EWAN MCGREGOR, errr, I mean, Angels and Demons

[la_belle_laide]

Let me preface this by saying that I wouldn't have gone out to watch this movie if Ewan McGregor hadn't been in it, and therefore my entire review will be colored by the fact that Ewan McGregor was in it. If I may expand on that idea a little so you know what you're getting into: I love Ewan McGregor. I would pay to watch him clean the toilet. I wish science would clone him. I would go through his garbage. I would lick his used cutlery. I SAT THROUGH "THE ISLAND."

I should also say, I read both Dan Brown novels and I know it's trendy to be like "Oh, he sucks as a novelist" but I'm not so sure. Yeah, he's not writing great literature or anything like that, but he can pace a novel like nobody's bidness and that's just something I can't do. I mean, it's not like it's Twilight or anything for godsakes. So, even if the novels were silly, plot-holey, far-fetched etc. I have to give him props because each time I read his books I found myself whipping through them. Sometimes I don't want to be challenged. Sometimes I just want to be entertained.

The movie The Da Vinci Code wasn't really inspiring. I thought it was kinda dull, but I did like how incendiary both the novel and the movie were. Anything that pisses off the church kinda gets my vote. ;D But I'm a bitch like that. One thing that bugged me about The Da Vinci Code was that here you have this code-breaker (the chick, Sophie I think her name was) who was basically raised by this secret society and who was supposed to be all smart and whatnot, but it takes the heroic Robert Langdon to tell her that the Grail was Mary Magdelaine. Hello, if even I knew that by the time I got out of high school, don't you think that this chick who was mad-genius and the granddaughter of the head of the society for the protection of the grail might have had a clue?

But! I digress. Angels and Demons, right. Well, after I had finished the book I made a huge deal out of writing about it and I had mentally cast Joaquin Phoenix as Carlo Ventresca, the Camerlengo. (THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THAT ENTRY.) And it seemed to me that even Dan Brown had cast Joaquin Phoenix as the camerlengo, because a few of the lines were eerily close to lines int he original script for "Quills." So I loved loved loved the camerlengo and I had always hoped for Joaquin to do a fake Italian accent and play him.

But instead, Ewan McGregor not bothering with a fake accent (thank god!) and the camerlengo was no longer Carlo Ventresca but rather, umm, Patrick McKenna. YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT.

Actually that wasn't the only thing that didn't match up with the book. TONS of stuff was different, (especially two very important familial relations, wtf!) but I don't feel like listing them all out. I was keen to see how they were going to make the fifth ambigram, but they didn't bother. That bugged me a little. I realize that they can't fit every little detail into the movie, but they left out a lot of things from the book that I felt were kind of redeeming to the overall plot. Oh well.

EWAN MCGREGOR.

I can't even tell you how perfect he was for this role. He plays eveyr single role with that glint in his eye. A Jedi, a snarky reporter bastard, a junkie, a clone, a hapless kidnapper, a bisexual rock star, a bisexual writer, a priest... it doesn't matter which role he takes; he has mischief in his veins and his eyes sparkle and he is really really really shiny. I would watch a whole movie about Carlo Ventresca's Patrick McKenna's entire story arc because Ewan could carry that entire character, seriously. He would make it worth it.

Here's a weird thing, and I need to cut this because it is a spoiler and even though I wasn't going to get into spoilers, this is so "me" that I'm going to do it anyway.
Contrary to my usual "OMG Catholic church hates science let's make them the bad guys!" bit of bitchiness, I wanted the camerlengo to be the hero. Going against everything I hold dear and which makes sense to me, and even though I already knew the ending--Ventresca's the bad guy, a killer, a psycho, etc.--that stupid movie-going part of me held out hope that all of his heroism at the end would be, you know, heroic. He looked heroic and I'm a sucker for that kind of nonsense.


GOD I have issues, and they really do come out in the movies.

Well, that's how I felt about Angels and Demons, which tells you nothing of the story (fairly simplistic and predictable even if you haven't read the book,) the dialog (sort of flat, but to the point,) the acting in general (Tom Hanks playing Tom Hanks,) the cinematography (pretty,) and the soundtrack (FRIGGING COOL.) Really all it says is "I really like Ewan McGregor" but hey, that's pretty much why I went to see the damned thing.

Don't I just love that "type?" The Trickster?

