Suffering for love? Try get over it.
Dec. 14th, 2006 08:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
la_belle_laideOkay, I can't do absolutely nothing but play Twilight Princess, as much as I'd like to do just that. There's work and other issues to deal with and, thus, to write about.
Yes, I wrote out that outline for my story last night. Yes, I was thinking about it all day. These are good signs. I feel better. I can and will do this thing. COlor me excited, because my group of characters were the illicit lovers I kept in my head all day today while I was at work. Which, I worked alone today and later than usual, because one of our girls (new girl, and we're all crazy about her) was in the hospital, (she came home today,) and Casse was out sick. So it was just me. Well, just me and the fictional people in my head. I brought Trisky and Haku in today for baths, nails, checkup, vaccs etc. (I'll bring Sano on Tuesday.)
The other thing that's on my mind is--oh, wait for it--that Jeremy, you know, my best friend from high school with whom I got back in touch on December 13th last year after stressing for years if he was alive and well? Has completely ditched me yet again. I swear, I don't know why I keep on bothering. This time it's because he can't handle his feelings for me and because I don't return said feelings. So therefore, he wants me entirely out of his life. It's romantic relationship or nothing. He says it's a matter of self preservation, that he simply can't go on because of his love for me. Oh, the sorrows of young Werther. I think it was Victor Hugo who wrote, "Those of you who suffer because of love, love still more. To die for love is to live for it." That's complete balls and it should be, "Those of you who suffer because of love, get the eff over it and move on. You're being an idiot." But I'm kidn of pissed because I've done nothing to encourage this at all (which he admits,) and I've told him every single time we went down this road, "No." And he said he was all right with that. Oh, but now it's killing him. And I've done nothing but be there for him, endlessly and always. And now he's totally ditching me for something that's completely not my fault, not my issue, and has nothing to do with anything I did. "I love you too much that it cuts me to the core to play video games and hang out and chat." Christ, we're 33 and 34. :/ You know what this looks like to me? This looks like he gave me one year to "come around" or to "see it his way" or something like that. He never said that, but come on, this is nearly to the day.
The only not totally negative thing about this is that I really don't have to clam up when I really like a guy or when I've got something going on with another guy for fear of hurting him. All the guys I've chatted or crushed on or anything like that, I've had to keep real quiet about it just to avoid hurting him. He said in his letter to me that he would hate (and want to hurt) any guy I brought home. (Which is funny, beacuse my best guy friends aside from him are my Kung Fu brothers, all blue-belts and up.) And then--get this--suggested that maybe I wasn't into guys after all. Which isn't like a huge insult to me, in fact is not an insult at all, although I'm not sure if he meant it to be or not. It also seemed like, you know, the usual fare: "If she's not into me, she must not be into guys." I totally should have told him I was gay or something, this way maybe he would get over this thing. He also suggested to me that, you know, I could change this coldness of mine and I didn't have to let it control me. "If you'd only let yourself love, you'd be into me!" Yes, beause you all know me: I am completely unaware of my own emotional state and am spiraling out of control. Whatever. Patronize much? Then he went on to tell me that this all must be really all right with me, and I probably wouldn't be bothered by it anyway. The rest of the email was all flowery "I Love You" and "Thank you for our friendship" and "I'll always remember you as my very best friend" and all this other sappy stuff that he can't honestly mean if he's just cool with walking away.
Bah. Color me disappointed.
Ahh, Link will keep me company through these winter days. ;D
And maybe a Kung Fu brother. Or two. ^_^
Yes, I wrote out that outline for my story last night. Yes, I was thinking about it all day. These are good signs. I feel better. I can and will do this thing. COlor me excited, because my group of characters were the illicit lovers I kept in my head all day today while I was at work. Which, I worked alone today and later than usual, because one of our girls (new girl, and we're all crazy about her) was in the hospital, (she came home today,) and Casse was out sick. So it was just me. Well, just me and the fictional people in my head. I brought Trisky and Haku in today for baths, nails, checkup, vaccs etc. (I'll bring Sano on Tuesday.)
