WHAAAAAAAAAT?! (Star Wars rant)

Before I begin shrieking in outrage again, first let me set up.

I just finished re-watching what Lucas is pleased to call Episodes 4-6, but which I will usually just call "Star Wars" or occasionally, "the original Star Wars." I watched all three of them over the last two weeks, a bit at a time. (I just didn't seem to have any nights where I could sit down and watch an entire movie. For shame!) At any rate, they reminded me of why I fell in love with Star Wars to begin with. I've already given everyone the whole "My Childhood With Star Wars" post, so I don't need to repeat that, but there were a few things that I either remembered, rediscovered, or saw for the first time while watching Return Of The Jedi this time.

As I said, as a kid I was totally in love with Luke Skywalker. As I got older, Han Solo began to appeal to me (though by the time I was crushing on Harrison Ford, it was over Indiana Jones, and not Han Solo,) but Luke Skywalker was really my first girlhood hero. During the first two movies, he was Little Girl's Dream: cute and sweet, and of course, heroic (although in the games I made up, I was somehow always rescuing him. I was always bass ackwards.) It was comfortable to be in love with Luke Skywalker during those years. Bear in mind that I was between five and eight with the first two movies came out.

Return Of the Jedi is really the Star Wars movie I remember best, though. It's not necessarily because I was older when I saw it, either (ten or eleven, I think.) My memory goes way back and is very vivid; I can remember things clearly from the time before I could speak (I have a way of shocking my parents by remembering things so accurately,) so it's not an age thing. It was more of an experience thing. I mentioned in my last Star Wars post that, while watching ROTJ in '99 with Spencer and Meghan, the part with the Emperor shooting Luke with Force lightning unnerved Meghan and I had to explain special effects to her. What I didn't mention was how much, when I saw it as a kid, that part completely terrified me. That's what I remember most about ROTJ. Not the stupid Ewoks or the second Death Star or Lando Calrissian piloting the Millennium Falcon or Han and Leia's love story. More than anything I remember the Emperor's torture of Luke.

Even as a kid, torture really freaked me out. Never mind that we actually had a game called "Torture Chair" (it was a sheet hung up on the monkey bars, which we'd put someone in and spin it until they got dizzy,) which we played until our friend Ronnie threw up one day. That wasn't torture to us, it was play. You were glad if you got to sit in the torture chair. Well, until the throwing up, that is. Point is, the idea of watching (or reading) even fictional torture unnerved me then as it unnerves me now. What I remember most about ROTJ and that scene was how much glee the Emperor was obviously taking in doing what he was doing. He just looked so mean, so sadistic, so full-on evil, that he made my skin crawl. Combined with the soft, patronizing, almost apologetic way he spoke to Luke in that scene, I must have had it on my mind for weeks.

It had never occurred to me, as a child, that the bad guy might make the good guy fight himself, either. That was sort of a big deal for me. I had expected Luke Skywalker to have to fight the bad guy with his lightsaber and probably win. Sure, he'd probably fall down and maybe get his other hand cut off even, and there would be some yelling and sweating and "Omigosh he might lose!" moments, but I never expected that there was a chance he'd go to the Dark Side. When he nearly did, it scared me. I remember that I didn't believe he would do it, but I hated the Emperor for trying to make him. The line I remember best was, "Let the hate flow through you." I don't know why, but that one line and the way he said it really stuck in my twisted, confused little pre-adolescent brain. When I got home from the movies, I even tried to forget that he had said that. And for the love of Pete, I can't even tell you why. It just gave me the creeps, that's all.

These were things I found intriguing when I re-watched the movie in '99. (I remember that before The Phantom Menace came out, I'd had this very bizarre and emotional dream about Luke Skywalker. I wrote it in my journal back then and just now I spent an hour looking for it, but couldn't find it. What I did find: old tarot readings, poems, entries about my brand new job at the animal hospital and my first baby birds, living with Jeremy, obssessing over someone far away, first time playing Ocarina of Time and reading Harry Potter, and a tear-stained letter I wrote to my grandfather a few months after he died. What a year that was.) Although I definitely saw more in ROTJ in '99 than I did when I was 10-11, I had lots of other things on my mind then, and still managed to miss a few things that struck me this time.

