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Feb. 13th, 2005 06:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
la_belle_laideSo, okay, here's me being lame over television. In the last, oh, ten years, I've religiously watched only maybe five or six shows. Back in '96 and '97, I watched Millennium every week, even towards the end when it got silly. Then, I really liked Seinfeld and Frasier and tried to never miss an episode or either. I watched the X Files religiously and I still watch the reruns. Two years ago (nearly three?) I got myself addicted to Buffy. Since last year, I also shamelessly watch American Idol.
That's not a lot of TV in ten years; after all, I'm more of a movie freak. For me to put aside time every week to watch something, I've got to really be into it. So, this year it's House MD. I love the crap out of this show.
My admiration for something, however, is hardly ever blinding, and even I recognize a formula when I see one.
An abridged script of all the episodes of this show that I've seen so far:
Victim: (Goes about life until...) OMG! (falls down and has a seizure)
Dr. House: Grr. Snark. I think that everyone is annoying and I'm going to let them all know. Yet I'm still somehow appealing. Anyway, what the hell is wrong with this seizuring loser from the first scene?
Dr. Foreman: Brain tumor.
Dr. Wilson: Cancer.
Dr. Cameron: Some other thing?
Dr. House: Well, figure it out, you bastards. Dr. Foreman, go to the victim's house and look for evidence.
Dr. Foreman: Why me?
Dr. House: Because you're black. Meanwhile, let's give the patient some drug or another.
Dr. Cameron: But that might kill him/her!
Dr. House: S/he's dying anyway. Sucks to be him/her. What other choice do we have? (Eats a few Vicodin pills)
(Dr. Foreman and Dr. Cameron go searching the victim's home together.)
Dr. Foreman: Why is House so awful to me?
Dr. Cameron: He's awful to everyone. Hey, I found something.
Dr. Foreman: Is it a household product, food, article of clothing, anything like that?
Dr. Cameron: Yes. Let's go test it for toxins.
(They do. Meanwhile, back at the hospital...)
Dr. Cuddy: House, I need you to go and snark at some patients.
Dr. House: Bite me. Oh, by the way, you're hot and you're also my boss, which puts you in a position of authority, and hence a certain amount of control over me. And yet I continue to defy you anyway. You do know what that means, don't you?
Dr. Cuddy: That the fic writers are going to 'ship us. But go and look at some patients anyway or I'll fire you.
Dr. House: Whatever. (Goes to see patients.)
Random patient: Dr. House, my health is poor.
Dr. House: You're an idiot.
Random patient: WTF?
(Meanwhile, the Main Victim of the plot has another seizure and might even DIE.)
Dr. Chase: Here's where I come in! (He does some things to the victim to save him or her.) Good heavens! The medicine we're using is killing him/her! Also, I'm Australian! But House is most definitely American.
Dr. House: Oh, the medicine is killing our patient? YOU must have been wrong. Let's think of something else.
Dr. Wilson: I still say it's cancer.
Dr. House: Why are you so interested in this case?
Dr. Wilson: I'm not going to tell you. By the way, why are YOU so interested?
Dr. House: Because it's weird. Also by the way, you're the only person in this entire show who is even close to being someone I'd consider a friend. You do know what that means, don't you?
Dr. Wilson: Totally. They're going to slash the living hell out of us.
Dr. Cameron: (Runs tests on various things found in victim's home) I think it's a kind of poison.
Dr. House: Then let's stop giving him/her medicine.
Everyone else: WHAT?!
Dr. House: It worked last week, didn't it? Oooh, snark.
Victim: Oh, god, I'm dying. Everything's getting dark.
Other doctors except for Dr. House: We're really sorry you're dying.
House: (Lurks outside of the victim's door looking interested.)
A few minutes later...
House: I know what it is and the medicine that will cure it. It's actually very simple.
Dr. Chase: Which really kind of sucks, since the victim/victim's family member doesn't want us to do any more treatments.
House: We'll see about that.
