"Half naked, loving, natural, and Greek..." Alexander spoilers

I just saw Alexander and I don't feel like cutting for SPOILERS, so let me just warn of SPOILERS and be done with it. Besides, can you actually count it as SPOILERS if it is all historical?

This will be brief, even the SPOILERS, because I'm tired and heading to bed in a minute or two.

I might have watched it at some point anyway, no doubt with my friend Kim on one of those nights when we just feel like watching grand, huge, historically based melodramas that have good-looking men in them, however I have to be totally honest and tell those of you who haven't guessed already that I only watched it because it had Jared Leto, who, in my considered opinion, should always have long hair and, GOD HELP ME, LOTS OF BLACK EYELINER. I'm sorry if I seem to cheapen a really beautiful moment in movie history, because it was a very effective scene. (Not only that, but Oliver Stone made the exact point that I always try to make about what bugs me in regards to cheap slash and yaoi, which is, why can't men just love each other? Why do people always want all men to bang each other? Does it have to be about the banging? It's true that Hephaistion and Alexander probably banged in their youth, but why exploit it? [sez the hypocrite--me--who only watched the film for Jared Leto with long hair and black eyeliner....]) Anyway, so there was that.

Three scenes in this movie really affected me. One, well, I knew the horse was going to die the moment it appeared on screen. The horse always dies; that's the movie law. It still upset me when the horse died. Two, I had to shut my eyes--albeit too late--when the elephant's trunk got cut off. I hope I don't dream about that. So that upset me.

And then there was the somewhat realistic yet disturbingly beautiful death of Hephastion. Which, of course, everyone knows is coming, and not only because it's historical fact, but even if you didn't know that, you'd see it coming because Hephaistion was too loyal and noble to be anything but the sacrifice; that's how it always goes in movies, it, too, is the movie law.

TraumaWhore--that's me--loves nothing better than a good death scene in a movie. ("So gentle, helpless, stirless and unmoved..." said Byron in a passage I've rememebered since I first read it in college, only he said it of sleep, not movie death, "like death without its terrors.") I had actually waited the entire film just to see that scene you know, because I knew that he'd master it. (He's so good at pain.) But then Hephaistion said to Alexander, "I feel better," when he was clearly dying in agony, and TraumaWhore kind of whithered for a moment, because damn, that was too brutal. And then after he was dead, his eyes kind of freaked me out, not in that "holy crap, they are as blue as my pajama bottoms" (they are,) but because, I don't know, they didn't look real and I had to wonder if there was some digital witchery going on there, although I really don't think there was. I kind of wish there was.

And of course there was all the predictable "going into battle" scene which is handled exactly the same in every movie that has a big battle, you know with the leader rallying the soldiers on the field and inevitably telling them "some of you will die today and I might die too," and then lots of people shout and there are some drums for an inordinately long time and then you see the leader of the other guys and then some more drums and then everyone runs at each other and hack and slash, blah blah dicker blah. I actually fast forward through those scenes in almost every movie in which they occur.

Overall it was a pretty decent ride. I might have to own it just for those few scenes, though. And Jared Leto's eyes really are the color of my pajama bottoms, and as large as eyes that you might see depicted in anything released by TokyoPop. Is he real, or is he anime? Christ.

(Here's the punchline: Jonathan Rhys Meyers was in it, too. Last year I might have watched it for him. He's very pretty in this, also, but doesn't have half as interesting a role this time around.)

"Half naked, loving, natural, and Greek..." Alexander spoilers

I just saw Alexander and I don't feel like cutting for SPOILERS, so let me just warn of SPOILERS and be done with it. Besides, can you actually count it as SPOILERS if it is all historical?

This will be brief, even the SPOILERS, because I'm tired and heading to bed in a minute or two.

I might have watched it at some point anyway, no doubt with my friend Kim on one of those nights when we just feel like watching grand, huge, historically based melodramas that have good-looking men in them, however I have to be totally honest and tell those of you who haven't guessed already that I only watched it because it had Jared Leto, who, in my considered opinion, should always have long hair and, GOD HELP ME, LOTS OF BLACK EYELINER. I'm sorry if I seem to cheapen a really beautiful moment in movie history, because it was a very effective scene. (Not only that, but Oliver Stone made the exact point that I always try to make about what bugs me in regards to cheap slash and yaoi, which is, why can't men just love each other? Why do people always want all men to bang each other? Does it have to be about the banging? It's true that Hephaistion and Alexander probably banged in their youth, but why exploit it? [sez the hypocrite--me--who only watched the film for Jared Leto with long hair and black eyeliner....]) Anyway, so there was that.

