Ovarysplode and analytics fun

My new boss is a TOTAL BOSS. :) Okay, here there be TMI so be warned. This is girlstuff.

Last few months, ovulation has been a little twingy on the left side. (Ovaries are supposed to take turns but sometimes both of mine go at once. Twins run in the family.) Well this time, starting I guess on Wednesday (it's Sunday now,) it hit a ridiculous level. Like this:



Only without the usual reason of having listened to Tom Hardy speak for a while.

It was, like, doctor-callingly bad. So, I called my usual crotch doctor's office yesterday before work because IT WAS THAT BAD. I was like, "My left ovary is exploding. When is the earliest I could see Dr. So and So?"

The receptionist said, "August."

WHAAAAAAAT. "Are you kidding me? What happens if my ovary explodes in the meantime?"

Really dismissively she says, "Go to the emergency room."

I'm like, "So, I have to actually wait until something happens – until a cyst ruptures, then go to the emergency room, then someone will treat me?"

She said, basically, yeah pretty much.

So I said, "Fine, give me something for August then, I'll just hope that nothing bad happens before then."

She goes, "Oh, I can't do that. You have to call back at the end of July."

So, eff them. Okay, I realize this doc is awesome and she's hard to get, but this woman was just so blithely dismissive that I just don't even feel right about going back there.

Off I went to work, where it was a little better but still twingy on and off. I was asking around, the girls I work with, if they knew any awesome crotch doctors. One of my co-workers was like, "Oh my god, I had the same thing a few years ago. Sucks, doesn't it?" She finally had surgery for hers. Anyway, she gave me a recommendation for a good doctor. And she has to be a female doctor, you know? Because I think I man can't honestly know what it feels like. I think you can study something all you like and know it inside and out (*snicker*) but what it comes down to is, have you lived in a female body, with all its various parts and functions and misfires? No? Then you can't really understand.

ANYway so, I was talking to my boss, the acupuncturist. She's generally awesome. She's 39, pregnant for the first time, and working all the way through. She looks like she's in her 20s and is very soft-spoken (I have to strain to hear her sometimes.) So I tell her what was going on and she goes, "Do you want me to put a tack in your ear?"

Umm. What?

"An acupuncture tack." She explains that the ear is shaped like a fetus and there are points corresponding to the different body parts and functions. The "tack" is a teeny acupuncture needle with an adhesive, and it stays there all week. So I said, "Sure, I'll try anything!"

So she stuck the teeny needle in. I didn't even feel it. As I was giving treatments, I started to get that little twingy pain again, the way it was the night before just before it got worse, and I got nervous. But, surprise! The pain never came.

Color me impressed. I studied acupuncture for about a semester, but I never actually tried it because I was too nervous. But now I think I'm really going to give it a go, for just general wellness, if I can afford it. OR, I can also barter for it. :D

That's another thing I love about my job, the bartering. My co-worker and I did our first barter between last week and yesterday: we traded deep tissue massages. It was great! And this week, I'm bartering with the reflexologist if there's time.

(Not only that, but I barter with my friends, too; I have something to give them now when they help me with something. My training brothers are coming by for treatments now, in exchange for them helping me. For example, High School Homeslice came by to take down the remainder of the pool. Snarklit saw me on the side of the road with a flat and stopped to help me change it. The thing is, they would help me out anyway if I asked them to, for nothing. But, I can give them something in return that helps them. Trigger point therapy, general wellness, treatment for muscle strains, etc. )

/digression

Anyway, that is the story of my cool boss and my ovary. Please don't worry, this is nothing really serious (*knock on wood*). I live in my body and I know what it's up to most of the time. I'm pretty certain of what's going on and it's nothing more than a nuisance that I need to take care of. If a doctor can see me, that is. :/

Right, so now I want to address some more of the phrases that brought people to this LJ. Some are hilarious, some are not.

To the person who found my LJ by looking for "PEENCEPTION," you absolutely made my day. I realize you probably found the link to his movie (awesome) but I hope you also found this post. WARNING for Tom Hardy's peen, okay?

To the seeker of " advent children mr. Fluffy " That was hilarious, right? I remember that.

I do not know who or what "beanarie anon" is.

"Disney Lookism" – I'm not sure I ever addressed this. Did I? If not, I should. I know I address lookism once in a while.

"F--- yeah Wirrow" – YES, SCORE. I'm sure I never actually said that on here, but it sums up my thoughts anyway.

To the person wondering about "Lomi Lomi vs. Swedish" – I like them both! And I wish I knew more Lomi Lomi.

"Rude Trees" – I am so happy that someone found my LJ searching for rude trees. I hope I've provided you with some, or at least with some rude plants.

"My shiny new job" – Wow, what are the chances?! Are there other people with shiny new jobs, or was someone looking for that specific post? Neat!

"Advent Children Complete Deleted rape scene" – WHAT. WHAT, NO. There isn't one. And if there was, I wouldn't support Advent Children, Final Fantasy, or Square Enix anymore.

This actually leads me to the next keyword search, which was "My Chemical Romance Women's Rights". Yup, I also boycotted Advent Children Complete because Gerard Way was on the soundtrack, and if anyone out there stands against women's rights, in a sly, insidious way, it's My Chemical Romance. That's because they used to pretend to support women's rights. And minorities, and gay rights, and this and that. Not only did they recently come out and say that that isn't their way anymore, they actually went on to promote violence against women, and said some hideous things via Twitter. Threatening women, making jokes about forcing abortions, and Frank Iero using the N word. I don't even have to get into them dragging the hate-fueled Mindless Self Indulgence on the road with them and supporting them. My Chemical Romance is hate-fueled enough on their own.

Next, someone searched for "Lohi'au's traits." Hmm. Well, Lohi'au was a chief, was handsome and talented at chanting at at the Hula. He was also something of a piner. He pined to death for Pele, remember. And he got killed a few times, too. See, there weren't a hell of a lot of gender roles in ancient Hawaiian legends, so often it was the women who were pursuers and the men who were pursued. The men who were locked away, to be discovered and "rescued" by the women. Anyway, the Pele/Lohi'au/Hi'iaka/Hopoe story is one of my favorites ever.

Also? I think that Hi'iaka and Hopoe might have been sweethearts. That's an interpretation I got from a few songs, you know. Mälama ke kanaka mälama ka lehua
Mälama ke kaunu moe ipo ... Are you picking up what I'm putting down, here? :)

To the person looking for FFVII essays, I hope you got some use out of it. :)

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt" – He's pretty fly, isn't he?

"Tahitian scream" – Yup, I can still do that, and it's ear-splitting.

"Link's Queen" and "Tilly" – Oh my god, hilarious, wasn't it? Come and say hello, anon. Those were fun times.

And to those looking for "blather rinse repeat" and "Kapunua" – Hello everyone!

Right, so now I've got the day off, and I'm going to draw some things, and dick around on the internet. Come on, internet, amuse me!