(no subject)

Yesterday I had my chem final and I think I probably did pretty well on it. At the end of the class, Dr. H shook my hand and thanked me. I was like, "You're kidding? Thank you. I finally learned some chemistry." So, I felt pretty good about that. Today was Channels and Points, and I will be totally surprised if I pass this one. It's funny; we had our last test first, then the practical part of the final then the written. On the last test, I got a 90-something, at least a 95 I think. (She marked them but didn't write the graded. O_O ) But even on the practical this time I was flummoxed. I couldn't think and I got two points wrong. One slightly off, one just plain wrong. It was so weird. Then on the written one I was doing that thing where I'm going, "Okay, I marked down B like three times in a row; the next one has to be A, C or D" followed by process of elimination. It was insane. I hate tests like that. So much worse when they are finals.

So, those two classes are done, and next week I have a whole four days in a row to study if I want to. Or, I could study and play Crisis Core, which I bought today. :) You can hook the PSP up to your TV, so I can play it like a regular video game and that makes me happy. I'm going to start it tomorrow. It will be a historical fangirl day.

Oh, and it snowed today.

Yesterday Gran did so well. So well. She got up and walked to the bathroom, and sat in her chair and was seriously her normal self for a few hours in the afternoon. Earlier in the day she told me, "All yours. All yours," as she gestured to her china closet with all her tchotchkes in it. I was like, "Gran, I don't want your stuff, silly." When she was sitting up watching TV in her chair she said:

"It's great when the doctors tell you you'll never get out of your bed again, and then you do."

And I am so glad she did, because today she's worse than yesterday. She keeps talking to Grampa and saying he wants something, or as if they are planning something together. I am never quite sure what I believe when it comes to things like that--I surely don't believe in a typical heaven where all your loved ones are waiting for you and you get to frolic with them and this silly, petty God who lets you in if you do what he says--but I'm also not convinced that you just become dust, either. I guess I really don't believe that all of these people she's talking to (and there are many, and they're all long dead,) are really hanging around talking to her. I know the brain is capable of amazing things in times of stress. I do think it odd that some part of her remembers who is living and who is dead, though, especially when she doesn't know what year it is. I don't know what that means.

Whatever it is, it's not for living minds to grasp. And I'm sure there's a science to it, but I don't think that takes away from it or makes it smaller or less interesting. I think it makes it better. I guess my only real hope is that some kind of consciousness continues.

But, I've been down this road so many times. I suppose I think about it a lot.

Today Gran said, "I wonder what it's like?" And, "Let's go somewhere beautiful."

Myself, I just hope I "go" somewhere interesting, or that some part of me on some other reality is self-aware. (So I guess what I mean is "continue to be somewhere interesting" or maybe "somewhen interesting.) But if Gran wants beautiful then that's what I wish her to have. Although that's out of my hands, obviously.

And it snowed today, too.

/babble

ETA: Mom told me that Gran said, "You know, I know all about love."

It's funny, she and Grampa fought so much, but they never separated, and a lot of it was that "annoyed old people" fighting.

She also told my Mom, "Dudley, he was your boy," but Mom doesn't know who Dudley is. That's interesting.

(no subject)

Yesterday I had my chem final and I think I probably did pretty well on it. At the end of the class, Dr. H shook my hand and thanked me. I was like, "You're kidding? Thank you. I finally learned some chemistry." So, I felt pretty good about that. Today was Channels and Points, and I will be totally surprised if I pass this one. It's funny; we had our last test first, then the practical part of the final then the written. On the last test, I got a 90-something, at least a 95 I think. (She marked them but didn't write the graded. O_O ) But even on the practical this time I was flummoxed. I couldn't think and I got two points wrong. One slightly off, one just plain wrong. It was so weird. Then on the written one I was doing that thing where I'm going, "Okay, I marked down B like three times in a row; the next one has to be A, C or D" followed by process of elimination. It was insane. I hate tests like that. So much worse when they are finals.

So, those two classes are done, and next week I have a whole four days in a row to study if I want to. Or, I could study and play Crisis Core, which I bought today. :) You can hook the PSP up to your TV, so I can play it like a regular video game and that makes me happy. I'm going to start it tomorrow. It will be a historical fangirl day.

Oh, and it snowed today.

Yesterday Gran did so well. So well. She got up and walked to the bathroom, and sat in her chair and was seriously her normal self for a few hours in the afternoon. Earlier in the day she told me, "All yours. All yours," as she gestured to her china closet with all her tchotchkes in it. I was like, "Gran, I don't want your stuff, silly." When she was sitting up watching TV in her chair she said:

"It's great when the doctors tell you you'll never get out of your bed again, and then you do."

And I am so glad she did, because today she's worse than yesterday. She keeps talking to Grampa and saying he wants something, or as if they are planning something together. I am never quite sure what I believe when it comes to things like that--I surely don't believe in a typical heaven where all your loved ones are waiting for you and you get to frolic with them and this silly, petty God who lets you in if you do what he says--but I'm also not convinced that you just become dust, either. I guess I really don't believe that all of these people she's talking to (and there are many, and they're all long dead,) are really hanging around talking to her. I know the brain is capable of amazing things in times of stress. I do think it odd that some part of her remembers who is living and who is dead, though, especially when she doesn't know what year it is. I don't know what that means.

Whatever it is, it's not for living minds to grasp. And I'm sure there's a science to it, but I don't think that takes away from it or makes it smaller or less interesting. I think it makes it better. I guess my only real hope is that some kind of consciousness continues.

But, I've been down this road so many times. I suppose I think about it a lot.

Today Gran said, "I wonder what it's like?" And, "Let's go somewhere beautiful."

Myself, I just hope I "go" somewhere interesting, or that some part of me on some other reality is self-aware. (So I guess what I mean is "continue to be somewhere interesting" or maybe "somewhen interesting.) But if Gran wants beautiful then that's what I wish her to have. Although that's out of my hands, obviously.

And it snowed today, too.

/babble

ETA: Mom told me that Gran said, "You know, I know all about love."

It's funny, she and Grampa fought so much, but they never separated, and a lot of it was that "annoyed old people" fighting.

She also told my Mom, "Dudley, he was your boy," but Mom doesn't know who Dudley is. That's interesting.