(no subject)

On Wednesday, I went for the blood test to confirm the pregnancy. Although, I'd been feeling really crampy the entire week, and no period, so I kind of knew anyway. They called back around 4 and told me "congratulations!" and informed me that my beta—the hcg level—was 3935, with progesterone at 18.9. Beta levels are tricky, because if they're too low, it means that your pregnancy probably won't last. At day 18, which I was then, mine should have been around 300. At nearly 4000, that's pretty much unheard of, even if you're having twins.

Dr. Google informed me that one reason for a rapidly rising beta was a "molar pregnancy," which is when the zygote doesn't have human chromosomes. But it also doesn't self-eject. It just keeps growing inside you like an alien tumor, throwing hormones all over the place.

Naturally, I freaked out and called for an ultrasound ASAP.

I went yesterday.  I'm at nearly 5 weeks* and I didn't think he'd be able to tell anything for sure, but I went anyway. He asked if I was excited and I told him, "Well, I'm really nervous about the super high beta number" and he asked why. O_O I said, "...Molar pregnancy?" And he said, "Oh yeah. I forgot about that."

Umm.

Anyway, not twins. He only found one little zygote in there, but he said that sometimes the second one hides for a few weeks. Still, he thinks it's just the one, and said, "Just remember that the thing you're worried about has a less than 1% chance of happening." I asked him about Down's Syndrome, which is also associated with high beta numbers (but mostly in the second trimester,) and he said, "Chances are about 1 in 300. Or maybe 1 in 100." :/ I asked if that was something he could see, or just statistics, and he said just statistics.

Later, in the office, I asked him what he thought about the super high beta, like if there was a reason for it, and he said, "Maybe you're just off to a really great start." 

Yeah, I'll take that. 

He doesn't' think I need another beta (I've only had the one,) I go back to see him in 2 weeks, and then, in his words, "I kick you out and you go to your regular OBGYN."

So, that was that, and that's all I know so far. I'm pretty much cautiously optimistic. I know it's still early and could go either way right now, so I've only told the few people who knew what I was doing. Obviously Mom, Chrissie, Tim, Spencer and Meghan. My boss, Raquel, Lee, David and Clyde. I'm going to wait to tell Chris in person (he's not even on FB.)

And that's where we are right now.





*It's not five weeks, goddamnit, it's three. I hate this "you're pregnant two weeks before you're pregnant" thing, like every woman just walks around in a state of potential pregnancy. So insulting.

This, that and the other. (And some head movies.)

Last night, Havoc had a meltdown that was so intense, I was afraid for him. I've never seen a bird do this before. I was chilling out on Tumblr, everything in the house utterly quiet, when I heard him make this low, frightened sound like I'd never heard him make before. The only way to describe this sound was utter fear, even though I have never heard this noise in my life. You could just feel it.

When I went into his room, he was out of his mind. I've never seen a bird get this hysterical before. I actually thought he was neurological, that he had West Niles or something. He didn't know why he was in a cage, or in a room. He couldn't find his perch, just flapping around madly, panting and freaking out. And he didn't know who I was. This hysteria went on for about an hour. Even after I turned off his light to let him go to sleep (and darken whatever he might have been looking at that scared him,) I could still hear him shaking in his cage. And when I'd turn on the light to check on him, he would hiss at me, with his feathers all puffed up. Havoc gets annoyed and irritated and he doesn't want to be pet or carried, and sometimes he hisses meaninglessly when he's feeling bothered, but this time it was because he honestly didn't know who I was.

Then he fell asleep, and woke up fine, like nothing had happened.

What. The. Hell.

I wonder what he saw out there? He's seen cats, raccoons, mice and rats go by before, so I can't imagine it was anything like that.

Anyway, I'm glad that's over, and may that crap never happen again, jesus.

I finished watching Lost, and, WHAT. Really, WHAT? I feel like all seven seasons totally trolled me. I'm not going to say anymore about it, because people who read this LJ haven't seen the whole thing yet. So no spoilers. Just know that I was not pleased with the last five minutes.

I have been having some crazy dreams. In one, I was at the beach down the road. Again, it's a dream-beach: never the way it is in real life, but always exactly the same in every dream. What is it with that? I have a lot of dream-places that are like that. They are only vaguely similar to the actual places, but are laid out, detail for detail, the same in every dream, from one to the next, even if the dreams are years apart. I mean, are those like, real places in parallel worlds or something? So bizarre. Anyway, I was at that beach, paddling out into the water on a chair, so that I could get a picture of the sunset. I know it sounds boring, but something about it was really intense.

Then, a few nights ago, I dreamed that I was watching TV somewhere and this nature show came on, talking about a building called "The Cascade," where, if you could get past the waterfall and get to the top of it, your most important question would be answered. After that, I was driving home from somewhere, and I decided to take an alternate route. I got lost, and ended up in front of The Cascade building. It was really high, and the floors got narrower as it went up.

My Dad was there, telling me that I had to press certain buttons in a sequence in order to get past it. He said he'd figured out that if you press one button, it would deactivate a barrier, but activate another one farther in. (I play too many video games, it's true.) Then he demonstrated by pressing a button that had a picture of a small rock on it. When he did this, the waterfall in front of the building came on. Some of the other buttons had labels, like "rain" and "river" and things like that. Dad said he had to go meet someone, and he'd be right back.

Then I ran into my brother, and then Lao Shir. They were also trying to figure out The Cascade, and how to get to the top. My alarm went off before I could figure it out.

Wow, I guess the surface of that dream is very sort of Buddhist or something.

Work is pretty much what it's been: good weeks with tons of clients, slow weeks with next to no one. But fun, nice, mellow.

Still hot here in the afternoons, cold at night and in the mornings. Jo-chan started college again and is here every Mon-Tues and then Wed-Thurs. It's nice, we're still watching Doctor Who, and we've started re-watching Sorcerer Hunters. That show still cracks me up every time.

This, that, and the other.