la_belle_laide | Handed over like an old fish tank...

I'll probably always remember '10 as The Year I Got Serious About Getting Published. At least, I hope I can remember it that way, and not in some awful as-yet-unknown way, like I remember '09.

There's the agent and she's the BOMB, and I want so badly to query her because I'm convinced it would work. I know it's not wise to pin all my hopes on just one, (and I do have a few other really awesome-seeming ones on my list,) but I think she's really the cat's pajamas and I want to do this right. I was this close to querying her today, when I decided to take some of the advice she dishes out on her website and go to this one writing forum she highly recommends. I honestly think my query letter could get her attention, but if she doesn't like the manuscript, then what good would that do me? It'd be a waste of a good goddamn query, and of a really cool opportunity. Goddamn, she even really likes fanfic writers and wants us to mention our fanfic experience in our query! Can you imagine? Me, the writer of the most extensive LOZ fic in LOZ fandom history. ^_~;; *polishes fingernails on lapel* Hehe. *cough*

However, being a fanfic writer is the whole big fish/little pond thing. It's not enough and it's not good enough. I know that; I do.

So, I panicked about the ms and decided to get further crit. I changed up a few things. As I always do, each time I panic over it. And I just can't query her yet. Not until I can get a few suggestions about how to make it shinier. Or how to make it shine at all. I mean, I know I don't suck or anything. My grammar, syntax, and spelling are all usually just the berries, I have a decent voice and a pretty good ear for dialog. But my pacing, man, the pacing. I know I get lost in my own head and for as much as I cut back to get the effing show on the mothergrabbing road, I feel like it's still not enough. I don't want to screw up.

It's funny, I was having a nice, long soak in an oil bath before and thinking, “Oh man, I got this. I've just got it. The novel only needs a few tweaks. It doesn't need to be re-written, just snazzed up a little.” And, I had the perfect ideas, the perfect how. It all made sense in the womb of the bathtub, I dunno why that is.

Then I had to get the laundry out of the dryer, put a t shirt on Sano (skin infection or rash or something, don't you know, more vet bills,) and finish up washing all the dogs' beds and coats and such (in case it was some kind of allergy to something in the fabric,) and clean up the bathroom, fold my own sheets, blah blah dicker blah, and by the time I sat down with the OpenOffice program and looked at the frakking blinking cursor, that mafah was gone like—to quote my own MC--”like a gnat's whistle in a windstorm.”

I want this. I really, really do. I know that's not enough and a book deal is not going to be handed to me for free like an old fish tank. (Hey, now there's a simile not many people can use. “Handed to me like an old fish tank.” “Vanished, like an old oak table.” LOL.) I am willing to work, but of course, one never says that in a query letter. “I'd be glad to send you the entire manuscript at your convenience. It's finished and all, polished to Your Mom and back, but if you don't like it, I can totally make it tons better. I mean, just say the word, really, and I will get right on it. I'm a hard worker and with a little direction I can make it even better.”

I'm watching Dexter last night and wringing my hands over how the protagonist is going to get away with it. My palms sweat when it looks like he might get caught. I don't even want him to be suspected. I feel sympathy if someone hurts his non-feelings. And I just have to know what comes next. Sometimes the stuff they get away with is full-on retarded and the plot has light-year-wide gaps in it, (honestly, did you just let a civilian junkie into a crime-scene morgue so she could poke a dead body and take a gander at the evidence?) but I don't even mind, because I care too much about what's going to happen next. That's what I'm saying, see, the storytelling is masterful, and I want to be so masterful that even if I do make some kind of dumb oversight or leap of logic, readers will still not want to put the book down.

I just don't know if I am doing that, because I'm so goddamn tired of this novel that I don't even know right from wrong anymore. Err, in terms of writing. :)

That's what I wish to put across to a prospective agent, that I take crit and suggestions very well. I want it to be as good as it can be and I'm willing to work in order to make it so.

But you kinda can't just put that into a query letter. It's simply not done that way. But, it's hard not to rush into it. What if she decides before then that she doesn't want queries? GAH.

Le sigh.

Ah, the fish tank. Well, I wanted to clean that all up today and get it running, so that I could go and get some fish tomorrow, but that ended up not happening. Sano, the vet, the sudden washing of all dog stuff, the lack of a stand to put it on. It sucks because Monday and Tuesday are my only days. Then there's shopping, writing, eating, cleaning, homework, stuff. Well, maybe I can do it Friday and then get some fishes after work Saturday. Who knows. I know just which fish I want, too.

