Lao Shir

Apr. 15th, 2016 03:42 pm
la_belle_laide: (D)
Tomorrow I'm going to Lao Shir's memorial. This is a thing I'd hoped I wouldn't have to even think about for a long time. On the other hand, she fought cancer for ten years, and her prognosis was about 18 months. But, when she wrote saying she was having trouble—CHF--I thought, 'Well, people can live for years with CHF. There's medication. She'll make it.' I guess that no matter when it happened, it was going to be sudden, even though it wasn't. It's always sudden.

It's so hard for me to believe that she won't show up. I know how weird that sounds. I had a dream last night that she did show up, actually. That her memorial was at a college campus (it's not; it's at a restaurant on the water by her home,) and I ended up talking to her about strength training. She was so her in the dream, all her expressions, mannerisms and everything. She was talking about how to do that thing where you balance on your hands, with the rest of your body horizontal, you know the thing? She could do that! And in the dream, she was telling about it, like, how to practice for it and get strong enough to do that. And I was just like, 'Of course she's here, why wouldn't she be?'

Then, in the dream, I decided I wanted to wear makeup. I met up with a girl who used to train with us, we'll call her Jen Di. She was a really tough gal, but her makeup was always on point. I asked her to help me do winged eyeliner. So we went looking for a bathroom. We went around the back of the campus and discovered we were actually in a place like Hogwarts. Excited, we ran to the restrooms, which were crowded, and my cousin was there with her son, trying to get him to nap in a stall. O_O Jen Di got out her makeup, and she also had this huge horse that she was suddenly leading around. She asked me to hold the reigns while she applied my makeup. Looking at the horse, I realized it was the same horse that I knew from when I briefly rode in the 90s: an 18 hand stallion named Nacht Wacht, but who we all called Urbie. He started to move away, so Jen Di tied his front leg so that he couldn't run off.

She finished my makeup, and when I looked in the mirror, I looked completely different. I remember thinking, 'Why haven't I been doing this all along?'

I went back outside to look for Lao Shir, but she had disappeared. Like actually disappeared, turned invisible in front of everyone and gone away.

It wasn't a bad-feeling dream? I woke up missing her, but also feeling like we'd had a nice chat.

I went to PM her on Facebook, actually, because I'd kind of kept doing that after she passed. We had been talking about getting together when she got out of the hospital. I'd sent flowers (she never got them,) and we were also sending music. I sent her “This Girl Is On Fire” and she never answered. I just kept PMing her because, I guess, I just felt like it. But then her sister changed her FB page to “in memory of,” and the messages are all gone now. That made me sad; I'd've liked to have read them again at some point.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be there with the old Kung Fu group, most of them, at least. It really sucks because we always talked about all of us getting together, you know, like you do. But then it never happens until someone dies, and I really hate that. We used to see each other two or three times a week, it's just weird.

I wonder if we'll be telling stories about Lao Shir. If so, I have a great one. It was the night we went out dancing, just the Kung Fu ladies. The song “Temperature” came on, and Lao Shir hit the floor! I mean, she got low! And then she started throwing all these KF moves into her dance, and people cleared the floor to watch her and cheer. She had just finished her, I think second round of chemo. But I'll never forget seeing her dance to Temperature. She was so happy. That's the story I'll tell tomorrow, if we end up doing that.

It's so weird to be using my Kung Fu tag again, and even weirder to be using it for this.
la_belle_laide: (Default)
It's been a long time since I've written a post about dreams, but this morning's one was such a doozy.

It starts with a TBS concert in my back yard, lucky me. I'm holding Callum while dancing along. Then I hand Callum to my Mom and go inside for more, IDK, food or something?

Once inside, suddenly I'm in this place I've dreamed about before. It's based, I guess, on a mix between the old Canoe Place Inn, and Jedediah Hawkins. But it's neither of those places, yet it's the exact same in every dream. So tonight I'm at some kind of dinner gathering. Eddie Reyes from TBS is there and so is my Mom. For some reason I go back outside (my yard again,) then in again. But when I come back, everyone inside is soaking wet and pissed off.

It turns out that this is some kind of “dinner mystery theater” thing, where someone gets fake-kidnapped and everyone else has to figure out who. Two someones, actually, because everyone is waiting for it to happen again. And everyone was wet because they had turned off the lights and sprayed everyone with a hose in order to confuse them while they took the first person away.

This totally annoys me because it's already late, and I want to get home and put Callum to bed. (Who's supposed to be watching him? I have no idea.)

So now we're waiting for them to come and take the second person, and it turns actually kind of scary, because we all know they're coming. So everyone starts to huddle at tables and hold hands, figuring that, this time, if we're all holding hands, they won't be able to get anyone. There are a bunch of clocks on the wall, like those creepy-ass cat clocks you used to see everywhere in the 80s, with the moving eyes and swishing tails. I'm looking at those clocks and I realize that the eyes are actually cameras and they're watching us.

So the lights go out again and everyone panics. We can still kind of see a little in the dim light, and I see this figure coming to our table. No one else seems able to see it. It comes closer, and I can see that it's a child.

And all of a sudden it makes perfect sense. This isn't a dinner-mystery. We're living in the world of Final Fantasy VIII, and this is a plan to protect little girls from the sorceress Ultimecia, who wants to possess them. The little girl walking around is one of those potential sorceresses who might get kidnapped and possessed. The people the who had been kidnapped weren't part of some dinner roleplay, they were taken to be temporary protectors of this little girl.

So, I know she's coming for me next, because they need someone who is not only a mother, and can't say “no” to protecting some kid, but who also knows the plot of FFVIII. The little shadow of a girl holds her arms up. I'm annoyed, but I know I have to do it, and it bothers me that no one else gets what's going on because they haven't played the game. So I let go of everyone's hand and I jump down from my table (it was on a kind of ledge,) and I scoop the little girl up and start running with her.

Outside, it's daylight, and I know I have to hurry, because the people inside are going to think this is part of the game and are going to come looking for me, to “rescue” me. But then they'll give our location away to Ultimecia and she'll kidnap and possess the girl. I only need to hide her until, IDK, Ultimecia passes to the next town or something, so a few hours.

So now I'm running outside the building, and there's like a swamp in the back that leads into the woods. There are paths all over the swamp, with little sheds and lean-tos and all kinds of places to hide that are actually kind of crappy. But I can hear all these people gaining behind me, and they are going to totally screw this up if they find us. So I'm running through this muck while holding this kid, upset because I'm wearing my favorite shoes and they're getting ruined.

Also traipsing through the swamp is Brendan Frye from Brick. I ask him if there are any good hiding places, and he points to one of those little garden sheds. With the people catching up, I end up running into a stupid little garden shed, cram myself and the kid in there, and lock the door.

Once I get in and lock the door, the little girl turns into a handful of feathers. (??) I think, 'Well, that's all right; it's a sorceress thing. They all do that.'

Outside, a bunch of mini-orcs or something like that are scurrying around, except they're not orcs, they're actually also protectors who are now guarding the garden shed so the people won't find us there.

One guy gets past them, he knows I'm in the shed and he breaks down the door to “rescue” me. I make this weird gesture with the feathers, sort of like, 'No, GTFO, you can't possibly understand because you're not a gamer!' But before he even gets what I'm telling him, one of the orc-things clubs him on the head and drags him away. I relock the door. This happens one more time with some other guy, same thing.

Then I hear someone come plowing through all the orc-things and I'm thinking, 'Oh no, now we're definitely going to get caught here.'

Sure enough, the guy rips the shed door off the hinges. He's got this reddish, rusty colored hair and a gap in his front teeth and he goes, 'There y'all are, missy! I done heard you's in need of a rescue,” in this ridiculously exaggerated accent, and I realize, WTF, this is Mater from Cars in human form. (Note: Callum likes to watch Cars with the same frequency he used to watch Frozen, which is, every single night. So that's why this is on my brain.) Human-Mater (well, there's something you don't read every day, unless you read a lot of SciFi,) picks me up, even though I'm showing him the stupid feathers like, 'Dude, no, these feathers are a little girl I'm trying to protect from Ultemecia and you are giving us away right now!”

But then I finally get away from him, only to see all the people from the building coming to look for me. And one of them says, “You do know it's just a game, right?”

And then Callum woke me up. It actually took a minute for me to get back into reality, that's how real and totally messed up it was.

That's last night's head-movie.
la_belle_laide: (mantis)



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Last night, Havoc had a meltdown that was so intense, I was afraid for him. I've never seen a bird do this before. I was chilling out on Tumblr, everything in the house utterly quiet, when I heard him make this low, frightened sound like I'd never heard him make before. The only way to describe this sound was utter fear, even though I have never heard this noise in my life. You could just feel it.

When I went into his room, he was out of his mind. I've never seen a bird get this hysterical before. I actually thought he was neurological, that he had West Niles or something. He didn't know why he was in a cage, or in a room. He couldn't find his perch, just flapping around madly, panting and freaking out. And he didn't know who I was. This hysteria went on for about an hour. Even after I turned off his light to let him go to sleep (and darken whatever he might have been looking at that scared him,) I could still hear him shaking in his cage. And when I'd turn on the light to check on him, he would hiss at me, with his feathers all puffed up. Havoc gets annoyed and irritated and he doesn't want to be pet or carried, and sometimes he hisses meaninglessly when he's feeling bothered, but this time it was because he honestly didn't know who I was.

