily married couples. The rest are miserable and either going through a divorce, or want to but just don't have the spit for it, and so are settled in a life they don't enjoy to the fullest. I am still the envy of most of my married friends. And I just keep reminding myself: these people were happy once. They wanted marriage more than anything. They were in love and wanted only each other's company.
By not getting married, I've personally got nothing to lose. And as frustrating as it is to watch my friend(s) go through all of this, it's very freeing to be aware of the fact that I never will.
But I'll tell you, the proceedings are very ugly. Her soon to be ex husband is a completely abusive beast. Not only that, but the ex-couple who were in the next courtroom over (we weren't allowed in my friend's courtroom because we are potential witnesses and mustn't hear any of the proceedings until we're up,) were having a totally brutal battle. Once in a while the woman would come out sobbing, screaming about her ex and his "disgusting 27 year old hick girlfriend" that he took to Atlantic City. He kept insisting that she had a boyfriend too, and she kept denying it. She also kept on saying that she didn't want any of his money, she just wanted everything to be over. Aside from that, a few lawyers and their assisstants or whatever they are were telling other divorce horror stories (couples fighting over bar tabs and stuff like that.)
I'd already given up on marriage and, really, pretty much on relationships in general, but while I was listening to these horror stories and to the ex-couple next courtroom over, I had a complete and irrevocable epiphany: I'm never--never--going down this path. I'm stressed on my friend's behalf, stressed that I even have to show up in a courthouse (which is one of my most loathed places ever.) My friend hasn't slept in days and can hardly eat. She's got to remember all these dates and times and incidents and whatnot.
Why would anyone put themselves in a position where they even might have to face this stuff someday? Because, you know, anything can happen. My friend and her soon-to-be ex were happy once.
I'm not trying to be a downer or see the bad side of things. Actually, for me, this is a good thing. It cemented something I already had felt. I knew I didn't want to get married. And now I get to witness first hand the potential disaster, waste of time and energy, and general mayhem of divorce. Actually, I did see this all once with another good friend of mine who went through an ugly divorce at an early age, but I rather thought back then that her case was the exception, and that most married couples didn't end up this way. The truth is, outside of my parents and two aunts and uncles, I know all of three happily married couples. The rest are miserable and either going through a divorce, or want to but just don't have the spit for it, and so are settled in a life they don't enjoy to the fullest. I am still the envy of most of my married friends. And I just keep reminding myself: these people were happy once. They wanted marriage more than anything. They were in love and wanted only each other's company.
By not getting married, I've personally got nothing to lose. And as frustrating as it is to watch my friend(s) go through all of this, it's very freeing to be aware of the fact that I never will.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 01:25 pm (UTC)Some cases are exceptions, you guys are obviously one of those cases. My parents, for instance, have been joyfully married for 34 years. O_o
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Date: 2006-01-19 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 08:54 pm (UTC)