I think that all sorts of factors hit their stride in ROTJ. Not necessarily Lucas, because parts of this movie really missed, too. But certainly Luke was and is his best creation, and both the character and the actor really hit their stride in this movie. What a splendid character arc Luke Skywalker has, from a whiney farmboy to a Jedi knight, who, even standing over the abyss possibly about to be devoured by a huge, ugly-ass worm, still has the confidence to say to Jabba the Hutt, "You should have bargained." (And am I the only one who sees how much the Zelda games borrow from Star Wars? Come on, that worm was the Moldorm from Windwaker! Jabba the Hutt's guards were Moblins!)

This time while watching ROTJ, it occurred to me how intimidating Darth Vader was. Next to him, Luke was positively tiny. The part where Vader is holding Luke's lightsaber and Luke turns his back on him, not out of disrespect, but out of trust that he won't use the weapon; dude, that was awesome. When Darth Vader fires it up, Luke goes all tense and starts to look over his shoulder, but doesn't quite. When Vader tells Luke "It is too late for me, my son," there's regret in his voice. I never realized it before, but this is where he starts to crack. Even in the way he refers to Luke as "my son" seems meaningful to me now, because there's a weird affection to his voice. And of course, the best part, where he just loses it and throws the Emperor down the shaft because he just can't watch his kid get tortured like that. I guess I understood those ideas as a kid, but now they sort of get me right there.

The other thing I remember from when I watched it as a kid is Luke unmasking Vader. I remember sitting in the movie theater with my popcorn and soda, next to my two cousins and friend Ronnie, my parents a few rows behind us. I remember dreading the moment that Luke took off Vader's mask, because I didn't want to see his face, although I had expected him to be young, or younger looking than he was, or not so frail. I very, very clearly remember that when I finally saw his face, my first thought was that he looked like our elderly neighbor, only I couldn't tell Ronnie that, because said elderly neighbor was like a grandfather to him (although I never got along with the guy--hated him, in fact. He was horrible to little girls, but that's a story for another time. Suffice it to say, as my cousin Chrissie said of him the other day, "if he were alive today, he'd have to register everywhere he lived." >_> ) Anyway, that's what I remember when we finally showed Vader's face. I was nervous, and then finally sad to see him.

What made it slightly better, and what brought it all together for me, was seeing him as a Force ghost after Luke did the whole Viking Funeral thing for him. (I remember in '99 I had a long conversation with--who? Jeremy maybe? Or Rachel?--about why Luke had burned him with the mask still on. Of course, the reason was a visual one: Darth Vader, this iconic, redeemed villain, was dead, and we needed to see it. But to me, it seemed odd that Luke would send him off as Vader and not as Anakin Skywalker.) I know that a lot of people thought that the scene with the Force Ghosts was dumb at the end, but I liked it. I liked the idea of going on, of not being separated, and of the Anakin Skywalker we'd just watched die in his son's arms looking human, not as pasty or icky, smiling, forgiven, and with his old friends.

So I'm sure you can imagine my crystal-shattering shriek when, instead of seeing the actor who had actually, you know, played Anakin Skywalker in Return Of the Freaking Jedi, I see Hayden Christensen.