Then he fell asleep, and woke up fine, like nothing had happened.

What. The. Hell.

I wonder what he saw out there? He's seen cats, raccoons, mice and rats go by before, so I can't imagine it was anything like that.

Anyway, I'm glad that's over, and may that crap never happen again, jesus.

I finished watching Lost, and, WHAT. Really, WHAT? I feel like all seven seasons totally trolled me. I'm not going to say anymore about it, because people who read this LJ haven't seen the whole thing yet. So no spoilers. Just know that I was not pleased with the last five minutes.

I have been having some crazy dreams. In one, I was at the beach down the road. Again, it's a dream-beach: never the way it is in real life, but always exactly the same in every dream. What is it with that? I have a lot of dream-places that are like that. They are only vaguely similar to the actual places, but are laid out, detail for detail, the same in every dream, from one to the next, even if the dreams are years apart. I mean, are those like, real places in parallel worlds or something? So bizarre. Anyway, I was at that beach, paddling out into the water on a chair, so that I could get a picture of the sunset. I know it sounds boring, but something about it was really intense.

Then, a few nights ago, I dreamed that I was watching TV somewhere and this nature show came on, talking about a building called "The Cascade," where, if you could get past the waterfall and get to the top of it, your most important question would be answered. After that, I was driving home from somewhere, and I decided to take an alternate route. I got lost, and ended up in front of The Cascade building. It was really high, and the floors got narrower as it went up.

My Dad was there, telling me that I had to press certain buttons in a sequence in order to get past it. He said he'd figured out that if you press one button, it would deactivate a barrier, but activate another one farther in. (I play too many video games, it's true.) Then he demonstrated by pressing a button that had a picture of a small rock on it. When he did this, the waterfall in front of the building came on. Some of the other buttons had labels, like "rain" and "river" and things like that. Dad said he had to go meet someone, and he'd be right back.

Then I ran into my brother, and then Lao Shir. They were also trying to figure out The Cascade, and how to get to the top. My alarm went off before I could figure it out.

Wow, I guess the surface of that dream is very sort of Buddhist or something.

Work is pretty much what it's been: good weeks with tons of clients, slow weeks with next to no one. But fun, nice, mellow.

Still hot here in the afternoons, cold at night and in the mornings. Jo-chan started college again and is here every Mon-Tues and then Wed-Thurs. It's nice, we're still watching Doctor Who, and we've started re-watching Sorcerer Hunters. That show still cracks me up every time.

This, that, and the other.
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Last night I had a dream that there was a movie being filmed in my backyard. But it wasn't this back yard, it was my childhood one, the way it looked way back then.

So I ran outside to see if I could be an extra or something, and found that it was a movie starring Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley. I was like "OMG, I love them! I have to be a part of this." So I went up to Tom Hardy and I was like "So since you're all filming on my property, maybe I can get to be in the movie. What is it all about?"

He told me it was a scary film about a psycho killer, and he was playing the part of the killer. He said he was sad because at the end he had to kill Charlotte Riley, but that's the sort of thing you have to do when you're acting.

I said, "Well maybe I can be an extra that you kill or something?"

He agreed. So we started filming and I was directed (by some random director) to run around the side of the house while he chased me, then get myself cornered by the fence, get stabbed, and play dead. So that's what I did, I ran away, he chased (and I was actually pretty scared,) but then before he stabbed me with a big kitchen knife, I was like "Wait, wait. This isn't right. I would totally fight back. I mean look: you do martial arts, I do martial arts. We would definitely end up wrestling for the knife."

He said, "So we would."

Much to my delight, we started wrestling for the kitchen knife. Of course I knew I wasn't really supposed to win, so I was just kind of "eeek! Oh my!" and enjoying the whole thing. I kept trying to stick my face close to his and he whispered "What are you doing?" and I said "Oh, I'm just trying to head-butt you, that's all. Because that's what I would do."

Then the director said cut, and we had to do a take where he stabbed me. It turned out that he just kind of poked me with the tip of the knife, and I was supposed to fall backwards. So I did a little flailing to be dramatic first. Then I had to just lie there and play dead. It was tough to not blink.

Tom Hardy got a great big garbage bag and started to stuff me into it. Even this was delightful. Then he threw me over his shoulder and carried me into some kind of school building, where he was going to throw me into a bin with a bunch of other dead folks. But before he got to, Charlotte Riley was supposed to stop him.

In the dream, she was teeny-tiny, like five-foot-nothing. She was so cute and I was like, "I wish he didn't have to stab her!" But even as I was thinking that, I was also thinking, "Maybe if I came back to life, he would have to wrestle with me again," and I started trying to subtly wiggle my way out of the plastic bag. It was tough going, and my shirt started to ride up and I thought, "Oh no! I wouldn't want anyone to see my goodies!"

Then my stupid alarm went off. :/

This is much better than the dream I had two nights ago, where I had this baby and it was nothing more than a hand. I was like "How the hell am I supposed to feed it?" I kept trying to sit it on my shoulder and it kept falling off. It was so upsetting.



la_belle_laide: (witch)
Last night I dreamed my cousin Jo-chan was in some kind of play w/ a revolving stage surrounded by water. She were playing some 19th century woman in a huge dress, surrounded a bunch of kids. My Mom and I were in the audience, watching from behind a glass divider.

An otter swam by, chased through the water by a female lion. Everyone freaked out and the director tried to stop the play, but Jo-chan said, "the lion and the otter are my friends" (like in Colors Of The Wind.) She then sat with the lion on her lap. The girl next to her had a crazy face like Miss Evangelista from Dr. Who, and the lion kept eyeing her. I was like, "Oh my god, this is so awkward, the lion just keeps staring!"

Then I went home and had a baby. I was very surprised by this (and have obviously been watching Dr. Who, still.) I named it Sprog. It was really really tiny, but I realized that I didn't have any room for it. So I went to my old childhood bedroom, at my mom's house. (After I moved out of there, my Dad turned that room into his Disney memorabilia room and all that stuff is still there. But in the dream, it was my old bedroom.) My Dad was there. He said, "Just get rid of some of your old clothes and you'll have room."

So I cleaned out my closet, getting rid of all these costume dresses, and stuck the baby in there. Then I had to go to work and I was like, "Can I really leave it in the closet while I'm gone?" And as soon as I left the room, I missed it.

And then I woke up because my stupid neighbors were blasting their music at 8 AM. I am going to leave a note in their mailbox asking them to stop, seriously, because this is like an every day thing. >_<





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The head-movie I had last night had lots of guest stars. Among them: family members, old friends, and newer friends.

In this one, it was Thanksgiving first. My friend Drex came around, with a poem that he had written; it was about trees. He was reciting it during Thanksgiving dinner. Also in attendance were some of my childhood friends (one who lives next door to me again, with his family,) and Wirrow, who I know from hitRECord. (I've never met him IRL, but my image of him is always like a young sort of Syd Barret.)

Wirrow said that if we all went outside, he would animate the poem for us. I was like, "How can you animate something outdoors?" but he soon showed us how. Everything Wirrow touched turned to animation. Drex read a line about the tree leaves turning red, and Wirrow went to the old sarsaparilla tree we all used to chew on as kids, and touched the trunk. The tree went all animated, and the leaves changed colors. "You made the tree blush," I told him, and he said, "Nature loves me back."

I asked everyone if they wanted to play Ghost in the Graveyard with me. Wirrow was down for it, but everyone else wanted to go have dinner.

Instead, we all decided to go to Disneyworld. We had to drive there, and, strangely, had to go through Seattle to get there. We stopped to pick up my friend Durga on the way.

It must have been a big car, because everyone fit into it. My Mom was driving. We went through Seattle and I was dismayed to see all these oil refineries that hadn't been there before. They were disguised as fountains and some of them were in Puget Sound. An el train went overhead when we were on a causeway (a causeway over Puget Sound, okay...) and I remembered a dream I'd had about a year ago, with special agents on a train - we had to run from them and I was crying because I had lost track of my training brother and thought he'd gotten captured. (I remembered the dream while I was dreaming, and I remembered telling people about that dream, too. Very weird.)

We finally made it to Disneyworld. I lost track of Drex, Wirrow, Durga and my family because everything looked different. I have a dream-Disneyworld, which is different to real life, but is the same in every dream I've ever had about it. But in this one, things looked different and out of place. I was hungry and I went to a buffet to order something for breakfast, but bagels were $13 each, and even just a muffin was $10. I was going to order a cup of green tea, but it was $7 and I had no cash.

Then suddenly my Dad was on line with me. He said he would pay. "Didn't I always pay for your breakfast at Disney?" he asked. I told him that yes, he had, but now the prices were through the roof.

He told me, "That's because it's ten years since you've been here. Times change." And, "You know that when you leave Disney, I'll still be gone, right?"