(He goes to see the victim and/or victim's family member)
House: Hello, morons. Do you want to die? Do you? If you/your family member dies, it's your own stupid fault!
Victim/victim's family member: God, you're a jerk! Go ahead, do what you want.
House: (Saves the patient) See, I was right all along. Why don't people ever listen to the cripple?
The end!
But, formula or not, it's still the most awesome thing on television.
I always wait after the credits to see the RIVETING! EXCITING! scenes from next week's episode. I did so last Tuesday, in my pajamas, finishing up my pomegranate juice, entirely expecting that it would be pretty much the same thing as the one I just saw--but I was quite wrong. It's not even halfway through the first season, and already they're tackling a Big Issue, something you'd've thought they would wait till the season finale to tackle: Dr. House's addiction to Vicodin. I was like, "Already? What are they going to finish up with? How are they going to top that?" Which made me wonder that, somewhere along the line, the writers are going to try too hard to one-up themselves and they're going to get weird. Like they'll invent some mystery illness and one of the main cast will get it, and it will end up being something global, some epidemic that's going to wipe out half the world's population a la Millennium, or alien cancer a la X Files, something like that. And Dr. House will actually be forced to admit he cares or something. Blah blah.
But either way, next week's episode looked so intense that I can hardly wait. The teaser, with House staring ahead, tapping his cane in the rhythm of a heartbeat, the audience thinking, "Time bomb!" was maybe the hottest thing on television in years. The last time I saw something so hot on TV, he had one arm and sometimes spoke Russian.
And I still can't get past that it's Hugh Laurie. I mean, come on! I was the hugest Blackadder fan; to me, Hugh Laurie was Prince George, "thick as a whale omlette," trying to give a speech but having to roar first (his delivery on that one still remains one of the funniest things I've seen, and to this day my Mom and I still quote it. "RRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAR unaccustomed as I am to making speeches...") Prince Regent, "SAUSAGE TIME!" I mean, Prince George, you know? Or even George Barleigh from Blackadder Goes Forth.
Not badass cripple and snarky, smug bastard.
I'm in a tizzy.
That's not a lot of TV in ten years; after all, I'm more of a movie freak. For me to put aside time every week to watch something, I've got to really be into it. So, this year it's House MD. I love the crap out of this show.
My admiration for something, however, is hardly ever blinding, and even I recognize a formula when I see one.
An abridged script of all the episodes of this show that I've seen so far:
Victim: (Goes about life until...) OMG! (falls down and has a seizure)
Dr. House: Grr. Snark. I think that everyone is annoying and I'm going to let them all know. Yet I'm still somehow appealing. Anyway, what the hell is wrong with this seizuring loser from the first scene?
Dr. Foreman: Brain tumor.
Dr. Wilson: Cancer.
Dr. Cameron: Some other thing?
Dr. House: Well, figure it out, you bastards. Dr. Foreman, go to the victim's house and look for evidence.
Dr. Foreman: Why me?
Dr. House: Because you're black. Meanwhile, let's give the patient some drug or another.
Dr. Cameron: But that might kill him/her!
Dr. House: S/he's dying anyway. Sucks to be him/her. What other choice do we have? (Eats a few Vicodin pills)
(Dr. Foreman and Dr. Cameron go searching the victim's home together.)
Dr. Foreman: Why is House so awful to me?
Dr. Cameron: He's awful to everyone. Hey, I found something.
Dr. Foreman: Is it a household product, food, article of clothing, anything like that?
Dr. Cameron: Yes. Let's go test it for toxins.
(They do. Meanwhile, back at the hospital...)
Dr. Cuddy: House, I need you to go and snark at some patients.
Dr. House: Bite me. Oh, by the way, you're hot and you're also my boss, which puts you in a position of authority, and hence a certain amount of control over me. And yet I continue to defy you anyway. You do know what that means, don't you?
Dr. Cuddy: That the fic writers are going to 'ship us. But go and look at some patients anyway or I'll fire you.