Three scenes in this movie really affected me. One, well, I knew the horse was going to die the moment it appeared on screen. The horse always dies; that's the movie law. It still upset me when the horse died. Two, I had to shut my eyes--albeit too late--when the elephant's trunk got cut off. I hope I don't dream about that. So that upset me.

And then there was the somewhat realistic yet disturbingly beautiful death of Hephastion. Which, of course, everyone knows is coming, and not only because it's historical fact, but even if you didn't know that, you'd see it coming because Hephaistion was too loyal and noble to be anything but the sacrifice; that's how it always goes in movies, it, too, is the movie law.

TraumaWhore--that's me--loves nothing better than a good death scene in a movie. ("So gentle, helpless, stirless and unmoved..." said Byron in a passage I've rememebered since I first read it in college, only he said it of sleep, not movie death, "like death without its terrors.") I had actually waited the entire film just to see that scene you know, because I knew that he'd master it. (He's so good at pain.) But then Hephaistion said to Alexander, "I feel better," when he was clearly dying in agony, and TraumaWhore kind of whithered for a moment, because damn, that was too brutal. And then after he was dead, his eyes kind of freaked me out, not in that "holy crap, they are as blue as my pajama bottoms" (they are,) but because, I don't know, they didn't look real and I had to wonder if there was some digital witchery going on there, although I really don't think there was. I kind of wish there was.

And of course there was all the predictable "going into battle" scene which is handled exactly the same in every movie that has a big battle, you know with the leader rallying the soldiers on the field and inevitably telling them "some of you will die today and I might die too," and then lots of people shout and there are some drums for an inordinately long time and then you see the leader of the other guys and then some more drums and then everyone runs at each other and hack and slash, blah blah dicker blah. I actually fast forward through those scenes in almost every movie in which they occur.

Overall it was a pretty decent ride. I might have to own it just for those few scenes, though. And Jared Leto's eyes really are the color of my pajama bottoms, and as large as eyes that you might see depicted in anything released by TokyoPop. Is he real, or is he anime? Christ.

(Here's the punchline: Jonathan Rhys Meyers was in it, too. Last year I might have watched it for him. He's very pretty in this, also, but doesn't have half as interesting a role this time around.)

Our hateful president, a weird dream, some SCIII banter

Bush has nothing better to do these days than hate on innocent people. Never mind the huge mess he has put this country and the rest of the world in. These fags must be stopped from ruining the culture! "Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society." Because no husband and wife have ever messed up any kid of theirs at all. Ever. They never break up oand get divorced and have custody battles or anything. Also because this society is completely awesome, and that is thanks to men and women marrying each other. A selfish part of me wonders what Bush would say to my decision to have kids without a husband. I wonder if he'll be interested in banning that, next.

And aside from his war on homosexuality, I think that he ranks right up there with some of history's most destructive world leaders ever. But that kind of goes without saying at this point.

On to pleasanter things.

Last night Jeremy was over for Soul Calibur III, and I lost big time; he beat me by 12 matches out of 50 something. But we did have the following exchange:

Me: Hey, I wonder why Yoshimitsu has a wooden arm and hand with cogs that spin around.
Jeremy: Yeah, I wonder how he lost his arm.
Me: Maybe Yoshimitsu was bad once and Kilik cut it off.
Jeremy: Right. Kilik cut his arm off with his wooden staff.
Me: Maybe he whittled his staff so it was sharp.
Jeremy: Maybe he gnawed Yoshimitsu's arm off.
Me: *A fit of giggles*
Jeremy: Kilik doesn't do everything in the whole entire game, you know.

But yes, he does.

Then we started playing with random created characters. I kept getting characters with no pants at first. Then I started getting characters with no shirts and some kind of mask. How odd.

So here was this dream I had last night that I really want to remember:

( Cliffs, blackouts, The Void, and a dead woman on the road. )

WTF, right?