All of a sudden that made perfect sense, and I remembered what was wrong with the dream. I realized that my Dad could only be alive here, in this way.

He said, "It's only because I'm sick, and I don't have long."

I said, "That's not the way it happened; you were never sick."

He said, "At least this time you know."

I said, "That doesn't make it any better."

And then I woke up. But I wasn't unhappy; it didn't feel like a bad dream or anything. Just a strange one. I always dream of Dad, and sometimes I get the sense of why the dream is wrong, and sometimes I just forget completely. Honestly, the worst part of the dream was the oil refineries in the water. That really upset me, and made me feel depressed.

I should add, just because I always keep track of weather in this LJ, that today is the first snowfall of the season. We've got about 6" or so. All of my clients cancelled (it's Saturday,) leaving me with absolutely no money for the week. I went shopping for dog food and chocolate and wine, put everything on my stupid credit card (which I keep trying not to do since I'm still paying off Haku's latest $10K+ adventure and will be for quite a damn while!) and now I'm sitting here freezing my balls off and drinking tea.

Skyward Sword? Yes, I think so.




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la_belle_laide: (Default)
My dream last night was SO BAD.

It starts when this guy breaks into my Mom's house while I'm there alone. He somehow gets in through the window and he's coming to kill everyone. So I grab the fireplace poker thing and just start beating him with it. Blood is flying everywhere. Then I somehow lose the poker, but I keep finding different things to beat him with. He keeps trying to get up, but I'm not even looking at him, just trying to kill him because I know he's come in to do harm.

Eventually I realize that the bad guy is gone – he escaped out the back door somehow. I look down to find Haku in his place, all bloody. So I start freaking out realizing that I did this, and that if I had looked sooner, I would have realized that it wasn't the bad guy I was hurting, but my dog.

It just got worse from there and was so awful I can't even write about it.

After that I had a dream about the guy I met in school who I still see sometimes. In the dream, we're going on a date to Greenport (irl we decided on Montauk, when the weather gets better.) It's high summer and we get to Greenport and there's some kind of party on the beach. Bonfires and such, as it's night time.

My cousin joins us. (Note: My cousin and I lived together for a long time and were very close. We were always together and were, unfortunately, often judged as "The Pretty One" and "The Smart One." She was [is] actually gorgeous, which, sadly, precluded her from being thought "smart." Which was ridiculous, because she was totally smart – but people never looked past her beauty, which always ended up to her detriment. Anyway, she was very popular, while I was plain and, you know, sort of anti social.) Anyway, so she shows up, and she starts dating the guy I'm seeing. Strangely, I don't mind too much when this starts happening, thinking, "Well as long as they're happy." It didn't matter also because it turned out that I was dating the guy who played the psycho bad guy on Criminal Minds the other night.

The second dream was just uncomfortable and awkward, but the first one was so terrible that I had to wake myself up from it. Truly, that head movie made my eyes rain.

I think the thing with Haku had to do with the fact that he was in therapy again yesterday. He's not going for a whole 'nother round of it (I am out of money and that's the dang truth,) but I had one left over from the last surgery. So I figured, let me get my money's worth, and see what they think of his progress since the surgery.

The leg that recently had the surgery is doing fine, fortunately. However, the other leg—the one that had surgery last year—has major arthritis, and that is really what's giving him a problem. Also, his shoulder is tricky now because he's been using his front legs to carry all his weight, going on a year now. GDI!

Anyway, back to the dream: yesterday Haku was really unhappy with the therapy; he just kept fussing and whining and crying the whole time. When it was done I told him, "Okay, doggie torture is over, I'm sorry I did this to you!" So maybe that phrase stuck in my head.

The other dream, I have no idea.

So as I mentioned in my last post, I entered that promotion to get my query letter critiqued again. It'll be nice, if I get it, because the agent in question was one of the ones who rejected the query! It'll be super awesome to get some feedback and find out why. Until I do, I'm holding off on querying. Maybe there's something really wrong with the letter that I'm not seeing, and that other people are missing? Maybe it's a "feeling" thing that's causing it to be rejected out of hand, and having someone truly look it over will pinpoint the problem. It's really weird, because last year I had all sorts of good feedback--good rejections, if you get me, helpful ones—but in the last year, I've just gone back to getting form rejections. And I can't help but wonder why that is.

So maybe I'll get an answer! And that will be a tremendous help to me, you know? Cross your fingers for me, guys! :)





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I haven't written about any of my crazy dreams lately, and they have been pretty crazy.

So, I've got a few recurring dreams / themes over the years. One of them is the "taking the place of the person in danger" one that I sometimes have. The other recurring one is the "ditched at the altar" one. This dream always manifests in the same way: I'm about to get married. I have an awesome dress. The guests file in. I realize that I either don't have a fiance, or he's dead, or he's not going to show, and it's all for nothing. (One time the fiance was John Lennon. I had a white dress with red embroidery, and I was waiting for the ceremony, when someone told me that John Lennon was, in fact, already dead.) At the end, I decide that I like the dress and I want to have a party.

This dream repeats in different forms every few years, and I had it again this morning.

In this one, my family had rented, not a hall, but an entire gothic mansion for my wedding. My Dad was still alive in the dream. The mansion was huge, with hundreds of rooms, some of them hidden. Secret passageways, historical documents hidden inside, antiques everywhere. Clothes hanging up in closets and such. From one of these closets, I picked my wedding dress. It was a purple gothic thing, with tons of laces. There were photographers everywhere, hundreds of guests and whatnot. Big round tables, intricately carved, in the reception room. Masses of flowers and a big old cake and everything.

And then, as usual, I was like, "Oh, snap. There's actually no one to marry." Then there was a brief moment of panic, like, "What am I going to do with all these guests? How humiliating. Maybe I'll just wait at the altar anyway?" And then, as is always the case in this dream, I decide that, well, seeing as how we're set up for a party anyway and I'm all dressed up, we might as well continue the celebration.

So that's what I did. In one dream, I brought out a trampoline. In another, there was a gaming night. In this dream, last night's (or this morning's – or by the time I post this, yesterday morning's,) I decided to A) call a "photogaphy party" and B) run around and explore the mansion behind the backs of the staff.

So I got out my camera, and everyone else got out theirs, and we all started running around. I was determined to see every room there was. Every corner. Every hidden passage. Open every last door. (Now that I'm thinking of it, there are always tons and tons of doors in this dream; some barred, some barely open, some wide open.)

So first I was going into the opened doors. I took pictures of everything. I posed for pictures in my awesome dress, next to the fantastic windows with amazing views over the ocean. Then, I started breaking down the locked doors. For some of them, I had to find a hidden lever. Some of the doors were in the floor and I had to drop down into secret rooms. I dodged around kitchen staff, and went behind backs of butlers etc.

At one point, a few guests and I were spotted going into a secret room, and an alarm went off. All these mansion-staff people started yelling, and saying that we had sprung the trap. Then wine started to flow along the floor, chasing us. I realized that the wine was electrified and if it touched out shoes, we would get a shock. So we ran from the wine which flowed faster and faster – but as we were running, we were all laughing. It was scary, actually, that the electric wine was right on our heels, but we were all laughing. (I don't know who the others were. Random people.)

Here's the funny thing. Then my dog woke me up. It was around 5:30 AM and I got up to go to the bathroom and re-apply lip balm (I do this about once a night. It's an addiction. I use raw shea butter. Anyway!) Then, I went back to bed and I loved the mansion so much, that I rented it again for a continuation of the dream!

But, this dream was a tad less exciting. I couldn't find the awesome, voluminous dress. Many of the guests had left. I did manage to find a Victorian lacy top and long, fluttery skirt. I decided that I would buy it. So I put it into a box and left the mansion.

When I went outside, it was dark; the parking lot was wet from rain. I was no longer outside of the mansion, but outside of a strip mall. The strip mall included an old Hallmark store, a grocery store, and a dentist. I thought, "I'm not covered for dental; I can't even afford to go in there."

I went to my car and my Dad was waiting there for me. He said, "Be careful on your way home and make sure you don't get any more flat tires."

That's about all I can remember.

I can glean some subconscious info from this recurring dream, but not all of the symbolism. This dream always starts out exciting, then turns to that moment of panic, then turns into a fun kind of game with awesome clothes. Once in a while I wake myself up laughing. What even IS that?

Yup, so that was my head movie from last night.

What other news? Oh, there is a pool again! YAY, YAY. It's not set up yet. We have to see if the old filter will still work, and replace a part. It's a small pool, but I think it fits very well. Maybe I'll even get to go into it before the season ends. It has been hot as balls in the last week, but tonight, it's cool. That "mid-august" evening cool, that makes you dread the end of summer, you know.

Two more Hula classes and then I'm done until the Autumn classes begin. Don' t know yet when that might be, though.

I think that's about it. One of these times, I have to make a list of the songs I hear at work. I know how dull that sounds, but it's actually quite fascinating, I promise. ^_^



la_belle_laide: (D)



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Let's see. Today I studied for my last ever finals. I studied my face off, and I still don't feel prepared. It's not as if I think I'll fail, because I know enough to get by decently. However, I don't think I can swing an A, and that's going to be crushing. If that's the case, it would be my first A- since Dad. I have just never really been feeling this class. I don't know if it's because I checked out already and just want to gtfo, or what, but I never really caught on. And tomorrow is the final (I'm doing the written and practical in one shot, so I don't have to be there on the last day, which is really cool,) and I spent a lot of time studying today, and already it's gone from my damn head. Poof.

