dreams, swords, pic spam

Okay, I have been having some seriously effed up dreams lately. I'll start with the two I had last night because they're fresh on my mind, and because the one from two nights ago has more of a story to it and other stuff.

So last night I dreamed that I was captured with these two other people and being kept in a silo by Hojo from FFVII. (Everytime I have medical / evil scientist nightmares it's Hojo. Thanks, Squaresoft / Squeenix.) So we were lying on this grating which served as a floor and we'd been there for months, and we were starving. I mean like literally starving, we were totally wasting away, to the point where none of us could even sit up. Then one day I decided to escape, so I forced myself to walk out the door behind one of the guards. Outside, I started running down this hill into Chinatown, only Chinatown was in Seattle. (The Seattle as it always appears in my dreams, not as it really is.) I was running down dream-Queen Anne Hill into Chinatown and I kept passing people on cell phones and I knew that they worked for Hojo, so I was trying to run superfly quick so they wouldn't see me. I ended up in this little cafe where I had a cookie and some tea and bought a bag of Doritos (I had some Doritos at work yesterday, so that's why they're making an appearance.) The funny thing about this whole thing was that I was doing it all in super high speed, even eating like I was on fast-forward. It was actually very tiring. Even though I was asleep, I could feel how tired I was.

Then I remembered the two people who were captured with me and that one of them was a good friend of mine from Kung Fu, so I went back for them. I released them both and we all started to run. There was a man I didn't know and the woman I do know, and the man didn't understand why I was choosing to run where I was running. He was telling me, "We have to get to the airport and leave the country!" And I was explaining to him, "They'll be looking for us at the airports; we have to stay in town where they won't expect us to be. Hide in plain sight." And as we were running down the hill against the traffic I was yelling to them both, "Don't go against the tide. Stand up high where you can see everything. Most of all, hide in plain sight!" As I was saying this, we were still seeing people on cell phones everywhere as if they were reporting us. I was still confident we would get away, Then I noticed that my friend was signaling them as if she knew them and I was thinking, "Maybe she talked them into letting us go."

I started to look for a good Chinese restaurant. Starving or not, I wanted some goddamn garlic string beans like they only have at the Kirin and I wasn't going to rest until we found some. Our running brought us to Pike Place Market (my dream version of it,) and then the subways of New York, where I met up with this girl from the 30STM board, Vanessa. (She's the nice one; not the psycho I was talking about yesterday.) She was running through the subways looking for her friend and a lot of people recognized her and asked where her friend was, and she was telling them that her friend had been killed violently. O_o

Eventually we got to the restaurant and I ordered my garlic string beans. Then I noticed that my friend was chatting with one of the waitresses, and the waitress told me, "Oh, she's been working here on Saturdays; that's how we know each other." And all of a sudden I realized that escaping the silo hadn't been so difficult at all; that this friend of mine had been escaping quite regularly, every Saturday in fact, to work in exchange for food. Then I wondered, why didn't she ever help us escape? Why didn't she even bring us some food while we were starving? I figured maybe she just didn't want to get caught or risk ruining a sweet deal, so I left it alone. But I still felt betrayed.

By and by the dream switched to what ended up being the sequel to Fight Club. In it, Brad Pitt now had a wife and daughter and was living in this big beautiful house with lots of windows. I started out watching it as if it was a movie. Then a group of people started trying to break into the house to kill the entire family. Weird fact abotu me (I know I've mentioned this before, too,) is that when I'm having a dream abotu someone else, no matter who it is, as soon as things start to get really bad for them, I step in and become that character. It's like I start feeling, "Well, I can handle this," and the other person steps out and I step in. I do this all the time. So I stepped in and started trying to plan how to keep the bad guys out. I barricaded all the windows and looked around for a weapon in the plush bedroom. Under the bed I found what I thought was a crowbar. Then when one of the bad guys got it, I swung it at him, and it ended up being made of foam. So I just kicked him until he was dead. Then I heard the woman screaming from the next room. There were two men there who had tied her to a chair and were making her watch a movie before they killed her. I kicked one guys' head off. I mean just kicked it clean off his shoulders. The other guy I tied to a rack, which wasn't very hard, because he was about seven inches long. Then the dog started barking and I followed the noise downstairs to where some other guys were chasing the little girl. I shot them both in the head, took the kid and went back upstairs. I was thinking, "Thank god this is over; he can come back now." And I started to step out of the character, but then the dog started barking at something under the bed. I looked under there and saw a severed arm and half of a human head that had started to rot and I thought, "I guess there's still more to come."

Then I woke up.

