Critique from a really great agent!

Lots to talk about today; might have to make it into TWO WHOLE POSTS.

Last week I won a query/first 5 pages critique from the agent Uwe Stender. This guy has an actual fandom among writers, and now I understand why. First of all, it was really generous of him to offer his time to writers seeking agents. He doesn't even rep what I write, but he did the critique anyway (because writing is writing, you know?)

Second, he is *so dang nice. * In his email, he explained that he wanted this to be a nice experience, and critique is meant to help. (I actually enjoy any critique, regardless of how it's worded, whether it's nice and “cushy” or straight up, “No, this doesn't work.”) But it was still kind of him to say so.

Critique—especially from people in publishing—is gold, yo. *GOLD *.

The gist of what he told me went for both the query and the first five pages, and basically it amounted to: too much world-building, not enough character-building. And that makes so much sense to me, because I have gotten requests for this ms, and the rejections I've gotten have usually been along the lines of, “I like your writing, but I can't connect/it's too distant/character didn't draw me in.” And I never really understood why that was. (And agents don't have time to sit there all day explaining themselves and helping you make your novel better. That's the writer's job.) But with this critique, just that observation showed me exactly why that is.

About a year ago, I asked another writer friend for help with the query, and she said that there wasn't *enough* world-building. She was like, “But where is this? When is this? What's the place like? What led up to this? These are things we need to know.” So I think I went a little nuts with that. Also, he told me the query was too long. Stick to the character and the conflict.

Looking back, and looking at my other work, I realize that I do over-focus on the world of the story. And the funny thing is, I'm always afraid that I'm not doing it enough. That I'm leaving blank spaces where the setting should be, and that readers will feel lost in the book unless I hand-hold them through the landscape. But I see now that that's not true. And I should trust the reader more.

I've also reined in my characters like crazy, and that's because I know I'm a hugely effusive, emotional, fangirl-bait writer. When I do first drafts, I go crazy with the characters and I know I'm a little bombastic and overwrought. By the 4th, 5th, 6th revision, I've often cut back a lot of the actual character, because I don't want to end up sounding like a fangirl of my own creations. But now it seems that maybe I should let them breathe a little more.

The good thing is that, even though it was only a 5 page / query critique, I can apply this to the rest of the novel, and to the one I'm working on now.

He also did say that, even though the first five pages had those specific problems, he still thought the writing was really good. And let me tell you, that is so great to hear.

And now, it's time to get to work!

Taking Back Sunday on Long Island!

In other news! Last night I went to see Taking Back Sunday with my best pal Kim, and my cousin Meg. They played on Long Island, and, anyone who knows me also knows I love TBS, and therefore probably also knows that TBS is from Long Island. So like it's kind of a big deal if you know what I mean.

They played in Huntington, which is pretty far from where we all live (we are Eastern LI gals, and LI is, as its name suggests, hella long.) So, by the time I got my kid up from his nap, got my dogs fed, and we picked Kim up from her house and stopped for dinner, we arrived at the venue just in time to see the second opening band, The Menzingers. They were good, I have to say.

TBS went on earlier than I had expected, which was another pleasant surprise. Okay, I hate to admit this, but since having a kid, I get super tired and if I'm not in bed by 11 I get cranky, knowing how early I'll be up the next day. And having to drive all the way back from Huntington (though, we took Meghan's car since hers doesn't have a car seat and was more comfy, so she drove!) was going to be a drag. (We ended up getting home around quarter after twelve, which is not too bad, really.)

These days, they open the show with the “Preface” from “Happiness Is” album, and then right into Flicker Fade. I love love love Flicker Fade. It has its own meaning to me, which is probably completely removed from the meaning it has to the writers of the song. (It's kind of my novel-writing song. “Destroy what you create.” :D )

There was a time when I would go to concerts, come home and stay up until 3 or 4 AM writing up the setlist and talking about every single song. But it's like, a whole entire day later, I hardly got any real sleep last night, Callum's going to be awake in a half an hour, and I can barely remember the entire setlist. They did all the old classics, even Timberwolves At New Jersey, which I love, but rarely get to hear them play live. Last time I saw them they played My Blue Heaven, which is my personal favorite song (and in my top ten best songs ever,) but they didn't fit that one in this time.