Last night I was on the phone with This Guy (boy, he really needs a better code name) and we were having a pretty decent conversation about ice cream and pie, when I heard a racket from the bird room. I didn't even need to see, to know that it was Dana having a seizure. She's had maybe one like this before, when she was young, but I really thought she had improved over the years. Although, the night I went to see Harry Potter, right before we left she started making this really strange, noisy chirping sound. I had a vague feeling that it was some kind of seizure then, but then I thought maybe I was overreacting. I should trust my bird instincts.

I started her on Arnica TID again, which I haven't given her in years because she hasn't needed it. I can't think of anything else to give her. It's not like she's got primary epilepsy or anything. She has some kind of brain dysfunction but I can hardly give her an MRI or even an x ray. So I just have to guess.

Today I had a very weird thing happen. The phone rang, and even though I already knew who it was (it was This Guy,) the first place my mind went was, "Oh, Dad's calling. Finally!" I don't even know where that came from.

Oh boy, and I have been having some seriously cracked out dreams. Like, swimming around the living room in my Grandma's old house (which now belongs to my cousins,) trying to dive for plastic gems while the Andrew Sisters sing in the background, and then Tom Hardy asks me to make out and I stare at him and think "This is the best day ever" and then the alarm clock goes off, kind of weird. Like, shopping at K Mart for fuzzy skirts and corsets, and once again, for reasons beyond my ken, Joe Biden is the door greeter kind of weird.

How dull of me; I can't think of any other news fit to print. It's Tuesday, it's chilly, I haven't decorated for the holidays, gotten a tree, nor bought any cards, though I considered all of the above. I just don't know if I'm going to this year. I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes I really feel like it, and then other times I feel like, "What's the point?"

Well, at least I get my finals out of the way tomorrow – whether or not I do well enough is another thing entirely. And then, I swear, I don't even want to open another effing book.

I mean, until the board exam gets closer, that is. Umm. :)
la_belle_laide: (D)



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Let's see. Today I studied for my last ever finals. I studied my face off, and I still don't feel prepared. It's not as if I think I'll fail, because I know enough to get by decently. However, I don't think I can swing an A, and that's going to be crushing. If that's the case, it would be my first A- since Dad. I have just never really been feeling this class. I don't know if it's because I checked out already and just want to gtfo, or what, but I never really caught on. And tomorrow is the final (I'm doing the written and practical in one shot, so I don't have to be there on the last day, which is really cool,) and I spent a lot of time studying today, and already it's gone from my damn head. Poof.

Last night I was on the phone with This Guy (boy, he really needs a better code name) and we were having a pretty decent conversation about ice cream and pie, when I heard a racket from the bird room. I didn't even need to see, to know that it was Dana having a seizure. She's had maybe one like this before, when she was young, but I really thought she had improved over the years. Although, the night I went to see Harry Potter, right before we left she started making this really strange, noisy chirping sound. I had a vague feeling that it was some kind of seizure then, but then I thought maybe I was overreacting. I should trust my bird instincts.

I started her on Arnica TID again, which I haven't given her in years because she hasn't needed it. I can't think of anything else to give her. It's not like she's got primary epilepsy or anything. She has some kind of brain dysfunction but I can hardly give her an MRI or even an x ray. So I just have to guess.

Today I had a very weird thing happen. The phone rang, and even though I already knew who it was (it was This Guy,) the first place my mind went was, "Oh, Dad's calling. Finally!" I don't even know where that came from.

Oh boy, and I have been having some seriously cracked out dreams. Like, swimming around the living room in my Grandma's old house (which now belongs to my cousins,) trying to dive for plastic gems while the Andrew Sisters sing in the background, and then Tom Hardy asks me to make out and I stare at him and think "This is the best day ever" and then the alarm clock goes off, kind of weird. Like, shopping at K Mart for fuzzy skirts and corsets, and once again, for reasons beyond my ken, Joe Biden is the door greeter kind of weird.

How dull of me; I can't think of any other news fit to print. It's Tuesday, it's chilly, I haven't decorated for the holidays, gotten a tree, nor bought any cards, though I considered all of the above. I just don't know if I'm going to this year. I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes I really feel like it, and then other times I feel like, "What's the point?"

Well, at least I get my finals out of the way tomorrow – whether or not I do well enough is another thing entirely. And then, I swear, I don't even want to open another effing book.

I mean, until the board exam gets closer, that is. Umm. :)
la_belle_laide: (Tifa)



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Last night was the first night that Kung Fu started to feel like "home" to me again. More and more people from the old school are showing up. On top of that, we're doing this drill in blackbelt that's so awesome, I'm fangirling over it.

Kung Fu has a lot of aspects for me that keep calling me to it, which I've chronicled over the years, and most of you know about. In brief: That meditative state you hit after about an hour of non-stop movement, the "runner's high," the feeling of well-being, balance, the friendships, the nakama feeling, knowing you're doing something for your health, knowing you're doing something that could potentially save your life, or even just save you some trouble. There is of course another aspect to Kung Fu that I seldom discuss because I feel like such a sell-out or a poseur, maybe more like.

But the truth is that Kung Fu just looks so goddamn cool and hardcore, it's kind of a big draw for me. I know we're not supposed to really focus on the awesomeness of it, but there are those moments during a drill like the one we're doing now when I look at all of us in the mirror and go, "damn we look fly." I suppose that makes me a bad martial artist. Or maybe not; maybe just an honest one because I think that if more people were real about it, we'd say that, yeah, we started in the first place because it looked so cool when Jackie Chan did it, or Bruce Lee or whoever. ^_^

I mentioned some folks from the old school coming back, and last night marked the return of Te Ji Nan, our young stunt boy. Or, not so young anymore, I guess, since he's just turned 16. Hard to believe I've known him since he was 10, and so wee. There are still a few of us missing, like Homeslice, Silent Boy, etc. But I'm sure they'll return soon.

Also, last night this guy I met at school came along for a trial class, too. He used to train years ago, the same lineage but at a different school with a different Sifu. This guy is super nice and I suspect I think he's quite cute too, in a super tall, dark kind of way. (But I'm not sure, because my defenses are set on red for a while.) If he sticks around, I need an awesome code name for him. He rode his bike there, and I drove him back to his house. We beat the crap out of each other in the first drill; I think that's a nice way to bond with new friends. In class today, we compared bruises. It was kind of sweet, maybe.

Oh, yeah, so school. Okay, remember about a week ago I talked of that girl who'd had a meltdown after failing her midterm? I mean, not a normal "OMG I failed" meltdown but a "those teachers are bitches, die die die" kind of meltdown. Yeah, well today? DIFFERENT WOMAN, different meltdown!

This is long. )

So now, I don't even feel bad about thinking of her by her unflattering nickname behind her back. Instead, when I see people literally facepalming over her stupid questions and the answers that she thinks she has, I just feel gratified and I facepalm along with them.

This gets filed under "WTMFF is wrong with people, I swear."

SEE? I meant to only write a bit, but then took up half the night bitching about some chick at my school. GAH.

Onto head movies. Last night, I had a dream that I was writing my pathology paper, and on editing it I realized that I used the word "thereby" like ten times in every paragraph. I'd written it by hand and it was all, "thereby, thereby, thereby..."

The night before that, I dreamed that I was trying to empty the pond on my yard for the winter. I've never emptied it before, so I don't know why I'd do this. I picked it up (it wasn't that heavy,) and unplugged the bottom to let the water run out. But every time I thought it was empty, more water would somehow fill it up. And I'd go, "Oh, now I have to start all over again!" I know they say that water is a metaphor for your feelings, but in this case I disagree. I think the pond was a metaphor for my credit card. That, or I had to pee.

Then the night before that, I dreamed that Tom Hardy's dog had lymphoma. This is because I was worried it was what Sano had, but he didn't, and I'd looked at pictures of Tom Hardy with his dog, which he seems to really dote on.

But here's a cool thing that happened. Two nights ago, two separate things occurred, neither of which was a dream. The first was that I needed to get something from Mom's house, and I had to go into Dad's music room to get it. When I turned on the light, his karaoke machine blasted to life with the radio on, scaring the christ out of me. Of course, I stood there and cried like a fool, trying to figure out what the song was. But the radio was tuned to mostly static, and while there was a song playing, I couldn't hear what it was. The second thing: That same night, I was writing this short story and I quoted this Japanese poem: Shadows on the darkness of my heart have left me in confusion; Dream or truth? Let other folk decide. It's by Narihira. Neat poem, I thought, so I gacked it.