Then last night I had this dream that I was in a dark parking lot practicing my sword form. I was totally awesome and confident as I did this, dressed all in black, and I think I looked very impressive, too. Then this guy came out of the shadows and he had this swagger as he walked, as if he was the coolest and most confident guy ever. He was also wearing all black, with a black scarf around his neck and sunglasses. He had black hair and black gloves, all around a very dark character. He said something to the effect of liking my hair (which was up and very ornate with all kinds of beads in it.) He thought he was very suave and he reached his hand out to me, and I started swinging. Everytime he got close, I would deflect him with the sword. But I never actually cut him. I only ended up cutting all of his clothes off. O_o

Anyway, after I woke up I was thinking all day about the person I was in that dream. She must have been pretty, because this good-looking guy obviously liked her. And she was so confident and so sure that everything was going to go her way, because how could it not? It was on my mind so much as I tried to figure out if that person really has anything to do with me. Along those same lines I was thinking about that email from that photographer friend of mine, about all my old costumes, and about how much I used to love character modeling. So I figured I'd try to find that awesome woman of swords from the dream and do some character modeling for myself. These were the results of that little venture She was something like this:



( A few more. )

Then after I was done playing around with that sword and that character, I thought my hair looked kind of poofy while it was all piled up. ( Like this: )

Then I took my hair down and, you know, for as much as I don't usually like my face, I do think I have a good head of hair. It's fuzzy. ( And red. )

It all made me think how cool it would be if this is who I really am inside, finally found myself etc:

Okay, so now before any of you start with "You're lovely" or "stop not liking your features because these pics are pretty" or whatever, keep in mind that they are a few pictures out of a whole bunch that I took. There were at least three times this many that I took one look at and deleted right away because they were way too close to how I really look at other angles and in other light. Also note that they're all taken slightly from the left, because I have a really strong left/right split, and from the left at best I look like I have a long nose with a slight ripple, but from the right side it's like a classic hooked nose like in the cartoons. So when you see pictures of me that you think are pretty, just keep in mind that for every nice picture, there are ten pictures where I look like a total hag. I think that possibly is true for lots of people though, so don't take that as me hating on myself, because I really don't. I'm just realistic and as honest as I dare to be. ;D

Was this whole thing rushed? Sorry for any mistakes or rambling but I'm trying to get this all written in the like 15 minutes I have before I leave for Kung Fu. ^_^

dreams, swords, pic spam

Okay, I have been having some seriously effed up dreams lately. I'll start with the two I had last night because they're fresh on my mind, and because the one from two nights ago has more of a story to it and other stuff.

So last night I dreamed that I was captured with these two other people and being kept in a silo by Hojo from FFVII. (Everytime I have medical / evil scientist nightmares it's Hojo. Thanks, Squaresoft / Squeenix.) So we were lying on this grating which served as a floor and we'd been there for months, and we were starving. I mean like literally starving, we were totally wasting away, to the point where none of us could even sit up. Then one day I decided to escape, so I forced myself to walk out the door behind one of the guards. Outside, I started running down this hill into Chinatown, only Chinatown was in Seattle. (The Seattle as it always appears in my dreams, not as it really is.) I was running down dream-Queen Anne Hill into Chinatown and I kept passing people on cell phones and I knew that they worked for Hojo, so I was trying to run superfly quick so they wouldn't see me. I ended up in this little cafe where I had a cookie and some tea and bought a bag of Doritos (I had some Doritos at work yesterday, so that's why they're making an appearance.) The funny thing about this whole thing was that I was doing it all in super high speed, even eating like I was on fast-forward. It was actually very tiring. Even though I was asleep, I could feel how tired I was.

Then I remembered the two people who were captured with me and that one of them was a good friend of mine from Kung Fu, so I went back for them. I released them both and we all started to run. There was a man I didn't know and the woman I do know, and the man didn't understand why I was choosing to run where I was running. He was telling me, "We have to get to the airport and leave the country!" And I was explaining to him, "They'll be looking for us at the airports; we have to stay in town where they won't expect us to be. Hide in plain sight." And as we were running down the hill against the traffic I was yelling to them both, "Don't go against the tide. Stand up high where you can see everything. Most of all, hide in plain sight!" As I was saying this, we were still seeing people on cell phones everywhere as if they were reporting us. I was still confident we would get away, Then I noticed that my friend was signaling them as if she knew them and I was thinking, "Maybe she talked them into letting us go."