So today I had to go to the store and get a bridal registry thingie thing, right? I was in a rush because my Mom had to borrow my car to take Gran to her DR.'s appointment. Wouldn't you know, the stupid computer is down. Now I get this young guy coming over to help me, right, and first of all he doesn't smell too good. Also he had this huge tattoo on his forearm that read: "4:20" in big, bold letters. So for about ten minutes he kept touching the screen to try to get it to start, and of course it wouldn't. I kept suggesting that maybe he get someone else to help, but he would not be deterred. He started to get really frustrated. I joked, "Hey, you know sometimes with computers it helps if you bash them agaist the wall." So he does. I'm like, "Dude, I was just kidding!" Eventually I got the registry from a different computer (another ten minute process,) but everything that I would have bought was already sold or they didn't carry. *Sigh*

As I was paying for the lame gift card, I said to the cashier, who was this older, bespectacled lady, "Why do people have to get married and inconvenience me?" She shot me what I thought to be a sharp look at first, and I reminded myself that not everyone shares my sense of humor and I should keep my mouth shut more often. Then she smiled and said, "I take it you're not married." I told her I wasn't, expecting the usual "Don't worry dear your turn will come" speech that I always get (and laugh off,) but instead she said, "You know, I didn't get married until I was thirty five. And then, seven years later, my husband abandoned me for another woman. So you see, it doesn't matter who you marry or when. Most of the time it ends the same way." I told her that I suspected she was right, and that it wasn't worth the bother. "It's not," she said, "and what's more, I think that gay people stay together longer."

Take that, Bush!

Our hateful president, a weird dream, some SCIII banter

Bush has nothing better to do these days than hate on innocent people. Never mind the huge mess he has put this country and the rest of the world in. These fags must be stopped from ruining the culture! "Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society." Because no husband and wife have ever messed up any kid of theirs at all. Ever. They never break up oand get divorced and have custody battles or anything. Also because this society is completely awesome, and that is thanks to men and women marrying each other. A selfish part of me wonders what Bush would say to my decision to have kids without a husband. I wonder if he'll be interested in banning that, next.

And aside from his war on homosexuality, I think that he ranks right up there with some of history's most destructive world leaders ever. But that kind of goes without saying at this point.

On to pleasanter things.

Last night Jeremy was over for Soul Calibur III, and I lost big time; he beat me by 12 matches out of 50 something. But we did have the following exchange:

Me: Hey, I wonder why Yoshimitsu has a wooden arm and hand with cogs that spin around.
Jeremy: Yeah, I wonder how he lost his arm.
Me: Maybe Yoshimitsu was bad once and Kilik cut it off.
Jeremy: Right. Kilik cut his arm off with his wooden staff.
Me: Maybe he whittled his staff so it was sharp.
Jeremy: Maybe he gnawed Yoshimitsu's arm off.
Me: *A fit of giggles*
Jeremy: Kilik doesn't do everything in the whole entire game, you know.

But yes, he does.

Then we started playing with random created characters. I kept getting characters with no pants at first. Then I started getting characters with no shirts and some kind of mask. How odd.

So here was this dream I had last night that I really want to remember:

( Cliffs, blackouts, The Void, and a dead woman on the road. )

WTF, right?

So today I had to go to the store and get a bridal registry thingie thing, right? I was in a rush because my Mom had to borrow my car to take Gran to her DR.'s appointment. Wouldn't you know, the stupid computer is down. Now I get this young guy coming over to help me, right, and first of all he doesn't smell too good. Also he had this huge tattoo on his forearm that read: "4:20" in big, bold letters. So for about ten minutes he kept touching the screen to try to get it to start, and of course it wouldn't. I kept suggesting that maybe he get someone else to help, but he would not be deterred. He started to get really frustrated. I joked, "Hey, you know sometimes with computers it helps if you bash them agaist the wall." So he does. I'm like, "Dude, I was just kidding!" Eventually I got the registry from a different computer (another ten minute process,) but everything that I would have bought was already sold or they didn't carry. *Sigh*

As I was paying for the lame gift card, I said to the cashier, who was this older, bespectacled lady, "Why do people have to get married and inconvenience me?" She shot me what I thought to be a sharp look at first, and I reminded myself that not everyone shares my sense of humor and I should keep my mouth shut more often. Then she smiled and said, "I take it you're not married." I told her I wasn't, expecting the usual "Don't worry dear your turn will come" speech that I always get (and laugh off,) but instead she said, "You know, I didn't get married until I was thirty five. And then, seven years later, my husband abandoned me for another woman. So you see, it doesn't matter who you marry or when. Most of the time it ends the same way." I told her that I suspected she was right, and that it wasn't worth the bother. "It's not," she said, "and what's more, I think that gay people stay together longer."

Take that, Bush!