Got it! IT! IT!

What's worse than losing a file of ideas and dialogues and writing that you've had on the back burner for over a year? I'll tell you! Finding it and then realizing it isn't all that good anyway! ^_^

I did find that section I was whining about yesterday, and nah, it wasn't as good (or as thorough) as I remembered. You know where it was? In one of my folders, with the file name "91rc3." 91? Uh, okay.

But anyways, so I know I've been really down lately and it must show in my stupid blog. Usually at Christmastime I'm pukingly cheerful, but this year all of a sudden it just all came down. Over the summer, for a while there, I really thought I would stay with that guy and it would be nice to be with someone nice over the holidays for once. It was so nice at Christmas when Jeremy was here. Oh heck, even when Celia lived here. Man, the fun we used to have around the holidays! So there was that. And all of my friends being married or knocked up or buying gifts for their kids or whatever. So I got to feeling sorry for myself over that, which I know is completely stupid, because like they say, at least you have your health, right? (*knock on wood*)

Then I said, hey, I'll work on this story of mine and I'll get all excited over it and rant and rave about it and have something fun to think about while I'm at work if it gets boring. Won't it be nice to be so excited about something again that I have to write my ideas down on a napkin at work, even though I know I won't forget it, but just in case I do anyway? I love that!

And then, as I've also whined about, stupid story just wouldn't come. So I'd been forcing myself to write and it's been a chore, I've been hating it, dreading it, just so not in the groove. Starting to wonder how I'd ever been in any kind of writing groove before, because it all seems so distant, you know?

Then, last night I was going to sleep, and I forced myself to think about it. To reason out what the hell is going on in this story. Why is Leander here? Why does he not remember setting out? I mean, really why does he not remember? The only thing I'd been going on for that was, "he doesn't remember because when I wrote the Hero series, I needed Link not to remember." That's not good enough. So I thought really hard until my pillow almost caught on fire, and it was about 1 AM and nothing came to me. BUT. A bunch of other stuff did. I figured out loads and loads of things and I actually had to turn the light on and scribble in the notebook I keep by my bed, and let me tell you something, my last "story" scribble in that thing is from years ago.

Then, all night I dreamed about Leander, and it's very rare that I dream about my characters or that scenes come to me in dreams; that crap just never happens. I dream about stupid things like eggs and rivers and hot guys and spiders and bicycles, but never about my own stories. I dreamed about my next scene, and a few more things came to me. (Half the time everything was dark, in shadow, like, and the other half it was blindingly bright. Either way I couldn't quite see everything, but I did get some ideas.)

Then, at work today, I was so excited to come home and write, and I actually did have to jot stuff down on a napkin.

At work, I found that a lot of my silly, self involved depression from this weekend (this whole week, really,) was gone. And then Jenn W. was talking about this baby shower she has to go to and how she'd bought this little baby hat with Winnie the Pooh on it, only instead of saying Winnie the Pooh she accidentally said Winnie the Poon, and it was all over for me. I literally fell onto the exam table in hysterics. It wasn't as funny as when Sano jumped on my Mom while she had the paper towel over her face last month (I really thought I'd die laughing then,) but it was still damned funny. Then, Danny (one of him, anyway,) always has this perfect, deadpan comic timing, and there's one thing that he says that always gets me in fits of laughter. When one of the girls there bugs him or picks on him, he tells her, "Don't make me choke a bitch." Only he says it like one word: "chokabitch", like Chocobo or something. And that completely tickles me.

I think I laughed the rest of the day. That, and during Flashback Lunch they played "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins (god, I had such a crush on that redhaired guy when I was 11,) and I ended up singing the super high parts to everyone in the lab until everyone was cracking up, too.

I was majorly down this weekend and majorly happy today. Isn't there, uhh, a word for that?

Nah, I think, with me anyway, it's just a natural cycle of things. Person can't be happy all the time, right? God, that would be so annoying.

Anyway, so I should be writing. As I said, I felt happy that I had solved a lot of my writing problems and had apparently gotten my mojo back, overnight, no less, but I still haven't solved (and probably never will) my biggest problem with writing: procrastination.

Huh.

