The Mummy

I just got back from seeing The Mummy. Oh man, the dialog was so bad. I mean, did I seriously, seriously hear the line "you guys are like mummy magnets?" Every other line was total cheese whiz. The jokes were really awful, too, the physical gags and a few lines that tried really hard to be puns. I like Brenden Fraser, I really do. I think he's fun, and interesting, and intense (Gods and Monsters,) and a really good actor when he gets a role that requires him to be one. This wasn't that role, though. (And he's blazingly hot, too. Okay, so there's that.)

Also, I had some logic problems with the movie, too. Like for instance, there's this one time when ♥Jet Li♥ has a really, umm, expedient way of getting back down a huge mountain and to where he wants to go--I don't want to spoil it, but let's just say it'd be hard to beat--and Brenden Fraser is like, "BUT WAIT! We have a plane that could keep up with him!" and the script fails to mention that before they can get on the plane they have to go, HELLO, HALFWAY BACK DOWN SAID MOUNTAIN ON FOOT. Things like that, you know?

And I really didn't like Maria Bello as Evie. She wasn't funny, or cute, or cool. She tried to be funny and cute and cool, but she way overplayed it and it just didn't work for me.

But the effects were really good and it had, like Yetis and stuff, so that was pretty cool. A movie with ♥Jet Li♥ I sorta expect to have really cool martial arts, and it didn't. There was this one fight scene between ♥Jet Li♥ and Brenden Fraser and at first I was gratified because Jet Li is winning, obviously, but then Brenden Fraser rallies and starts to get in his shots. Ummm, ♥JET LI♥. If he kicks you, I'm pretty sure you're staying down!

Also, ♥Michelle Yeoh♥, oh my god, HOW IS SHE SO BEAUTIFUL? It's not even possible! Why wasn't she in it more? Why didn't she get to kick so much more ass and do so many more stunts, which she obviously can? I wish I could just wake up one day and be her clone, just to have her skill and her looks.

Russel Wong was ridiculously hot. I mean to the point where even when he was a zombie for most of the film, he was hot. That's honestly the first time I've looked at a frigging zombie and thought, "I'd hit that, shyeeeit." WTF is wrong with me. Umm, when they make a movie out of my book, he's going to be in it.

Anyways, that's what I thought of that. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped it would be and I wish it hadn't tried so hard to be funny. I also wish that mothers wouldn't think it was a great idea to bring their spoiled, yammering little bastards to the movies and let them talk in their "outdoor voices" throughout the movie and go tromping up and down the aisles, and then just coddle them in their laps when people tell them "shhh." Especially when they're around ten frigging years old and should know better.

The Mummy

I just got back from seeing The Mummy. Oh man, the dialog was so bad. I mean, did I seriously, seriously hear the line "you guys are like mummy magnets?" Every other line was total cheese whiz. The jokes were really awful, too, the physical gags and a few lines that tried really hard to be puns. I like Brenden Fraser, I really do. I think he's fun, and interesting, and intense (Gods and Monsters,) and a really good actor when he gets a role that requires him to be one. This wasn't that role, though. (And he's blazingly hot, too. Okay, so there's that.)

Also, I had some logic problems with the movie, too. Like for instance, there's this one time when ♥Jet Li♥ has a really, umm, expedient way of getting back down a huge mountain and to where he wants to go--I don't want to spoil it, but let's just say it'd be hard to beat--and Brenden Fraser is like, "BUT WAIT! We have a plane that could keep up with him!" and the script fails to mention that before they can get on the plane they have to go, HELLO, HALFWAY BACK DOWN SAID MOUNTAIN ON FOOT. Things like that, you know?

And I really didn't like Maria Bello as Evie. She wasn't funny, or cute, or cool. She tried to be funny and cute and cool, but she way overplayed it and it just didn't work for me.

But the effects were really good and it had, like Yetis and stuff, so that was pretty cool. A movie with ♥Jet Li♥ I sorta expect to have really cool martial arts, and it didn't. There was this one fight scene between ♥Jet Li♥ and Brenden Fraser and at first I was gratified because Jet Li is winning, obviously, but then Brenden Fraser rallies and starts to get in his shots. Ummm, ♥JET LI♥. If he kicks you, I'm pretty sure you're staying down!

Also, ♥Michelle Yeoh♥, oh my god, HOW IS SHE SO BEAUTIFUL? It's not even possible! Why wasn't she in it more? Why didn't she get to kick so much more ass and do so many more stunts, which she obviously can? I wish I could just wake up one day and be her clone, just to have her skill and her looks.

Russel Wong was ridiculously hot. I mean to the point where even when he was a zombie for most of the film, he was hot. That's honestly the first time I've looked at a frigging zombie and thought, "I'd hit that, shyeeeit." WTF is wrong with me. Umm, when they make a movie out of my book, he's going to be in it.

Anyways, that's what I thought of that. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped it would be and I wish it hadn't tried so hard to be funny. I also wish that mothers wouldn't think it was a great idea to bring their spoiled, yammering little bastards to the movies and let them talk in their "outdoor voices" throughout the movie and go tromping up and down the aisles, and then just coddle them in their laps when people tell them "shhh." Especially when they're around ten frigging years old and should know better.