Then yesterday my brother called me in the middle of the day to tell me about the dream he'd had that same night. In my brother's dream, he was listening to Dad sing a song, but he couldn't make out the words. This started to sound familiar to me and I thought of my dream. He continued on to tell me that after the song was over, he'd heard Dad's voice telling him, "In the shadow of a dream or a golden thought I come to you." It sounded so similar to the poem I'd copied that it was remarkable. Neither my brother nor I are very religious, though he is quite spiritual (he's a Buddhist.) Me, I'm more of a Taoist but really without the gods. But spirituality aside, it was actually quite cool, huh? Those little connections? Sometimes I rely on them; other times I realize I have a severe case of apophenia. But if that's true of me, then other people have it, too.

I'm not sure why people have to label everything. Just because you give it a name—apophenia--and label it a pathology, does that mean the patterns you see aren't really there?

Richard Feynman addressed this, actually, because he didn't believe in such things. He had a logical, mundane reason for everything – which I really quite adore, because he would also insist that there really is nothing mundane in the universe, and isn't that alone enough? Isn't there already such a huge amount of amazement for you to be overwhelmed? And I agree with that. And yes, the logical person that I am realizes that probably The Boychild pushed the switch on the Karaoke machine when he was playing in there. I still can't find a reason for my brother to have dreamed something so similar to what I'd written the night before, though.

AH! And another thing. Today while I was at school, I lent my Mom Wuthering Heights. Mom was a little "Well, I'll give it a whirl I guess," and I was like, "OMG WAIT TILL YOU SEE, SOOO GOOD SOOO INTENSE" (sorry, Link's Queen throwback there, dramatic reading and all.) Today was rainy and blustery, so my Mom spent the day watching Wuthering Heights and eating Cherry Garcia ice cream, ahh, what a day off! When she returned the DVD to me she was like, "WOW!" And she remarked on Tom Hardy's acting, saying more or less what I've been raving about: his subtlety, his honesty, how he can deliver an entire scene without opening his mouth. She said it would merit a second watching – a rare honor. ^_^

Me, tonight I'm watching some Star Trek film because he's in it. I've never seen any Star Trek anything before, so T-Hard gets my Star Trek virginity, which I think he well deserves.

He could be my third husband, you know, since Joaquin left me. I mean, we're only just engaged since Wuthering Heights, but I'm thinking it might work out.

Anyway. That's about it for this entry. Can you imagine that I've got two more entries lined up, one of which needs to be locked?

My brain is so full; it needs yet more emptying. But not to worry; one of the posts I've got in mind is nothing more than ridiculous fanpoodle yammering. I can't stay either peeved or pensive for too long a time. ^_^
la_belle_laide: (Tifa)



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Last night was the first night that Kung Fu started to feel like "home" to me again. More and more people from the old school are showing up. On top of that, we're doing this drill in blackbelt that's so awesome, I'm fangirling over it.

Kung Fu has a lot of aspects for me that keep calling me to it, which I've chronicled over the years, and most of you know about. In brief: That meditative state you hit after about an hour of non-stop movement, the "runner's high," the feeling of well-being, balance, the friendships, the nakama feeling, knowing you're doing something for your health, knowing you're doing something that could potentially save your life, or even just save you some trouble. There is of course another aspect to Kung Fu that I seldom discuss because I feel like such a sell-out or a poseur, maybe more like.

But the truth is that Kung Fu just looks so goddamn cool and hardcore, it's kind of a big draw for me. I know we're not supposed to really focus on the awesomeness of it, but there are those moments during a drill like the one we're doing now when I look at all of us in the mirror and go, "damn we look fly." I suppose that makes me a bad martial artist. Or maybe not; maybe just an honest one because I think that if more people were real about it, we'd say that, yeah, we started in the first place because it looked so cool when Jackie Chan did it, or Bruce Lee or whoever. ^_^

I mentioned some folks from the old school coming back, and last night marked the return of Te Ji Nan, our young stunt boy. Or, not so young anymore, I guess, since he's just turned 16. Hard to believe I've known him since he was 10, and so wee. There are still a few of us missing, like Homeslice, Silent Boy, etc. But I'm sure they'll return soon.

Also, last night this guy I met at school came along for a trial class, too. He used to train years ago, the same lineage but at a different school with a different Sifu. This guy is super nice and I suspect I think he's quite cute too, in a super tall, dark kind of way. (But I'm not sure, because my defenses are set on red for a while.) If he sticks around, I need an awesome code name for him. He rode his bike there, and I drove him back to his house. We beat the crap out of each other in the first drill; I think that's a nice way to bond with new friends. In class today, we compared bruises. It was kind of sweet, maybe.

Oh, yeah, so school. Okay, remember about a week ago I talked of that girl who'd had a meltdown after failing her midterm? I mean, not a normal "OMG I failed" meltdown but a "those teachers are bitches, die die die" kind of meltdown. Yeah, well today? DIFFERENT WOMAN, different meltdown!

This is long. )

So now, I don't even feel bad about thinking of her by her unflattering nickname behind her back. Instead, when I see people literally facepalming over her stupid questions and the answers that she thinks she has, I just feel gratified and I facepalm along with them.

This gets filed under "WTMFF is wrong with people, I swear."

SEE? I meant to only write a bit, but then took up half the night bitching about some chick at my school. GAH.

Onto head movies. Last night, I had a dream that I was writing my pathology paper, and on editing it I realized that I used the word "thereby" like ten times in every paragraph. I'd written it by hand and it was all, "thereby, thereby, thereby..."

The night before that, I dreamed that I was trying to empty the pond on my yard for the winter. I've never emptied it before, so I don't know why I'd do this. I picked it up (it wasn't that heavy,) and unplugged the bottom to let the water run out. But every time I thought it was empty, more water would somehow fill it up. And I'd go, "Oh, now I have to start all over again!" I know they say that water is a metaphor for your feelings, but in this case I disagree. I think the pond was a metaphor for my credit card. That, or I had to pee.

Then the night before that, I dreamed that Tom Hardy's dog had lymphoma. This is because I was worried it was what Sano had, but he didn't, and I'd looked at pictures of Tom Hardy with his dog, which he seems to really dote on.

But here's a cool thing that happened. Two nights ago, two separate things occurred, neither of which was a dream. The first was that I needed to get something from Mom's house, and I had to go into Dad's music room to get it. When I turned on the light, his karaoke machine blasted to life with the radio on, scaring the christ out of me. Of course, I stood there and cried like a fool, trying to figure out what the song was. But the radio was tuned to mostly static, and while there was a song playing, I couldn't hear what it was. The second thing: That same night, I was writing this short story and I quoted this Japanese poem: Shadows on the darkness of my heart have left me in confusion; Dream or truth? Let other folk decide. It's by Narihira. Neat poem, I thought, so I gacked it.

Then yesterday my brother called me in the middle of the day to tell me about the dream he'd had that same night. In my brother's dream, he was listening to Dad sing a song, but he couldn't make out the words. This started to sound familiar to me and I thought of my dream. He continued on to tell me that after the song was over, he'd heard Dad's voice telling him, "In the shadow of a dream or a golden thought I come to you." It sounded so similar to the poem I'd copied that it was remarkable. Neither my brother nor I are very religious, though he is quite spiritual (he's a Buddhist.) Me, I'm more of a Taoist but really without the gods. But spirituality aside, it was actually quite cool, huh? Those little connections? Sometimes I rely on them; other times I realize I have a severe case of apophenia. But if that's true of me, then other people have it, too.

I'm not sure why people have to label everything. Just because you give it a name—apophenia--and label it a pathology, does that mean the patterns you see aren't really there?

Richard Feynman addressed this, actually, because he didn't believe in such things. He had a logical, mundane reason for everything – which I really quite adore, because he would also insist that there really is nothing mundane in the universe, and isn't that alone enough? Isn't there already such a huge amount of amazement for you to be overwhelmed? And I agree with that. And yes, the logical person that I am realizes that probably The Boychild pushed the switch on the Karaoke machine when he was playing in there. I still can't find a reason for my brother to have dreamed something so similar to what I'd written the night before, though.

AH! And another thing. Today while I was at school, I lent my Mom Wuthering Heights. Mom was a little "Well, I'll give it a whirl I guess," and I was like, "OMG WAIT TILL YOU SEE, SOOO GOOD SOOO INTENSE" (sorry, Link's Queen throwback there, dramatic reading and all.) Today was rainy and blustery, so my Mom spent the day watching Wuthering Heights and eating Cherry Garcia ice cream, ahh, what a day off! When she returned the DVD to me she was like, "WOW!" And she remarked on Tom Hardy's acting, saying more or less what I've been raving about: his subtlety, his honesty, how he can deliver an entire scene without opening his mouth. She said it would merit a second watching – a rare honor. ^_^

Me, tonight I'm watching some Star Trek film because he's in it. I've never seen any Star Trek anything before, so T-Hard gets my Star Trek virginity, which I think he well deserves.

He could be my third husband, you know, since Joaquin left me. I mean, we're only just engaged since Wuthering Heights, but I'm thinking it might work out.

Anyway. That's about it for this entry. Can you imagine that I've got two more entries lined up, one of which needs to be locked?