Right now I'm making some tea and I'm going to put some liver-cleaning stuff, because I sat there and ate a pint of Unconditional Chocolate during the movie (EWAN MCGREGOR WAS BETTER THAN MY ICE CREAM) and now I have a pint of frigging Pomegranate Chocolate Chip and I had just better eat them both in one day this way my body can just deal with it and flush it all out. Umm, yes, that is my logic. It's not so bad to eat two pints of ice cream in one day as long as I don't do it all the time. I'm young and healthy, I can deal with it. I won't get fat or feel sick. I take really good care of myself. And I'm going to marry a Ewan clone.

We tell ourselves such monstrous lies! ^_^


ETA for TRIVIA which means nothing to anyone but me: My character Leander from my silly novels has always been based on Ewan McGregor. ^_^ In fact Shallow Grave + this photoshoot:



pretty much invented Leander.

I care, okay! ^_^

Comments

[spatterdash.livejournal.com]

You know, i was talking about this with a friend of mine who HATES the holy MOTHERFUCK out of some Dan Brown--she would knife her own colon *&* punch her grandpa with a knuckleduster if it meant Dan Brown would even be slightly inconvenienced--and even she admitted that one thing Dan Brown can totally do is write a page-turner in terms of pacing his plots.

If you want to make your book(s) into page-turners, it's a specific structuring technique that you could employ (or at least, i think you could for all that i've only read 2 sections of the one book). I'm of mixed mind about the page-turner structure--people do devour them and they are often commercially gangbuster successful, but i also think a lot of authors (AHEM DAN BROWN) rely on that structure because it DOES allow for glossing over flaws in the mind of the reader much easier than other novel structures.

[shonagonchan.livejournal.com]

How your friend feels about DB is pretty much how I feel about Smeyers TBH. I'd lick broken glass off the tombs of my ancestors if it meant she'd never write again.

You know what, that's a good point you make there about page-turners vs. coherent plots. I actually never really thought about it that way. "Huh yeah, I guess that part doesn't make sense but OMG AN EXPLOSION!"

I'm not sure it's easier, because as you may have gathered by now, pacing is my huge problem. I'm happy having my character walk around and look at stuff for a whole chapter. ;)

Ideally I could land somewhere in the middle, but then again, ideally I could write the most awesome book ever with engaging characters, intricate yet logical storylines, lots of excitement, coherency, no plot holes, and have everyone love it.

And then tear up Ewan McGregor like a category five hurricane. ;)

I have to tell you, this writing feedback thing has been a really big deal for me and I think--I hope--that it's helping me a lot. ^_^

[lauraceleste.livejournal.com]

Noooooo! Ewan is Miiiiiiiine!!!

...seriously, though, I agree with everything you said. I can not watch him smile without smiling myself. He is a beautiful, beautiful man. And i am looking forward to seeing this movie as well.

[shonagonchan.livejournal.com]

He really is like the ideal man. ^_^

[reanimated.livejournal.com]

GAAAAAAH that first picture, i think i had that on my computer in college in about 1998 or so. wow. yeah. he's my hero. and fucking VELVET GOLDMINE WHAT. and did you even reference 'the pillow book'? i think you did. unless he was bi in moulin rouge, which i didn't catch. ;-)

[shonagonchan.livejournal.com]

I have most pics from that photo shoot on my hard drive TBH. He's so beautiful in every way. :)

Yup, I referenced The Pillow Book, even though it had nothing to do with The Pillow Book, damn, it was Ewan and he was starkass nakie and all covered in kanji and quite possibly one of the freaking hottest images ever. ^_^

[reanimated.livejournal.com]

yessss. best part of the movie. ;-)

[shonagonchan.livejournal.com]

For you:

(http://s103.photobucket.com/albums/m157/importantphotos_album/?action=view&current=ewan59.jpg)

^_^

[flamingchords.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I've seen the dude naked. And covered in brushstrokes. "s not like thesse;s no moveis in which hes' naked -- thers' a bunch of the,/. And I've neber noticed how fuckin preety he was until I saw that pic..

Dammit. My shit is typing righ now.

Don't meinf me, I'm drunk. Not that I htingk it's likely, but do you want piccies if I nail him?

[shonagonchan.livejournal.com]

LMAO, Loki. Let me tell you, I have more pics where that came from for sure. And I think he's gotten better as he's gotten older, too. That shine he has in his eyes, you know? That's what it is about men. Yeah, the nakie, the brushtrokes, the huge lightsaber... that's all nice and whatever.

But that shine. ^_^

Drink a quart of water so you don't get a headache, and the answer to your question is "YES, DUH." ;D

[shonagonchan.livejournal.com]

For you:

(http://s103.photobucket.com/albums/m157/importantphotos_album/?action=view&current=EwanBW.jpg)

^_^