Let me tell you something, George Lucas. I saw Star Wars, all of them, every last one, in the theater, from the time I was a little kid. I remember that stuff. It meant something to me. So when you pull this nonsense with trying to undo what you've done, it's insulting. We've already seen the old Star Wars movies, you're not tricking us or anything! This isn't art, or vision, it's just plain tactless. (And I think he also added some pointless CG scenes of celebrations in Tattoine and Coruscant. Why the hell?!) Lookit: when I have my kid, we're going to sit down together and watch Star Wars in order of its release, exactly the way I did: the first three first, the prequels second. So here I'll be, sitting with my kid, watching ROTJ, and, what's going to happen when the brand spanking new Force Ghosts show up? My kid's going to go, "That was nice, Mommy, but who the goddamn piss hell was that guy next to Obi Wan?" I'll be like, "That's Anakin Skywalker, honey, Luke's Daddy." And she'll be like, "Wasn't Luke's Daddy old and greenish looking? And by the way, where is my Daddy? Where did I come from?" And I'll have to tell her, "I know, honey, but now we have to watch the first three, and that will explain everything." But by then she's going to be so pissed off that she won't even care, and she won't want the action figures, and then you, Mr. Lucas, will lose maybe even thirty dollars or so. Somehow, I'm sure that stings more than the fact that anyone with a brain thinks you're tacky and patronizing.

Oh, hell, it's your story and all, so do what you want. Go nuts. I still think it's stupid and mean, what you did.

Nothing against Hayden Christensen personally, and he's nice to look at, and all. But for godsake, was he even freaking born when they made ROTJ?

CHRIST!

WHAAAAAAAAAT?! (Star Wars rant)

Before I begin shrieking in outrage again, first let me set up.

I just finished re-watching what Lucas is pleased to call Episodes 4-6, but which I will usually just call "Star Wars" or occasionally, "the original Star Wars." I watched all three of them over the last two weeks, a bit at a time. (I just didn't seem to have any nights where I could sit down and watch an entire movie. For shame!) At any rate, they reminded me of why I fell in love with Star Wars to begin with. I've already given everyone the whole "My Childhood With Star Wars" post, so I don't need to repeat that, but there were a few things that I either remembered, rediscovered, or saw for the first time while watching Return Of The Jedi this time.

As I said, as a kid I was totally in love with Luke Skywalker. As I got older, Han Solo began to appeal to me (though by the time I was crushing on Harrison Ford, it was over Indiana Jones, and not Han Solo,) but Luke Skywalker was really my first girlhood hero. During the first two movies, he was Little Girl's Dream: cute and sweet, and of course, heroic (although in the games I made up, I was somehow always rescuing him. I was always bass ackwards.) It was comfortable to be in love with Luke Skywalker during those years. Bear in mind that I was between five and eight with the first two movies came out.

Return Of the Jedi is really the Star Wars movie I remember best, though. It's not necessarily because I was older when I saw it, either (ten or eleven, I think.) My memory goes way back and is very vivid; I can remember things clearly from the time before I could speak (I have a way of shocking my parents by remembering things so accurately,) so it's not an age thing. It was more of an experience thing. I mentioned in my last Star Wars post that, while watching ROTJ in '99 with Spencer and Meghan, the part with the Emperor shooting Luke with Force lightning unnerved Meghan and I had to explain special effects to her. What I didn't mention was how much, when I saw it as a kid, that part completely terrified me. That's what I remember most about ROTJ. Not the stupid Ewoks or the second Death Star or Lando Calrissian piloting the Millennium Falcon or Han and Leia's love story. More than anything I remember the Emperor's torture of Luke.

Even as a kid, torture really freaked me out. Never mind that we actually had a game called "Torture Chair" (it was a sheet hung up on the monkey bars, which we'd put someone in and spin it until they got dizzy,) which we played until our friend Ronnie threw up one day. That wasn't torture to us, it was play. You were glad if you got to sit in the torture chair. Well, until the throwing up, that is. Point is, the idea of watching (or reading) even fictional torture unnerved me then as it unnerves me now. What I remember most about ROTJ and that scene was how much glee the Emperor was obviously taking in doing what he was doing. He just looked so mean, so sadistic, so full-on evil, that he made my skin crawl. Combined with the soft, patronizing, almost apologetic way he spoke to Luke in that scene, I must have had it on my mind for weeks.

