This Means War

[la_belle_laide]

Okay, this movie was dumb and insulting, let's just get that out of the way. Two dudes stalking a woman and fighting over her like she's a piece of steak or something. And what was that ending line in "alternate ending 1?" "I'll be your bitch?" Really? And FDR was horrible. Horrible.

WITH THAT SAID, it did have some good laughs, mostly from well-timed lines and Chelsea Handler. Unless she's done something gross and creepy that I'm unaware of, I like her and think she's hilarious. She reminds me very much of a friend I used to work with, and actually, her character could have been this friend.

If it had been possible for me to ignore the sexism of the film, I would have found it really entertaining. There were parts of it that were super entertaining, in fact.

But aside from all of that, Tom Hardy. WHAT EVEN IS HE? I don't get it, I don't understand his existence. How was Reese Witherspoon not straddling him every second? How was EVERYONE not straddling him in every frame? I damn near climbed onto my TV set. I legitimately can't even look at him for too long because his face hurts my eyes. I'm being honest when I say I hope I never get the chance to meet him, because if I did, I'd probably just try to mount him and it wouldn't even be my fault. "Hi, nice to meet you, I want to hug you with my legs." Also, I'm pretty sure I would lick him.



It seems weird to me that he's a real, living person and not someone made up – and I actually feel bad about that, because I think it's horrible to misunderstand someone's humanity because you see them in movies or whatever. It's not because he's in movies, it's because HE CAN'T EVEN BE REAL. My eyes feel like the want to reach out of my head and pet him. He's so impossibly lovely with his stupid perfect nose and crooked teeth that it physically pains me to look at this bastard.



And if you disagree with me, you're wrong.





I hope I've made myself clear.

Comments

[la-belle-laide.livejournal.com]

He's just effing beautiful, with his grey eyes and wonky teeth and perfect nose and ridiculous lips. His eyes are huge and he's got that one quirky eyebrow and the best smile ever and his voice is like porn. AND he's nice.

IDK, I could just eat him up.

[barush.livejournal.com]

Lmao I see :D Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I can't argue with that :)