(no subject)

Today, I went for my third run. Man! It's not easy. But it is a beautiful day, with that mist/rain that Hawaiians call ka noenoe. That's the best weather to be outside. Water in the air really soothes my lungs. I hate the dry.

Yesterday, I missed school. I just didn't feel right, although TBH I think stress is getting to me! (Haku, Grandma, going to China soon, finals coming up, all this other stuff.) Anyway it's a good thing I stayed home, because Haku started acting really strange and had a swelling on his chest, close to his incision. He ended up at the ER YET AGAIN. The wonderful vet there took a look and said it seems like he injured himself when he fell during his seizure. (Or it could have been when he slammed into Sano while playing. I think I let him off the leash way too soon.) And the way he was acting she chalked up to post-seizure behavior. He was just really tired and out of sorts. I guess that's common.

His appointment with the neurologist is tomorrow and I'm so nervous. Now, I want it to be run of the mill epilepsy. I don't want them to find anything worse. Anyway he probably won't even get tests done tomorrow; it's probably just a consultation that's going to cost a million billion dollars. Also it is in Hempstead, which is in Guam, and I am missing my Monday classes for the THIRD time. I have to write emails to my classmates and beg them for the notes, and ask them to please make my excuses to both teachers.

As far as Gran is concerned, she is just really declining so quickly. It is so upsetting to watch because one minute she'll be there, among the living, and the next she's just totally gone. I think she's having mini-strokes, because she'll slur her speech and shut one eye. Then it seems to clear up. I emailed my Mom some info on transient ischemic attacks and she paged the doctor to see what he thought. He seems to think that it's not that, and that she should just make an appointment with the neurologist instead of going to the emergency room. I just don't know! All I know is that my Mom is saddled with all of this and it sucks for her. She spends most of her time at Gran's house and has no time for herself. She can't even go out shopping unless she knows for sure that I'm home so that I can run across and check on Gran every once in a while. They have a baby monitor at Gran's house too, but Gran gets all crazy and starts screaming sometimes. My parents can't even go to bed, or take showers, without her yelling. I feel really bad.

I go to visit her at night because she recognizes me and seems a little cheerful when she sees me. Then we talk about trivial things, and I just hope that it will make her feel comfy enough to get some rest, but lately even that doesn't work.

So, this whole thing is just crazy.

I wish I could say there was something else going on, something really cool, but everything else seems so small in comparison! Except for Haku, and that's not a happy or positive thing at all. Though hopefully I will get some good news on that front. I just don't know what I'd do if there was something seriously wrong with my little white man.

And here's something weird and totally stupid. Both times when he had the seizures, I was sitting on my sofa reading, and he was sleeping. Now, when he's asleep, I have a weird superstition about sitting on my sofa and reading. So I suppose I could (and should) read ahead in my text books and do the lessons that I missed, but weirdly enough I keep avoiding sitting there. It's irrational. I know that my sitting down to read isn't going to trigger a seizure, yet I'm still afraid to do it.

STUPID!

(no subject)

Today, I went for my third run. Man! It's not easy. But it is a beautiful day, with that mist/rain that Hawaiians call ka noenoe. That's the best weather to be outside. Water in the air really soothes my lungs. I hate the dry.

Yesterday, I missed school. I just didn't feel right, although TBH I think stress is getting to me! (Haku, Grandma, going to China soon, finals coming up, all this other stuff.) Anyway it's a good thing I stayed home, because Haku started acting really strange and had a swelling on his chest, close to his incision. He ended up at the ER YET AGAIN. The wonderful vet there took a look and said it seems like he injured himself when he fell during his seizure. (Or it could have been when he slammed into Sano while playing. I think I let him off the leash way too soon.) And the way he was acting she chalked up to post-seizure behavior. He was just really tired and out of sorts. I guess that's common.

His appointment with the neurologist is tomorrow and I'm so nervous. Now, I want it to be run of the mill epilepsy. I don't want them to find anything worse. Anyway he probably won't even get tests done tomorrow; it's probably just a consultation that's going to cost a million billion dollars. Also it is in Hempstead, which is in Guam, and I am missing my Monday classes for the THIRD time. I have to write emails to my classmates and beg them for the notes, and ask them to please make my excuses to both teachers.

As far as Gran is concerned, she is just really declining so quickly. It is so upsetting to watch because one minute she'll be there, among the living, and the next she's just totally gone. I think she's having mini-strokes, because she'll slur her speech and shut one eye. Then it seems to clear up. I emailed my Mom some info on transient ischemic attacks and she paged the doctor to see what he thought. He seems to think that it's not that, and that she should just make an appointment with the neurologist instead of going to the emergency room. I just don't know! All I know is that my Mom is saddled with all of this and it sucks for her. She spends most of her time at Gran's house and has no time for herself. She can't even go out shopping unless she knows for sure that I'm home so that I can run across and check on Gran every once in a while. They have a baby monitor at Gran's house too, but Gran gets all crazy and starts screaming sometimes. My parents can't even go to bed, or take showers, without her yelling. I feel really bad.

I go to visit her at night because she recognizes me and seems a little cheerful when she sees me. Then we talk about trivial things, and I just hope that it will make her feel comfy enough to get some rest, but lately even that doesn't work.

So, this whole thing is just crazy.

I wish I could say there was something else going on, something really cool, but everything else seems so small in comparison! Except for Haku, and that's not a happy or positive thing at all. Though hopefully I will get some good news on that front. I just don't know what I'd do if there was something seriously wrong with my little white man.

And here's something weird and totally stupid. Both times when he had the seizures, I was sitting on my sofa reading, and he was sleeping. Now, when he's asleep, I have a weird superstition about sitting on my sofa and reading. So I suppose I could (and should) read ahead in my text books and do the lessons that I missed, but weirdly enough I keep avoiding sitting there. It's irrational. I know that my sitting down to read isn't going to trigger a seizure, yet I'm still afraid to do it.

STUPID!

(no subject)

I should add, Gran finally did go to the hospital. It got bad enough that even she asked to go; which is unusual for her. She'll probably be there for a while.

Meanwhile, earlier I wrote about that strange swelling on Haku that they thought was some kind of injury? It went down,and not a few hours after I wrote that entry, another huge swelling popped up on the other side.

He's seeing the vet tomorrow, so at least that will get looked at.

Tonight was the first thunderstorm of the season. Usually I love thunderstorms, but tonight I just didn't like it too much.

(no subject)

I should add, Gran finally did go to the hospital. It got bad enough that even she asked to go; which is unusual for her. She'll probably be there for a while.

Meanwhile, earlier I wrote about that strange swelling on Haku that they thought was some kind of injury? It went down,and not a few hours after I wrote that entry, another huge swelling popped up on the other side.

He's seeing the vet tomorrow, so at least that will get looked at.

Tonight was the first thunderstorm of the season. Usually I love thunderstorms, but tonight I just didn't like it too much.