It had never occurred to me, as a child, that the bad guy might make the good guy fight himself, either. That was sort of a big deal for me. I had expected Luke Skywalker to have to fight the bad guy with his lightsaber and probably win. Sure, he'd probably fall down and maybe get his other hand cut off even, and there would be some yelling and sweating and "Omigosh he might lose!" moments, but I never expected that there was a chance he'd go to the Dark Side. When he nearly did, it scared me. I remember that I didn't believe he would do it, but I hated the Emperor for trying to make him. The line I remember best was, "Let the hate flow through you." I don't know why, but that one line and the way he said it really stuck in my twisted, confused little pre-adolescent brain. When I got home from the movies, I even tried to forget that he had said that. And for the love of Pete, I can't even tell you why. It just gave me the creeps, that's all.

These were things I found intriguing when I re-watched the movie in '99. (I remember that before The Phantom Menace came out, I'd had this very bizarre and emotional dream about Luke Skywalker. I wrote it in my journal back then and just now I spent an hour looking for it, but couldn't find it. What I did find: old tarot readings, poems, entries about my brand new job at the animal hospital and my first baby birds, living with Jeremy, obssessing over someone far away, first time playing Ocarina of Time and reading Harry Potter, and a tear-stained letter I wrote to my grandfather a few months after he died. What a year that was.) Although I definitely saw more in ROTJ in '99 than I did when I was 10-11, I had lots of other things on my mind then, and still managed to miss a few things that struck me this time.

I think that all sorts of factors hit their stride in ROTJ. Not necessarily Lucas, because parts of this movie really missed, too. But certainly Luke was and is his best creation, and both the character and the actor really hit their stride in this movie. What a splendid character arc Luke Skywalker has, from a whiney farmboy to a Jedi knight, who, even standing over the abyss possibly about to be devoured by a huge, ugly-ass worm, still has the confidence to say to Jabba the Hutt, "You should have bargained." (And am I the only one who sees how much the Zelda games borrow from Star Wars? Come on, that worm was the Moldorm from Windwaker! Jabba the Hutt's guards were Moblins!)

This time while watching ROTJ, it occurred to me how intimidating Darth Vader was. Next to him, Luke was positively tiny. The part where Vader is holding Luke's lightsaber and Luke turns his back on him, not out of disrespect, but out of trust that he won't use the weapon; dude, that was awesome. When Darth Vader fires it up, Luke goes all tense and starts to look over his shoulder, but doesn't quite. When Vader tells Luke "It is too late for me, my son," there's regret in his voice. I never realized it before, but this is where he starts to crack. Even in the way he refers to Luke as "my son" seems meaningful to me now, because there's a weird affection to his voice. And of course, the best part, where he just loses it and throws the Emperor down the shaft because he just can't watch his kid get tortured like that. I guess I understood those ideas as a kid, but now they sort of get me right there.

The other thing I remember from when I watched it as a kid is Luke unmasking Vader. I remember sitting in the movie theater with my popcorn and soda, next to my two cousins and friend Ronnie, my parents a few rows behind us. I remember dreading the moment that Luke took off Vader's mask, because I didn't want to see his face, although I had expected him to be young, or younger looking than he was, or not so frail. I very, very clearly remember that when I finally saw his face, my first thought was that he looked like our elderly neighbor, only I couldn't tell Ronnie that, because said elderly neighbor was like a grandfather to him (although I never got along with the guy--hated him, in fact. He was horrible to little girls, but that's a story for another time. Suffice it to say, as my cousin Chrissie said of him the other day, "if he were alive today, he'd have to register everywhere he lived." >_> ) Anyway, that's what I remember when we finally showed Vader's face. I was nervous, and then finally sad to see him.

What made it slightly better, and what brought it all together for me, was seeing him as a Force ghost after Luke did the whole Viking Funeral thing for him. (I remember in '99 I had a long conversation with--who? Jeremy maybe? Or Rachel?--about why Luke had burned him with the mask still on. Of course, the reason was a visual one: Darth Vader, this iconic, redeemed villain, was dead, and we needed to see it. But to me, it seemed odd that Luke would send him off as Vader and not as Anakin Skywalker.) I know that a lot of people thought that the scene with the Force Ghosts was dumb at the end, but I liked it. I liked the idea of going on, of not being separated, and of the Anakin Skywalker we'd just watched die in his son's arms looking human, not as pasty or icky, smiling, forgiven, and with his old friends.

