On crappy books and other nonsense

Last night I finished Dean Koontz's book What The Night Knows. I read it because a few weeks ago my brother called and said that the beginning sequence was really scary.

Well, yeah, the beginning sequence was scary. And then about halfway through, I started getting annoyed with his overly perfect characters, and his ridiculous, forced child-voice when he wrote young characters. The book was about this evil spirit who possesses people and wants to murder families, especially the kids. Halfway through the book, I wanted to murder the kids.

But the part that really singed my ass was when, at 77% of the way through the book (I read it on Kindle,) it turned into a MEGACHRISTIAN TRACT.

How did I go into this story so blindly, not knowing that I was going to get preached at for the last 25% section of the story? And I mean, he could not have been more obvious about his agenda. He went to great lengths to describe the beautiful, holy, soul-saving faith of the perfect female/wife/childbearer/Ultra!Sue character. He spent two paragraphs explaining why the youngest child in the family was just like Frodo, and expostulating why she was so innocent, so pure, so like baby Jesus. Like, he actually told the reader those things. After a few hundred pages of story, he just wrote like three paragraphs actually saying these things. I was flabbergasted.

However, most of the last quarter of the story wasn't only a Christian tract. It also was such a plainly* written admonishment to anyone who isn't Christian. (*I want to stop here and add that I first misspelled "Plainly" as "Palinly." Yes, that too.) Like, the story makes a point of saying that anyone who isn't sure in their Christian faith is at constant risk of being possessed and raping and then killing their entire family. Even children of those evil pagans. In fact, that's the basis of the story. At the beginning, a 14 year old boy is locked up for raping everyone, defiling their bodies, killing his little sisters etc. Koontz later explains that the reason he was able to be "taken", even at a young age, was because his mother bought crystals at a pagan store.

I KID YOU EFFING NOT.

This is the depth of his asswittery.

Towards the end of the story, the UltraChristian!Sue wife starts to think of nature itself as "a pagan beast, hunting her down."

I think I'd have more rage at this if I wasn't actually amused by how badly the whole thing is written.

Around that point in the novel, I did google "Koontz" and "Christian" to find out if he was doing it on purpose or not. Apparently he's sort of Anne Ricean in that way, where he's all like "Yeah, I'm a Christian, and if you're not, then suck my Christian wang and burn in hell."

I feel like he should reimburse me for having read his crap story. It would have been a wallbanger if it hadn't been on my Kindle.

So, that was my review of his crappy work. Now I know better.

In other news, Haku continues to make progress at therapy. He can put his foot to the floor now. Normally, most dogs can do this a few weeks after the surgery. However, seeing as he had to have the surgery twice, and then was in a cast, and whatever else, of course he had all these complications. The therapy has to be aggressive. He has to go in the water treadmill and all of this stuff.

What else is new? Not much, I guess, which is probably why my LJ has had tumbleweeds going by. Work, Kung Fu, cleaning the house, reading, writing, playing the odd video game here and there.

I've been kicking so much ass at work that they're saying they're going to make me "elite status." AFAIK, elite status does not include a raise, however. :/ Still, that would be pretty cool, I guess.

Oh, the video game is Final Fantasy XIII, still. I like it now that the battles are a little more complicated. But every time I put the game down for a few days, by the time I go back to it, I've forgotten how to do them. It's complicated at first. But I'm only in the beginning of the game, so I'm kind of still not used to it. Graphics are so fantastic, though. The story's kind of neat, too. And I like Lightning. She's a tough broad. :)

So there it is, my ranty rant on a crappy book, and some random bits of news. :)

On crappy books and other nonsense

Last night I finished Dean Koontz's book What The Night Knows. I read it because a few weeks ago my brother called and said that the beginning sequence was really scary.

Well, yeah, the beginning sequence was scary. And then about halfway through, I started getting annoyed with his overly perfect characters, and his ridiculous, forced child-voice when he wrote young characters. The book was about this evil spirit who possesses people and wants to murder families, especially the kids. Halfway through the book, I wanted to murder the kids.

But the part that really singed my ass was when, at 77% of the way through the book (I read it on Kindle,) it turned into a MEGACHRISTIAN TRACT.

How did I go into this story so blindly, not knowing that I was going to get preached at for the last 25% section of the story? And I mean, he could not have been more obvious about his agenda. He went to great lengths to describe the beautiful, holy, soul-saving faith of the perfect female/wife/childbearer/Ultra!Sue character. He spent two paragraphs explaining why the youngest child in the family was just like Frodo, and expostulating why she was so innocent, so pure, so like baby Jesus. Like, he actually told the reader those things. After a few hundred pages of story, he just wrote like three paragraphs actually saying these things. I was flabbergasted.

However, most of the last quarter of the story wasn't only a Christian tract. It also was such a plainly* written admonishment to anyone who isn't Christian. (*I want to stop here and add that I first misspelled "Plainly" as "Palinly." Yes, that too.) Like, the story makes a point of saying that anyone who isn't sure in their Christian faith is at constant risk of being possessed and raping and then killing their entire family. Even children of those evil pagans. In fact, that's the basis of the story. At the beginning, a 14 year old boy is locked up for raping everyone, defiling their bodies, killing his little sisters etc. Koontz later explains that the reason he was able to be "taken", even at a young age, was because his mother bought crystals at a pagan store.

I KID YOU EFFING NOT.

This is the depth of his asswittery.

Towards the end of the story, the UltraChristian!Sue wife starts to think of nature itself as "a pagan beast, hunting her down."

I think I'd have more rage at this if I wasn't actually amused by how badly the whole thing is written.

Around that point in the novel, I did google "Koontz" and "Christian" to find out if he was doing it on purpose or not. Apparently he's sort of Anne Ricean in that way, where he's all like "Yeah, I'm a Christian, and if you're not, then suck my Christian wang and burn in hell."

I feel like he should reimburse me for having read his crap story. It would have been a wallbanger if it hadn't been on my Kindle.

So, that was my review of his crappy work. Now I know better.

In other news, Haku continues to make progress at therapy. He can put his foot to the floor now. Normally, most dogs can do this a few weeks after the surgery. However, seeing as he had to have the surgery twice, and then was in a cast, and whatever else, of course he had all these complications. The therapy has to be aggressive. He has to go in the water treadmill and all of this stuff.

What else is new? Not much, I guess, which is probably why my LJ has had tumbleweeds going by. Work, Kung Fu, cleaning the house, reading, writing, playing the odd video game here and there.

I've been kicking so much ass at work that they're saying they're going to make me "elite status." AFAIK, elite status does not include a raise, however. :/ Still, that would be pretty cool, I guess.

Oh, the video game is Final Fantasy XIII, still. I like it now that the battles are a little more complicated. But every time I put the game down for a few days, by the time I go back to it, I've forgotten how to do them. It's complicated at first. But I'm only in the beginning of the game, so I'm kind of still not used to it. Graphics are so fantastic, though. The story's kind of neat, too. And I like Lightning. She's a tough broad. :)

So there it is, my ranty rant on a crappy book, and some random bits of news. :)