I started to look for a good Chinese restaurant. Starving or not, I wanted some goddamn garlic string beans like they only have at the Kirin and I wasn't going to rest until we found some. Our running brought us to Pike Place Market (my dream version of it,) and then the subways of New York, where I met up with this girl from the 30STM board, Vanessa. (She's the nice one; not the psycho I was talking about yesterday.) She was running through the subways looking for her friend and a lot of people recognized her and asked where her friend was, and she was telling them that her friend had been killed violently. O_o

Eventually we got to the restaurant and I ordered my garlic string beans. Then I noticed that my friend was chatting with one of the waitresses, and the waitress told me, "Oh, she's been working here on Saturdays; that's how we know each other." And all of a sudden I realized that escaping the silo hadn't been so difficult at all; that this friend of mine had been escaping quite regularly, every Saturday in fact, to work in exchange for food. Then I wondered, why didn't she ever help us escape? Why didn't she even bring us some food while we were starving? I figured maybe she just didn't want to get caught or risk ruining a sweet deal, so I left it alone. But I still felt betrayed.

By and by the dream switched to what ended up being the sequel to Fight Club. In it, Brad Pitt now had a wife and daughter and was living in this big beautiful house with lots of windows. I started out watching it as if it was a movie. Then a group of people started trying to break into the house to kill the entire family. Weird fact abotu me (I know I've mentioned this before, too,) is that when I'm having a dream abotu someone else, no matter who it is, as soon as things start to get really bad for them, I step in and become that character. It's like I start feeling, "Well, I can handle this," and the other person steps out and I step in. I do this all the time. So I stepped in and started trying to plan how to keep the bad guys out. I barricaded all the windows and looked around for a weapon in the plush bedroom. Under the bed I found what I thought was a crowbar. Then when one of the bad guys got it, I swung it at him, and it ended up being made of foam. So I just kicked him until he was dead. Then I heard the woman screaming from the next room. There were two men there who had tied her to a chair and were making her watch a movie before they killed her. I kicked one guys' head off. I mean just kicked it clean off his shoulders. The other guy I tied to a rack, which wasn't very hard, because he was about seven inches long. Then the dog started barking and I followed the noise downstairs to where some other guys were chasing the little girl. I shot them both in the head, took the kid and went back upstairs. I was thinking, "Thank god this is over; he can come back now." And I started to step out of the character, but then the dog started barking at something under the bed. I looked under there and saw a severed arm and half of a human head that had started to rot and I thought, "I guess there's still more to come."

Then I woke up.

Then last night I had this dream that I was in a dark parking lot practicing my sword form. I was totally awesome and confident as I did this, dressed all in black, and I think I looked very impressive, too. Then this guy came out of the shadows and he had this swagger as he walked, as if he was the coolest and most confident guy ever. He was also wearing all black, with a black scarf around his neck and sunglasses. He had black hair and black gloves, all around a very dark character. He said something to the effect of liking my hair (which was up and very ornate with all kinds of beads in it.) He thought he was very suave and he reached his hand out to me, and I started swinging. Everytime he got close, I would deflect him with the sword. But I never actually cut him. I only ended up cutting all of his clothes off. O_o

Anyway, after I woke up I was thinking all day about the person I was in that dream. She must have been pretty, because this good-looking guy obviously liked her. And she was so confident and so sure that everything was going to go her way, because how could it not? It was on my mind so much as I tried to figure out if that person really has anything to do with me. Along those same lines I was thinking about that email from that photographer friend of mine, about all my old costumes, and about how much I used to love character modeling. So I figured I'd try to find that awesome woman of swords from the dream and do some character modeling for myself. These were the results of that little venture She was something like this:



( A few more. )

Then after I was done playing around with that sword and that character, I thought my hair looked kind of poofy while it was all piled up. ( Like this: )

Then I took my hair down and, you know, for as much as I don't usually like my face, I do think I have a good head of hair. It's fuzzy. ( And red. )

It all made me think how cool it would be if this is who I really am inside, finally found myself etc:

Okay, so now before any of you start with "You're lovely" or "stop not liking your features because these pics are pretty" or whatever, keep in mind that they are a few pictures out of a whole bunch that I took. There were at least three times this many that I took one look at and deleted right away because they were way too close to how I really look at other angles and in other light. Also note that they're all taken slightly from the left, because I have a really strong left/right split, and from the left at best I look like I have a long nose with a slight ripple, but from the right side it's like a classic hooked nose like in the cartoons. So when you see pictures of me that you think are pretty, just keep in mind that for every nice picture, there are ten pictures where I look like a total hag. I think that possibly is true for lots of people though, so don't take that as me hating on myself, because I really don't. I'm just realistic and as honest as I dare to be. ;D

Was this whole thing rushed? Sorry for any mistakes or rambling but I'm trying to get this all written in the like 15 minutes I have before I leave for Kung Fu. ^_^