Got it! IT! IT!

What's worse than losing a file of ideas and dialogues and writing that you've had on the back burner for over a year? I'll tell you! Finding it and then realizing it isn't all that good anyway! ^_^

I did find that section I was whining about yesterday, and nah, it wasn't as good (or as thorough) as I remembered. You know where it was? In one of my folders, with the file name "91rc3." 91? Uh, okay.

But anyways, so I know I've been really down lately and it must show in my stupid blog. Usually at Christmastime I'm pukingly cheerful, but this year all of a sudden it just all came down. Over the summer, for a while there, I really thought I would stay with that guy and it would be nice to be with someone nice over the holidays for once. It was so nice at Christmas when Jeremy was here. Oh heck, even when Celia lived here. Man, the fun we used to have around the holidays! So there was that. And all of my friends being married or knocked up or buying gifts for their kids or whatever. So I got to feeling sorry for myself over that, which I know is completely stupid, because like they say, at least you have your health, right? (*knock on wood*)

Then I said, hey, I'll work on this story of mine and I'll get all excited over it and rant and rave about it and have something fun to think about while I'm at work if it gets boring. Won't it be nice to be so excited about something again that I have to write my ideas down on a napkin at work, even though I know I won't forget it, but just in case I do anyway? I love that!

And then, as I've also whined about, stupid story just wouldn't come. So I'd been forcing myself to write and it's been a chore, I've been hating it, dreading it, just so not in the groove. Starting to wonder how I'd ever been in any kind of writing groove before, because it all seems so distant, you know?

Then, last night I was going to sleep, and I forced myself to think about it. To reason out what the hell is going on in this story. Why is Leander here? Why does he not remember setting out? I mean, really why does he not remember? The only thing I'd been going on for that was, "he doesn't remember because when I wrote the Hero series, I needed Link not to remember." That's not good enough. So I thought really hard until my pillow almost caught on fire, and it was about 1 AM and nothing came to me. BUT. A bunch of other stuff did. I figured out loads and loads of things and I actually had to turn the light on and scribble in the notebook I keep by my bed, and let me tell you something, my last "story" scribble in that thing is from years ago.

Then, all night I dreamed about Leander, and it's very rare that I dream about my characters or that scenes come to me in dreams; that crap just never happens. I dream about stupid things like eggs and rivers and hot guys and spiders and bicycles, but never about my own stories. I dreamed about my next scene, and a few more things came to me. (Half the time everything was dark, in shadow, like, and the other half it was blindingly bright. Either way I couldn't quite see everything, but I did get some ideas.)

Then, at work today, I was so excited to come home and write, and I actually did have to jot stuff down on a napkin.

At work, I found that a lot of my silly, self involved depression from this weekend (this whole week, really,) was gone. And then Jenn W. was talking about this baby shower she has to go to and how she'd bought this little baby hat with Winnie the Pooh on it, only instead of saying Winnie the Pooh she accidentally said Winnie the Poon, and it was all over for me. I literally fell onto the exam table in hysterics. It wasn't as funny as when Sano jumped on my Mom while she had the paper towel over her face last month (I really thought I'd die laughing then,) but it was still damned funny. Then, Danny (one of him, anyway,) always has this perfect, deadpan comic timing, and there's one thing that he says that always gets me in fits of laughter. When one of the girls there bugs him or picks on him, he tells her, "Don't make me choke a bitch." Only he says it like one word: "chokabitch", like Chocobo or something. And that completely tickles me.

I think I laughed the rest of the day. That, and during Flashback Lunch they played "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins (god, I had such a crush on that redhaired guy when I was 11,) and I ended up singing the super high parts to everyone in the lab until everyone was cracking up, too.

I was majorly down this weekend and majorly happy today. Isn't there, uhh, a word for that?

Nah, I think, with me anyway, it's just a natural cycle of things. Person can't be happy all the time, right? God, that would be so annoying.

Anyway, so I should be writing. As I said, I felt happy that I had solved a lot of my writing problems and had apparently gotten my mojo back, overnight, no less, but I still haven't solved (and probably never will) my biggest problem with writing: procrastination.

Huh.