Our seats were in the second-to-last row, all the way on the end. I mean, the seats were actually pretty bad. The VIP area totally blocked my entire view of stage left. Once in a while I could see the top of John Nolan's head, if the Embracing Couple in the VIP area moved apart once in a while.

Oh, and The Bros were there, too. The Bros are at every concert I've ever been to, and probably every concert you've ever been to as well. You know, those 3-5 guys who meet up at the venue all, “BRO! BRO!” and then they drink beer and mosh about. Well I mean, of course there were tons of Bros in the moshpit, but there were four Bros in the VIP area, too. I usually don't like The Bros because of how they trample everyone else, but The Bros in the VIP area were so harmless, and were having so much fun, I kind of warmed to them. They didn't bother anyone, and didn't throw any beer. What they did do was dance to every song, and sometimes hug each other during the really old songs. They were so nice, and actually so endearing, I'm not even sure I can classify them as The Bros.

But there were Bros in the pit for sure. At one point, there was some kind of kerfluffle that got really loud. Adam (Lazzara, the singer, which you should know, and if you don't know that, who are you and why are you on my LJ? ;D ) briefly quit his on-stage bantering mid-sentence and asked for the house-lights to be turned up. Turns out, some Bro had lost his shoe. Adam: “Uhh... okay? IDGAF? I thought someone had died out there or something ffs!” And then, after that, other Bros held up their shoes.

Kim and Meghan had a blast watching all the crowdsurfers.

Me? I was the only jackass standing up in the mezzanine. Two girls came down from the bar area and stood on the stairs behind me and danced a little. I turned to them and said, “I'm so glad I'm not the only one up here dancing.” And one of them grabbed my and and said, “I'm glad, too. I'm just happy that someone else up here knows all the words.” High-five, Bro-sis.

I can't sit down during a TBS show though, you know? When you're seeing a band you've loved for so long, and you know every word to every song, and the songs mean a lot to you, you're just going to be the one jackass standing up in the mezzanine and dancing your goddamn fool head off. That was me.

I remember the first time I saw TBS, what, ten years ago? I went with my friend Brittany, and I had only gone to see the then-opening band, which was 30STM. I didn't want to see some other band I hadn't really heard of, but I couldn't leave her there by herself. When they started to play, I realized objectively that they were a good live band. And, by and by, I started really listening, and getting into it.

It was Adam, you know, once he started talking, that made me finally say, “Okay, this is different.” I've said it before. He doesn't do that whole “YEAH YOU BASTARDS I WANNA HEAR YOU ALL SCREAM GRRRR RAAAARRRWWW ROCK N ROLLLLLL!!!!!1111” thing that I think is so dumb and overplayed. He's weird and dancey and stuttery and personable. I remember, back then, that one of the Pirates movies had just come out, whichever one it was, and I later said to my friend, “Was that guy playing at being Jack Sparrow or something?” And she was like, “That's how he's always been.”

Meghan—who's seen them a number of times as well—commented the same thing last night. I leaned over to her and Kim and said, “He's so different to other frontmen, right? With the quirky dance moves?” and Meg said, “He's always reminded me of, if like, Jack Sparrow was in a band.”

That's who A-Lazz* is. He's Jack Sparrow in a band.

I want to post a video, but I don't have any good ones. Someday I'll take a video of TBS where I'm not dancing around like a jackass, but last night was not that night.




*I go on and on about him like he's my favorite. Eddie Reyes is my favorite, because he's the low-key guitarist who started and maintained the band for all these years. It's just, Adam does all the talking and mic-swinging, so.


ETA I remembered another funny thing! Before the concert even started, just as the lights went down, the guy in the bar-area behind us yelled out, “SHE SAID DON’T!” Which, like. :DDDDD