So I'm sure you can imagine my crystal-shattering shriek when, instead of seeing the actor who had actually, you know, played Anakin Skywalker in Return Of the Freaking Jedi, I see Hayden Christensen.

Let me tell you something, George Lucas. I saw Star Wars, all of them, every last one, in the theater, from the time I was a little kid. I remember that stuff. It meant something to me. So when you pull this nonsense with trying to undo what you've done, it's insulting. We've already seen the old Star Wars movies, you're not tricking us or anything! This isn't art, or vision, it's just plain tactless. (And I think he also added some pointless CG scenes of celebrations in Tattoine and Coruscant. Why the hell?!) Lookit: when I have my kid, we're going to sit down together and watch Star Wars in order of its release, exactly the way I did: the first three first, the prequels second. So here I'll be, sitting with my kid, watching ROTJ, and, what's going to happen when the brand spanking new Force Ghosts show up? My kid's going to go, "That was nice, Mommy, but who the goddamn piss hell was that guy next to Obi Wan?" I'll be like, "That's Anakin Skywalker, honey, Luke's Daddy." And she'll be like, "Wasn't Luke's Daddy old and greenish looking? And by the way, where is my Daddy? Where did I come from?" And I'll have to tell her, "I know, honey, but now we have to watch the first three, and that will explain everything." But by then she's going to be so pissed off that she won't even care, and she won't want the action figures, and then you, Mr. Lucas, will lose maybe even thirty dollars or so. Somehow, I'm sure that stings more than the fact that anyone with a brain thinks you're tacky and patronizing.

Oh, hell, it's your story and all, so do what you want. Go nuts. I still think it's stupid and mean, what you did.

Nothing against Hayden Christensen personally, and he's nice to look at, and all. But for godsake, was he even freaking born when they made ROTJ?

CHRIST!

Beach day and dork meme

So of course, my sweet baby grackle died. I knew he would, but still.

I kept my promise to myself and went to the beach with my friends today. Yay, me, I even got the season permit. That's $20 for a local, $150 for a non-local. ^_^ Which, to me, says, "If you're from the city, we do like your money, but we really wish you didn't have to actually come out here to give it to us." A sentiment with which I heartily agree. I'm one of the locals you often see yelling, "Go home, citiot!" I love the summer. I hate tourist season. (There's a bumper sticker that reads, "If it's tourist season, does that mean I can shoot them?") It might seem hypocritical of me, as I'm a traveler, too, and I'm often a tourist myself. But at least I'm always respectful when I travel.

Anyway, the beach was lovely. For the first time ever, I went to the actual town beach, the one with the bathrooms (very clean and nice) and a lifeguard and a food stand (also very clean and nice.) The stretch of beach was huge. Usually I just go down to one of the regular old beaches (it used to be free to park on the other side of the road if you were using those beaches, but not anymore.) I think in a way I still prefer good old Road J and Road K. Smaller, yes, but less crowded and more for locals. It's where most of the surfers go--the surfers who are there to surf, not to make a lot of noise and get attention.

Anyway, we were there from 11 till 2. It was so hot today (must have been somewhere near 80,) that I went into the water, which was heart-stoppingly cold. The waves were so nice, though, so mellow, breaking really far out, that I found myself wishing I'd brought my body-board.

The only icky thing was the remains of what looked like a small dead whale on the shore. ( Image cut )

Everyone had to stand around and poke it. I guess I'm no better, because I had to have a picture of it, too. Its guts were everywhere, and it smelled pretty bad. It was far enough away from us that we didn't smell it, though.

And, of course, the ocean saw fit to rip the top of my bathing suit off of me. That never fails. If I go in the water, I'm flashing someone. Jeez.