The other thing that's on my mind is--oh, wait for it--that Jeremy, you know, my best friend from high school with whom I got back in touch on December 13th last year after stressing for years if he was alive and well? Has completely ditched me yet again. I swear, I don't know why I keep on bothering. This time it's because he can't handle his feelings for me and because I don't return said feelings. So therefore, he wants me entirely out of his life. It's romantic relationship or nothing. He says it's a matter of self preservation, that he simply can't go on because of his love for me. Oh, the sorrows of young Werther. I think it was Victor Hugo who wrote, "Those of you who suffer because of love, love still more. To die for love is to live for it." That's complete balls and it should be, "Those of you who suffer because of love, get the eff over it and move on. You're being an idiot." But I'm kidn of pissed because I've done nothing to encourage this at all (which he admits,) and I've told him every single time we went down this road, "No." And he said he was all right with that. Oh, but now it's killing him. And I've done nothing but be there for him, endlessly and always. And now he's totally ditching me for something that's completely not my fault, not my issue, and has nothing to do with anything I did. "I love you too much that it cuts me to the core to play video games and hang out and chat." Christ, we're 33 and 34. :/ You know what this looks like to me? This looks like he gave me one year to "come around" or to "see it his way" or something like that. He never said that, but come on, this is nearly to the day.
The only not totally negative thing about this is that I really don't have to clam up when I really like a guy or when I've got something going on with another guy for fear of hurting him. All the guys I've chatted or crushed on or anything like that, I've had to keep real quiet about it just to avoid hurting him. He said in his letter to me that he would hate (and want to hurt) any guy I brought home. (Which is funny, beacuse my best guy friends aside from him are my Kung Fu brothers, all blue-belts and up.) And then--get this--suggested that maybe I wasn't into guys after all. Which isn't like a huge insult to me, in fact is not an insult at all, although I'm not sure if he meant it to be or not. It also seemed like, you know, the usual fare: "If she's not into me, she must not be into guys." I totally should have told him I was gay or something, this way maybe he would get over this thing. He also suggested to me that, you know, I could change this coldness of mine and I didn't have to let it control me. "If you'd only let yourself love, you'd be into me!" Yes, beause you all know me: I am completely unaware of my own emotional state and am spiraling out of control. Whatever. Patronize much? Then he went on to tell me that this all must be really all right with me, and I probably wouldn't be bothered by it anyway. The rest of the email was all flowery "I Love You" and "Thank you for our friendship" and "I'll always remember you as my very best friend" and all this other sappy stuff that he can't honestly mean if he's just cool with walking away.
Bah. Color me disappointed.
Ahh, Link will keep me company through these winter days. ;D
And maybe a Kung Fu brother. Or two. ^_^
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no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 02:52 am (UTC)If I had to guess, he thought he was everything you needed or wanted. He's been your friend forever so he's obviously a great guy, he's talented, he's pretty as all hell (I'm a straight dude, and I'll grant him that)... and yet, you don't want him in that way.
This is wounded pride, as much as unrequited love. He was all he could be to make you love him, and it wasn't enough. Unless it turns out that you've liked girls all this time, or you've had hardcore intimacy issues, he thinks he's failed, and that hurts. It doesn't occur to him that you're just telling him no -- not judging him unworthy.
It all makes sense... in that stupid wounded male pride kind of way. And as much as I hate to speak ill of a fellow red-haired pretty-boy, let alone one I've never met, I think he's being an idiot. I hope he comes to his senses soon, and I hope you haven't written him off by the time he's grown past all this.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 03:49 am (UTC)I've been unrequited, too. 99% of my life, in fact. Eventually you say "Okay" and then you move on. That's easier when you're used to being told "no", which clearly he isn't used to.
I also hope he comes to his senses and realizes that he's being an idiot. When / if he does, I'll still be here to hang out with him at any time. Because he is a good friend ... when he's being a good friend.
As always, thank you for your perspective. *hugs you to death*
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 04:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 12:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 04:53 am (UTC)That said, I have to tell you that I have definitely cut off friendships because I couldn't stand the pain of being in love with the person and them not feeling the same way. Though it's probably more a matter of wounded pride for men, for me it's just because I don't want to torture myself, and it's unfair for two people to try to be things to each other that neither really wants. I hope, though, that he's being honest with you and is not just trying to force you into feeling for him (as if that could even happen) via ultimatum. If so, he's going to be really sad when you call his bluff and he loses a valuable friendship. :/
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 12:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 05:21 pm (UTC)So, I am speaking from the viewpoint of a person who knows how your friend feels and then some. And I think he just needs to get over himself, pure and simple. Not seeing someone prevents you from teaching yourself to see him/her in a different context and get over unrequited feelings.
Or, he could just be happy wallowing in his feelings. Some people do.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 10:50 pm (UTC)Or, he could just be happy wallowing in his feelings. Some people do.
QFT.
I'm sorry for what happened to you. But you did the right thing; you moved on, you got perspective. I think we've all been there at some point (god knows I've been on the unrequited side, well, for much of my life.) The ony thing you can do is grow up and get over it.