My brain is so full; it needs yet more emptying. But not to worry; one of the posts I've got in mind is nothing more than ridiculous fanpoodle yammering. I can't stay either peeved or pensive for too long a time. ^_^
la_belle_laide: (darling)



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In other news. A few days back I wrote about my Clinic supervisor geeking out with me over Dragonlance and Raistlin Majere. So now, what, almost a week later? I have this insane dream about Raistlin last night.

In it, I'm at this hotel on a beach, which is the same beach-hotel I always dream about, though I've never been there in real life and wouldn't even know if such a place exists. It's semi-sorta like Disney's Polynesian, but bigger. It's also got an element of the hotel I stayed at in Waikiki. There's a boardwalk that runs the length of the beach and I always walk on it, in my dreams.

So, I leave this outdoor hotel party at dusk and begin walking along this boardwalk, when, I kid you not, a goddamn wizard appears. Like, pointy hat and all this nonsense. The wizard randomly grabs some young dude who is walking along the boardwalk as well. The guy is thin, lanky, with dark hair, and I think he's Asian. The wizard says to him, "Don't you know you're Raistlin from Dragonlance? And it's time to begin your stay on Earth."

The guy is like, "No effing way, and get off of me, crazy person."

But the wizard just smiles and walks away.

So I go up to the guy and I'm like, "You know what, I love Dragonlance." He says that he does not, that stuff is for geeks and he is so totally not going to be Raistlin Majere. But, I don't believe him.

We're walking along together and he mumbles something about how the sky looks different to him, or he's seeing things strangely.

"That's your hourglass eyes," I tell him.

And when I look back to him, his hair has gone white.

Seeing this guy turn into Raistlin somehow thrills me, like endlessly, ridiculously, ecstatically. Even though I know it's a lifetime of misery – still, the power! I'm like, "Oh man, we have to hang out." And then I ask him if he can help me to plant a gun under someone's yacht.

Well, Raistlin is too frail to go into the water, but he stands guard while I dive off this boardwalk (it's nighttime now,) and swim under a yacht. There's music coming from it, loud, and the lights around it are super bright. All of a sudden I realize that I'm wearing this flaming orange bathing suit coverup and it's highly visible under the water, and I am not such a ninja.

But I plant the gun, come up out of the water, and start running. I yell back to Raistlin to follow me as fast as he can, and, "Watch out for all of those candy bar wrappers, or you'll slip!"

Finally we both make it to the end of the boardwalk, where it gives way to sand. There are cliffs behind us and I say, "Raistlin, I'll bet we can find the waterfrogs."

A wave washes over my legs and when I look down, there are all these frog-legs sticking up from the sand. But I can't see their bodies. I want to hold one, maybe hold a few of them, but I know that if I pull them by their legs, I'll break them. I want to maybe dig them up, but I'm afraid of hurting them. I turn to ask Raistlin to help me dig up some waterfrogs, but he's suddenly hovering behind me, surrounded by vague green light.

I look back down to the frog legs and find them all glowing in the sand, all different pastel colors. Hundreds and hundreds of phosphorescent waterfrog legs. This delights me more than anything so far.

I turn back and say to him, "Did you do it? Did you make the frogs glow pastel? For me?"

And that's the end of that ridiculous dream.

I told my supervisor today that I had dreamed of Raistlin Majere and he was like, "YEAH! High five!" and then spent the next fifteen minutes talking about geek books. It was awesome.

I didn't have a lot of clients today, so there was plenty of time for this sort of yammering. I got in way early and it was super slow. I did an office hour, got a treatment, did my write-ups, stressed about my pathology paper.

Saw my path client today, who was so, so nice to me and even went up to my supervisor and said to him, "Your clinic is going to be the worse for losing her. She's the best I've ever had." My supervisor said, "She's my low-maintenance student." I was grinning like a lunatic. It feels nice to be appreciated. After the supervisor left, my client said, "I'm nervous about when you leave because I feel like the pain will come back. But at least I get to be pain-free for thirteen weeks. What am I going to do without your beautiful strength?" That was his exact phrase, and I had to laugh, because two days earlier in another class I worked on this great big guy and afterwards he told me, "That was great. You felt like a guy."

YOU FELT LIKE A GUY.

LOL forever.

In other news, congrats to my Mom who got the job she wanted. :) Yay, much less stress for her.

Apropos of nothing (as usual) here's a note to my future self: When going out to eat and getting Indish food, seriously just ask for whatever veggie thing that is the least spicy thing on there. Seriously; I went out with Wonderful Glassworker for Indian food and the waitress promised me—PROMISED--that what I'd ordered was not spicy. Some spice, but really very mild.

But, my tongue bled. No, I mean literally, with real blood coming out of my tongue. And my face melted, not so literally, but yeah, face melted clean off.

But then we had caramel apples so all was right with the world.

Monday: Film a zombie video at the KF school. More on that as it unfolds.
la_belle_laide: (darling)



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In other news. A few days back I wrote about my Clinic supervisor geeking out with me over Dragonlance and Raistlin Majere. So now, what, almost a week later? I have this insane dream about Raistlin last night.

In it, I'm at this hotel on a beach, which is the same beach-hotel I always dream about, though I've never been there in real life and wouldn't even know if such a place exists. It's semi-sorta like Disney's Polynesian, but bigger. It's also got an element of the hotel I stayed at in Waikiki. There's a boardwalk that runs the length of the beach and I always walk on it, in my dreams.

So, I leave this outdoor hotel party at dusk and begin walking along this boardwalk, when, I kid you not, a goddamn wizard appears. Like, pointy hat and all this nonsense. The wizard randomly grabs some young dude who is walking along the boardwalk as well. The guy is thin, lanky, with dark hair, and I think he's Asian. The wizard says to him, "Don't you know you're Raistlin from Dragonlance? And it's time to begin your stay on Earth."

The guy is like, "No effing way, and get off of me, crazy person."

But the wizard just smiles and walks away.

So I go up to the guy and I'm like, "You know what, I love Dragonlance." He says that he does not, that stuff is for geeks and he is so totally not going to be Raistlin Majere. But, I don't believe him.

We're walking along together and he mumbles something about how the sky looks different to him, or he's seeing things strangely.

"That's your hourglass eyes," I tell him.

And when I look back to him, his hair has gone white.

Seeing this guy turn into Raistlin somehow thrills me, like endlessly, ridiculously, ecstatically. Even though I know it's a lifetime of misery – still, the power! I'm like, "Oh man, we have to hang out." And then I ask him if he can help me to plant a gun under someone's yacht.

Well, Raistlin is too frail to go into the water, but he stands guard while I dive off this boardwalk (it's nighttime now,) and swim under a yacht. There's music coming from it, loud, and the lights around it are super bright. All of a sudden I realize that I'm wearing this flaming orange bathing suit coverup and it's highly visible under the water, and I am not such a ninja.

But I plant the gun, come up out of the water, and start running. I yell back to Raistlin to follow me as fast as he can, and, "Watch out for all of those candy bar wrappers, or you'll slip!"

Finally we both make it to the end of the boardwalk, where it gives way to sand. There are cliffs behind us and I say, "Raistlin, I'll bet we can find the waterfrogs."

A wave washes over my legs and when I look down, there are all these frog-legs sticking up from the sand. But I can't see their bodies. I want to hold one, maybe hold a few of them, but I know that if I pull them by their legs, I'll break them. I want to maybe dig them up, but I'm afraid of hurting them. I turn to ask Raistlin to help me dig up some waterfrogs, but he's suddenly hovering behind me, surrounded by vague green light.

I look back down to the frog legs and find them all glowing in the sand, all different pastel colors. Hundreds and hundreds of phosphorescent waterfrog legs. This delights me more than anything so far.

I turn back and say to him, "Did you do it? Did you make the frogs glow pastel? For me?"

And that's the end of that ridiculous dream.

I told my supervisor today that I had dreamed of Raistlin Majere and he was like, "YEAH! High five!" and then spent the next fifteen minutes talking about geek books. It was awesome.

I didn't have a lot of clients today, so there was plenty of time for this sort of yammering. I got in way early and it was super slow. I did an office hour, got a treatment, did my write-ups, stressed about my pathology paper.

Saw my path client today, who was so, so nice to me and even went up to my supervisor and said to him, "Your clinic is going to be the worse for losing her. She's the best I've ever had." My supervisor said, "She's my low-maintenance student." I was grinning like a lunatic. It feels nice to be appreciated. After the supervisor left, my client said, "I'm nervous about when you leave because I feel like the pain will come back. But at least I get to be pain-free for thirteen weeks. What am I going to do without your beautiful strength?" That was his exact phrase, and I had to laugh, because two days earlier in another class I worked on this great big guy and afterwards he told me, "That was great. You felt like a guy."

YOU FELT LIKE A GUY.

LOL forever.

In other news, congrats to my Mom who got the job she wanted. :) Yay, much less stress for her.

Apropos of nothing (as usual) here's a note to my future self: When going out to eat and getting Indish food, seriously just ask for whatever veggie thing that is the least spicy thing on there. Seriously; I went out with Wonderful Glassworker for Indian food and the waitress promised me—PROMISED--that what I'd ordered was not spicy. Some spice, but really very mild.