Dr. House: Whatever. (Goes to see patients.)
Random patient: Dr. House, my health is poor.
Dr. House: You're an idiot.
Random patient: WTF?
(Meanwhile, the Main Victim of the plot has another seizure and might even DIE.)
Dr. Chase: Here's where I come in! (He does some things to the victim to save him or her.) Good heavens! The medicine we're using is killing him/her! Also, I'm Australian! But House is most definitely American.
Dr. House: Oh, the medicine is killing our patient? YOU must have been wrong. Let's think of something else.
Dr. Wilson: I still say it's cancer.
Dr. House: Why are you so interested in this case?
Dr. Wilson: I'm not going to tell you. By the way, why are YOU so interested?
Dr. House: Because it's weird. Also by the way, you're the only person in this entire show who is even close to being someone I'd consider a friend. You do know what that means, don't you?
Dr. Wilson: Totally. They're going to slash the living hell out of us.
Dr. Cameron: (Runs tests on various things found in victim's home) I think it's a kind of poison.
Dr. House: Then let's stop giving him/her medicine.
Everyone else: WHAT?!
Dr. House: It worked last week, didn't it? Oooh, snark.
Victim: Oh, god, I'm dying. Everything's getting dark.
Other doctors except for Dr. House: We're really sorry you're dying.
House: (Lurks outside of the victim's door looking interested.)
A few minutes later...
House: I know what it is and the medicine that will cure it. It's actually very simple.
Dr. Chase: Which really kind of sucks, since the victim/victim's family member doesn't want us to do any more treatments.
House: We'll see about that.
(He goes to see the victim and/or victim's family member)
House: Hello, morons. Do you want to die? Do you? If you/your family member dies, it's your own stupid fault!
Victim/victim's family member: God, you're a jerk! Go ahead, do what you want.
House: (Saves the patient) See, I was right all along. Why don't people ever listen to the cripple?
The end!
But, formula or not, it's still the most awesome thing on television.
I always wait after the credits to see the RIVETING! EXCITING! scenes from next week's episode. I did so last Tuesday, in my pajamas, finishing up my pomegranate juice, entirely expecting that it would be pretty much the same thing as the one I just saw--but I was quite wrong. It's not even halfway through the first season, and already they're tackling a Big Issue, something you'd've thought they would wait till the season finale to tackle: Dr. House's addiction to Vicodin. I was like, "Already? What are they going to finish up with? How are they going to top that?" Which made me wonder that, somewhere along the line, the writers are going to try too hard to one-up themselves and they're going to get weird. Like they'll invent some mystery illness and one of the main cast will get it, and it will end up being something global, some epidemic that's going to wipe out half the world's population a la Millennium, or alien cancer a la X Files, something like that. And Dr. House will actually be forced to admit he cares or something. Blah blah.
But either way, next week's episode looked so intense that I can hardly wait. The teaser, with House staring ahead, tapping his cane in the rhythm of a heartbeat, the audience thinking, "Time bomb!" was maybe the hottest thing on television in years. The last time I saw something so hot on TV, he had one arm and sometimes spoke Russian.
And I still can't get past that it's Hugh Laurie. I mean, come on! I was the hugest Blackadder fan; to me, Hugh Laurie was Prince George, "thick as a whale omlette," trying to give a speech but having to roar first (his delivery on that one still remains one of the funniest things I've seen, and to this day my Mom and I still quote it. "RRROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAR unaccustomed as I am to making speeches...") Prince Regent, "SAUSAGE TIME!" I mean, Prince George, you know? Or even George Barleigh from Blackadder Goes Forth.
Not badass cripple and snarky, smug bastard.
I'm in a tizzy.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
snarkgasm
Date: 2005-02-19 08:41 pm (UTC)~Nicole
Re: snarkgasm
Date: 2005-02-24 09:03 pm (UTC)Re: snarkgasm
Date: 2005-02-25 12:44 am (UTC)~Nicole