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Jan. 8th, 2007 10:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
la_belle_laideTonight's Kung Fu was one of those mind-altering workouts where you are in so much pain that you actually stop feeling and find absolute zen. There were no beginners today, just blackbelt club, so Sifu started us off with punching drills. Hundreds of them. My arms were shaking by the end of the first hour. Then Raq came in to lead our blackbelt club warmup. Previously I had asked her if we could do some of those leg lifts, because the ab work on that is tremendous--she's got a whole special set for every abdominal muscle and some I didn't even know I had (but I feel them now when I poke myself in the stomach, like tight cords.) I wanted to get back into that ab stuff. So Raq led the warmup and it was brutal; we forewent the partnered stretching and just started doing strength. Then Sifu came back in and, to my utter surprise, we continued with the various punching drills, more advanced ones this time.
I didn't look at anyone else in the entire class for most of it. Only at one point did I look at a greenbelt brother in front of me--nice guy, huge, been doing KF for years--and saw his entire T shirt covered in sweat, and I could see all the muscles in his back shaking. Me, I just felt like my limbs were going to fall off. The downer was that I hadn't expected such a tremendously tiring class and I had worn my black sweatshirt with no T shirt underneath, so I couldn't strip it off. I was pretty freaking warm. (Of note: I rarely get out of breath or get sweaty. That doesn't mean I'm not doing as much work as everyone else, just that my metabolism is different. And I'm always cold anyway; my temperature runs about a degree cooler than average.)
Later, Chris K. said that he felt like he had blacked out for most of the class, but he kept moving and kept doing each and every drill. He didn't feel tired, he said, just not there. I answered back that I had felt that same kind of numb detatchment, but that about fifteen minutes before the second hour was over, I got a weird buzz that stayed with me for the rest of the night. Even driving home is a hazy memory. (Which I guess is not a good thing.)
After class I mentioned this weird, numb, total zen feeling to Sifu; I told him it was not entirely unpleasant, because I wasn't thinking about work tomorrow, or that I have put off going grocery shopping all week, or forgot to cash my check etc. I just, in fact, wasn't thinking. And after a while, wasn't feeling, either. Sifu answered that there's a saying in martial arts that your best punch is your thousandth. That's because you're so tired that you aren't even thinking, and thinking is what usually screws up your form. Also that by the time you're so tired you can hardly move your arms, you're moving purely on internal energy. You're not "muscling" anything anymore, which for Choy Lei Fut is ideal, because the motion is all counter-balancing and swinging yourself like a pendulum on the end of a string. That's all kinetic energy. For some reason, that observation made me all kinds of happy.
I live in fear these days of the words, "Break off into forms." Forms used to be my favorite class, but now I get such performance anxiety over them that I can't even do them. I totally forgot the sword form. Small Wheel is like this hazy, chopped up thing in my head, and my body never remembers what comes next either so I can't rely on that. Right before the holiday break I actually ran Small Wheel three times in a row without missing a single part of it--I went to my Special Place I guess, and blocked everyone else out--but now it's gone again and I can't even remember how the hell I managed it.
Now my favorite classes are these line drills, where everything is repetitive and eventually my body just starts to do it without me. Then I come home and go into the shower, barely able to lift my arms to wash my hair, but feeling so weirdly refreshed. Although I know that by Wednesday I'm going to be in (metaphoric) tears ... and then Sifu will make us do it all again. And I'll probably love it just as much, too.
On writing: It's going, dude. Much of it is crap and hackery, but I'm writing like a fiend. Like a two dollar whore, it isn't pretty, but it gets the job done. (Yes, thank you, thank you, I made that one up.) I'm at that place where writing isn't a chore, but something I look forward to--something that other things interrupt. Like this blog entry, but I wanted to make it anyway. My characters are once again the lovers that I can't wait to return to when I'm away. And I've begun to count out hours that I have to write and take every opportunity that I can, which is something that I haven't done in over a year, maybe two. And I've got ideas that excite me, stuff that I really am looking forward to writing, instead of filler. And am also weirdly stalling so that I don't have to end the book; then I remind myself, Silly, you still have at least SIX MORE BOOKS in you after this! And that thought is more exciting than daunting. So that's all to the good, too.