But, my tongue bled. No, I mean literally, with real blood coming out of my tongue. And my face melted, not so literally, but yeah, face melted clean off.

But then we had caramel apples so all was right with the world.

Monday: Film a zombie video at the KF school. More on that as it unfolds.
la_belle_laide: (dream bigger)



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It's about time I had an icon to go with my crack dream posts, yes? Thanks, Inception. :D That was my favorite line in the movie, by the way.

I had this dream that I was in Egypt with Lady Chrysanthemum and Wonderful Glassworker. We were buying items wholesale to sell back home. For some reason we were all looking for paper flowers, because that had something to do with making tons of money. Like, we knew tat paper flowers were going to take off, and you could only get them in Egypt.

The weather kept going from ridiculously hot to mad cold, and days and nights were only taking minutes. Or maybe the sun kept coming and going or something. I bought a map that was wrapped up in a cardboard tube and I couldn't get it out.

Then Glassworker suggested a buy a poncho, because a huge sandstorm was coming and it would shield me. She and Chrysanthemum already had theirs, very colorful in reds and oranges.

Market stalls surrounded us but many were closing due to the coming storm. I found one that was still open but they weren't selling ponchos, just wool sweaters. I bought a patchwork-looking one and put it on over my coat that I was already wearing,

A small stretch of desert stretched out between the market stalls and our hotel. I could see across, but I also knew that we'd never make it in time. To test this theory, I stepped into the sand and found that it was quicksand. One of the salespeople told me, "It all turns to quicksand until the storm is over. Until then, you can't cross it. The desert is its own prison." (Thanks, video games.)

Actually this dream was a few weeks ago, I think, but I only remembered it today. Or maybe it really was last night and just feels like it was longer ago? It's hard to tell.

One thing is certain: I should not eat so close to bed time. ;D
la_belle_laide: (dream bigger)



vBulletin statistic



It's about time I had an icon to go with my crack dream posts, yes? Thanks, Inception. :D That was my favorite line in the movie, by the way.

I had this dream that I was in Egypt with Lady Chrysanthemum and Wonderful Glassworker. We were buying items wholesale to sell back home. For some reason we were all looking for paper flowers, because that had something to do with making tons of money. Like, we knew tat paper flowers were going to take off, and you could only get them in Egypt.

The weather kept going from ridiculously hot to mad cold, and days and nights were only taking minutes. Or maybe the sun kept coming and going or something. I bought a map that was wrapped up in a cardboard tube and I couldn't get it out.

Then Glassworker suggested a buy a poncho, because a huge sandstorm was coming and it would shield me. She and Chrysanthemum already had theirs, very colorful in reds and oranges.

Market stalls surrounded us but many were closing due to the coming storm. I found one that was still open but they weren't selling ponchos, just wool sweaters. I bought a patchwork-looking one and put it on over my coat that I was already wearing,

A small stretch of desert stretched out between the market stalls and our hotel. I could see across, but I also knew that we'd never make it in time. To test this theory, I stepped into the sand and found that it was quicksand. One of the salespeople told me, "It all turns to quicksand until the storm is over. Until then, you can't cross it. The desert is its own prison." (Thanks, video games.)

Actually this dream was a few weeks ago, I think, but I only remembered it today. Or maybe it really was last night and just feels like it was longer ago? It's hard to tell.

One thing is certain: I should not eat so close to bed time. ;D
la_belle_laide: (dream bigger)



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School first, crack dream second.

First day back at school was boring. I'm not wild about either class. But, four more months then it's over. Friday is my first day of ClinicII. A little nervous about that, but mostly in the "Holy crap, my school is almost two hours away and I have to drive during a hurricane" sort of way.

To greet me this morning, my first day of getting up mad stupid early after two weeks off, the memory of this cracked out dream:

An Olive Garden restaurant opens up in town out here and I decide to go eat there. As I pull up, I realize that it's weird of me to go out to eat alone. I always go to the movies alone, but going to a restaurant – that's different, isn't it? But the outside of it looks beautiful, gothic almost. So I go in and ask for a table, party of one. Everyone turns to look at me. I ignore them and request a table with a view out the window.

The waiter obliges me as much as possible, since the building has levels, and lots of brick walls, almost like a maze. I get a tiny, stone table in a corner, next to a wall. I can just see over the top to the outside.

The view is to an aqueduct in town that leads to the sewer. But it's somehow beautiful to look at, and exciting. Kind of looks like the sewer in Final Fantasy VIII, only it's got these cogs and wheels that open and close the doors.

I order a salad and it comes right away. There's a packet of seasoning that comes with it, and I have to add water to turn it into dressing. As I'm doing this, a tall man with short dark hair walks past my table, muttering something. A second later, he walks by again, muttering louder. I catch the words "explosives" and "die." And I realize, HOLY CRAP, this guy is a murderer and he's going to kill everyone in the restaurant.

I turn to the family beside me and the man says, "Before you even ask, I heard it too. We have to evacuate. Oh my god, why are you sitting alone?"

"Can we just ignore that for a second?" I ask him. "We've got bigger fish to fry."

I signal the waiter and ask him to get the manager, because I think that the manager should know there's a crazy person waiting to kill us all. It doesn't occur to me to call the cops, or to leave.

The manager comes out, and it's Cillian Murphy. Yeah, I dreamed about him a few weeks ago and no, don't know why. Anyway, he's a kind of mad hatter / Willie Wonka sort of character. Tall and pale, eyes creepy blue, pinstripes and a black fedora. Everything amuses him, even this character who is going to blow up his restaurant.

The crazy person says, "The bombs are in the sewer; you'll never get to them and you won't get out in time!"

And then everyone disappears except for me and Crazy Man. Crazy Man pulls a lever, and a trapdoor opens beneath me. I go plummeting down, thinking I'll end up in the sewers, right? But a plastic hand juts out from the stone wall and I grab onto it. The hand is fake, but it sort of feels real. It starts to slide down the wall and I start to slide with it.

Crazy Man yells out, "It's a bottomless pit by the way! And you won't get out until you stop crying over your father."

I'm like "But that's hardly fair! What the hell!" And the hand keeps sliding down.

Then I see more bricks beneath my feet. I let go of the hand and put my feet down. The pit isn't bottomless after all, and I think that I might be able to climb out myself. So I grab onto the bricks and start to pull myself up. After a long time, I reach the top and get out of the pit.

Crazy Man is nowhere, and all the patrons are back. This time they're all dressed up, and I'm underdressed, in jeans and a t shirt.

Cillian Murphy / restaurant manager comes back out and says, "You don't need to worry; I vanquished the killer."

"What are you?" I ask him. "Like a super hero or something, with the weird look?"

"That's exactly what I am," he says. "And my name is Civet, from the McPolecat clan."

"Polecat," I ask him, "isn't that like a skunk or something?"

"I've got to go fight more crime," he says. Then he whirls around and disappears.

Crystals of all different colors scatter to the floor where he stood. I start to pick them up, thinking that maybe he'll need them later. I pick up two blue ones and pocket them.

The guy who sat next to me early in the dream leans down and says, "I hope you know those are his eyes. You're touching someone else's eyes."

"It's not like they're wet or anything," I tell him.

I go off in search of Civet McPolecat's office so I can leave his crystals there. In the back of the restaurant, I find a small zoo with tiny mammals. A lynx jumps up into my arms and I pet it.

And then my dogs woke me up.

I felt like it must have been hours later, probably pretty close to when my alarm would go off, but when I checked the clock I'd only been asleep an hour. And I promised myself that I would remember this stupid dream for the rest of the day, until I was able to write it out.

Civet McPolecat? WTF?
la_belle_laide: (dream bigger)



vBulletin statistic


School first, crack dream second.

First day back at school was boring. I'm not wild about either class. But, four more months then it's over. Friday is my first day of ClinicII. A little nervous about that, but mostly in the "Holy crap, my school is almost two hours away and I have to drive during a hurricane" sort of way.

To greet me this morning, my first day of getting up mad stupid early after two weeks off, the memory of this cracked out dream:

An Olive Garden restaurant opens up in town out here and I decide to go eat there. As I pull up, I realize that it's weird of me to go out to eat alone. I always go to the movies alone, but going to a restaurant – that's different, isn't it? But the outside of it looks beautiful, gothic almost. So I go in and ask for a table, party of one. Everyone turns to look at me. I ignore them and request a table with a view out the window.

The waiter obliges me as much as possible, since the building has levels, and lots of brick walls, almost like a maze. I get a tiny, stone table in a corner, next to a wall. I can just see over the top to the outside.

The view is to an aqueduct in town that leads to the sewer. But it's somehow beautiful to look at, and exciting. Kind of looks like the sewer in Final Fantasy VIII, only it's got these cogs and wheels that open and close the doors.

I order a salad and it comes right away. There's a packet of seasoning that comes with it, and I have to add water to turn it into dressing. As I'm doing this, a tall man with short dark hair walks past my table, muttering something. A second later, he walks by again, muttering louder. I catch the words "explosives" and "die." And I realize, HOLY CRAP, this guy is a murderer and he's going to kill everyone in the restaurant.