Jenn, Jenn and I talked for a long while, and mostly we just chilled out and didn't think about much of anything. When I found myself thinking, it was about future children. I imagined that, if I have a girl, she'll be this little, intense, curly dark-haired chick (I imagine her with my hair.) If I have a boy, I imagined that he'd be a lighter haired beach brat, like some of these ickle baby surfers you see, with their long hair and childish confidence. Jenn J asked me, "What are you thinking? You've got this weird little smile on your face." I told her exactly what I just wrote there, what I thought any future kids of mine would be like. Jenn, who has two (very odd and funny) little boys, said, "They'll be whatever they are." I told her to shut up. ;D

Okay, so I've been tagged by triforcekt with this fun meme:

Take each of these five categories (video games, television, anime, movies, and books) and tell why you are a dork. Make them good reasons. Justify them. Explain them. Be loud and proud about how big of a dork you are! Then pick the 5 biggest dorks you know and have them do the meme.

( Geekdom follows.... )

I can't specify five people to whom to pass this on. I couldn't pick just five out of my f-list who are geeky or dorky. I think most of you are in some way. So anyone else may grab this.

Go on! It's fun and humiliating! But mostly fun. ^_^

Beach day and dork meme

So of course, my sweet baby grackle died. I knew he would, but still.

I kept my promise to myself and went to the beach with my friends today. Yay, me, I even got the season permit. That's $20 for a local, $150 for a non-local. ^_^ Which, to me, says, "If you're from the city, we do like your money, but we really wish you didn't have to actually come out here to give it to us." A sentiment with which I heartily agree. I'm one of the locals you often see yelling, "Go home, citiot!" I love the summer. I hate tourist season. (There's a bumper sticker that reads, "If it's tourist season, does that mean I can shoot them?") It might seem hypocritical of me, as I'm a traveler, too, and I'm often a tourist myself. But at least I'm always respectful when I travel.

Anyway, the beach was lovely. For the first time ever, I went to the actual town beach, the one with the bathrooms (very clean and nice) and a lifeguard and a food stand (also very clean and nice.) The stretch of beach was huge. Usually I just go down to one of the regular old beaches (it used to be free to park on the other side of the road if you were using those beaches, but not anymore.) I think in a way I still prefer good old Road J and Road K. Smaller, yes, but less crowded and more for locals. It's where most of the surfers go--the surfers who are there to surf, not to make a lot of noise and get attention.

Anyway, we were there from 11 till 2. It was so hot today (must have been somewhere near 80,) that I went into the water, which was heart-stoppingly cold. The waves were so nice, though, so mellow, breaking really far out, that I found myself wishing I'd brought my body-board.

The only icky thing was the remains of what looked like a small dead whale on the shore. ( Image cut )

Everyone had to stand around and poke it. I guess I'm no better, because I had to have a picture of it, too. Its guts were everywhere, and it smelled pretty bad. It was far enough away from us that we didn't smell it, though.

And, of course, the ocean saw fit to rip the top of my bathing suit off of me. That never fails. If I go in the water, I'm flashing someone. Jeez.

Jenn, Jenn and I talked for a long while, and mostly we just chilled out and didn't think about much of anything. When I found myself thinking, it was about future children. I imagined that, if I have a girl, she'll be this little, intense, curly dark-haired chick (I imagine her with my hair.) If I have a boy, I imagined that he'd be a lighter haired beach brat, like some of these ickle baby surfers you see, with their long hair and childish confidence. Jenn J asked me, "What are you thinking? You've got this weird little smile on your face." I told her exactly what I just wrote there, what I thought any future kids of mine would be like. Jenn, who has two (very odd and funny) little boys, said, "They'll be whatever they are." I told her to shut up. ;D

Okay, so I've been tagged by triforcekt with this fun meme:

Take each of these five categories (video games, television, anime, movies, and books) and tell why you are a dork. Make them good reasons. Justify them. Explain them. Be loud and proud about how big of a dork you are! Then pick the 5 biggest dorks you know and have them do the meme.

( Geekdom follows.... )

I can't specify five people to whom to pass this on. I couldn't pick just five out of my f-list who are geeky or dorky. I think most of you are in some way. So anyone else may grab this.

Go on! It's fun and humiliating! But mostly fun. ^_^