Oh, snap, I haven't done a word of homework this weekend. Not a single word of it. :/ Well, that's what 3 hour breaks are for, I guess.

Back to it! ^_^

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

HA! Like an old oak table!!! I just watched the whole four series again a couple of months ago and that's still one of my favorite lines. Funny about getting the ideas in the tub. Well not funny, but I get it. Only trouble is, all my genius happens at about 30,000 feet, and by the time I've gotten busses/cabs/ferries/car rides/etc. home and do the whole greeting of the pets and making sure they're all okay, even if I wrote notes I am somehow lacking the alchemy of the moment. What's that all about? You'll get it right though, I have faith. I hope you post pics of your fish when you get them. Remember the ones I had in Southold? I loved those fish. Hope Sano is feeling better soon. I had a bad reaction to something on new fabric once myself. They put all kinds of weird stuff on, and you don't always think of washing it when it's not something that goes directly against the skin. I've had a few ointments for such things because in the last decade I developed hyper reactive skin after a chemical burn I had, and started getting hives at the drop of a hat. No idea if it will help Sano, but the best two things I found for myself were calendula or an ointment that Bachs makes which is just a spreadable Rescue Remedy. Both really soothed the skin and the anxiety that goes with itchy, painful hives & rashes. TMI? Sorry... I promise not to ramble on about my digestive issues next! :-)

I knew someone would get it! I don't have a Blackadder icon so I have to use this one. I'm always looking for an excuse anyway. :)

Oooooh, calendula, and BACHS. I didn't even think of those. At first I used tea tree oil but I think that might have been exacerbating it; it's so drying. Now I'm using aloe from my plant.

Sano's vet (this awesome lady at the emergency clinic) suggested dropping the wheat grass supplement, as maybe he's allergic. O_O If it doesn't clear up, we're off to ~~bankruptcy~~ the dermatologist. :/

Dear JulesKD

I just wanted to say thanks. It was very emboldening to wake up to such a review; and I feel extremely flattered, happy and bolstered by your words (particularly because of your BA).

The funny thing is: I also - during the night - received a polite "thanks, but no thanks" rejection email for the very same story from Morpheus tales; but the acknowledgement feels like payment. Someone has taken the time (of which none of us really have) to read and comment upon something I've done.

Just for a little bit of 'closure' (US term; a British equivalent would be 'boxing-off'), here's some replies to comments you made:

1. An 'NHS-Smile' is a deeply political one, because the British National Health Service is a very political organisation (I work for it, and so that's the feeling I get). Politicians are non-committal; in the British National Health Service, you get similar - but from people who don't have the political skills required. It's like waiting for a doctor's appointment: the receptionist has a 'professional' image that they must put across, but due to lack of skills (and a little bit of frustration), they always act like they are far too busy for you, and that you are lucky to receive even a moment of their time! It's a rehearsed, totally rushed feeling. In the NHS you get 38 days paid vacation a year, sick pay; people queue-jump all the time; you get one of the best pensions in the world, and you have got the best chance of a job for life. With such perks, people will still act like they've got the worst job in the world, and they're enduring it just to be nice to you! I hope you get what I mean. This sometimes sums up 'The Great British Public (TM)' - where if you give each one of them a million dollars for free, half of them will come back and explain how it's absolutely disgusting they did not receive two million! Ex-Imperalists - you get my drift?

2. You were absolutely right: "realised" is the British term - like 'car tires' or 'favourite colour'.

Once again, heartfelt thanks. Will try and take some time from my busy job to read and critique one of yours (such appears to be the fashion on this site). Hope you keep in touch.

Carl
carlchrystan@hotmail.com

You are so welcome. And thank you for A) the explanation of the term and B) more importantly, the crit of my own work. It is so meaningful to me. Daunting, the task of doing more revisions, based on more observations, things I missed. My own bad habits. Daunting, but exciting. I like having direction. I like knowing what needs to be better. I feel like it gives me a better shot.

So, heartfelt thanks to you, too. :)

I'm surprised your piece didn't make it, but of course, subjectivity. I found it very enjoyable and had a fun time reading it. ^_^

Handed over like an old fish tank...

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THANKS FOR YOUR CRITIQUE ON sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com

Re: THANKS FOR YOUR CRITIQUE ON sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com