But now I'm going to wait till this back massager finishes its run, read a little of the 30STM board (I've found a handful of decent, smart people on there,) and then go the hell to bed.
ETA: PLUTOED is the word of the year. When do you guys think they'll add VUNCH? :D
I didn't look at anyone else in the entire class for most of it. Only at one point did I look at a greenbelt brother in front of me--nice guy, huge, been doing KF for years--and saw his entire T shirt covered in sweat, and I could see all the muscles in his back shaking. Me, I just felt like my limbs were going to fall off. The downer was that I hadn't expected such a tremendously tiring class and I had worn my black sweatshirt with no T shirt underneath, so I couldn't strip it off. I was pretty freaking warm. (Of note: I rarely get out of breath or get sweaty. That doesn't mean I'm not doing as much work as everyone else, just that my metabolism is different. And I'm always cold anyway; my temperature runs about a degree cooler than average.)
Later, Chris K. said that he felt like he had blacked out for most of the class, but he kept moving and kept doing each and every drill. He didn't feel tired, he said, just not there. I answered back that I had felt that same kind of numb detatchment, but that about fifteen minutes before the second hour was over, I got a weird buzz that stayed with me for the rest of the night. Even driving home is a hazy memory. (Which I guess is not a good thing.)
After class I mentioned this weird, numb, total zen feeling to Sifu; I told him it was not entirely unpleasant, because I wasn't thinking about work tomorrow, or that I have put off going grocery shopping all week, or forgot to cash my check etc. I just, in fact, wasn't thinking. And after a while, wasn't feeling, either. Sifu answered that there's a saying in martial arts that your best punch is your thousandth. That's because you're so tired that you aren't even thinking, and thinking is what usually screws up your form. Also that by the time you're so tired you can hardly move your arms, you're moving purely on internal energy. You're not "muscling" anything anymore, which for Choy Lei Fut is ideal, because the motion is all counter-balancing and swinging yourself like a pendulum on the end of a string. That's all kinetic energy. For some reason, that observation made me all kinds of happy.
I live in fear these days of the words, "Break off into forms." Forms used to be my favorite class, but now I get such performance anxiety over them that I can't even do them. I totally forgot the sword form. Small Wheel is like this hazy, chopped up thing in my head, and my body never remembers what comes next either so I can't rely on that. Right before the holiday break I actually ran Small Wheel three times in a row without missing a single part of it--I went to my Special Place I guess, and blocked everyone else out--but now it's gone again and I can't even remember how the hell I managed it.
Now my favorite classes are these line drills, where everything is repetitive and eventually my body just starts to do it without me. Then I come home and go into the shower, barely able to lift my arms to wash my hair, but feeling so weirdly refreshed. Although I know that by Wednesday I'm going to be in (metaphoric) tears ... and then Sifu will make us do it all again. And I'll probably love it just as much, too.
On writing: It's going, dude. Much of it is crap and hackery, but I'm writing like a fiend. Like a two dollar whore, it isn't pretty, but it gets the job done. (Yes, thank you, thank you, I made that one up.) I'm at that place where writing isn't a chore, but something I look forward to--something that other things interrupt. Like this blog entry, but I wanted to make it anyway. My characters are once again the lovers that I can't wait to return to when I'm away. And I've begun to count out hours that I have to write and take every opportunity that I can, which is something that I haven't done in over a year, maybe two. And I've got ideas that excite me, stuff that I really am looking forward to writing, instead of filler. And am also weirdly stalling so that I don't have to end the book; then I remind myself, Silly, you still have at least SIX MORE BOOKS in you after this! And that thought is more exciting than daunting. So that's all to the good, too.
But now I'm going to wait till this back massager finishes its run, read a little of the 30STM board (I've found a handful of decent, smart people on there,) and then go the hell to bed.
ETA: PLUTOED is the word of the year. When do you guys think they'll add VUNCH? :D