I turn to the family beside me and the man says, "Before you even ask, I heard it too. We have to evacuate. Oh my god, why are you sitting alone?"

"Can we just ignore that for a second?" I ask him. "We've got bigger fish to fry."

I signal the waiter and ask him to get the manager, because I think that the manager should know there's a crazy person waiting to kill us all. It doesn't occur to me to call the cops, or to leave.

The manager comes out, and it's Cillian Murphy. Yeah, I dreamed about him a few weeks ago and no, don't know why. Anyway, he's a kind of mad hatter / Willie Wonka sort of character. Tall and pale, eyes creepy blue, pinstripes and a black fedora. Everything amuses him, even this character who is going to blow up his restaurant.

The crazy person says, "The bombs are in the sewer; you'll never get to them and you won't get out in time!"

And then everyone disappears except for me and Crazy Man. Crazy Man pulls a lever, and a trapdoor opens beneath me. I go plummeting down, thinking I'll end up in the sewers, right? But a plastic hand juts out from the stone wall and I grab onto it. The hand is fake, but it sort of feels real. It starts to slide down the wall and I start to slide with it.

Crazy Man yells out, "It's a bottomless pit by the way! And you won't get out until you stop crying over your father."

I'm like "But that's hardly fair! What the hell!" And the hand keeps sliding down.

Then I see more bricks beneath my feet. I let go of the hand and put my feet down. The pit isn't bottomless after all, and I think that I might be able to climb out myself. So I grab onto the bricks and start to pull myself up. After a long time, I reach the top and get out of the pit.

Crazy Man is nowhere, and all the patrons are back. This time they're all dressed up, and I'm underdressed, in jeans and a t shirt.

Cillian Murphy / restaurant manager comes back out and says, "You don't need to worry; I vanquished the killer."

"What are you?" I ask him. "Like a super hero or something, with the weird look?"

"That's exactly what I am," he says. "And my name is Civet, from the McPolecat clan."

"Polecat," I ask him, "isn't that like a skunk or something?"

"I've got to go fight more crime," he says. Then he whirls around and disappears.

Crystals of all different colors scatter to the floor where he stood. I start to pick them up, thinking that maybe he'll need them later. I pick up two blue ones and pocket them.

The guy who sat next to me early in the dream leans down and says, "I hope you know those are his eyes. You're touching someone else's eyes."

"It's not like they're wet or anything," I tell him.

I go off in search of Civet McPolecat's office so I can leave his crystals there. In the back of the restaurant, I find a small zoo with tiny mammals. A lynx jumps up into my arms and I pet it.

And then my dogs woke me up.

I felt like it must have been hours later, probably pretty close to when my alarm would go off, but when I checked the clock I'd only been asleep an hour. And I promised myself that I would remember this stupid dream for the rest of the day, until I was able to write it out.

Civet McPolecat? WTF?
la_belle_laide: (dream bigger)



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Dreams, that is.

This starts out as I'm watching an episode of Sorcerer Hunters that I've never seen before. My Mom and Dad are in a separate room. Mom can go back and forth between the rooms but Dad can't, so I have to tell him what's going on in the show. (Dad really liked Sorcerer Hunters, BTW.) As I watch the show, I'm yelling through the door what's going on.

So what happens is that the main character (named Carrot) is talking to a sales rep of a dog food company – one that is my competition. The sales rep is describing these new different kinds of dog food. Eventually I get in on the conversation.

"Our first flavor is Volcano Death dog food," the rep says.

"What's in it?"

"Well it's made out of actual volcanoes, and it kills your dog."

This strikes me as so hilarious, I can't even speak. The rep goes on.

"The next flavor is called Crawlspace Dust. It's made out of actual spare attic space, with a few motes of dust for your dog's optimum death."

Now I'm laughing so hard I can't even answer.

"Next up we have Gunpowder Chocolate, made from real, used gunpowder, and chocolate to kill your dog."

I literally fall down laughing, streaming tears, slapping my thighs because this is unbearably funny. I look at my Dad through the door and try to tell him what this show is saying. (It's somehow real and somehow still a show.)

Then the scene switches and I'm at the Kung Fu school as it exists in my dreams. (I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but the places in my dreams are always exactly the same. They aren't as they are in real life, but remain precisely the same in dreams. I have a dream Disneyworld, a dream Kung Fu school, a dream subway, a dream Manhattan etc. They never change. Anyone else?) Except, the school has been taken over by ninjas who are learning to dance, and they're doing the French Mystique. Again, I find this hilarious. When they're done, they roll out this mat with the words, "HAVE FUN TRAINING, PIMPS. YOU ARE SLAVES TO WORKING OUT."

Again, hilarious. I can hardly speak for laughing.

Next up, I'm taking a nap in a car and having a dream (in my dream. OMG LEVEL 2.) I'm talking to Dad again and trying to tell him about all of this. I comment that I wish he could come back into this room, and I didn't have to talk to him through a doorway.

Dad gets exasperated and says, "When you gonna stop with this?"

"Well, I can't," I tell him. "It doesn't work like that."

He says, "Well, that's your choice. If you wanna be sad all the time there's nothing I can do about that. But I think it's a waste of time."

"You never did get the whole 'mourning' thing," I tell him.

"No, I don't get it," he says.

(Which is true enough, and that's also exactly what he would say. My Dad really didn't get mourning. It was like he didn't have the patience for being sad. Took too much time away from stuff he really liked to do.)

In the last dream, Mom, my cousins, a few friends and I are going shopping at Target. (I guess my moral outrage doesn't stop me in dreams. ;D ) Also shopping with us is the Obama family. I turn to Obama and ask him if he plans to run again in the next election. "Nah," he says, "I'm done with this."

"WHAT?" I yell at him. "You can't mean that!"

He laughs, and Michelle laughs, and he says he was kidding; of course he's going to run again.

It turns out that Joe Biden is the door greeter at Target in his free time. He greets me, I say hi back. Then I ask him where the sports bras are.

And then my alarm clock went off.

Those were some of last night's crack dreams.
la_belle_laide: (dream bigger)



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Dreams, that is.

This starts out as I'm watching an episode of Sorcerer Hunters that I've never seen before. My Mom and Dad are in a separate room. Mom can go back and forth between the rooms but Dad can't, so I have to tell him what's going on in the show. (Dad really liked Sorcerer Hunters, BTW.) As I watch the show, I'm yelling through the door what's going on.

So what happens is that the main character (named Carrot) is talking to a sales rep of a dog food company – one that is my competition. The sales rep is describing these new different kinds of dog food. Eventually I get in on the conversation.

"Our first flavor is Volcano Death dog food," the rep says.

"What's in it?"

"Well it's made out of actual volcanoes, and it kills your dog."

This strikes me as so hilarious, I can't even speak. The rep goes on.

"The next flavor is called Crawlspace Dust. It's made out of actual spare attic space, with a few motes of dust for your dog's optimum death."

Now I'm laughing so hard I can't even answer.

"Next up we have Gunpowder Chocolate, made from real, used gunpowder, and chocolate to kill your dog."

I literally fall down laughing, streaming tears, slapping my thighs because this is unbearably funny. I look at my Dad through the door and try to tell him what this show is saying. (It's somehow real and somehow still a show.)

Then the scene switches and I'm at the Kung Fu school as it exists in my dreams. (I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but the places in my dreams are always exactly the same. They aren't as they are in real life, but remain precisely the same in dreams. I have a dream Disneyworld, a dream Kung Fu school, a dream subway, a dream Manhattan etc. They never change. Anyone else?) Except, the school has been taken over by ninjas who are learning to dance, and they're doing the French Mystique. Again, I find this hilarious. When they're done, they roll out this mat with the words, "HAVE FUN TRAINING, PIMPS. YOU ARE SLAVES TO WORKING OUT."

Again, hilarious. I can hardly speak for laughing.

Next up, I'm taking a nap in a car and having a dream (in my dream. OMG LEVEL 2.) I'm talking to Dad again and trying to tell him about all of this. I comment that I wish he could come back into this room, and I didn't have to talk to him through a doorway.

Dad gets exasperated and says, "When you gonna stop with this?"

"Well, I can't," I tell him. "It doesn't work like that."

He says, "Well, that's your choice. If you wanna be sad all the time there's nothing I can do about that. But I think it's a waste of time."

"You never did get the whole 'mourning' thing," I tell him.

"No, I don't get it," he says.

(Which is true enough, and that's also exactly what he would say. My Dad really didn't get mourning. It was like he didn't have the patience for being sad. Took too much time away from stuff he really liked to do.)

In the last dream, Mom, my cousins, a few friends and I are going shopping at Target. (I guess my moral outrage doesn't stop me in dreams. ;D ) Also shopping with us is the Obama family. I turn to Obama and ask him if he plans to run again in the next election. "Nah," he says, "I'm done with this."

"WHAT?" I yell at him. "You can't mean that!"

He laughs, and Michelle laughs, and he says he was kidding; of course he's going to run again.

It turns out that Joe Biden is the door greeter at Target in his free time. He greets me, I say hi back. Then I ask him where the sports bras are.

And then my alarm clock went off.

Those were some of last night's crack dreams.

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